StatusError Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Okay, this is quite a long story so I'm pretty much going to bullet point everything so it's not just a wall of text. So, met a girl in my second to last year of school. Started going out with her in my last year of school. Within six months, she was pregnant. (Big accident) We stayed together and got a house with each other. She started university, all was fine until her second year. I felt like I was fighting for her attention along with a number of other males from her university. Within months of her second year, she came back after a night out crying because someone had tried to come on to her and then had a go at her for 'leading them on'. Before this we had argued because she was constantly speaking to these people, on separate occasions, and it felt like she wanted to speak to them more then me. After these to arguments with her male friends, all was fine for a while. She then went to Barcelona, as part of her course. Of course, I was absolutely fine with this. Both male and females were going and she was really looking forward to going and I had loads planned with my daughter, as it would be the first time I was alone with her for longer than a weekend. I text her a few times whilst she was there but got no answer. It was only when she got back that I felt something had changed, she was completely different. Ignoring both me and her daughter to be on facebook or texting constantly. I was upset and we started to argue, she complained that I never did anything and i argued that it was because she never wanted to do anything with me, just be on her phone. A little while later she was showing me pictures of what Barcelona was like, suddenly, there is a picture of her looking like she was giving a blowjob to a guy. She quickly skipped over it, I told her to go back, now she wasn't actually doing it, they were fully clothed, but it certainly seemed like it was being acted out. There were a number of other photo's too, in a number of compromising positions with other guys, none of them ever being the real thing, but looking like it. I flipped... she went out. Skipping over the arguments that followed. As it turned out, she had gotten extremely friendly, with someone, even lying to me saying she was somewhere else, when she was with him. I found out the day she was actually telling him that it had gone to far. To this day, she swears she never cheated on me. I believed her. We split up shortly after, but only for a matter of days, before we both decided that it was not want we wanted to do. Her close friendship with one other male carried out, however, even though I knew he was her best friend now and not me, I was the boyfriend, I was okay with this, I'd met him, he seemed fine, he also had a girlfriend. Again all was fine for a while, until she went to a houseparty with a university friend, she had a brother who had come down from Spain to live with his sister. It was extremely obvious he liked her, however she had both told him and his sister that she was in no way interested. I had absolutely no problem with this, until she didn't come back home that night from the houseparty. My daughter woke me up and I rolled over to see the other half of the bed unused. It wasn't until four hours later that one of my fifty voicemails was returned. She was crying hysterically, had already called a taxi and said she didn't remember anything. She woke up on her friends sofa, still fully clothed and wrapped neatly in a blanket, she said that she had only had a few drinks and sat down on the sofa, that's all she remembered. She too was very worried about herself, however waking up completely clothed she felt confident that nothing had happened. I believed her... but the trust had gone. We argued pretty much constantly for months, about everything there is possible to argue about. We split up, both moving back to our respective parents' houses. Sold the house and that was the end. We met up a couple times socially to talk, other then that only to talk about our daughter. she sent me an email explaining everything, about how she still cared for me and didn't want this to happen but felt like it had to. I didn't reply. 7 Months have now passed... I have just found out she has being 'seeing' someone for a little while. She let it slip when I dropped my daughter off to her new flat. I would have sworn on anyones life that I was over her... I obviously am not. The days that have followed have been difficult, i've been very stroppy and angry at her (we had just started to get really friendly again). I dropped my daughter back again and she called me out on it. We talked about it, me saying that the way that she told me was extremely uncaring and that she always acts like it was out of her control and nothing is ever her fault. She told me that for 4 months (i assume she has been seeing this new person for the other 3) she cried almost every night waiting for an email back to say that I still wanted to be with her. She told me that although she doesn't really care for this new person and doesn't call him a boyfriend, she feels like she needs this. I asked if she was happy... she didn't answer and started to cry. I didn't hug her or anything, didn't think I should. I told her I was sorry for not replying however she knows I am an 'actions speak louder then words' kind of person. I took her out a couple of times for a meal, told her that I still cared for her and that I still loved her. She always avoided replying or changed the subject. The send 'date' we went on, she sent