Broken up with ex, found out she already slept with someone else within a week!

January 6, 2014

Wow am I heartbroken! I don't know what to do someone please help me. Me and my ex had a rocky relationship for 6 months but all in all I feel like I'm uncontrollably in love with her. We broke up a few times and every time she would console in another guy, she even snogged 2 guys throughout them all but I overlooked this and got back with her hoping we could repair the pieces every time because other than this it was great.

I made it clear to her how I felt about this, it hurt a lot! She said she understood, she said she loved me back over and over but right now I feel they were weightless words. The final break up happened in her room, to which she then got on the phone in front of me and tried arranging to go to one of the guy's house she snogged. I was like what?!! She said he's only a friend, she needs to see a friend right now etc. It ended VERY badly but all my feelings are still there and it's been heartwrenching.

We hadn't spoken for 2 weeks until last night, it was a nice chat but then turned bad, she told me she slept with that guy, not on that night, but on another night, still within a week though! I do love her, that's undeniable but I feel utterly betrayed and heartbroken and not sure what to do, I can't eat, I didn't sleep, I can't concentrate at work, all I can do is play it over and over in my mind him inside her. I feel sex is the peak of intimacy and for her to do that with someone else so quickly was devastating for me and she can't love me as much as she says she does.

We talked about it, she said she's sorry, she loves me, wants me back, it was a mistake etc. but I'm not sure which direction to go in. I know I love her but I'm not sure if I could ever trust again if we were to break up or even have a 'break' for any reason this won't happen again. I don't know what to do

Edited January 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs, use them please

January 6, 2014

Wow am I heartbroken! I don't know what to do someone please help me. Me and my ex had a rocky relationship for 6 months but all in all I feel like I'm uncontrollably in love with her. We broke up a few times and every time she would console in another guy, she even snogged 2 guys throughout them all but I overlooked this and got back with her hoping we could repair the pieces every time because other than this it was great. I made it clear to her how I felt about this, it hurt a lot! She said she understood, she said she loved me back over and over but right now I feel they were weightless words. The final break up happened in her room, to which she then got on the phone in front of me and tried arranging to go to one of the guy's house she snogged. I was like what?!! She said he's only a friend, she needs to see a friend right now etc. It ended VERY badly but all my feelings are still there and it's been heartwrenching. We hadn't spoken for 2 weeks until last night, it was a nice chat but then turned bad, she told me she slept with that guy, not on that night, but on another night, still within a week though! I do love her, that's undeniable but I feel utterly betrayed and heartbroken and not sure what to do, I can't eat, I didn't sleep, I can't concentrate at work, all I can do is play it over and over in my mind him inside her. I feel sex is the peak of intimacy and for her to do that with someone else so quickly was devastating for me and she can't love me as much as she says she does. We talked about it, she said she's sorry, she loves me, wants me back, it was a mistake etc. but I'm not sure which direction to go in. I know I love her but I'm not sure if I could ever trust again if we were to break up or even have a 'break' for any reason this won't happen again. I don't know what to do

Dude, runn away fast and don't look back, stay NC for at least a couple of months, delete her phone number , block her on facebook, it's for your own good.

Read this thread, it will help you.http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/418763-if-youve-been-broken-up-broken-hearted

Edited January 6, 2014 by David87

January 6, 2014

Been there done that.

In the gens scheme of things it doesn't matter.

Yea I said it,it doesn't matter.

She is now single and can do as she pleases.

As should you.

It's something we all have to deal with, but take it from someone who's wayyyy beyond your healing stage, and over it all, pretty soon it won't matter.

Go be a single guy...in every aspect of the word.

Barky

January 6, 2014

Thanks guys, its so hard though when I'm still in love with her :\ also something I forgot to mention is that our group of friends is now a little bit mixed in with each others so I WILL see her sooner or later. I think NC is a good idea but how can that work? Also can I ask WHY do you say these things? What's your reasons because with my cloudy mind right now I'm finding it hard to understand it all.

January 6, 2014

Thanks guys, its so hard though when I'm still in love with her :\ also something I forgot to mention is that our group of friends is now a little bit mixed in with each others so I WILL see her sooner or later. I think NC is a good idea but how can that work? Also can I ask WHY do you say these things? What's your reasons because with my cloudy mind right now I'm finding it hard to understand it all.

