ChangoBlanco Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Hi, new to this forum, hoping if by loosing some steem could help me heal. Sorry if this is too much... First background: I'm a divorced mother's son, raised on respect toward women... ALWAYS! I met this girl (L) at college during my winning streak years. Won several awards on my goals during my early 20s while she was a young soap actress trying to finish her studies. We were madly in love for almost a year, sleeping at each others family houses, with all parents aware. Shared an open view on fantasies, experiences (threesomes MFF, etc.) and a way to show you her soul without fear. Anyway, she took one of her final classes, which was famous for tearing away relationships, marriages, etc. all because of the long hours working on teams day and night, most of the times at other team 'member's' houses. I met this guy: short-type handsome guy, used to beat on girls who later came complaining to me (I was very social with almost everyone). I noticed he was trying to date an ex (which I end it with to start with L). L got mad for caring for my ex, but we discussed it and fine after all. We even got a class together, which I even successfully argued against him on topic-based subjects. We never clicked as buds. He even tried to win me over by showing me naked pics of his ex. This man deserved a beating. The semester started and she took this class with that jerk on her team of 6 (3 couples). This guy started having arguments with her, L is quite feisty so ended up talking to me about the guy, complaining for his points of view, etc. So the team's after hours began at their homes, studying and arguing. The spouses and boyfriends started hanging out with them and got the chance to know the guys who were going to share time with their spouses, girlfriends, etc. a little bit. They used to bring beers occasionally to break tensions away, which we found odd. As time went by we got excluded bit by bit from those meetings due to the increasing intensity of their duties. While I was noticing her changing behavior towards him. She started taking his side on topics, plus talking about the guy a lot. It got weird as she once slipped his name while making out, which I felt jealous and told her about it, which her opinion was I was insecure and didn't trust her enough. This woman is a very voluptuous curly natural red-head, which because of her profession, tended to be quite liberal on many subject, intelligent, plus a neck-twisted bombshell... it's not her, it's the other people I'm worried about. One morning during classes I called her but never answered. I needed her to confirm if was to guide me while eye exams required to dilate my retina. Later on, I crossed her at the stairs and she was with the guy. She panicked while the guy ran away. She gave me reason to suspect because of their reaction as I asked why they were so surprised to see me. L couldn't so I left her following me begging me to stop across campus. That night the team was going to meet at the creep's house. Next morning she takes me to the oculist, and right after they dilate my retina (almost blind) tells me last night she hid from the others to cry at one of the bedrooms (gave me the 'you threw me over him with all your insecurities' line), when the guy came and consoled her. He gave her a kiss and she didn't denied it. I was furious, there was drama on that sidewalk. As she tried to kiss me while blind, crying, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. I felt so vulnerable, so fooled and yet so angry. I asked for a time apart, for her to concentrate on her issues and see her real intentions, plus for me to finish my finals and digest all this. She calls me now and then to let me know about her, which gives me hope. As the semester is close to end, the team decides to celebrate their soon-to-end project at some bar. I decide to hang out with some friends (who introduced me to smoke weed, which I found excellent to cope with my situation; gave me the chance to explore other points of view without break into tears). We accidentally went to the same place the team was hanging out, as I glanced to see L entering with the guy right behind her. I called her; didn't answer... texted her I saw her with him and no one else. The guys were calming me down when all of a sudden the guy comes out and posses across the street as if he was inviting me to fight, smiling and all. I jumped the street as he went running again but crashed into a guy and fell. I got him pretty good before bouncers covered for him. The next day she was mad. Saying the rest of the team were already inside when they arrived. So I asked her if he picked her up or were they sleeping together already. This ***t is toxic, it poisons your soul to get so cynic and sarcastic on your lover. So we finally broke up. Few months went by as L and OM graduated (and according to her beginning to date), as I got another year left, but on my rebound met this beautiful lingerie model, one that had my eye for years on campus but always though she was too much for me. Sex was great, amazing body and some family problems, which I found myself to be useful around her. The OM told L about my whereabouts and called me to try reconcile things up, which I declined. She even went to campus and try to find me, which she did, as I was waiting for my GF to exit classroom. L told me she was sorry and wanted things to work out, even dumped the guy if I choose her. I was tempted but wanted a new page, as I came to senses on the fact that living with her betrayal and his satisfaction of hurting me was too much to bear. I knew I would be constantly reminding her and whatever thing could grow to keep us together happy was taken by him. She started to cry in front of everyone and when my GF exited, L balanced towards me and forced me a kiss... right in front of her. She went mad as I ran after her trying to explain but ran off. I later called L and I took her to my home, while both crying we had unprotected rough sex. I was an animal, also came inside her which I never did before and bathed her just before dropping her in front of OM house. She was shocked as I