blackczerny Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 In early December, I met a guy. He's 10 years older than me, and at the time I met him, single. We got involved very quickly, although didn't have sex. As I was coming out of a relationship at the time, we did a lot of talking and hanging out together, and he said he would wait until I'd healed sufficiently from my past relationship before we began ours. Despite working in a high profile job, he invited me out with his colleagues for a drink, and was desperately keen for me to go along with him to meals at which I met all of his friends. He even sent me a text on Christmas Eve saying that he hoped 'it's the last one I'll spending without you.' Things go a bit quiet over New Year, but he rings me on 3rd Jan to suggest meeting up the following day. He's friendly, flirtatious and asks me how I am. Then the next day, I get a text saying he met up with his ex at New Year and they're getting back together. Despite only knowing him for a short while, I was absolutely gutted and can't seem to stop thinking about him. His ex cheated on him whilst he was away, and I can't help thinking that if she hadn't reappeared, we would have had a good chance. Any folk out there with advice or theories.......? Much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 Originally posted by blackczerny Despite working in a high profile job, he invited me out with his colleagues for a drink, and was desperately keen for me to go along with him to meals at which I met all of his friends. Any folk out there with advice or theories.......? Much appreciated Yes I know exactly what happened and will tell you... I have done this myself a few times. He wanted his ex back all along and was using you to make her jealous. That is why he was so admanat that you meet his friends and colleagues. See, some of these people probably also knew his ex so when they met you they told the ex that he is with someone else. This brought out the competitive nature in his ex and now she wants him again. SImple, mystery solved. But you will find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 Damn bro..... you're good!!! Link to post Share on other sites
smile Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 I am really sorry. I think alphamale may be right here. It sucks that he would use you like that , I am sure it hurts too. Just take care of yourself sweetie. I think he wanted to care about you.. but maybe he just didnt realize that he wasnt over her yet. I think he tried to act like he was. Even wanted to make you happy. He was happy with you... but in the end he wanted her. He did hurt youand you are right to be hurt. Let him go. There is too much history and commitment there for you to compete with. Besides, he has made his choice. I am sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackczerny Posted January 9, 2005 Author Share Posted January 9, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Yes I know exactly what happened and will tell you... I have done this myself a few times. He wanted his ex back all along and was using you to make her jealous. That is why he was so admanat that you meet his friends and colleagues. See, some of these people probably also knew his ex so when they met you they told the ex that he is with someone else. This brought out the competitive nature in his ex and now she wants him again. SImple, mystery solved. But you will find someone else. When one of my exes met someone else, I suddenly rang him up and started saying I wanted him back even when I didn't. Do you think it'll work between them or might it all fall apart? I know I shouldn't care but he just made such an impact on me Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 You'll probably be the first one to find out when it doesn't... you just have to know how to handle it. I find myself wondering the 'same question' about my situation ... "Will out work out between them?" that's the hope for a second chance... meaning it's still fresh and hurtful in your mind and heart. Im just getting past that point and now saying to myself... "Do I really wanna be second best?" Do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackczerny Posted January 9, 2005 Author Share Posted January 9, 2005 No, I don't. You make a good point. I'm sure if they do break up, he'll try to come back to me. I guess the test of strength is seeing value in yourself, and not in what other people say they can offer you. I've got to get to a place where I'm whole and healed - as do you, honey - and then I can properly embrace a relationship. Thank you for your post. I wish you good luck, too Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 How ironic is this.... years ago I was dating someone... alot of trouble she was. Always breakin' up with me... every other month. Made me very insecure about myself... always beggin and trying to get her back after the break ups, not realizing I could do better. Well at the time I was friends with another girl... who actually went out with me to places that my ex at the time would hang at. Just to make my ex jealous...AND IT WAS HER IDEA!!!... it always worked... ex would see me with this gorgeous creature, a friend.... and eventually call me a few days after. Finally I ended that relationship, because I was really falling in love with my friend.... so when I confessed my feelings for her, she agreed she felt the same way.... it was LOVE.... "We're soulmates!!!"...But I think I'm going to give my ex husband, yet, another chance"....the 3rd chance to be exact.... ya see? what goes around comes around.... If I would've just given my friend a chance years ago.... I wouldn't be having the problem I am.... So I went from a single girl with issues, too a unhappily married girl with more issues. Starting to think I'M THE ONE WITH THE ISSUES and piss poor taste in woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackczerny Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 Just had a message from said guy asking me how I am with a big kiss at the end of it..........what am I supposed to think now? Part of me thinks xxxx off, part of me's gone all pathetically gooey and hopeful. Grrrrr! Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 at least he sent you something... I've been waiting a month for a simple "I'm sorry"... grrrrrr... yourself!!! I wouldn't respond at all....sorry. Let him sweat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackczerny Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 He's rung a couple of times, left me some voicemails. He's invited himself round for a coffee; an invitation that I had the strength of mind to refuse. What do you think is going on? He's said we should stay in touch, and even though I agreed to, I'm not going to text him just because he wants me to! Any more advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by blackczerny He's said we should stay in touch, Translation, "I would like a piece on the side and a backup plan if things don't work out with the wife. Do you mind playing second fiddle and just getting used? Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 DevilDog.... good answer. I agree... He's thinkin' back up plan. There may even be a slight amount of 'guilt' on his part. Possbily, he's second guessing his decision already. A # of things could be going through his head. But the #1 is 'back up plan' Link to post Share on other sites
alicia24 Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 alphamales post explains it all!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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