Camaro Guy Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I've finally come to the conclusion that I will be alone for life. I am now 23 and 1/2 and I've never been with anyone. Never kissed anyone, never had sex with anyone, never dated, never been with anyone casually. I am past the age where I am in college and even then I couldn't have sex with anyone. If I ever do get with someone, I can assume that she'll be desperate to get married or hook up with someone. I've pretty much been passed over by women and I don't believe I'm up to the standards of attractiveness. I understand that guys are supposed to go after women, I'm just surprised no women has insinuated anything. I mean, all these girls did it to my friends. Pretty much insinuated that they want more. Now I don't really have any way of meeting women as its harder to meet women and most of them won't really want me anyway. I know alot of people who are getting married and I haven't even kissed a girl yet. Embarrassing. I don't really know what to say. I'm just not cut out for this I guess. I just need to accept being alone and being an unwanted virgin but when its rubbed in your face everyday, it's so hard. 1
MissBee Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 23 isn't that old, believe it or not there are men like you who didn't have a gf, get kissed or have sex until even older. You still have time. It seems you're the one who has resigned yourself to this, saying women won't want you and you also seem to be waiting for women to initiate and "insinuate." What do you mean by you can't meet women? Where do you live? Women are nowhere around? What about online dating?
Imported Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I will be alone for life, will you? Nope. Really!!!!???? Ten ****ing characters walk in to a bar. Anal sex, everywheree!! And they all lived happily ever after.
RedRobin Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 It sounds like you've spent too much time around people who believe that being with lots of women is a measure of 'success'... or that you need to have lots of relationships under your belt before you can even think about marriage. You mention that if you ever do get someone that she will be desperate to get married or hook up. Where I come from, wanting to get married is a sign of maturity and emotional health... Those are the women you SHOULD seek out. Of course, you need to make sure she wants to get married out of a desire for emotional intimacy... I'm with you on staying away from the ones who just want to hookup.
NGC1300 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I'm 29 and have been feeling more resigned than ever. I've only ever had 1 girlfriend, and can count the women I've had sex with on 1 hand with fingers to spare. I'm good-looking, but even that isn't enough. Only the boldest women will initiate anything. With 90% of women you have to bow down to the vagina and hope you can say and do everything right. Either that or be a good liar which I do not have the energy to pull off. A coworkers uncle killed himself yesterday. Girl broke up with him. It's almost always the woman that breaks up, because they'll always be looking to upgrade from you. Love doesn't exist.
RedRobin Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I'm 29 and have been feeling more resigned than ever. I've only ever had 1 girlfriend, and can count the women I've had sex with on 1 hand with fingers to spare. I'm good-looking, but even that isn't enough. Only the boldest women will initiate anything. With 90% of women you have to bow down to the vagina and hope you can say and do everything right. Either that or be a good liar which I do not have the energy to pull off. A coworkers uncle killed himself yesterday. Girl broke up with him. It's almost always the woman that breaks up, because they'll always be looking to upgrade from you. Love doesn't exist. You just described my dad and most of my male relatives who have been happily married for years... decades even. Some of you need to change your idea of what love is and looks like. Basing your self worth on the ability to get lots of women is the problem. Do some reading on what makes women leave men. Most of them leave men because they don't feel safe, they are neglected, and their partners don't take their needs into account. If you feel like being in a relationship is 'bowing to the vagina', then yes, I can see why you'd have issues. Being in a healthy relationship means both people are vulnerable. 1
Beatles4 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Am 26 and I feel the same I see love everywhere but never happens to me. 1
Philosoraptor Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 If you resign yourself to this line of thought you are surely building a self fulfilling prophecy. A whiny attitude surely won't help you find a mate though. 5
Frank2thepoint Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Holy Sh*t, what's with all these threads with boys under 30 giving up on life? You have so many more options now than before the Internet. There's online dating, there's dating apps for mobile phones, there's Meetup.com for finding like minded individuals, in addition to the traditional means of getting a date through friends, co-workers, or just approaching someone at random. Where did your self-esteem go? Why are you guys wallowing in self-pity? 5
carhill Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 OP, pretty much had the same circumstances as you at that time of life, but had a different opinion on the matter, mainly what is wrong with these young ladies that they're passing me by. I figured there was something wrong with me but my general confidence kind of blocked me for awhile figuring it out, which was weak confidence in social interactions. Women found that unattractive and around here you got ten seconds to prove yourself and that was it so my style was fail. You might wish to read this thread on confidence being born or made for some insight: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/453854-confidence-born-made BTW, at the end of it all, IMO, that stuff really was insignificant in the larger picture of life. It was mainly those hormones saying 'make replicants'. BTDT, way overrated. Good luck.
