avoforastig Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Hi, I have been dating someone for about 3 months and have noticed a pattern of behavior which I'm not sure how to react to. I don't have a huge amount of experience in dating, since I had primarily had one long term relationship lasting many years before this. What I am trying to determine is what is considered a normal amount of moody behavior from women vs. a possible anger management issue? With any relationship, I'd expect a certain degree of conflict to occur. We really hit things off initially and had been getting along great. However, there have been four episodes where she had become quite upset. She has gotten upset to the point where nothing I say or do seems to matter. These moods are associated with anything and everything seemingly making her irritable, things that don't seem appropriate to get upset about. There does seem to be an association possibly not managing stress well. I also get the impression she had some jealousy issues with her previous boyfriend. She has a significantly more intense personality than my last gf. How do I know when this turns pathological such as depression or anger problems vs. moody behavior that is normal?
umbongo Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Without digging deep into anything I would say things are just different to what have experienced in the past. I have dated women who were always calm (can be just as big a concern) and those who have been mega crazy. (men cover the spectrum too which I am sure ladies on this forum will agree to). There is a mix of us all out there. Random things can generally irritate people to a point of acting differently. How does she react after the episode? Does she talk to you? Go quiet? Comment on what happened at all? I'd like to say at the basic level you will know if something is truly odd but it is not always that easy. A handful of episodes in 3 months isn't ringing alarm bells. I've been with women in the past who liked to argue or at least have some form of confrontation often - we are all different and it keeps the world interesting. If it is really concerning you I would urge you to find a way to discuss it with your gf openly. The only issue here is you could spark something you don't want. Not necessarily a bad spark but that sort of conversation can make anyone uncomfortable or nervous. As I say, on the surface this is not unusual for men or women to experience with their other half.
GemmaUK Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 We wouldn't have a clue without specifics, knowing: Your behaviour Her behaviour What lead to each and what happened during and after for you both. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Your description's a bit too vague to really understand if there's a deeper anger problem here. Can you provide more details? What is it that makes her angry, what does she say/do, how do you react?
Author avoforastig Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Certainly, she is much different. My ex was ultra-sensitive whereas the new gf seems to have a more aggressive personality. She does seem pretty easily though. Is there any particular behaviors other than physical abuse that can identify a problem? My last gf used to bottle things up. The new girl certainly let's me know about stuff right away, but she seems to be a little excessively dramatic. I don't really want to waste my time or find myself in a toxic relationship, but the thought of being single doesn'take me want to jump for joy. I guess the main thing that bothers me about the moods of hers is there absolutely no way to talk with her. She gets so angry and irritable there is absolutely nothing I can do or say that doesn't seem to irritate her. I just feel really confused...
Eivuwan Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 how long does it take for her to get over the moods so that you guys can talk about it? you should talk to her about the issue when she's not moody.
GemmaUK Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Does she ever say that you irritate her by keep doing.saying the same things? Sorry but you are still not communicating and giving much in the way of detail so we cannot tell really what the actual problem is.
Fondue Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I don't exactly understand what your problem is, so I'll just speak in general terms. Most of the women that I have ever dated were mature, level headed, and easy to talk to. Confrontations were a rarity. When they did happen and I would see that the woman was being unreasonable, over dramatic, or what have you, I simply tell them this is inappropriate behavior and I am not willing to talk to someone who isn't being an adult. I reinforce that there is a certain level of maturity that must be met before differences can be settled. Everyone calmed down after that. Don't coddle people. If they're acting out, tell them that. Tell them it is unacceptable. You'd be surprised with the results you get when YOU act like a rationale, reasonable person. You also have to set these expectations early on by being a strong willed person. Don't tend to her/his every need and do not accommodate to everything. Just my 2 cents. 1
FitChick Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Keep track of when she gets like this. Mark the calendar. In red. If there is a pattern of it being for a week every month, well... 1
loveflying Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I get moody in the first couple months of dating if I am falling for the guy hard and fast. Happened twice in mylife. Both was instant connection but couldn't tell the guy because I didn't want to scare him away. Yet couldn't control my mood either. Here is a hint: If her reasons of moodiness not directed at you (personally) "calling names, blaming you for being a bad person" but directed at outside factors that you can't control but both are suffering then be gentle. You need to sooth her. She might not look like listening or paying attention.. but trust me she is. She might not be an open person like I am, but on the verge of exploding with love. You are the man. Lead her. But this is important: If she is physical, violent and saying disturbing things, disrespecting you.. run.. There are all kinds of crazy people out there. I am moody to the guy I am seeing or was seeing right now (he is the second guy I was talking about) time will tell. Can't help it. And there is no way to explain how hard and scary for me to tell him. I fell hard without even trying. And wish he can just tell me all is going to be ok and he can hear me out. He went no contact. And I am trying to move on.. I do not want to message him anymore after all said. If he wants to contact me I am sleeping with my phone close to my heart. He is the best I've met and I am at my moodiest now.
LornaFE Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Think about what YOU might have done to irritate her. What did you do or say in the first place? It is hard to give you advice, because you only gave a very vague descripition what exactly happend during those "for episodes". Maybe she is upset about you not communicating clearly? Peoplehave different ideas about what is important or not. Maybe you did something that seems minor to you, but hurt her?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 OP, what does she do when she gets angry? Does she scream? Give you the silent treatment? Call you names? Can you give some example of what she's gotten upset about? I would like to offer some suggestions but the picture still isn't very clear.
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