Lonestar Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 I'm curious as to how many of you have checked your lover's or ex's email behind their back. Do you log in from time to time, or do you foward a copy to yourself in the settings? And what do you think about people doing this? Is it wrong even if you feel you don't have a reason to trust them? I've seen some posts here and there about people doing this, and I myself have done this to a boyfriend in the past. I found out some really sick stuff I never would have known about and dumped his ass. I don't regret doing that at all considering what I found out. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenCap Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 While I do want to check to see whether my ex was cheating behind my back when we were still living together, I realized that no matter what the outcome was, I would still be just as painfully hurt coz (1) she cheated behind my back or (2) she really was not happy with me - so either way I still don't have her and never will now that she has moved on with another guy. Anyway, someone told me that entering someone's email account is illegal and unethical. I do not judge what others do as different people have ways of closure and I had fallen into that mindset before as well. Overall, relationship is built on trust and no matter what sick mindsets our SO's have, as long as they don't act on them and hurt us and other people, I just file it in the quirky side of their characters. Okay, time for a late lunch....later. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 i have checked it since we've been broken up. email,voicemail, drive by's... I dont do it anymore thogh but i did when we first broke up.. She used to do the same when we were together. She did find out that i checked her voicemail though and flipped out. But she says it was ok when she did because we were together and she had her reasons. haha go figure. to some its wrong but id rather know the facts than what i hear... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 i did not actually bust into her account but looked at the files that kept her AOL email in them. there is an option with the AOL software to save all you inbound and outbound email on your hard disk as copies and you can pswd protect it or not. well she did not. A couple yrs ago i babysat her house and dog for a week and signed into AOL to check my email and saw that I could read copies of her emails for the past year. so i did, took me two afternoons cause there were like 500 emails in there. interesting stuff, lots of emails form other men and I discovered she was f***king some dude who would come into town once a month on business. this what while we were sleeping togeter. I busted her red handed. Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 Before the actual breakup Yes I followed my now exH and his 21yr olds conversations. He still as I said in another posts denies all of this! But what I got out of it was this man who I loved with my entire being loved another and was more communicative and things with her. Do i feel bad about it? Nope!!! I had my answers and nothing he could say (which he never did) would change what I already knew! I couldn't fight for something that was already gone! Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 I use to login to my ex's MSN account and hotmail as she had cheated on me and we broke up but I was curious in to how this other relationship was going. He stopped sending her emails shortly after we broke up so that kinda hurt, she didn't even make an effort and I feel this guy was just an excuse. She changed her password a few days ago but I know its for the better. Less pain and hurt if she ever found another guy who emails her. Link to post Share on other sites
smile Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 I have never checked my exs email.. even when we were together. Once there was a letter on the floor in his bedroom. I read it and flipped out. Turns out I didnt notice the date or anything.. just saw that it said I love you hugs and kisses. Duh it was from his exgf like 2 years before we met. Anyway him being in a band he gets too many damned emails for me to check. The other day he was here and left himself signed on to one of his email accts. I stopped for a second and then went..wait that would just potentially cause me more pain than I was already in. Plus so much can be miscontrued. I was proud of myself for just logging out. Felt healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 I'm curious as to how many of you have checked your lover's or ex's email behind their back. I never did, but I'd love to. Well, actually I once saw the password my bf had typed in....I logged in his mail account, but I didn't snoop and the following day I told him to change his password. I don't think I'd be able to be so honest now - I'd just keep the password and snoop. or do you foward a copy to yourself in the settings? too easy to get caught. (a friend of mine did this with my hotmail address ) I also consider it much worse than snooping. To me snooping is like going through your wallet, getting copies is like stealing money from your wallet. And what do you think about people doing this? It depends on how they got your password. If they have it because they work for an internet company that provides free email addresses and happens to be the same you got your email address from, I think it's a disgusting thing to do. In any other case, I either think they are smart for figuring out my password, or I don't mind them snooping since I gave them my password myself. Is it wrong even if you feel you don't have a reason to trust them? I know it is probably just me, but I think it's okay to snoop in your partner's email account as long as it is to check gut feelings or to look for evidence. I would not feel in the least guilty to do so, and I would not mind my partner to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
