Broken up with ex, found out she already slept with someone else within a week!

[Luke12345]

Right so please don't hate me people but I called her and got these things off my chest for the reasons I said I would and said I think it would best for both of us to have NC (I had done this before reading these comments). I do see what u mean, I shouldn't have done it, it wasn't easy, however, her reaction has actually helped me. She reacted in such an immature way, she didn't even let me finish what I was saying and kind of agreed with me part we through in a very spiteful way. She first said stop, don't bother, just stop, then kinda agreed with me things haven't been good but in a loud spiteful defensive way, said I really hurt her, and she's going to go out and see friends now, sounded a lil upset but more so angry. She said shell talk to me 'whenever' (she used that quote a lot in our last weeks of our relationships when arguing) so I said no wait, you wont, I don't want to contact you, I don't wan't you to contact me, if we bump into each other then I'll be civil but that's it. The more we talk the worse things get, so I'm going to go do my own thing and I think you should go do yours, she said fine, I'm going to go out and see some friends now anyway, we both said bye, quite harshly for both. Obviously this didn't go exactly to plan but it showed to me her level of immaturity and how she couldn't even let me express my feelings fully so backed up my increasing resentment for her as a person which has helped. Plus her bbm update then said 'I'm going to get rid of everything to do with you, you don't realise how much you broke me, you only ever see my flaws' then deleted me off bbm, didn't delete me off fb yet but I haven't reacted. I know you said not to announce NC but i think NC will be easier now I have. And I feel so relieved to have done it.

[Luke12345]

So I've decided to start logging my NC experience on here.

 

1. To help me through it.

2. To give the rest of you insight into some possible scenarios and how I handle them, and I would appreciate feedback for others to see how it can go down and for my own use.

3. To get a bit of advice for myself if I ever need it.

 

So it's the morning after I went NC on my ex-girlfriend. Things are still all a bit raw in my mind, obviously I cannot get over all we had in one night, but going NC feels refreshing and I've got a new found happiness and sense of freedom actually.

 

I noticed this morning when checking my emails she had sent me an email yesterday BEFORE I talked to her and then went NC. Basically I'd been helping her do her CV to get a better job, I'd given her enough of a template to work from which she'd sent back with the message how's this. Now I'm a bit of a perfectionist, there were a couple of mistakes but overall it was actually really good. At first I felt like saying yeah it looks great, good job, there's a couple of mistakes but correct those and your good to go, good luck. But then I stopped, remembered that I owe her nothing, wrote down 3 reasons why I shouldn't send her that message and I was soon clicking the red cross at the top right of the screen.

 

Onwards and upwards, I'm in the rough right now still I feel but I'll soon be on the fairway I think.

[David87]

I know that you don't understand the language of the video, but what happened is that the girlfriend of this "gentleman" cheathed on him, and now he burns all of her clothes and possesions.

 

This is an example of how not to react when you find out that your girl cheated on you, because you will look stupid like the guy in the video.

 

 

Enjoy!

 

 

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I don't know how you could be in love with her, she sounds horrible. This would be easy to get over.

[Luke12345]

Because I'm a fool Moo.

 

Please appreciate that obviously there have been good times too. The beginning of the relationship was amazing, she was great, and we had some great times together, there's still the attachment when all is said and done and it's still hard not to reminisce about these times and 'what if'.

 

I mainly outlined the problems I was having to get advice on those but after all this, and after all the advice from all of you great people my eyes are open now to the bigger picture of why was I with her.

[WYSWYG]

You're doing the right thing by posting here, Luke.

 

She's probably a sociopath (google that). She tells you what you wanna hear likely to take control.

 

Yes, you will miss the good times and the sex. But try to focus on the things that went wrong and if you want to suffer again.

 

Yes, love is a fantasy that blinds our reality. We get high on it only to come crashing hard.

 

They takes a lot of our time that we pay less attention to friends/hobbies etc. Thats why we get too lonely when it's gone.

 

Tho easier said than done, use the idle time wisely to heal, know yourself better to fortify your emotions. And trust me, you will get over this and there will be a new beginning. Actively distract yourself!!

 

NC, as everyone says. "Oracle" has a great thread on top of the page if you haven't read it yet.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

My ex was great too but people can turn into total losers, they do things that hurt them. People are retarded. Concentrate on the new her, it'll help you move on.

[Luke12345]

My ex was great too but people can turn into total losers, they do things that hurt them. People are retarded. Concentrate on the new her, it'll help you move on.

 

Sorry what do you mean concentrate on the new her? How will this help?

 

Right now I'm trying to keep NC up and not think or concentrate on her at all :/

[Chi townD]

Sorry what do you mean concentrate on the new her? How will this help?

 

Right now I'm trying to keep NC up and not think or concentrate on her at all :/

 

I think what was meant was she isn't the person you fell in love with anymore. She isn't the girl that you were attracted to that got you the courage up to ask out on that first date. This last conversation with her is not the same girl. I'm sure you wouldn't have asked her out if she showed you this level of immaturity and selfishness in the beginning. THAT'S the new girl. THAT'S the girl that exists now.

[Luke12345]

Ohhh right ok, I see what you mean now. Yeah that's part of what I actually said to her just before I started NC. It's a shame really she was everything I wanted in a girl, I guess you only truly know someone after getting to know them properly and going through hard times.

[Luke12345]

Hey is it normal to want to have a glance on her fb to see what she's said and done? I don't exactly know why I want to, but I can't help wanting too. I've had to stop myself and remind myself what she's done and that it's not even worth knowing, but I haven't been able to stop myself a couple of times :/ is this normal?

[WYSWYG]

yup..it's normal.

 

You miss her (or what she used to be), you're curious. You will be fighting this w/in and it's tough one.

 

BEWARE.....you might see things on FB that will HURT you MORE - do u wanna be hurt? ask urself.

 

Ignorance is a bliss....Trust me. I've been there

 

On a piece of paper, write all the bad things she's done and things you didn't like about her. Do it and read all this when your down.

 

NC seriously

[Luke12345]

Thanks for the reassurance I haven't gone completely mad WYSWYG. I just asked myself and no I don't want to be hurt more, I want to move on, however, I've always been the most curious person ever so I will really struggle with this one.

 

I shall definitely do that, I think that will help, writing things down I think in general helps. Oh actually I know I'm on the wrong end of the stick to give advice here but I did something before I knew she slept with this guy to decide if I wanted her back or not, TRULY, which I'd like people to know.

 

I wrote her a letter, one that I knew I would never send, that nobody else would ever see, a letter telling her exactly how I feel and what I want, I could be honest, because I knew only I would see it and not sugar coat things. I was veering towards just trying to be friends as we were great together like that, but in a relationship there were some things I didn't like (obviously the sleeping around was the dealbreaker so ultimately all this never happened). This massively helped me compile my thoughts as to what to do though. For anyone who struggles to know in their mind what is the right thing to do you should try this, it blows of steam, allows you to truly realise what you want and act upon it.

[WYSWYG]

yes, we need an outlet to puke the emotional vomit 'til it's all gone..

 

....writing, talking to those who care to listen, this forum are all major helpers. A year or so from now, she'll be just another that I used to know.

[Luke12345]

So she deleted me off fb tonight. We havent said a word to each other since I said I don't think we should contact each other. It kinda hit home on me tonight that she did that.

 

What do you think this means? Is she doing this because I pretty much asked or is there a hidden reason and/or meaning behind this as to why she did it do you think?

[Chi townD]

she did it because she mad that you're not playing her games. So, she's picking up her toys and going home.