David87 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Correct. But perhaps she is testing the waters. Let her test some more, that is not enough for the damage she done. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Correct. But perhaps she is testing the waters. Its breadcrumbs nothing else. If that is "testing the waters" or whatever, then I'm the Pope. If they REALLY want you back, they will let you know TRUST me. She broke up with you OP, so in essence, its going to take a LOT more than a simple text message. Basically, she is tugging on the leash to see if you are still there pining over her. Once she realizes you are, then the text will stop and you are back at square one. 6
Simon Phoenix Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Correct. But perhaps she is testing the waters. If that's all she's doing, then he doesn't need to be talking to her. If she's serious, she'll jump right in. 2
Author TylerDurdenn Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 I'm not looking into this too much, she's just lonely. I'm worth more than a 'i miss you' anyway!! 6
David87 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I'm not looking into this too much, she's just lonely. I'm worth more than a 'i miss you' anyway!! Good for you Tyler, ignore all her text until she says I love you or I want you back and i'm sorry etc.
Author TylerDurdenn Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Ok she has just asked to meet up for a coffee. Whilst I know I shouldn't go, if she genuinely misses me the least I can do is give her a chance. I haven't responded to anything yet and will think it through today. As usual any opinions appreciated!
pickflicker Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Ok she has just asked to meet up for a coffee. Whilst I know I shouldn't go, if she genuinely misses me the least I can do is give her a chance. I haven't responded to anything yet and will think it through today. As usual any opinions appreciated! Had she specified a time for coffee? "Can we get coffee tomorrow", etc? My advice is to "be busy". As in "Sorry, can't meet Thursday, got plans." I am telling you now, one rejection will not discourage her if she's serious, and if it does, you'll know it was for nothing. Sit on this new text for 24hrs. Then before you text her, come back here for a chat, before making your move. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Ok she has just asked to meet up for a coffee. Whilst I know I shouldn't go, if she genuinely misses me the least I can do is give her a chance. I haven't responded to anything yet and will think it through today. As usual any opinions appreciated! Sounds like she is having regrets. Does that mean she wants to get back together? At this stage, I doubt it....but I mean its up to you what you really want to do. When a BU happens, the issues that surround them are not solved for awhile. Since she is wanting to "meet up" so soon after, it just seems like she is playing off her own insecurities. Once she realizes that you are there and pretty much the same person and the same "issues" she left you for a very short time ago are still present, it will split again. The second breakups are SO much worse than the first I can assure you. You are ultimately going to do what you are going to do. If it were me, I'd avoid, but I know at your stage currently, you probably wont lol. 5
Exitleft Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 ^ Hurts a lot worse the second or third time, I agree. Be careful. 1
Winter blue Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Ok she has just asked to meet up for a coffee. Whilst I know I shouldn't go, if she genuinely misses me the least I can do is give her a chance. I haven't responded to anything yet and will think it through today. As usual any opinions appreciated! Did she say why she wants to meet up for coffee? It seems like most dumpers would test the water by suggesting coffee after breaking NC. It's important to find out what her real intentions are. Don't reply straight away, think it through. It took me three days to decline my ex's coffee request. Take your time OP, and see if time might force her to show her real intention. I really dislike when a dumper try to come back in dumpee's life and pretending like there was nothing happened. She needs to try harder. If you don't reply at all or take your time to reply, she will be forced to make her intention clear, that's in the case, she is considering reconciling, she will try to contact you again. Let her work for it. Since she dumped you, she lost the right to have coffee with you on her request, make it to be on your term, if you ever want it to happen. 3
radiodarcy Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Sounds like she is having regrets. Does that mean she wants to get back together? At this stage, I doubt it....but I mean its up to you what you really want to do. When a BU happens, the issues that surround them are not solved for awhile. Since she is wanting to "meet up" so soon after, it just seems like she is playing off her own insecurities. Once she realizes that you are there and pretty much the same person and the same "issues" she left you for a very short time ago are still present, it will split again. The second breakups are SO much worse than the first I can assure you. You are ultimately going to do what you are going to do. If it were me, I'd avoid, but I know at your stage currently, you probably wont lol. Tyler, I remember reading through your posts when you were going through this with your ex back in November. And back then she was doing the push/pull with you to the point where I was irritated for you I strongly suspect she's at it again - - especially as it sounds like this is the first time since the break up that you have gone strict NC. She's most likely in fear of losing her back up. She's spent the holidays partying and now it's back to her routine life and she most likely is feeling empty and anxious about being alone. Even though you've been alone all that time she was out having fun. As ConfusedHumanBeing said, the temptation to meet her may be too great. But if you do decide to meet for coffee, tread very VERY carefully. Give your ex's history, this sounds more like a power play than an honest attempt at reconciliation... 4