Author Camaro Guy Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 23 isn't that old, believe it or not there are men like you who didn't have a gf, get kissed or have sex until even older. You still have time. It seems you're the one who has resigned yourself to this, saying women won't want you and you also seem to be waiting for women to initiate and "insinuate." What do you mean by you can't meet women? Where do you live? Women are nowhere around? What about online dating? I'm not waiting for women to initiate. However, if they don't at least hint at something and its like I'm talking to an uninterested brick wall, that doesn't do me much good. Yeah, I know I have "time". But 22 turns into 23 turns into 24... You get the point. I can't meet women because I don't really have a reliable social circle. No, I'm not trying online dating. It sounds like you've spent too much time around people who believe that being with lots of women is a measure of 'success'... or that you need to have lots of relationships under your belt before you can even think about marriage. You mention that if you ever do get someone that she will be desperate to get married or hook up. Where I come from, wanting to get married is a sign of maturity and emotional health... Those are the women you SHOULD seek out. Of course, you need to make sure she wants to get married out of a desire for emotional intimacy... I'm with you on staying away from the ones who just want to hookup. Most of the people I know don't define their success with being with lots of women or not. I don't even see the problem with being with lots of women. It's pretty much a prerequisite that you'll get the relationship you want because lots of women gravitate towards you and you're used to everything they throw at you. I can't even tell you the amount of guys I know who put up with the ill behavior of women just because they're not used to it or they afraid of losing them. The more experienced guys pretty much just throw them back in the water. When you're my age and a girl pretty much wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire, it takes a toll on your self esteem. I'm sure the same goes for women too. When you're not wanted by men, you'd feel sad too. I also don't see marriage as an entirely noble thing. A lot of people get married for underhanded or twisted reasons. Not to feel alone, to have someone to support them (whether financially or emotionally), the list goes on. Marriage can be great I'm sure but with most people you date, its not worth it to get married to them.
Philosoraptor Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Blah blah, all cowards talk. I was with one woman, only one, until I was 25. Your self esteem shouldn't be affected by an outside influence since well.. it's a self esteem. Once that relationship ended I just started talking to strangers not as "I'm definitely going to get your number" but getting to know them as people. Then if I liked them I would ask them out. I went from that relationship to suddenly dating 3-4 new women per week. They weren't giving off any signs, I just decided that if they were attractive that I was going to say hello. Worst they could do is say no and honestly that was their loss. I eventually met my now fiancee and was done with dating. 6
collegeguy_24 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 DUde your not alone. I didn't have my first date, kiss, and lose my virginity till I was 23, and I know people who have waited longer. It happens. I have't had sex with that many women, just 6. I am now 28. I am taking a temporary vow of celibacy, no dating, no sex, for a while. I fell head over heels for a girl, it didn't work out, and I am not ready to move onto someone else. Instead I am focusing on my Masters degree, and focusing on leaving my crappy job to find a better one. I have accepted the fact that I may die alone, I've always wanted a family, but I can't talk to women in person very well only online. So If I do die alone, I want to leave something behind for others to enjoy, and that is what I am working towards.
