mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I feel like I've been calm and respectful during our break up but this has really made me see red.. I just don't understand what I've done so wrong.. You trusted someone, you had hope, you were in love. That's not wrong Now you should know that in regards to her, you shouldn't have any of those anymore.
Erlaad Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have a question, wouldnt it be weird if an ex just texts you saying hey, wanna get back togheter? After months of no contact. I mean is there a chance that instead of an ego boost they are trying to see if you too want to get back...and first step would be for example seeing if you miss them back... Maybe i am too naive. But still i would like to be in your shoes, getting that text... There is a large spectrum of expressions between "I miss you" and "Wanna get back together?", some of them have benn expressed on this thread. I also wanted to get a text like that but, as it always goes, now I know I would have only got hurt. Sympathies to OP, and from now on strict NC and self-improvement! - Erl
zen2475 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 One thing I missed is how you responded when she said she wanted to get back together. Did you respond to that? How?
radiodarcy Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) I feel like I've been calm and respectful during our break up but this has really made me see red.. I just don't understand what I've done so wrong.. What you did "wrong" in her eyes; was what you did "right" in our eyes: you went solid NC. She couldn't stand the fact that you were ignoring her after having been so attentive and loving and so she manipulated into contacting her by making you think she was interested in getting back together. This is all a game to her. It's not about love or respect or anything noble. It's about power and control. You are not in the wrong in trusting her because you are nothing like her. The only thing you did that was wrong was place your trust in someone who clearly isn't deserving of it. But hey - - we've all done that before; myself included. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something to learn from. Edited January 9, 2014 by radiodarcy 2
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Sorry to hear it. As the others have said, hard core NC now. You have all the info you need to cut her out of your life permanently.
lauri Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I am so so so sorry about what happened. Its a typical situation which I'm not surprised the outcome, but still don't think you deserved it at all. I'm a strong believer that if things were to ever work out again, the girl has to come back on her knees begging for you back for you to know that move mountains to make it work. I think she lost interested because the illusion of you being a challenge to her was lost as soon as you went back to her house and appeared to care. Now I strongly suggest ignoring her completely as this bi**h doesn't deserve your attention, affection and care. Silence is the only option now. 2
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I am so so so sorry about what happened. Its a typical situation which I'm not surprised the outcome, but still don't think you deserved it at all. I'm a strong believer that if things were to ever work out again, the girl has to come back on her knees begging for you back for you to know that move mountains to make it work. I think she lost interested because the illusion of you being a challenge to her was lost as soon as you went back to her house and appeared to care. Now I strongly suggest ignoring her completely as this bi**h doesn't deserve your attention, affection and care. Silence is the only option now. I think the OP caved way too quickly (he should have just asked her to leave, or had het escorted off the premises, but it's too late now). Now, NC is the only option. 1
BC1980 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Wow. That is truly awful and on another level of cruel. I'm afraid I would have been taken in by that too if my ex showed up at work. So she actually said she wanted you back, and then she changed her mind the next day? I could never be so cruel to someone. 1
lauri Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) Wow. That is truly awful and on another level of cruel. I'm afraid I would have been taken in by that too if my ex showed up at work. So she actually said she wanted you back, and then she changed her mind the next day? I could never be so cruel to someone. A few months ago, my ex told me she thinks about me every day, would drive by my house wanted to see me, wanted to get back with me, etc. The next day, she lost interest because I talked to her and she said she was explaining how she USED to feel and she is over it now. I just laughed, said okay your playing games I gotta go I wish you the best and hung up the phone - it took a lot for me to do it but I did. She still has a hold on me but never again will I ever be available for her. This thread reminds me of that... I know now, and so does OP (hopefully) that caving in too easy and not making her think shes losing you will not work in your favour. Edited January 9, 2014 by lauri 1
Haydn Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Tyler, get a grip son. She played you like Daniel Levy selling Bale! Ignore friend, ignore, come over to the Chelsea! Take care mate.
BC1980 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 A few months ago, my ex told me she thinks about me every day, would drive by my house wanted to see me, wanted to get back with me, etc. The next day, she lost interest because I talked to her and she said she was explaining how she USED to feel and she is over it now. I just laughed, said okay your playing games I gotta go I wish you the best and hung up the phone - it took a lot for me to do it but I did. She still has a hold on me but never again will I ever be available for her. This thread reminds me of that... I know now, and so does OP (hopefully) that caving in too easy and not making her think shes losing you will not work in your favour. My ex sent me an email after 4 months about how he missed me everyday and thought of me all the time. He wished it would work out in the future and all that nonsense. I was gagging while reading it. My life is too short to spend it on someone who obviously does not care enough to want to be with me.
Author TylerDurdenn Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Thank you guys, I appreciate each of your posts. I'm still very confused about what actually happened over the past 24 hours, it almost seems surreal!
Mondmellonw Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Sounds like 500 days of Summer. Ignore her, completely ignore her if you don't want to get more hurt. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Thank you guys, I appreciate each of your posts. I'm still very confused about what actually happened over the past 24 hours, it almost seems surreal! It's actually quite simple, you folded like a lawn chair once she put any sort of effort into it, she lost interest. She bet that you wouldn't have the stones to stay strong and she won. This is what, the third time she's done this to you? Have you learned your lesson about NC yet? 3
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 It's actually quite simple, you folded like a lawn chair once she put any sort of effort into it, she lost interest. She bet that you wouldn't have the stones to stay strong and she won. This is what, the third time she's done this to you? Have you learned your lesson about NC yet? Agreed. There's very little to be confused about.
Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Thank you guys, I appreciate each of your posts. I'm still very confused about what actually happened over the past 24 hours, it almost seems surreal! Tyler, don't beat yourself up for this. I guess it's very hard for you to say no when she showed up at your work. But what you should have learnt now is, if she ever comes back again, make it harder, a lot harder, let her work for it if she wants to get back together. Anything less than that should not even be in your consideration because, for what she has done to you - being hot and cold, she has very little respect for you and really, if she doesn't change the way she deal with this, you will only get hurt again and again, trust me you don't need that in your life. She is toxic and you need to cut your loose and move on.
Author TylerDurdenn Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I've been NC since. It's weird, I thought all this would set me back but it has just made me realise I deserve so much better.. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I've been NC since. It's weird, I thought all this would set me back but it has just made me realise I deserve so much better.. So next time when she comes calling are you actually going to stand your ground this time? Or you going to fold like wet cardboard again? 2
BC1980 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I've been NC since. It's weird, I thought all this would set me back but it has just made me realise I deserve so much better.. Stay strong. She will probably reach out again. I really think that once you realize your self esteem is invaluable, it shines a whole new light on the entire situation. I've realized that a big part if recovery is how you view things. Once I stopped idolizing my ex and settling for crumbs, I turned a corner. 1
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Stay strong. She will probably reach out again. I really think that once you realize your self esteem is invaluable, it shines a whole new light on the entire situation. I've realized that a big part if recovery is how you view things. Once I stopped idolizing my ex and settling for crumbs, I turned a corner. Most definitely. She'll be feeling "lonely" again, she got what she wanted last time, so she'll try again. Full NC is the only answer.
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