Joanie44 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My boyfriend of 3 years dumped me, two weeks later he has a new gf. He contacts me many times a day saying he still loves me, misses me and still wants to be friends, he also says there's a high probability he will regret his decision for the rest of his life. I told him to stop calling, since he has clearly moved on, he said he obviously has not moved on since he's still contacting me everyday. He says he second guesses his decision everyday. Why is he doing this???? Is he just keeping me around in case his new gf dumps him?
David87 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My boyfriend of 3 years dumped me, two weeks later he has a new gf. He contacts me many times a day saying he still loves me, misses me and still wants to be friends, he also says there's a high probability he will regret his decision for the rest of his life. I told him to stop calling, since he has clearly moved on, he said he obviously has not moved on since he's still contacting me everyday. He says he second guesses his decision everyday. Why is he doing this???? Is he just keeping me around in case his new gf dumps him? Yes he is keeping you around, ignore him because all he does is hurting you.
strive Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Yes. He's making sure you put your life on hold while he sorts his ****. If it works out for him, great. If it doesn't, well there's still you -- the second prize. Win-win for him. 1
BC1980 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My ex said the same types of things, which I took to be mixed signals. Unfortunately, they're not mixed signals at all. I agree with everyone else. He's keeping the door ajar for a backup plan. He might not be plotting it maliciously, but that's what he's doing. I had a problem believing my ex would do that, so I figured he must be sincere when he was saying he missed me, give him time, maybe at some point. I'm sure he was sincere, but his main goal was to keep the door ajar just enough to fallback in case he changed his mind. He's also using you for emotional support, which is hardly fair considering he dumped you. He waived that right. Trust me, I lived through this situation, and it doesn't turn out well for the dumper.
thora-tiki Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Welcome to our forum, Joanie44 - Mixed signals = lies - Fu*king with your head is also part of the game. You're being played. Wake the fu*k up! The reason for no contact is to not be around to even hear such hurtful things from the ex-holes mouth. Poor Romeo (your ex-hole) is trying so hard to be deep and profound: «(He contacts me many times a day) saying he still loves me, misses me and still wants to be friends, he also says there's a high probability he will regret his decision for the rest of his life. I told him to stop calling, since he has clearly moved on, he said he obviously has not moved on since he's still contacting me everyday.». Boy, Romeo is just a turban and crystal ball away from seeing into the future... Don't break no contact, especially for that ^. The idiot should have thought of that before he broke up with you. He already said enough of such things when you were together, right, but what happened in the end...? It is like a well scripted play. Romeo pretty much pushed Juliet off the damn balcony! If you only do one thing these next months, it should be: don't break no contact! Write us instead. Because I know the moment he knows where he has you, in a leash, that he can jank whenever he wants to, and by breaking no contact he then knows you are pining and squirming over him. He wants to see you squirm and you are squirming, otherwise this topic wouldn't be here... Look at what he has said so far as an emotional brainfart from your ex. Actually, this is to your advantage. It will eat away at him that you didn't break down from his dumb-ass attempt to confuse you, he will start to worry that he finally went too far this time and lost you forever. Now who is sweating? Muhaha! The reason why it is so important you don't break no contact now is because he will think all of his weird behaviour (sending you mixed signals) had made you break it (break no contact). So if anything like this ever happens again (you get back together, he breaks up with you - again - because none of you had evolved past the first break up) he will try the same crap (sending and telling you mixed signals) knowing it worked last time (got you confused, and back in his arms). If we have rushed no contact, we are back in the same old failed relationship = another go at a dying relationship involving the same two un-evolved people. He can't emotionally blackmail you to talk to him. He broke up with you and he won't give you the space you need. How selfish of him. If you leave it for a few months or till he has matured and has relaxed, he is probably been single for months by this time, since it didn't work out with Rebecca the Rebound, ha, and both of you have been dating or been single for a few months, and both of you are ready for a new relationship, then when you can meet for a short get together (coffee or lunch), he will understand that the space brought you «back together», not his stupid attempts. So here are some tips to what not to do/to do during no contact, and help you evolve past the break up and get your life back: - Don't sit there counting off the days and expecting your ex to come back like magic. - Find any reason to break no contact* and contact your ex out of fear they won’t remember you after a few months of no contact: (*He contacts me many times a day saying he still loves me, misses me and still wants to be friends, he also says there's a high probability he will regret his decision for the rest of his life. I told him to stop calling, since he has clearly moved on, he said he obviously has not moved on since he's still contacting me everyday.) - There is much work to be done during no contact and the faster you stop working against the break up and start working with the right tools, the faster you'll be ready for reconnection, make sense? - Start journaling, write down the hurt and pain, and progress. And also write down texts you want to send him/her. - Delete