Onmymind Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 So it's been over two months since my breakup of the year and a few months and I'm feeling no chemistry with this person that I've had three dates with. She's really sweet and really nice but she doesn't have the same qualities that my ex had, and I keep comparing the two also she isn't flirtatious. I feel like she's too "goody goody" and it's not that I hate it, it just doesn't seem to work for me...i don't want a bad or naughty girl per say, but she's too willing to bend for me. Or maybe this entire predicament is because I am simply not ready to date yet... When I went home I just felt wrong but I felt like I should've done that and I just feel like I'm hurting someone even though I know my ex is long gone to never return. I still feel like my heart belongs to her and it's sick you know? I know I probably would never take her back even if she came back...I feel like the best thing to do is be single and make myself amazing until I feel ready to meet someone new or love again. Simply because my friends also sort of pushed this girl on me since she's a mutual friend. I also told her that I want to make myself amazing and work on myself so I think she got the hint without me being direct, I'm still terrified to talk about it. I was so madly in love with my ex and we spent every waking moment together for that year and few months... I guess it's going to take longer than 2.5 months to get over her?! 1
Philosoraptor Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 It seems like both things. If you're going home and feeling bad about dating then you're not ready, if you're not feeling chemistry you're just not feeling it with this woman.
mammasita Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 It will definitely take longer than 2.5 months to get over your ex. Take more time to heal. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Not everybody is going to click. You may not be ready & she may not be the one. Don't have a 4th date but don't worry about it either. 1
Author Onmymind Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Thank you guys so much for your responses, I guess it is a mix. I'm unlike most guys none the less people where I have this stupid curse of having a caring heart. I don't want to lead anyone on ever or hurt anyone like I've been hurt. I'm still digesting how someone who mutually dedicated their love and lives to each other can just let go over the littlest thing....I'm scared I'll never feel that love again although everyone on LS can, has and always will disagree.. I feel like my perception of reality is clouded, but I'm CERTAIN that since I just graduated college I want to make my future and my life awesome. I'm working now but I want a higher paying job, not that this one is low pay, but I want even better. I also am looking to find a new band to play in... So many friends too. I got a lot going for me but no matter what the love of my now gone ex haunts my souls and torments me daily... Thanks guys
umbongo Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Hey there! One thing to consider is her side. You mention she isn't flirtacious but maybe she is a little nervous or adjusting from an experience of her own. A lot of people will say they are quiet at first but open up as you get to know them. Naturally, you don't want to rebound and lead someone on but you never know what might happen after another date or two. An ex you have good memories with will always 'haunt' - the trick is to squash the haunt with good new memories. It takes time and you will adjust. Don't be afraid to have a go but remember you don't have to commit to the first person you meet. The fun in dating is you are free to mingle
stillafool Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Don't take this girl out anymore if you've been on 3 dates and don't feel anything for her. It's clear you aren't over you ex so don't drag this girl into a mess. Wait it out until you meet someone you are excited about, then ask them for a date.
Author Onmymind Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Hey there! One thing to consider is her side. You mention she isn't flirtacious but maybe she is a little nervous or adjusting from an experience of her own. A lot of people will say they are quiet at first but open up as you get to know them. Naturally, you don't want to rebound and lead someone on but you never know what might happen after another date or two. An ex you have good memories with will always 'haunt' - the trick is to squash the haunt with good new memories. It takes time and you will adjust. Don't be afraid to have a go but remember you don't have to commit to the first person you meet. The fun in dating is you are free to mingle I think your notion is very possible and sincere, although she told me the last guy she was with was only for a few months and that happened a while ago...He was nothing worth missing from what she explained, whereas my ex was the love and center of my life. We were so close, we were pretty much married without the license... Anyways, I think she probably IS nervous, but based upon the way she acts, it's sort of like a submissive puppy that talks a lot, we both can't stop talking even if it's about random tangents. To me I LOVE to talk a lot, but our conversations go in circles of small talk and useless tangents. So as lovely as a person she is, I'm just not attracted to her. If she has all these secret qualities that I like, she hasn't showed them and I'm kinda losing the will to go on. I really just am not ready, period. Even if this amazing girl with flirtatious, witty, playful qualities came strolling along I'd feel like RUNNING. Also, I mean it sounds so shallow and awful, but as a human (none the less a man at age 23) I have needs and I miss companionship, I miss sexual intimacy, etc. I am not a crazed lunatic for it, but I miss it. Sex with my ex wasn't even all that great, I just miss HER. Is it bad that I want to try being that cliche' GUY who hooks up, goes to clubs, has fun etc? I don't even really drink, and I have too much respect so no matter what I end up in this damn catch 22. Blah blah...blah blah blah...
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