jaimers Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My boyfriend of 6 months dumped me on New Years Day after our first real fight on New Years Eve. I am his first official girlfriend. We are both 25. He called me yesterday morning to make it official and I asked him why he wanted to break up...then he proceeded to tell me really cared about me but in the last month he has started to have doubts at times so he doesn't think I am right for him. He then gave me a list of 6 behaviors that I've done that have made him unhappy at times/made him doubt our relationship (some being valid, some being just plain nitpicky). He never once mentioned any of these to me!!! I had NO idea. My friends/family were shocked he wanted to dump me- they all said he seemed very much into me in person. He always constantly made plans to see me too. He admitted to me that the first 3 months we dated he was "in his head" way too much and was always trying to please me. He also said he does tend to nitpick things... with his house, car and with people after some time has passed he begins to nitpick. Some of the things he said were nitpicky (such as I didnt act like myself when I hung out with my friends and got drunk, he complained I no longer acted "reserved" and that he worries I lack common sense because one time when we played a game I was confused and kept asking questions about the directions...a few months ago he says he worries alot) I told him that's not my fault and he needs to work on it. And that if that's a sign Im wrong for him he will be single for the rest of his life. 2 of the things he listed were valid and I said Id work on them (one of them was texting...he hates serious convos through text which I admit I'll do...I HATE talking on the phone...I said Id only text him now to make plans) The thing is...he never communicated any of these things to me except for one (and when he did a few months ago, I thought we had moved on after I apologized but he did bring it up) For the past month he kept it to himself, didn't say anything to me, and then the first opportunity he got (after our fight), he wanted to break up. I told him that was unfair to me and he agreed and apologized. He said "do you want to cool off and talk later in the week" and I said Id rather do it in person (after our fight, when he was being wishy washy, he cried and tried to grab me when I walked out the door...its easy to be detached on the phone) and we set a day this week. He did say at the end of the conversation he "felt better" Is that a good sign?
pickflicker Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 You should be having this conversation in person. You're 25, not 16. You can't run from the problems in your relationship. And if he didn't communicate the issues to you, did you ever think it was because you refuse to have a proper conversation and instead insist on doing everything by text? It's unlikely that he will remain single for the rest of his life. There are plenty of other girls out there.
RDawg Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 It's good that he apologized. Communication makes or breaks a relationship. Make it quite clear to him that should you give it another attempt he needs to speak up when something is bothering him. Some people like to internalize everything, usually the sort who bare grudges that turn into resentment, next thing you're getting dumped out of the blue.
Leigh 87 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 The reason guys do this, is because they are with the wrong person. When a guy realizes deep down that he isn't head over heals in love with a woman, he wil find reasons to break up. He isn't just going to admit to her or even HIMSELF that he simply isn't all that crazy about you. Guys do this all the time.... they will pick something about you that made them "have doubts" They will point to behaviors you have demonstrated that makes him think you're "not compatible". ............................. The cold hard truth is: when a guy is head over heals in love with a girl, he puts up with FARRR WORSE personality traits then the ones your ex has nit picked at. I am sure this guy thought you were great, and acted really into you. He probably thought he was into you. Just remember that not everyone will fall in love with you. Plenty of men will really think you're great, yet not be able to fall head over heals in love with you.
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