How I Survived the "end" of My World

[disillusionment]

New user here, gonna cut right to the chase. I was dumped by the love of my life, out of the blue. The person i gave my virginity to, the person i gave everything to, loved with every ounce of me. I would have burned alive for this person, and in the end haha it seems they left me burning alive. I did not think i would get over this. The pain i felt was incredibly immense. I am/ was a hopeless romantic, so i generally took every relationship that ended, to be the end of the world, but good lord this one hurt soooo badly! Im trying to describe the pain to you guys but, i just cant. You know how it feels.. And im sorry that you have to know how it feels, its a pain i wouldnt wish on someone i hated.. Heartache is truly brutal. And i never thought I would see the light of day again, But I did. I am not going to go into much detail in this post about the relationship, because i want to focus on how i got over this mess, so i can possibly help you guys out.. give you somethings to think about etc.. so here we go!

How I Survived the END of MY WORLD!!!

 

1) Realize this is going to take Time

The first thing you need to accept, is that this process is going to take TIME. there are no MAGIC BULLETS, or QUICK FIXES, drugs, sex, etc will NOT magically take your pain away, maybe for the moment, but the next day you will feel just as sh*tty, maybe even worse.

 

The thing i realized was this was going to take time.. and I needed to GRIEVE my loss.

2) Realize that you have suffered a real loss, and need to go through the grieving process

PLEASE GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE. I personally was an emotional person and felt like my emotions were wrong and I was ashamed to have them.. But emotions are beautiful, they are necessary, they are here to tell us about our lives and whats going on in them..

I cried until I honestly couldn't cry anymore. I remember the last time I cried about this. I cried my freeaking eyes out, It was a full body cry (lol) my entire body was engaged, I was on the floor, I felt helpless, No one was home THANK GOD, because I was a MESS. But when it was over, when I couldn't cry anymore, i felt better, and i felt relieved. I havent felt the need to cry about the situation since, but If i do, the i won't deny myself a good cry.

 

3) Don't try to do this alone

TALK to someone ! I had to talk to someone.. One thing i noticed in my relationships was that I always got so caught up in them i forgot about my friends (terrible, i know). Luckily for me, they forgave me and took me back in open arms.. I went to friends, and family.. I talked to them about what happened, I told them about the situation how i felt, what i did, etc.. Its good to talk about things man. Its never good to hold things in, I dont care what anyone says, its neverrr a good idea to keep stuff bottled in.. So let it out, if you have no family or friends, talk to a therapist (dont feel weird plenty of people seek out therapists at the end of their relationships, and that says a lot about how important relationships are to us!, this is a serious matter, so treat it as it is, get the help you need!) heck talk to ME ive had my fare share of stay in heartbreak hotel, i know how it feels.

Oh yeah, also, WRITE! Keep a journal, Keep a voice log! This is what I did, and when times got hard and i couldnt talk to anyone, i just vented in my iPhones voice memos! My longest one to date is 15 minutes! 15 minutes of me just talking, crying, venting etc.. Give it a try..if it worked for me, it could work for one of you guys too.

 

4) Keep yourself...ENGAGED

Okay I've heard from many people/sources that keeping busy isnt the best way to go because youre not really moving on , at the end of the day you will be tired, and still hurt when you've got nothing else to keep you busy and youre stuck staring at a dark ceiling tryin to go to sleep.

That may be true in some ways, but for me I tried to keep myself busy.. Well thats a lie, I tried to keep myself engaged and enthralled in things that i truly had an interest in.

While going thru this situation, you should be focusing on yourself. What do you like to do? Honestly, what is it that makes you smile? Laugh? I rediscovered, and am rediscovering who I am and what i like to do. Pick up a hobby, something that you are really interested in. For me, what i happened to be interested in, also turned out to be very time consuming.. (win win here!)

It could be a sport, it could be Music, writing, art.. Anything in the entire world!

Learn something.. Don't just learn the basics, but really LEARN IT

if you find yourself obsessing over the ex, look something up on the internet, google stuff about your hobbies, download a time consuming addicting app on your phone or tablet.

I used to think I could never control my thoughts, and that they had a mind of their own (no pun intended) but in reality, all you have to do is just FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE. its not easy, at first ur mind is just gonna go back to them after uv "finished" your train of thought on something else.. but keep doing this, and eventually it will become natural, when i catch myself thinking of my ex, i remember that the thoughts of them are useless to me, and i instead think of music (my thing of interest)

Keeping yourself engaged is the biggest part of this process in my opinion

 

5) Don't talk to them NO CONTACT

Please dont talk to your ex. If they wanted to talk to you they would be talking to you. Thats something we all need to realize, if someone wants to talk to us bad enough, they WILL. Even if its "not that simple" it really is. They left you. they dont want you anymore. So they don't get to talk to you anymore, its their f**king loss, whether they realize it or not. You need to realize whether you never talk to them again or not, life goes on. The more i didnt talk to my ex, the more I lost the romantic feelings for them as i realized that they didnt want to talk to me.. I almost broke down and contacted my ex, the last day that i cried.. I wanted to tell them how i missed them, how i loved them. Im so glad that I didn't looking back on that moment. My ex will never know how I feel about something ever again, and I will never know how they feel about something again, but IT DOESNT MATTER

 