xUnknown Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Tyler, I remember reading through your posts when you were going through this with your ex back in November. And back then she was doing the push/pull with you to the point where I was irritated for you I strongly suspect she's at it again - - especially as it sounds like this is the first time since the break up that you have gone strict NC. She's most likely in fear of losing her back up. She's spent the holidays partying and now it's back to her routine life and she most likely is feeling empty and anxious about being alone. Even though you've been alone all that time she was out having fun. As ConfusedHumanBeing said, the temptation to meet her may be too great. But if you do decide to meet for coffee, tread very VERY carefully. Give your ex's history, this sounds more like a power play than an honest attempt at reconciliation... I second what Radio said. Keep NC. If she wants to reconcile, she'll make it known. I will say, my ex said she wanted to do the same thing (meet for coffee to "test the waters"), however, she never reached out, she was scared to get turned down. Instead, a month or two later she showed up unannounced in attempt to reconcile. My advice, tell her you're busy. Maybe she'll respond with something more along the lines of reconciliation, or, maybe not. But I wouldn't bit at this worm. 1
organizedchaos Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Tyler, I remember reading through your posts when you were going through this with your ex back in November. And back then she was doing the push/pull with you to the point where I was irritated for you I strongly suspect she's at it again - - especially as it sounds like this is the first time since the break up that you have gone strict NC. She's most likely in fear of losing her back up. She's spent the holidays partying and now it's back to her routine life and she most likely is feeling empty and anxious about being alone. Even though you've been alone all that time she was out having fun. As ConfusedHumanBeing said, the temptation to meet her may be too great. But if you do decide to meet for coffee, tread very VERY carefully. Give your ex's history, this sounds more like a power play than an honest attempt at reconciliation... Yep, valentines day is coming and someone doesn't want to be alone. 1
julzfromsa Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Best way to deal with this is to say. No Thanks, im super busy at the moment, Got plans. Thats it.. Trust me, you will get a response very soon.. If that response is not. Ive made the biggest mistake of my life, etc etc etc etc. Either Ignore (NC) or say. Thanks but no thanks. Good things will happen because you have changed and you have won respect back. If nothing happens, you are then respected as a man.
Emilia Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I do love her, and I would love to give it another go but I know how empty an 'i miss you' can be just by reading other peoples experiences. Wish she didn't text me though I did ask her to never contact me again Don't go by other people's experiences. No-one knows about your relationship as much as you do and there are a lot of bitter ones that post here. Do what you think is right, not what other people tell you is right. 4
Chi townD Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Em is right to a point. This is an advice forum and not the law. You can do what you want. But, I would just caution you because what Emilia didn't say is that there are people that have been where you are and will be here to give you support and advice when you need it. If you don't go. Fine, great! Stick to NC. But, if you go for coffee, then that's fine as well. But, I would encourage you to remember, if the meet up isn't about resolving your issues and going in the direction of reconciling, then I would cut the meet up short. Just my opinion. 2
julzfromsa Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Em is right to a point. This is an advice forum and not the law. You can do what you want. But, I would just caution you because what Emilia didn't say is that there are people that have been where you are and will be here to give you support and advice when you need it. If you don't go. Fine, great! Stick to NC. But, if you go for coffee, then that's fine as well. But, I would encourage you to remember, if the meet up isn't about resolving your issues and going in the direction of reconciling, then I would cut the meet up short. Just my opinion. I must agree. People are different but how much different are we when it comes to love. If i messed up, and wanted someone back, i would be on my knees. Suppose that's just me. Just be careful with your heart mate.
fixing Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Text her back casually saying 'what for?' That way she will have to tell you her intentions... You can then decide for yourself if its worth it depending what she says. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 What I've noticed from being on LS for almost a year is that all of our situations are actually very, very similar. And the tested, tried and true advice is sound for the vast majority. And in this case, there is nothing unique about what is going on. Been played and replayed on here countless times. Sure do whatever you want, but be prepared for the backlash. 2
julzfromsa Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 What I've noticed from being on LS for almost a year is that all of our situations are actually very, very similar. And the tested, tried and true advice is sound for the vast majority. And in this case, there is nothing unique about what is going on. Been played and replayed on here countless times. Sure do whatever you want, but be prepared for the backlash. AGREED! Its always the same. Causality
Author TylerDurdenn Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Thank you guys, all advise/opinions taken on board..
Simon Phoenix Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I'd go with a) nothing or b) "I'm pretty busy, maybe some other time" approach. I'm not familiar with your history, but from reading what others have posted it seems she likes to do this and has done this to you in the past. It's time to make her sweat a little. 1
Haydn Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Keep her waiting Tyler, lets see what else she texts? (Don`t accept the coffee meet) Aim higher. 1
pickflicker Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Yeah, if she's fished before, given you false hope, and then pulled the rug out from under you again, don't accept any coffee dates. She needs to work harder, stew longer!
Author TylerDurdenn Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Thank you for reminding me, seriously. I almost forgot how cruel she was to me in the early days of our split, constantly leading me on giving me hope. I don't even like coffee anyway!! 2
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