How does what work? How can I say what?

Nc is used to get over her,the relationship,and the pain.

If she is going to be somewhere, avoid it.

If you see her, don't acknowledge .. Just a hi and keep walking.

The thing is, she's wrapped up in someone else right now...literally and figuratively speaking.

Best thing u can do is not subject yourself to seeing her or it.

In this case ignorance is bliss.

Barky

January 6, 2014

How does what work? How can I say what?

Nc is used to get over her,the relationship,and the pain.

If she is going to be somewhere, avoid it.

If you see her, don't acknowledge .. Just a hi and keep walking.

The thing is, she's wrapped up in someone else right now...literally and figuratively speaking.

Best thing u can do is not subject yourself to seeing her or it.

In this case ignorance is bliss.

Barky

Barky,

While I think your post are most always on target, you give great advice.

Sometimes "Ignorance is Bliss" is a hard one to do.

You really have to set your mind to it and stick with it and that is not always easy.

Thanks for always giving great advice....

Keepsake

January 6, 2014

You were broken up. She's free to do as she pleases.

January 6, 2014

Delete her numbers, block her online and dont look back, seriously. She sounds like she is probably in fact a cheater. And, she'a also immature. If you dont cut contact immediately you are going to be in a world of pain for years to come.

NO CONTACT. Avoid her like the plague. You will lose your love for her if you do no contact.

She has been with countless other men inbetween your relationship, you really want that girl back?

NO CONTACT

January 6, 2014

Thanks all, NC it is. I gotta do something to stop the pain!

January 6, 2014

Hoes gon be hoes.

January 6, 2014

I hate to say this but this was premeditated.

She wanted to sleep with this dude. Sounds like she started the breakup to get in the sack with this guy then hopefully do damage control knowing you love her and will take her back.

At what point is enough, enough?

You can find a girl who will not do this to you. One you can trust.

January 7, 2014

I hate to say this but this was premeditated.

She wanted to sleep with this dude. Sounds like she started the breakup to get in the sack with this guy then hopefully do damage control knowing you love her and will take her back.

At what point is enough, enough?

You can find a girl who will not do this to you. One you can trust.

This. I was the guy that someone broke up for even though I told the woman she should go back with her boyfriend. It was more of a drunken mistake.

Trust me this guy she's with probably isn't having as nice of a time as you think.

January 7, 2014

Pain diminishes with time, but only if you occupy that time with forgetting that person. Every time you think of the "great" times, remember the lows. If anything, practice forcing your trace of thought to anything not pertaining to her when you start pondering about anything relating to her. If you spend your time like this, I guarantee you will feel at ease down the line. Good luck!

January 7, 2014

And yes I agree, this " hookup" was planned, and I'm sure they've been talking for awhile.

Roll it off your shoulders.

Screw it.

You'll find better than her, guaranteed.

Barky

January 7, 2014

You were broken up. She's free to do as she pleases.

And we are advising him to not get back together with him. While I agree that she can do what she wishes while being single, she crossed the line by calling another guy to meet up with while her ex was there. That's a complete B* move and was done solely to hurt him. She could have waited 10 minutes after he left, but chose to do it right in-front of him just to hurt him.

We all understand that it sucks and that you are hurting. On the flip side, though, now has never been a better chance to get away from that awful person.

January 7, 2014

I agree, she had the balls to call this guy right in front of you! That should have told you where you stood with her. Oh, and I can guarantee you that she DID screw him that night she called him in front of you. What reason do you have to trust her? She had no respect for you to have the gall to set up a "date" with him that night, what makes you think make you think that she respected you enough to keep her legs closed after she left you? She had no loyalties to you? She's a slut, but she didn't want you to think that she was a "heartless" slut.

Move on, dude. If she reaches out to you, IGNORE IT!!! Post here instead.

January 7, 2014

I agree, she had the balls to call this guy right in front of you! That should have told you where you stood with her. Oh, and I can guarantee you that she DID screw him that night she called him in front of you. What reason do you have to trust her? She had no respect for you to have the gall to set up a "date" with him that night, what makes you think make you think that she respected you enough to keep her legs closed after she left you? She had no loyalties to you? She's a slut, but she didn't want you to think that she was a "heartless" slut.