6) SOCIAL MEDIA = THE DEVIL

I deleted my instagram. i deleted facebook. i deleted anything that my ex was on, i deleted all pictures, photos, messages, emails, etc. You don't have to do all this, but you do NOT need to be seeing your ex pop up on your timeline/newsfeed. seeing them is the same thing as contacting them, NO BUENO don't do it. block delete remove, you may not want to but it is for the best.. also, do it before they do it to you, because when you see that they have removed you, oh lord that is like dipping your heart into frozen lakesss! it happened to me during "no contact" it drove me nuts, and set me back so much. Please do this now. You will be glad you did

 

7) SAD MUSIC = THE DEVIL

Don't you even think about listening to that john mayer song.. dreaming with a broken heart.. Okay yeah its fine during the first few moments of the break up bu after a while, you can't keep listening to sad sappy songs like that, its nice to know someone else feels your pain, but you've got to actively move forward. I avoid sad sappy songs on my ipod like the PLAGUE. I avoid love songs like the PLAGUE.

 

8) After a while... Stop talking about it

I know i said talking about it is fine..but after a while, after the great pain has lessened, and died down, stop talking about them. Don't bring them up, just dont. Cause they probably aint bringin you up . Its sad, but man, its true.

 

I'm sorry if this didn't help you.. But these are the main things that I did to move on.. I am still moving on from this, but the pain is gone, and i have survived and emerged stronger than ever.. Im focused on being a better person, pursuing my dreams and goals, and making and keeping real, genuine friends.

 

Heartache teaches us a lot about ourselves . You can't grow, unless you suffer and go through things. That seems like it sucks, and it does in the moment, but you just gotta realize everythings gonna be okay, and keep rollin with the punches

Life goes ON.. This person, was just another chapter in your story, or another book in your series.. You are going to turn the page, and put the book down, but you will never forget what you have read.. And thats okay.. I hope that one day you all will be able to look back on the memories you have with a person, smile, and keep it moving. That is what i am doing Sending positive vibes to all of you troopers, thanks for reading.

[LLQ1986]

Hello, I just broke up with my ex 2 days ago. He was my first love too and we took each other's virginity...we were in a long distance relationship for 2 yrs +. He fell for another girl when i'm due to meet him next month. my heart is left broken into tiny little pieces.

 

After texting him yesterday for the one last time, I have then deleted him off the social media. We will only keep in touch via emails when necessary (he has offered to pay me back the air tix money).

 

This is painfully hard. But I'll be okay. Yes, time will heal everything.

[oberon84]

Bookmarked!!

 

Thank you for sharing your advice, it's very wise and insightful.

[disillusionment]

Hey, Im so sorry for your loss.. Its gonna suck for a while right now, but its gonna be OKAY, trust me.. That guy didnt and doesnt deserve you or your love.. It was a good idea to remove him from everything, even though it must have not been easy. Two days, the pain is raw, cry, talk about it, post about it, allow yourself to feel it , only way to move on is to literally go THROUGH it. feel free to message me if you need to talk.

[conmorse]

Such great tips. I too was broken up with out of the blue by my ex gf of 2 years just 2 months ago, and now shes doing the whole clubbing, drinking, hooking up with other guys. I was her first serious relationship and i guess first "love", but it seemed so easy for her to move on to other guys just 2-3 weeks after we broke up. How do i message you on here OP?

[smuggy95]

and no alcohol! It's a bad bad bad bad idea.

[PS.chicago]

Well written! Sad music/social media = the devil. HAHA.. so true.

 

I feel hopeful again. Thank you.

[LadyM]

What a fantastic essay! Thank you so much for taking the time to give us such helpful, positive information. Everything you said is exactly right on target and you said it all in such a way as to give strength to those of us not feeling particularly strong.

 

Thanks....and glad you're doing so well.

[disillusionment]

Hey conmerse im sure its been a while since u wrote here sorry i am just responding i didnt think anyone else read or liked my post so i just havent been on here to check! haah! but i have NO idea i just joined this site.. I mean we could talk back n forth on this post, i wouldnt mind. But im so sorry for your loss man.. But you gotta look at it like this.. Its just The Motion.. she 'moved on' quickly.. or so it appears.. Maybe she really hasnt? But in all honesty...it doesnt matter. Only thing that matters is you right now. 2 years cant be erased in 2 weeks my bro, and that is OK.. honestly if she was over you in 2 weeks then.. wtf she wasnt really in love with you (purely my opinon) But i used to do that, move from on person to the next person to the next.. Its really just a coping mechanism, its how shes coping with the break up.. I dont think its a very effective way but hey whatever floats your boat..What is your coping mechanism? I really hope that its something POSITIVE that doesnt involve drugs, alcohol.. i mean theres nothin wrong with a beer or a blunt or two here and there (lol) But dont try and self medicate.. Ill be checking back here more oftento see if you've responded. Keep your head up, don't give in.. and HEY didnt i say no contact no social media? how do u know what shes doing? Don't keep tabs bro, makes it harder/longer to move on

 

Sometimes i wonder what my ex is doing. But then i come back to reality and remember they aint a part of my life anymore. I wish them the best, but I'm movin on, to BIGGER AND BETTER. You should and will too.

[disillusionment]

Thank you , i am so glad you, and others have enjoyed my post and found it to be insightful, i hope you are doing well too

[disillusionment]

oops and conmerse i meant 2 months.. not 2 weeks.. either way 2 months still doesnt erase 2 years.