Sasukie Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Hey guys, I wanted to create a thread for some tips for people who anyone who is facing a breakup, maybe, or have faced a breakup. I've only listed practical tips that I found weren't that general. I recently went through a breakup and I know it blows, but here are some lessons that I wanted to impart on the community so you don't have to face them as harshly yourself (Or you know there is someone out there like you!) My own break upstory I posted recently is below: (Read it if you like!) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/453632-just-recently-broke-up-storytelling-time-need-some-insight Anyways here goes: Tips for guys/girls from My own experience: -One time I told my friend after my break up, "she's the best, she and I have so much in common!" They asked me like what? My response: "We can talk about things so openly! We like eating out! We like watching movies and shows together! Going out or sleeping together in bed! Playing sports!" They just looked at me and said: You can't do that with "no one" else? Hard to argue that point guys, though it might, but you can. It'll be ultimately awkward but just a quick point to keep in mind. -if you are a nice guy, make sure you don't change your own personality (nice is good, having empathy for others is a strong point.) The important thing is to not let it go overboard, the moment you let your girlfriend run the show, you're headed downhill. -It doesn't matter whether you treat her like a princess, queen, or anything. Too much of you, or your help/love, she will one day lose appreciation of it and get bored of it. Been there, done that. (Seriously.) Space it out, let her want you to give her attention. Also if you guys do fight and she pouts, once in a while give in, but don't constantly do it. That's not how arguments are won, don't be a pushover! -If you just broke up, let's be honest, its hard to reconcile and "fix" things. I read one analogy that really stuck with me. A relationship is like a vase, once you "break" it, its broken, you can try and mend it but a crack is already there and it won't be the same. Yes, I do know the few odd cases where people can get back together and they come back stronger, I once believed I could pull it off too. No. It didn't work lol. -I also really enjoyed reading the "Realizations from my own breakup" thread in this forum, I also agree that all relationships will run their course. I think our society has changed quite significantly, and now it is less frequent that people do stay together because one person is bound to get "bored". (Hate this concept). Honestly if you've broken up, keep No contact, cut all contact, and do something else. Don't hold on hope or mope, worrying about whether the person will come back to you. I've gone through that step too and if you think about it pragmatically, there's a reason why you guys broke up, and you should take that lesson and put it forward to your next relationship. -I think ever since my breakup I've heard bajillion renditions of this phrase that I hate hearing after a breakup: "Don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea" "Why are you hugging onto that one tree, if you do that, you can't see the forest" "There are 6 billion + people, there's plenty of others in the world." Right after a break up, I think thats the last piece of advice anyone wants to hear. But nonetheless, whenever you say "I won't be able to find another "love" like her, or something in that context. Think about that sentence again, yea it sucks and it hurts, but you can and you will. -Btw, don't be a sucker for the "You can be my friend" after the breakup. The moment one person walks, you should walk too. -No contact works - I know it sucks you have every urge to contact him/her. All you want to see is that they miss you, they want you back. Or maybe there's something you can do to fix it. No, leave them alone, I tried it myself, I never begged but I've sent messages to "fish" a response or something. They don't help. In the end, after you've got your butt handed back to you, you'll finally have to do no contact. -Mope. Go ahead and do it, it's gonna suck, vent it out. Sometimes though, you have to face that somethings over and you have to move on. The older you are, the better you should be able to take it. Listen to sad songs. Search up JJLin if you're into slow sad chinese songs. Leona lewis if you're into english music. -Stay with your close friends and vent, just don't make the same mistake as me and go overboard, real friends are down to listen to you. But if you rehash your story enough, you'll realize it gets a little...repetitive? (#fatkid) I'll update this list for more tips, feel free to post some of your own and i'll update them to this list. Thanks! Ciao, I hope this brightens up your day. Remember each day that goes by will numb the pain you're currently feeling now. 1
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