littlemissc2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I need to talk... Last night I had a message on facebook from some women. It seems my boyfriend had been dating her (and sleeping with) her before he met me. That wouldn't be an issue however it seems he didn't break up with her (he hadn't seen her since we've been together but was still texting her while we've been together she had no idea) This has really shuck me to say the least. It's a tricky one because technically he's not cheated or done anything wrong too me however he did something wrong to her which I don't agree with. Today I feel worried and deflated. I don't know if I am insecure or if something is wrong here. Since he's returned from his holidays our communication seems strained? When he would get a text before he'd read and reply. Now he read's them and doesn't reply for 20+ minutes every time. This girl told me she had noticed his communication had diminished and had begun asking why and I'm feeling that now too. I think my mind is driving me mad and I simply cannot relax and "go with the flow" I think I may be a bit paranoid and a bit insecure at the same time. Can someone please come and bang my head against a wall
Author littlemissc2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 From what I hear nothing more than normal chatter. I thought it would be simple to forget it but I don't think it's proving as easy as I thought it would be.
Zahara Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Have you asked him about it? And how does she know that you two are dating? I'm not sure why you are engaging with her -- sharing in terms of his strained communication and how it relates to you. I can understand feeling insecure but if you state he hasn't done anything wrong as in cheat on you, so what is the problem? He doesn't respond fast enough -- 20+ minutes? You need to let that go. It would be one thing if he went a full day without responding. It's sort of ridicilous to expect him to answer your text messages right away.
Author littlemissc2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 From what she told me (without me replying she explained herself) He told her that he had a load on at work at that minute and that he didn't have time to date her (he told her a day before she messaged me) He then proceeded to block her on facebook and from his phone. Her friend looked him up on facebook, saw he was in a relationship with me which resulted in her messaging me. I have spoken too him about it, and he is extremely sorry and has apologised to her now. I think he thought she'd let it go and that would be it but clearly it wasn't and he got busted. I think now he's back at work (granted he doesn't do much actual work while he's there) I am struggling with communication being slower? That mixed in with this incident is making me think loopy! Ordinarily I wouldn't think about it at all
Zahara Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 He told her he was too busy to date her and then the next day she finds out he's dating you. I have a feeling she was upset and decided to message you. In any case, how long before he ended with her was he then with you?
Author littlemissc2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Oh I fully agree she was. I would have hated someone doing that to me and certainly wouldn't have been anywhere near him if I had have known. He says they were dating (not exclusively) however she seems to believe she was his fully fledged girlfriend. There is a couple of week overlap with the two of us.
Zahara Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 He said she said. I don't like that he lied to her instead of coming clean that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. The overlap between him dating her and you would be a red flag to me.
Author littlemissc2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I don't like it either. Not only do I feel guilty for something I haven't done I also have to somehow trust that he won't do the same to me. He didn't see her in the overlap that was the general texting she told me that bit as well as him. Still a really ****ty thing to do though. I told him he should have had the balls too tell her he didn't want to date her anymore but that would have been too simple wouldn't it haha
DALIFAN Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 To be honest I don't really agree with the others... Apart from the fact that it was a douchy move towards the other girl... During the phase he was texting you, were you guys already official? Or were you just dating? Was he embarrassed when you asked him about it (like he was caught in a lie?) I usually am a multidater too, during the casual dating phase of course. Just if I happen to find a guy I could be serious with and we've been on more than 3 dates I won't date anybody else anymore. So in case you guys were only dating, I don't see any problems with him writing her, especially if they were innocent text messages. And if it happens you guys were by then already official, they were still innocent text messages. AND he blocked her from his phone and from phone. WHILE with you he became official (publicly too).. So don't worry. Just tell him camly that obviously now you feel a bit insecure and afraid that he might do the same to you. And if he really cares about you, he will understand and do everything to reassure you.
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