renee2004 Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 I checked my boyf's text messages in his phone and found out he was cheating on me, I only looked because I didn't believe him when he said he wasn't sleeping with a certain girl. If i had not looked I may never have known!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 I check my BF's e-mail and browser history pretty often. Yeah, and I have found things that made me want to slit his throat. Link to post Share on other sites
Missy1171 Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 I checked my ex-BF email. I had a feeling he was cheating on me, we lived together and he would never answer his cell if I was around when it rang, then he would check the answering machine and always have the volume turned down really low so I couldn't hear it. So I got a key logger and checked his email and found out he was f***ing everything with 2 legs and a pu$$y. So I printed them and showed it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted January 10, 2005 Author Share Posted January 10, 2005 What's a key logger? Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 It a small bit of software added to Windows (WinHook) to receive the key presses as you hit them on the computer and it saves it to a text file. You'll find that hackers use them to catch credit card details and send it to them but these are viruses. You can get a free one called TinyKeyLogger from http://home.rochester.rr.com/artcfox/TinyKL/ Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 nope, never done this but I have friends who have. I have mixed feelings over it. On one hand I think it is an invasion of privacy and is wrong to do. On the other hand, if the person is hiding **** and you are sure they are then I say hey, they had it coming. I'd think checking the email of an ex though can lead to being a bit obsessed with that person. Link to post Share on other sites
iceisles Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 I think if you have strong evidence (circumstantial or otherwise) to suggest that your SO is keeping something from you, then there is nothing wrong with it. Relationships are based on trust, and if someone gives you a reason to question that, then I do believe you have the right to do some investigation - within reason, of course. As an aside, I could have had the opportunity to read my ex's e-mails (and still could, very likely), but I don't care to read anything to or from that guy I am almost certain she was nailing behind my back. Link to post Share on other sites
TranslucentThoughts Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 When my ex and I were together he told me what it was for some reason I can't remember. After we broke up I checked it a few times just to see if he had been talking to his buddies about the breakup or if he had any girls lined up on the side that he was chatting with. He didn't have anything interesting in there at all... Except a folder titled "I love Penny" with all my emails in it. Awww... Made me kinda sniffley. Anyway, He hardly ever uses his email anyway... so there's really no point on checking it now and I don't really care that much at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 lucent, so why did you break up w/ this guy again?? sounds like there are now 2 good guys out there. holding my breath til i find the 3rd. Link to post Share on other sites
Cabras Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 when we were together my ex tried EVERYTHING to keep tabs on me. 1) read e-mail 2) scanned through my temporary internet files 3) went through my old letters 4) drove past my house to make sure I was really home She found a note behind my desk from some girl that was asking me out to lunch. She never told me about it, but she flipped out and almost broke up with me over it. Too bad she didn't bother to find out it was from 9 MONTHS BEFORE we were together. I knew every password she had, knew where her diary was and I knew how to log her keystrokes on the computer, but I never looked. I just trusted her. How stupid is it that AFTER we broke up I read her diary and her blog. Painful stuff that I really shouldn't have even cared about. The diary was painful because I finally realized how much she really adored me and how wonderful she thought I was. The blog was painful because she let everyone know how much she hated our relationship in the end and how she is trying to date as many guys as she can to get over me. Ouch... I didn't look at that stupid blog for a month. Then I get sad last night and take another look... Mistake. Guys using her, unhappy dates, and general boredom followed by an unexpected positive note about me. First time she mentions me in there since the week we broke up (two months ago) It's been two weeks that we have been out of contact. Last time I talked to her I asked her to not talk about "us" and other than her calling me to wish me a happy new year I haven't heard from her since. Link to post Share on other sites
nan Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I did it after this post, I don't regret it. I found out what I didn't want to know, but it's the truth. Be warned if you're not ready for the answer, don't go looking. I'm now going to couseling about it. It can mess you up bad. It did me. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Is it wrong even if you feel you don't have a reason to trust them? Yes, without question. Too many people don't understand the definition between privacy and secrecy. There are very few make-or-break issues with me, but I'd sooner date a Republican than someone who'd read my e-mail--although I suspect a correlation Link to post Share on other sites
