BenC Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Hey all, So I need your advice / input here, as it's super confusing to me. A couple months back, my ex broke things off after several months of a long distance relationship after we spent a week together where she seemed not quite herself. She said that her gut said she thought it was the right decision, that I'm an amazing guy, and that she just thinks right now isn't the time but not doesn't want to write me off in the future. She also was very, very adamant that she was afraid that she'd lose me as a friend and really wanted to keep me as a super close friend (in the past I know she was really sad when she dated a previous friend briefly and he stopped talking to her when she broke things off). In the time prior, she said that she thought I was the one and told some of her family that. In the time after the breakup, she said that I was the only person that she ever felt comfortable saying "I love you" to. Two weeks after the breakup, she said that she went on a date with another guy, spent a lot of time there that weekend, and seemed to be planning as though there'd be something there. She said again that she was afraid of losing me. Since then she's temporarily moved away for a month or two from where that guy was too. Every time I went no contact even for a couple / few days, she'd text me. Sometimes if I texted back, she'd take a couple days to reply while other times it'd be instant. Since then I've pretty much let her initiate 95% of the contact, which I've tried to keep low, but lately she seems to be writing a lot more, responding back super fast when I write back, sending pictures, etc.. Now she wants to go on a road trip together that we talked about ages ago (part by me and part around where she lives). I really don't know what to make of this... My mindset is that I'm okay if nothing ever happens with her, but I don't think I want to have the same kind of contact with her that I think she's trying to get from me. I'm viewing this trip as maybe a last resort -- I'm not going in with any expectations, not initiating or trying anything, etc.. If she apologizes or tries something, we'll see what happens. If not, we'll just have a fun time as friends and after it I think I'll go very low contact and forget about any possibility. What do you guys think? What do you make of it all? Any advice? - Brian
iworthmore Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 wow, what a smart girl. she take's you for granted. are you a tool that she can use and drop any time she wants? NO friendship after BU. never. if she really loves you she wud never break it off. she's going thru GIGS. and just using u as a doormat. women sometimes prefer support from the opposite gender when they have tough times especially after BU's. she told u she wants u as close friend. go ahead be her nice friend and suffer more. mate she's with another guy and she dont care about how u feel. she's wants anything from u except being her lover. don't go with her to the road trip. easy for you to say now that u dont have any expectation's but deep inside you ur have hope that she will ask u back. being supportive as a friend and accepting anything she asks u for is so unattractive, can destroy sexual attraction and show u needy. she's playing games let her play alone and lose.
xUnknown Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Go No Contact. Don't reply to anything she sends you. Get rid of her off facebook. She's texting you and seeing if you are still there, breadcrumbs...thats what those texts from her every here and there mean. Cut her out of your life. She cut you out, you can't be her friend...let her miss you and see the HUGE mistake she made.
Author BenC Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I think a part of it was just poor communication on her part mixed with a bit of GIGS because of the poor communication on how she was feeling. The one week trip prior to the breakup seemed a bit weird because I was sensing something up and that made me act a bit differently too (more reserved, less fun), which I think just added to it all. In talks afterwards, she seemed shocked at how she misread a few things with me and I with her, and she seemed sad at it but not enough to do much else about it. Very odd. But she is much different than other women I've known and I legitimately think that she wants a deep friendship, but at the same time, I have a gut feeling that she wants more than that but doesn't want to say anything now. I don't know if she's wanting to go on this trip as a way to think that we're just great friends or as a way to initiate something back or what. It's quite confusing, and I do think that she wouldn't fair well in "no contact." But having said that, I'm not being broken apart because of her. Oddly enough, I think that I've grown a lot in the last month or two and have become content either way where I don't expect much from it but have a slight feeling of "what if?" if I say no to the trip and stop talking completely vs. giving the trip a try and then cutting off contact after if nothing comes about just as a way to end it on a very good, fun note. Thoughts?
happydate Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 (edited) Women these days travel alone or with their girlfriends because they feel comfortable about themselves and are self-asssured and have full confidence. Sure, this woman of yours is different from the other girls. It's because she can't be alone, has low self-esteem and is low on her own confidence. So she needs someone like a man to go on a road trip or do her car, her house chores etc. Why not her own kind on a road trip? There are plenty of women who do just that! Because women will bitch on the one that's showing weakness. Pussy cat fights and the strongest women are mean to the weak. She knew that and she didn't want to listen to become stronger and more confident. She also knows she can manipulate men with her stronger weapon, being the vagina and second female companionship because she knows so well that most men can't be alone. These men are incomplete. So 2 incomplete beings, you and her are made for each other. She's there to be with you because you can't be alone and you wanted her company because you simply can't be alone either. You are using her as female companionship so that on road trips, you won't feel like an odd man out in a fancy restaurant or a normal couple in a gift shop -- rather be stuck eating at McDonalds or Arby's day in and out and be a loner. Edited January 7, 2014 by happydate
Author BenC Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 iworthmore, I do think it might be a case of GIGS, but I also think it might be tied to some miscommunication on true feelings that she didn't think I cared as much as I did ... and then later that turning into GIGS. She later admitted that her communication wasn't the best and that she needed to show more reassurances (as did I apparently). I don't think she'd intentionally play games, but it could definitely be a confidence / self-esteem thing... xUnknown, I definitely see your perspective there and definitely have contemplated that. I'm kind of viewing this as not having any high expectations and cutting ties 99% afterwards if nothing changes. Happydate, she doesn't ask anyone else to do house chores or anything like that. And I don't mind being alone, so I think you're misreading me on that. To everyone else -- I'm not like a lot of folks I've seen here that seem to have all their hopes in getting the ex back. I'm honestly kind of okay with either outcomes and know that in the end it will all be fine regardless of the case, but I kind of viewed the trip as a way to end on good terms if that happens and not think too much on it. Hmm ... any other thoughts?
iworthmore Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 ok mate, maybe you not having trouble with the idea of breaking up cuz it was LDR. anyway, being a friend with ur ex is recommended only after a period of NC when u moved on and have no more feeling for ur ex. if you claim to be ok with the outcome then go ahead. i personal think its so selfish to ask someone to be ur friend after breaking up with him. assuming that he want to be part in ur life in anyway. u r posting in the second chances. so u want her back. even if u don't care if she's not coming back but u consider the idea. if i was u i will tell her honestly that we shudnt be in contact, ur not ready yet and u need time alone, and u dont think that the friendship is a good idea at the moment and need to focus on ur self and be with ur friend's and family. seems that u willing to go to the trip, go and i hope u don't get extreme mixed signals. im talking from experience. maybe once she find new man she'll no longer want u as super best friend. if she's young 18-25 then i think this all gonna backfire on u.
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