TuffJuff Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Hey everyone, My ex dumped me 2 months ago and I have been no contact with her for the past month. I will admit I am not really over her yet. I have times where I am great and times where I wallow. Earlier today I was playing basketball with friends and had a great time. When I got home I got this message: "I saw you at the community center today. You looked so cute with your glasses" (I have had to wear eye glasses temporarily due to an eye injury) She asked to meet up and I tried to take control of the situation by naming the time and place that would work for me. I am meeting her on Tuesday. I do want her back, but at the same time I am not going to be easy about it and if she asks to come back, I am going to have her work on herself and prove to me that she really love. My question is, how do I act around her? I have had some good stuff happen in my life recently? Do I bring it up and brag about it if she asks? I have always been a guy that women flock to and have never been dumped before. Never met an ex for coffee. No idea what I am doing. Help a dude out please!
StyleOnEm Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Just be cool, man. Don't let her see you sweat (unless it's during a pickup game). Definitely do not brag about anything. She's the one that needs to impress you, remember? Be humble, trust me. Women can sense it when a guy is trying to stunt.
organizedchaos Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Hey everyone, My ex dumped me 2 months ago and I have been no contact with her for the past month. I will admit I am not really over her yet. I have times where I am great and times where I wallow. Earlier today I was playing basketball with friends and had a great time. When I got home I got this message: "I saw you at the community center today. You looked so cute with your glasses" (I have had to wear eye glasses temporarily due to an eye injury) She asked to meet up and I tried to take control of the situation by naming the time and place that would work for me. I am meeting her on Tuesday. I do want her back, but at the same time I am not going to be easy about it and if she asks to come back, I am going to have her work on herself and prove to me that she really love. My question is, how do I act around her? I have had some good stuff happen in my life recently? Do I bring it up and brag about it if she asks? I have always been a guy that women flock to and have never been dumped before. Never met an ex for coffee. No idea what I am doing. Help a dude out please! First. WHY does she want to meet up? Did you ask? Is it just to catch up or does she want you back? This is really important to know BEFORE you see her especially since you're not over her yet. You REALLY need to know her intentions. Beyond that, be cool. Don't talk about the past. Treat it like a first date. 3
rec88 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I agree with organizedchaos. You have expectations of talking about your relationship and possibly getting her back. She may just want to catch up and make sure you're still thinking about her. Be prepared to be left hanging. How do you act? DON'T act like nothing is wrong, and don't allow her to act that way either; that's a game you will lose. If you pretend problems don't exist, you will have a bad time. Don't brag about anything, be humble. I'd be very guarded about telling her anything about my life, but that's just me. In my experience when I was dumped, we were not friends, nor were we acquaintances after that, and she was treated as such. Not good, not bad, just basically like I didn't know who she was. Breadcrumb texts from her talking about old times and junk like that just seemed asinine. Don't fall for that crap and don't get played.
notthathard Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I think it's too late to try to find out what the meet is about, your already accepted to meet her on Tuesday. -Don't bring up any of the past relationship. If she wants to talk about it then let her, just accept what she has to say. Don't argue or negate what she is saying. -Be yourself, make her laugh as you would normally do. -Don't drag the meeting on for too long... if the conversation is slowing down then end the meeting. Don't expect too much, it might just be a catch up as friends. 3
Am4Real Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 The purpose of the meeting has to be CLEAR for you because we have no idea what HER real purpose is. Going into the rendezvous be very careful of what is likely her reason. That is she saw you, that generated some memories, some old feelings and both are bothering her and she would like to explore these sensations “just in case”. That’s likely all it is and by the time the meeting comes around the bother of those feeling may have diminished greatly, so be prepared for a cancellation as well. It looks like you decided to meet with her. Deep down you would like to have her back but then you write there are good things going on in your life, right. Really? They can’t be that great if you’re thinking and considering going backward to her. Is reliving the break-up and prolonging the disappointment better than these good things? Apparently so! Anyway, you get my point and you need to think through the meeting purpose carefully. I would give her five to ten minutes to come up with the reason you are meeting. In those five to ten minutes she should explicitly state what she wants and how she can get there. If all your hearing is reminiscing about the past and other “been there and done it recollections” you are being played by her memories and old feelings that were spawned ONLY BECAUSE SHE SAW YOU AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER. That’s weak! Give her the five to ten minutes and do not brag about all the great things you have going on in your life; that only makes you look pathetic. Keep your success and life a mystery. When she asks you how you are – tell her “healthy and doing well” with a smile. Be polite but tell her nothing else – she wanted out of your life and that’s where she should be until she states she wants to be back in. She asked for the meeting – let her do the talking, all five to ten minutes of chatter. If she tells you in that time she misses you, made a huge mistake, wants you back, is sorry and will do this or that for herself and for you – that should be the mission. Failure to get that in ten minutes and it’s time to leave. 1
RDawg Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Just be friendly and enjoy the meet up. As others have said try not to get your hopes up. Don't talk about the breakup and leave whilst things are going well. Make her laugh. Who knows what her motives are. Maybe she is feeling ambivalent about having ended it, maybe not. Maybe she has no idea herself. If you do want a chance at a reconciliation then being on friendly terms is a good start.