Eau Claire Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I've finally come to the conclusion that I will be alone for life. I am now 23 and 1/2 and I've never been with anyone. Never kissed anyone, never had sex with anyone, never dated, never been with anyone casually. I am past the age where I am in college and even then I couldn't have sex with anyone. If I ever do get with someone, I can assume that she'll be desperate to get married or hook up with someone. I've pretty much been passed over by women and I don't believe I'm up to the standards of attractiveness. I understand that guys are supposed to go after women, I'm just surprised no women has insinuated anything. I mean, all these girls did it to my friends. Pretty much insinuated that they want more. Now I don't really have any way of meeting women as its harder to meet women and most of them won't really want me anyway. I know alot of people who are getting married and I haven't even kissed a girl yet. Embarrassing. I don't really know what to say. I'm just not cut out for this I guess. I just need to accept being alone and being an unwanted virgin but when its rubbed in your face everyday, it's so hard. Possibly. You are obviously lacking confidence and initiative. A man your age should be hopping on a bus to Alaska or joining the army. But you are right, you sound like someone who is going to wallow in introspective self doubt well into adulthood. Take control of you own life, or don't. Your choice. The last thing you need is what you are craving...other guys to wallow in the self doubt with. 12 year olds pout. 22 year olds should be beyond this stage. If you are depressed, go see a doctor. 3
InnocentMan Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Life is a solitary experience. The fact you realised this at a young age, is good for you. You might meet a partner or even get married, but you will still essentially be alone. Accepting this is the first step on the path of enlightenment. Finding someone to share your aloneness, is the best any of us can hope for. The illusion of being joined to another human, is just that, an illusion. Find a way to embrace being alone, only then can you be 'happy'. Your desire for a sexual experience, and human contact, has nothing to do with your feelings of being alone. Thread should have a different title. 3
MissBee Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I'm not waiting for women to initiate. However, if they don't at least hint at something and its like I'm talking to an uninterested brick wall, that doesn't do me much good. Yeah, I know I have "time". But 22 turns into 23 turns into 24... You get the point. I can't meet women because I don't really have a reliable social circle. No, I'm not trying online dating. Well it doesn't sound like you care that much about meeting women. You don't seem to be concerned about doing things differently just to point out all the ways that you "know" you can't meet women and will be alone, and with that type of mentality then it most likely will end up being true for you. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Find a way to embrace being alone, only then can you be 'happy'. Moreover, why is it that a lack of romantic-relationship has to equate to being "alone"? There are plenty of threads on this site of coupled -- or even married -- individuals who feel plenty lonely. Which is "worse": a night out with a group of friends and no one to come home to, or a night in with the same person you've had the same conversation with for years on end? Not that all relationships boil down to that, but still, just saying.
Grumpybutfun Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Aside from your introspection of extremes, what else is going on in your life? Career? Family? School? Hopes and dreams? Helping others? Peace Corps? Backpacking across Europe? At your age, I was climbing the ranks in the Navy, getting my Masters in Engineering, backpacking across Europe, and winning triathlons. Maybe women aren't attracted to you because you live in your head instead of in the world. SMH, G 3
regine_phalange Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I understand that you are into a bad loop, and I understand how that makes you have lack of drive. I have had many male friends with the same issue. Be your self's best company. Don't rely on groups of friends to meet people. Go to a concert (very easy to meet strangers because of the vibe, the fun, and the mutual taste in music). Go to a bookstore (there will be someone browsing next to you, you can speak to them asking something). Participate in some creative activity, for instance an e-zine in a field of your interest. This is where I was approached by different people, who were shy allright, but they weren't afraid. They put their desire and their need to have fun above their negativity. Don't be afraid of judgement. The other day, while I was walking in the street I was wondering whether playfulness is an attractive quality. I spotted this very bored cute guy who was giving away paper advertisements for laser hair removal. He stopped me, gave me a paper, and said "thank you". He was so not smiling. I read it, and then turned back and told him very seriously "I'm a goddess, I don't need that!" (well, in fact I do, who doesnt? but you get my point). He froze, as he thought I was deadly serious. He replied "Yes, you are a goddess allright". I walked away, looked at him with a big smile, the kind that means "Come on, I'm kidding". It was INFECTIOUS. He was also smiling like stupid and was like "hey wait! What's your name? Heeeeeeey! Come back!". While 3 minutes ago he was "meh". I sure made his day, and he surely made mine. What I want to say, is don't be afraid. You have nothing to lose.
oldshirt Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Holy Sh*t, what's with all these threads with boys under 30 giving up on life? You have so many more options now than before the Internet. There's online dating, there's dating apps for mobile phones, there's Meetup.com for finding like minded individuals, As a man who's almost 50, I really think that's part of the problem. Young pups today think all they should have to do is friend someone on social networking site or send a txt or two and a relationship and tons of sex will fall into their lap. There were socially awkward teens and early 20something's 30 years ago too and there was no online dating or networking sites etc. People had to talk to each other face to face. When people decided their loneliness and frustration outweighed their shyness, they walked up to a girl an talked to her. They may hav met that girl through school, work, community projects, some shared hobby or activity or they were introduced through friends. Sitting behind a computer does not help your social skills, it makes you fat, pale and reconditioned. I think OLD does a disservice to a lot of women too. Some Plain Jane socially awkward gal can sit in the safety an privacy of her computer and have dozens and dozens of guys approach her on line and she feels popular and like she has a pick of the litter. So while that's creating a sense of abundance and entitlement she's not picking up that people aren't approaching and interacting with her in the real world. So she looks through her dozens of winks and emails and chat requests a day and says, " there's no good men in the world :-( If you are a shy little nerdlet, male or female, and you are dissatisfied with your love life, try getting away from the computer, put down your smart phone, take the earplugs out of your ears and get out and start doing something, anything I don't care what, that involves other people and start talking to them. I someone catches your eye talk to them and try to get to know each other. 3
