k100danny Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 short explanation of my story, me and my ex broke up almost 2 months ago, i was really struggling ith my anxiety issues and not knowing if i could be what i thought she deserved and when she admitted that because we weren't as close as she would like to be it was affecting her i broke it off. we continued to speak pretty much like we were a couple for over a month, i had expressed how i wanted to be with her i just didn't know if i could be because of my anxoety because it made me feel guilty and i was putting huge pressure on myself and maybe she would be better with someone who doesnt have those issues. anyway she wanted us to be together and we had said a few times we will see what happens ect but not a lot came from it, we spoke up until christmas me still wanting us to be together but being so worried and then things started to change, i could sense she was angry at me and she has every right to be, she started going out drinking a LOT more and staying out all night ect and i felt it was actually over but had said i want us to be together. anyway we had spoken on the phone a few times and she had said she wants there to be an us she just didn;t know if too much had happened or we could go back. during a conversation we admitted it had been really hard to both of us to let go because there wasn't a main issue why we werent together, i had said some things like if i knew you had moved on ect it would be easier bcause if you had been with someone i know i couldnt go back. well she messaged me back saying that she thought she was losing her mind when we broke up, her whole world fell apart ect and she just drank to try and deal with it and that wasnt an excuse but now maybe i can move on. I took this as she had been with someone and didn't get angry or anything but pressed a little more, she said it didn't go as far as foreplay or anything and turned out what she said was like heavy kissing which got broken up when she told him that she was still in love with her ex boyfriend. this apparently happened a few days after christmas. anyway i started to press a bit and found out who this person was, he is friends with a lot of my friends but we have actually never met and i was very hurt, he is everything i wouldnt tink she would be attracted too, anyway i did a bit of poking around (picking at wounds) and she had told me it only happened once, i found him on instagram and he had put a picture up of the both of them, nothing really bad it was him fromt the back kind of turning round looking at the camera with her in shot smiling but he had wrote (caught in the act) although it looked mor like they were stood talking. anyway i also found him on facebook and realised she wasn't actually in his newly added friends so he must have been there for a while, she said they had mutual friends which they do and we were probably broken up at the time but it just got me to thinking you know. anyway what's happened since is she said she was very sorry, it should have never happened, she still loves me and is so so sorry she was very drunk and although thats not an excuse she said she was trying everything to get over me but couldnt, that with being so sad that we didn't spend christmas together ect. so we got together and we said we would try again, i do love her very much but is it strange i feel betrayed by this? we werent together but i can't get the picture out of my head sometimes then other times i think everything will be fine. im not blaming her i'm just saying can you forget and move on?
thompkevin Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Well, you broke up with her and technically she didn't do anything wrong. So, yeah I think eventually you will forgive and forget (even though there is really nothing to forgive). Just give it some time and work on your relationship with her. And next time you want to breakup with her, make sure you go through with it. Don't put her through this again.
Author k100danny Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Oh i totally agree it's not about forgiving although she does keep saying sorry, the title probably doesn't actually say what i mean, it is more the getting over it and not feeling secure. she 100% did nothing wrong as she was single and i do believe her but it still hurts knowing you know, I am not punishing her for it but i do think we need to talk it through fully in order to move on in the relationship which is what we both wants. It hasn't made me view her differently or not want to be together but at the same time i could never imagine her with another guy before and felt so secure ( someone is going to say why did you break up and i hold my hands up and say it was the biggest mistake of my life) but now it's like im getting more jealous and wondering things i never would have before, I have never once questioned her loyalty, i have had a couple of small moments of jealousy thoughout our year long relationship but that's it. I do know i need to let go if this is ever going to work, i guess we just dont like feeling that they had feelings for someone else although i know this doesn't have to be the case. kissing someone isn't an intimate thing for a lot of people and if it's true she stopped and said what she told me then that is good enough for me.
thompkevin Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Yeah, those jealous thoughts will come in your mind for some time until you are over it. Let them come, but don't let them affect your relationship. Do not ever treat her with disrespect just because you are not feeling secure about her. Eventually, you will come in term with it and it won't bother you anymore. Just give it time.
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