Move on, dude. If she reaches out to you, IGNORE IT!!! Post here instead.

Unfortunately I hate to say it but I have thought this too , that she did it that night and is lying to me some more. She's lied to me before but about small things but it's still lying and still hard to trust her.

Can I ask your view on this, I'm going to NC but I just would like to check if any of you think the same here, I kind of need almost confirmation of some sort to do it as I'm pretty broken and indecisive about everything right now;

She says she didn't do it that night, she says it was a huge mistake, she's said sorry a good dozen times for it, she said it's nothing and she's in love with me, she's now saying she'll even change for me, that she can't live without me, she told me again last night she loves me but I ignored it, she genuinely seems very remorseful for this now but I don't know what to believe from her. I'm not going to get back together, no matter how much I still stupidly want to I will take your advice but what is all this?

Is it she wants me? Does she REALLY love me do you think or is she trying to achieve something else? Gain something from me perhaps? She's just saying that so she can always have me on beck and call? Do you think it went sour with this other guy? I'm trying to think of all scenarios but can't right now, is this anything else?

Also with my friends included in the picture slightly how would be the best way to NC? I need to get this stuff off my chest with her first I feel! I was thinking of calling her, telling her how I feel, keeping it mature, polite, straight to the point, and ultimately basically say, '(get everything off my chest first), there's nothing left between us, you've hurt me too much, I don't want you in my life anymore so need to live it without you so please don't contact me, maybe perhaps later down the line we could be friends but I'll contact you when I'm ready, and if I see you out and about I'll be civil but that's it'. (sorry it's a rough draft at the moment lol, but that's the jist of what I want to say).

January 7, 2014

Unfortunately I hate to say it but I have thought this too , that she did it that night and is lying to me some more. She's lied to me before but about small things but it's still lying and still hard to trust her.

Can I ask your view on this, I'm going to NC but I just would like to check if any of you think the same here, I kind of need almost confirmation of some sort to do it as I'm pretty broken and indecisive about everything right now;

She says she didn't do it that night, she says it was a huge mistake, she's said sorry a good dozen times for it, she said it's nothing and she's in love with me, she's now saying she'll even change for me, that she can't live without me, she told me again last night she loves me but I ignored it, she genuinely seems very remorseful for this now but I don't know what to believe from her. I'm not going to get back together, no matter how much I still stupidly want to I will take your advice but what is all this?

Is it she wants me? Does she REALLY love me do you think or is she trying to achieve something else? Gain something from me perhaps? She's just saying that so she can always have me on beck and call? Do you think it went sour with this other guy? I'm trying to think of all scenarios but can't right now, is this anything else?

Also with my friends included in the picture slightly how would be the best way to NC? I need to get this stuff off my chest with her first I feel! I was thinking of calling her, telling her how I feel, keeping it mature, polite, straight to the point, and ultimately basically say, '(get everything off my chest first), there's nothing left between us, you've hurt me too much, I don't want you in my life anymore so need to live it without you so please don't contact me, maybe perhaps later down the line we could be friends but I'll contact you when I'm ready, and if I see you out and about I'll be civil but that's it'. (sorry it's a rough draft at the moment lol, but that's the jist of what I want to say).

You can say all that by going straight to NC, it's a much better way.

January 7, 2014

Unfortunately I hate to say it but I have thought this too , that she did it that night and is lying to me some more. She's lied to me before but about small things but it's still lying and still hard to trust her.

Can I ask your view on this, I'm going to NC but I just would like to check if any of you think the same here, I kind of need almost confirmation of some sort to do it as I'm pretty broken and indecisive about everything right now;

She says she didn't do it that night, she says it was a huge mistake, she's said sorry a good dozen times for it, she said it's nothing and she's in love with me, she's now saying she'll even change for me, that she can't live without me, she told me again last night she loves me but I ignored it, she genuinely seems very remorseful for this now but I don't know what to believe from her. I'm not going to get back together, no matter how much I still stupidly want to I will take your advice but what is all this?

Is it she wants me? Does she REALLY love me do you think or is she trying to achieve something else? Gain something from me perhaps? She's just saying that so she can always have me on beck and call? Do you think it went sour with this other guy? I'm trying to think of all scenarios but can't right now, is this anything else?