his/her number, e-mail, throw out his/her stuff, etc. - Block him/her from texting, etc. - Wish your ex all the best (you don't need to wish him/her the best life, kids and supermodel husband/wife or anything specific, but wish him/her all the best - just like that, no elaborate life, just: all the best. I wished my ex, aka dildo face, the best, I didn't picture him with anybody, I picture him alive and well.) - Working out - Laughing - Reading - Hanging out with friends - Not think/dwell too much about the past. Nothing lives in the past. It is like visiting a cemetery. You pay your respects, acknowledge your time together and move on with life. - Let go of the old failed relationship - Do something new every day or week or month - Spending time with your family - Pet every furry animal that comes your way. - Explore your city, be a tourist in your own city - Make a list over restaurants or places you want to go to on dates, hell, eat/drink at them as well, do the research with a friend, and have fun making the list, so that if/when you reconnect with ex, or start dating a new guy, you have this list with great tips! - During your time alone you will make a list of the pros and the cons of your old failed relationship to figure out if you even want your ex back. Once you calm down and start thinking, you might realise it was a bad match after all, or you will see that it was a great match, but there were some issues. - List these issues as something to work on when you start a new relationship with your ex later on. - You also need to examine your old failed relationship to see where it started to fall apart, every clue you uncover will give you a better chance at reconnecting with your ex, and starting a new and stronger relationship. Reconnection is «easy», staying together, that is the hard part, and without evolution that will not happen... Give him time to evolve, and focus on your own evolution, things will work out, trust me. Now, stop worrying about it, and get back to your personal evolution before you fu*k up all your great progress. - The longer you leave it, the better, you might even decide you are better off without him. It is a win-win. - The bottom line is, no contact is not a 1 or 6 or 12 month thing, it is taking as much time as necessary to calm down, and evaluate your emotional state, work on the past problems, and plan for the future - with or without your ex. - How will you know you are ready to meet?: When you call and ask them out (Be specific about a date, time, and activity or location. You should try to call about a week before you actually want to see him or her. This will give you some time to do a little more prep work before the get together.) to a short meeting (coffee) and if they say «no», you can calmly accept that without panicking, because you know he is saying no because he is not ready. And you know you can always ask him out another time. - The fastest way out of relationship limbo (like the one you are in right now), and the «just friends zone», is to properly use the no contact, and stick to it. PM me if you need anything at all - we're all here to support each other.
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Actions speak louder than words. He broke up with you & he's already dating somebody else. He has the dating version of buyers' remorse but the fact that he has a new GF & is professing love for you says he is a cad. If he loves you so much & he doesn't care all that much about her, why hasn't he broken up with her? If he will go behind her back to chase you, what was he & what will he do behind your back?
mammasita Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 The most important question is WHY can he still contact you? You're letting him play games with you. Cut him off and you won't have to wonder, take control of the situation. 1
ravssss Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Its dirty and dont be there .... another few days he'll be sure about her ... but u need not give a **** ... clearly ignore him ..
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 My boyfriend of 3 years dumped me, two weeks later he has a new gf. He contacts me many times a day saying he still loves me, misses me and still wants to be friends, he also says there's a high probability he will regret his decision for the rest of his life. I told him to stop calling, since he has clearly moved on, he said he obviously has not moved on since he's still contacting me everyday. He says he second guesses his decision everyday. Why is he doing this???? Is he just keeping me around in case his new gf dumps him? Stringing you along keeping you as a doormat/spare tyre. My dear drop him off completely. He doesn't worth any of your time at all.
d0cholliday Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm in a similar situation, and I agree, he plays games, like my ex gf plays with me. It is hard, but in my situation the longer she keeps doing this she is pushing me away. So be smart... They just want to ease their guilt... I'm in contact with my ex all the time, and we see each other, sometimes it is painful, but sometimes I get that little wins... But as my deadline for waiting for her to decide to make up is coming to an end, I will dissapear, that's a best option. I have a friend who done that, and it worked for him. Let him mature, let him miss you, If you were good to him as I was to my ex, believe me time will come when they will come to their senses and figure that BU was their lost, not ours, and we won't be thinking for the rest of the life what could be. Keep yourself busy, start dating, enjoy yourself, live the life to the fullest. Change the things you don't like about yourself if there are any and all will be good. I come to the conclusion, after I tried almost everything to get her back, that actually if your ex dumped you, you can't do anything, that's all on them. I have one more week left, and I'll give her a chance to do what's right, but after that so long. Put a smile on your face and go ahead with your life, and keep in mind that you did your best, and you got out of the relationship as a better person, while he has guilt cause of hurting you. But that's life.
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