Author Camaro Guy Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Possibly. You are obviously lacking confidence and initiative. A man your age should be hopping on a bus to Alaska or joining the army. But you are right, you sound like someone who is going to wallow in introspective self doubt well into adulthood. Take control of you own life, or don't. Your choice. Hopping on a bus to Alaska? Why would I do that. I don't have any "introspective self doubt". I've also taken control of my life greatly. My life is a complete 180 from what it was when I was in college. Life is a solitary experience. The fact you realised this at a young age, is good for you. You might meet a partner or even get married, but you will still essentially be alone. Accepting this is the first step on the path of enlightenment. Finding someone to share your aloneness, is the best any of us can hope for. The illusion of being joined to another human, is just that, an illusion. Find a way to embrace being alone, only then can you be 'happy'. Your desire for a sexual experience, and human contact, has nothing to do with your feelings of being alone. Thread should have a different title. I do not believe life is a solitary experience. We are born and die alone, but we live amongst men. I believe some people have a lot of people in their lives and some have few or none. I'm in the latter group. Aside from your introspection of extremes, what else is going on in your life? Career? Family? School? Hopes and dreams? Helping others? Peace Corps? Backpacking across Europe? At your age, I was climbing the ranks in the Navy, getting my Masters in Engineering, backpacking across Europe, and winning triathlons. Maybe women aren't attracted to you because you live in your head instead of in the world. SMH, G Let's see... I have my own place at the age of 23... My student loans are almost paid off... I have my own car... I make close to six figures a year... Take lots of vacations to see my cousins in California... Speaking of that, have been to Big Sur like 7 times... Have my own consulting business with a friend on the side... I'm living a pretty full life. It's not like I'm a guy who lives in his mother's basement playing video games all day...
Eau Claire Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Old shirt...I'm a little older than you and couldn't agree more. I like the term 'nerdlet''. At 19 my father was in France fighting Germans...my brother was a year older in Vietnam. Something sad about today's generation of pudgy, pasty basement sitters. But, then again probably most aren't actually like this. Some of men my daughters have dated are smart confident fellows with initiative.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Life is a solitary experience. The fact you realised this at a young age, is good for you. You might meet a partner or even get married, but you will still essentially be alone. Accepting this is the first step on the path of enlightenment. Finding someone to share your aloneness, is the best any of us can hope for. The illusion of being joined to another human, is just that, an illusion. Find a way to embrace being alone, only then can you be 'happy'. Your desire for a sexual experience, and human contact, has nothing to do with your feelings of being alone. Thread should have a different title. This is so true. Fundamentally we are all alone with our thoughts at some point. Looking back on my last relationship which was in the workplace...we spent like half of any working day with eachother. Yet stilll we were each alone with our own things in the end.
oldshirt Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Hopping on a bus to Alaska? Why would I do that. I don't have any "introspective self doubt". I've also taken control of my life greatly. My life is a complete 180 from what it was when I was in college. I do not believe life is a solitary experience. We are born and die alone, but we live amongst men. I believe some people have a lot of people in their lives and some have few or none. I'm in the latter group. Let's see... I have my own place at the age of 23... My student loans are almost paid off... I have my own car... I make close to six figures a year... Take lots of vacations to see my cousins in California... Speaking of that, have been to Big Sur like 7 times... Have my own consulting business with a friend on the side... I'm living a pretty full life. It's not like I'm a guy who lives in his mother's basement playing video games all day... Those are all pretty good sounding accomplishments and positive traits. Do any women know that about you?? If they did, at least one would be impressed. I'll go back to my previous post, get out and do thing with other people. Network. Talk to people. Get to know them and let them get to know you. If someone starts talking to you look them in the eye and keep talking to them. Don't tuck your head down and slink away. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 (edited) Let's see... I have my own place at the age of 23... My student loans are almost paid off... I have my own car... I make close to six figures a year... Take lots of vacations to see my cousins in California... Speaking of that, have been to Big Sur like 7 times... Have my own consulting business with a friend on the side... I'm living a pretty full life. It's not like I'm a guy who lives in his mother's basement playing video games all day... Op This is good because you sounded like a guy who lived in the basement for a minute there. Why do you think you will be alone for life then? Nothing you have written suggests a social phobia or awkwardness that will affect you to infinity. Life takes work, social interaction takes work, and if you are successful at your career and you travel, you know that putting yourself out there isn't always easy but it is worth it for the rewards, right? G Edited January 7, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 1
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