Isabella82 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 My ex and I used to know eachothers passwords and we would go into eachothers accounts and talk to eachothers friends....our thing was there was nothing to hide....we decided to do this for a bad reason, but its a long story so anyway.... After we broke up he didn't change his password and I went into his e-mail like 2 days after we broke up, and I found a picture he sent to his e-mail through his cell phone of some girl on top of him. I called him and told him he needed to change his password because I saw the picture of him and his new girl....he totally denied it and said it was his friend......well thats a lie because I met all of his friends that were girls. Then later our mutual friend said he was seeing her. That hurt me so bad....then just recently I figured out his password and I got into his account, just to check to see if he still had me on his buddy list (because he never ims me so I wanted to see if he deleted me) It turns out I am still on his buddy list which made me feel better....but then he had this other column labeled BangMe.net with about 9 girls screen names on it. So I went into this bangme.net website and typed in his screen name, and there was his picture, and people tell you whether or not they would bang you. He was talking to all these girls that lived in the area. Then I went into his BangMe account.....same password as AOL. I found all these e-mails to this girl that lives in Canada.....we live thousands miles away from CA. He told her in the e-mails that he loved her, and how he likes getting cute text messages from her....... it made me so upset I couldn't sleep all night. After that I decided to no longer check his e-mail or bangme.net. However I do sometimes. I check bangme.net still but I do not check his e-mail anymore. I just rather not know it just hurts too much. I even had the idea that I should go into his account and erase his buddy list..... but I am too afraid of getting caught. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Until this past summer I would never have checked my STBXW's email. But as I was aware of her emailing a "friend" at work in the evenings while I was at work, and she constantly accused me of having a problem with it, I figured maybe there was a reason I should have a problem with it. So I checked her email online from work, before she had downloaded it. Sure enough, an email to the "friend" in which she expressed that she had fallen in love with him. After seeing that message, with my heart in my throat, I asked her if there was anything I should be concerned about with this "friend". Without missing a beat, she laughed at such a silly notion on my part. That was the moment when everything was shattered. Not only was she capable of flat out lying to me, she could do it without hesitation and with a laugh in her voice. After that I adjusted her email to leave messages on the server for a few days to see what else I could find. And more I did find. Oh yeah, and this "friend" isn't even the "friend" that I discuss in my thread. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Well i posted my thoughts on this subject earlier but I had checked the email today and I did find out my ex is going out with this guy whom she says is a friend. After checking it before I thought I shouldnt and it was wrong but I am glad that I finally know the truth. Upon reading the email my heart dropped and I started getting shaky. I could literally feel my heart start pounding as I read this.. Could this just be a nightmare ? I wish it were but its not. I have been doing NC (its only been 2 days) but i dont know how to confront her. I am not going to say I checked the email but make up a story that someone I know saw her holding hands with him or something. I am soo pist at myself for being so nieve and thinking they were only friends. She said they were though and I have asked her numerous times if they were a couple and she said no. I am truely hurt that she couldn't just tell me she was with him... I dont even know what im going to say to her or how to confront her when she calls me. IF she calls me. I still have faith though that one day we might be together. Someone will say why would you want to be with her after this ? Well I have done this to her before and had girlfriends. And even though emotionally I am hurt and cannot understand, I can see it from a logical standpoint. My mom once told me that this would eventually happen. I will wonder what it is like to be with someone else. And I guess I never thought my ex would think that way but thats how humans are. Natural curiousity. We want to know if there is something better for us and what it would be like to be with someone else. I felt this and that is why I had broken up with her before. But now that I am on the other end it makes me think I have lost her forever. But when I think bout it.. She might have thought the same way when I was seeing other girls. But I found out that I loved her and she was the one for me. We have ben together for 7 years.. So i know she loves me and thinks about me but who knows. This may be the end of us or it might turn out the same way it did when I had broken up with her. I understand and it doesn't bother me when I think about it from a logically but when i get all emotional i dont understand. So yeah... thats about it for now... Link to post Share on other sites
guest8877 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 People use alot of things to check up on their SOs. Undetectable hardware keystroke loggers (keyk32) Keystroke logging software (kbdlogr) video surveillance Trust but verify. knowing the password makes it easier Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by guest8877 knowing the password makes it easier As they say here in NC: "Ain't that the truth!" My H and I know each other's passwords to our online/email accounts. I know its different for people: but I don't look through other people's private stuff nor would I tolerate having that done to me. My H and I are probably unusually communicative though - given the nature of how we got together, grew together and such. Neither of us has anything to hide, and if anything 'hideable' came up - we know that we can go to each other and talk about it (literally no matter what it is) without fear. Then we'd take it from there. Spy on each other? Nah, that's not our style. I can understand from other viewpoints though, why people would find it appropriate for their own relationships. We are, after all - all different. Link to post Share on other sites
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