barky2 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 A lot of great responses on this thread, take a little bit from everyone and you'll be just fine. Barky
bubbaganoosh Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My question is, how do I act around her? I have had some good stuff happen in my life recently? Do I bring it up and brag about it if she asks? I have always been a guy that women flock to and have never been dumped before. Never met an ex for coffee. No idea what I am doing. Help a dude out please! She was the one who asked to meet right? Then go meet her and yes be polite. It's the right thing to do but since she wants to meet and you have on idea why, then keep your mouth closesd and your ears open. Maybe she just wants to have a cup of coffee and catch up or maybe she might want to try again and get back together. That's why you let her talk and you listen. I'm sure that after the pleasantries are exchanged, and she starts talking, you'll know pretty quick her reason for the meeting. Piece of advice. Don't get your hopes up high. It may just be a friendly talk and if you start thinking anything other than that before you meet, you can hurt yourself. Keep us posted after you meet up with her.
cavalier99 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Cancel on her. Your not ready to see her. Cav
Zahara Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I read your past thread. Cancel. She's not worth the drama and pain YOU are bringing into your life. This one sounds like an attention seeker. One minute she loves you and the next she doesn't. And you even stated she has jeopardized all your other relationships. 1
Author TuffJuff Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Thanks for all the advice everyone. Big meeting is today. I told her Tuesday afternoon, but never set an exact time. Should I make first contact and tell what time I want to do it? Or should I wait and see if she asks for the time first?
LadyM Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 If she is truly serious about wanting to meet up, she will contact you regarding the time.
Author TuffJuff Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Ok we met up and had a nice talk. She was very apologetic and knows that it is all her fault. She repeatedly said that she deserves to lose me and she is so sorry that I had to lose her too. I made it clear that it is up to her to take charge and fix this. She knows she hasn't really done anything to fix it, and she desperately wants to, but has no idea where to start. That being said, I think I have been friendzoned. We were best friends before all this went down and she kept calling me her best friend and how much she misses her best friend. She said she was in love with the idea of being in love with me, but never truly felt that romantic chemistry. Is it time to give up on this one?
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 If you wish to meet her, expect nothing in return (my only advice)
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Ok we met up and had a nice talk. She was very apologetic and knows that it is all her fault. She repeatedly said that she deserves to lose me and she is so sorry that I had to lose her too. I made it clear that it is up to her to take charge and fix this. She knows she hasn't really done anything to fix it, and she desperately wants to, but has no idea where to start. That being said, I think I have been friendzoned. We were best friends before all this went down and she kept calling me her best friend and how much she misses her best friend. She said she was in love with the idea of being in love with me, but never truly felt that romantic chemistry. Is it time to give up on this one? Dumper saying sorry to dumpees is a norm thing (doesn't mean they are really "sorry" and wants to work things out) I will say that it easy from now, it's just her "words" at the meantime, if she meant it, she will have to action more.
AlphaC Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Ok we met up and had a nice talk. She was very apologetic and knows that it is all her fault. She repeatedly said that she deserves to lose me and she is so sorry that I had to lose her too. I made it clear that it is up to her to take charge and fix this. She knows she hasn't really done anything to fix it, and she desperately wants to, but has no idea where to start. That being said, I think I have been friendzoned. We were best friends before all this went down and she kept calling me her best friend and how much she misses her best friend. She said she was in love with the idea of being in love with me, but never truly felt that romantic chemistry. Is it time to give up on this one? Sorry man, I know that is not what you were expecting. Some people just don't appreciate what they have until it's gone. If I were you I would start dating ASAP, next time your ex sees you you'll be escorted by a beautiful woman that appreciates you. Online dating is cool, just to meet new girls and get out, you'll soon be in a better place. Good luck
Am4Real Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 You figured it out.... Ok we met up and had a nice talk. She was very apologetic and knows that it is all her fault. She repeatedly said that she deserves to lose me and she is so sorry that I had to lose her too. I made it clear that it is up to her to take charge and fix this. She knows she hasn't really done anything to fix it, and she desperately wants to, but has no idea where to start. That being said, I think I have been friendzoned. We were best friends before all this went down and she kept calling me her best friend and how much she misses her best friend. She said she was in love with the idea of being in love with me, but never truly felt that romantic chemistry. Is it time to give up on this one? 1
Chi townD Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I agree, she wanted to unload her guilt and try to get you in the friend zone. I would go back to NC. But, you have a problem. Now, she thinks things are cool between the two of you. You're going to hear from her again.
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