Also with my friends included in the picture slightly how would be the best way to NC? I need to get this stuff off my chest with her first I feel! I was thinking of calling her, telling her how I feel, keeping it mature, polite, straight to the point, and ultimately basically say, '(get everything off my chest first), there's nothing left between us, you've hurt me too much, I don't want you in my life anymore so need to live it without you so please don't contact me, maybe perhaps later down the line we could be friends but I'll contact you when I'm ready, and if I see you out and about I'll be civil but that's it'. (sorry it's a rough draft at the moment lol, but that's the jist of what I want to say).

Honestly man she sounds like a real b***h and I thought my ex was effed up (well she kinda is) you deserve much better, and all those questions you want to kno the answer to shouldnt matter because she doesn't matter, and dont contact her because her opinion shouldnt matter, focus on what does and thats the rest of your life without that succubus holding you back from true happiness doing what makes you happy and improving on yourself and then someone who actually matters will come along. Forget her, just go NC. Good luck!

January 7, 2014

If I'm honest though I know what you mean about her opinion doesn't matter and I shouldn't contact her, but I feel like I need to get these things off my chest, or I will go NC then think over and over she has no idea why! I need to basically tell her she's done wrong so she knows! Should I REALLY retract from doing this?

January 7, 2014

If I'm honest though I know what you mean about her opinion doesn't matter and I shouldn't contact her, but I feel like I need to get these things off my chest, or I will go NC then think over and over she has no idea why! I need to basically tell her she's done wrong so she knows! Should I REALLY retract from doing this?

Yes. 1000% yes. Taking a baseball bat to the face would be a better idea.

And trust me, she knows.

January 7, 2014

She can say she's sorry and tell you that it was a mistake, but that's a mistake that she'll have to live with because you don't have to!

She says that she'll change. That it won't happen again....blah...blah... but, those are just words. And what speaks larger than words? Her ACTIONS!!!

So, what do we know about her actions? She snogged (which, to an American, I'm guessing means "screwed") two guys THAT YOU KNOW OF! And snogged a guy the night she left you (I'm banking that it was that night, but if it was within the week, does it really matter?)

Time to move on dude. She is not ready for a relationship. She needs to grow up and figure that out. She needs to figure out that her ACTIONS hurt people and that those same actions have consequences (even if it means losing you).

NC is a tool to help you heal and move on. It is not a punishment to our Ex's as they my seem to believe. Dude, she did you wrong one too many times. Trust me, there's a girl out there that will be loyal to you and will have nothing but love and respect for you, this girl isn't it.

Hell, she was in the sack with someone else in less than a week. No mourning the loss of you, no mourning the loss of the relationship. Only people that do that are folks that really aren't committed to someone.

January 7, 2014

She does not deserve any explanation, she had sex within a week of your breakup with someone else. You can almost call it cheating!

Please put her out of your life, and move on with your life. It's hard to believe now, but eventually you'll look back at this and think of yourself what a douchebag you were thinking of explaining to her why you would go on NC. You'll find someone who is better for you one day, believe me.

January 7, 2014

If you were going to punch someone in the face, would you warn them?

No.

She does not deserve a "hey im going NC on you for so and so reason".

Just do it already. Show you have balls. Prove it to yourself.

She has walked over and disrespected you enough. When are you going to put your foot down? At what point is enough, enough?

January 7, 2014

She can say she's sorry and tell you that it was a mistake, but that's a mistake that she'll have to live with because you don't have to!

She says that she'll change. That it won't happen again....blah...blah... but, those are just words. And what speaks larger than words? Her ACTIONS!!!

So, what do we know about her actions? She snogged (which, to an American, I'm guessing means "screwed") two guys THAT YOU KNOW OF! And snogged a guy the night she left you (I'm banking that it was that night, but if it was within the week, does it really matter?)QUOTE]

Actually....

snog verb - definition in the British English Dictionary & Thesaurus - Cambridge Dictionaries Online (US)

snog

verb [i or T] /snɒɡ/ /snɑːɡ/ (-gg-) UK informal
› tokiss and hold a person in a sexual way
: I saw them snogging on the back seat of a bus.
I've never snogged (with) a man with a beard.

Either way I agree with the above. She was broken up with you and it will never be the same.

If you do take her back you will need couples therapy to make it really truly work.

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Broken up with ex, found out she already slept with someone else within a week!

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