me a text afterwards saying that nothing had changed and she still only wanted to be friends. (This happened a few months after the official break up). I feel even more broken then i was before, knowing that she is definitely seeing someone else and that i missed my chance with getting back with her. I've now had a little time to think and will be asking to talk to her next week when I pick up my daughter... this is what I've been thinking: - if she really wanted to get back with me, why did she not say anything to me after the email? - I don't know whether she is just making it seem like its my fault she is seeing someone else again, that I pushed her into it? - Will I be able to look passed her sleeping with new person, I 'kind-of' know him and he's a bit of a dick, (neither of us have been very good with previous relationships, a lot of cheating has gone on, for both sides.) - Looking back on everything, I know I still love her, but do I actually want to be with her? - I have literally not spent a day without her popping into my head, even after I got rid of everything of or from her, she is claiming that she didn't stop thinking about me, but has been seeing someone else for a while. So did she really want to get back with me? - We share some very close friends, almost family, and they have all said that she has turned into a bitch and seems to be throwing herself at anybody, although this does not mean that she has slept with anybody. So is she being completely honest with me? I will be asking her these questions when I see her, assuming she wants to talk to me, although we did leave on very good terms, so she should. I wanted to get your opinions on it, as an outsider, what do you think? If you have any other questions you need, please let me know. Thank you Status.Error
Haydn Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 After a quick read of this its seems you are both well out of this mess. You should put your daughter first and have concrete arrangements and have as little to with each other as possible. Move on in other words.
Chi townD Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 You want help? Sure! DITCH HER!!! Co-parent with her and nothing else. Okay, sh*t happened and the two of you ended up being parents. But, you put your life on hold so she could pursue her dreams with going to University while you played the parent and took care of your responsibilities (which is very admirable). She has been cheating on you since the beginning. You found compromising photo's in her phone and even though the poses were "simulated" she felt comfortable enough to do those things in PUBLIC. Well, it makes me wonder what she felt comfortable with when the camera wasn't shooting. She went to a house party and she STATED that she fell asleep wrapped up in a blanket fully clothed. Uh huh.... then why the freak out? Nothing happened right? It was an honest accident that had NO lasting repercussions, right? Here's a rule of thumb you need to start learning. If a cheater confesses to something. They will only confess to what you can prove. OR! They only tell you the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what truly happened. Dude, time to start living YOUR life. Time to start going to school yourself and making a good life for you and your daughter.
Author StatusError Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Thank you for your replies... I actually went to see her before I read these. Something she had mentioned made me think that she still wanted to be with me. I told her I'd like to talk about 'us' and she said it was okay and she wanted to know what I was thinking. Basically, at the end of my big speech about how that if we think there could be something between us we should at least try because it would be an even bigger regret if we didn't. She basically said that she wants to, doesn't want to and is not sure if she wants to start a new relationship with me all within the same sentence. Now, I'm not stupid enough to not realise that she wants to say no, but still wants to act like the nice person - the victim. She said that she felt ignored by me after the split - which is utter nonsense. Chitown D, reading your thoughts on confessions make a lot of sense and there is more I could have put in my initial post that didn't. It's my daughters birthday within the next few weeks and we have to pretty much spend the weekend before together with our joint friends. At some point, I'm going to speak to her about there being an 'us'. If she does not say that she wants to, then I'm going to completely forget any notion that we will be together. I have a good job, a good car and a great daughter. After my meeting with the ex girlfriend and your replies pretty much confirming what i had lurking in the back of my mind. I need to move on completely. Thanks Status.Error
iworthmore Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 mate come on!!! what's wrong with you. after reading that post i was shocked that u still want her back. listen to Chitown D. i can make a long list of the reasons u shud never want her back. she's a cheater, immature, full of lies and not honest about her feeling for u. do u ever think she will change?? you dont trust her why u want her back?? to live in a toxic RS and can you believe anything she will say? man thats hell. anyway, she's not coming back if u ask her, sorry for saying this, she doesnt love you anymore otherwise she wudnt do all the stupid things she did. respect ur self, save ur dignity and revalue ur self and be sure u worth more.
Recommended Posts