humiliated her without knowing. I told her to never call me again and I dare her to tell OM what she did, what she said to me and what we did afterwards. She did. OM was mad but took her anyway. They got married a couple of years later. I came to a hold on serious dating for some years because my fear on other people's intentions on sabotaging personal happiness. Became a pot smoker while cleansing the hate on love, women, lies, why it happened to me, what I did wrong. As years went by, beautiful smart and good women crossed my path, but always judged them for what I experienced with L. L now is divorced (never admitted to receive a beating from OM) and started to talked as things cooled down. She's now a Light News TV reporter, considering marring her now BF: the head of a music store franchise. We talked about her being suspicious about his secretary: she caught them making out and asked him to fire her which he didn't. Ain't karma a... We saw a movie at her house that night and talked about it. I knew she wanted to make out as she told me to take out a small salamander at her bedroom just to hang out there and getting face close during the movie, but I behaved, as I wanted to make her suffer somehow. At that time I was with someone else, going sour for thinking my GF was too adaptable to me, wanting to agree on everything, liking everything I did, etc. Lack of personality, but I wasn't going to cheat on her with L, as much as I loved her but still reminded of that treachery 10 years ago. Next day I felt bad about hanging out with L while being with someone, so dumped GF. L got married and divorced 2 years after. I met the now mother of my child which is my new sun. Still scarred from my experiences, she managed to deal with it. Up to this day she may resent me sometimes being distant and a little insecure sometimes. Hope she's not cheating on me. Anyways, L found out me starting this relationship and started on texting while my GF recently moved to my house, me thinking of it as a way to keep me on a leash, which I resented. She's now dating a cameraman who spent a one night stand at her house but never left and thought we could have a laugh at life had for us after all. Things warmed up and decided to spend time together at some US state while making excuses to our respective partners. Once we met, started talking about what we did, she admitted having a cheating problem (which explained a lot), that the OM went to gyms in hopes to meet me again to settle down the score (spent the whole marriage obsessed on me), what were about to do, even try anal and all the kinky stuff we did back on college and as soon she warned me: once we screw, we'll be together forever. I stopped and told her no matter how special was our time together, they deserved our respect and we should stop it right there. She went silent, distant and somehow disapointed. Me, I still resent after more than 15 years her actions and realized it wasn't worth it to risk another great GF for L. For the OM, we occasionally crossed paths either at malls or for business issues, for he is a supplier for our business industry. I still look directly to his eyes, defiant as he avoids me. Sometimes we get introduced by third parties, I shake his hand firmly squeezing it, sometimes I interrupt his conversations telling him with a smile 'you're still a piece of crap' or 'still beating on women, little man?'. It's been 20 years from that awful experience and yet can't forgive her. But by finding this forum and reading the threads I find healthy describing such horrid moments, understanding better the cheater's POV, their reasons and remorse. I already feel better, hoping I can heal a little better so I can give my wife more of me without fear of failure. Thanks to all for sharing so many experiences. Please share your thoughts and thanks for reading...
Storm_Chaser Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 So, let me get this straight: you start the post out by claiming to respect women, yet you have been in love with a woman for 20 years and have dated other women, despite that fact, and are now dating a woman and have a son with her and STILL not over L? Think about that for a moment. I mean, how much could you respect women if you'd romantically be with them despite not being in love with them? Not only that, it's entirely disrespectful for you to even hang around L knowing how you feel about her when you are dating/married to other women. I'm also confused because you say you're divorced in your first sentence, but "I already feel better, hoping I can heal a little better so I can give my wife more of me without fear of failure." So, are you married or are you talking about your future wife? Honestly, you sound a great deal like someone I was seeing not too long ago: jaded on women, seemed to only be interested in women who treated him badly. I mean, I genuinely did like all of the stuff that he liked, except for his religious preferences, but I have always been fascinated by the "religion" he practiced, so it was all genuine interest. You talking about the girlfriend you broke up with because she was too "adaptable" to you is just reminding me of my own situation, so take my response with a grain of salt. That said, you said yourself that you behaved during the movie because you wanted to make L suffer, not because you had a nice girlfriend waiting for you while you were out with your ex-girlfriend, thinking about kissing her. What profound respect you have for women. God, no offense, but men like you remind me of why I turned to women in the first place, before I decided to give a guy, who ended up being a lot like you, a chance: so many of you play the victims of the heartbreak some woman has caused you, while you go around being with women you're not in love with and hurting them in the process, all the while still somehow fancying yourself the victim. My advice: grow up and either get the **** over this woman, or be with her. Simple. Don't date ANYONE unless you're capable of LOVING that person.
Author ChangoBlanco Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) Im not over her treason, tried to move forward with the grief. Im now happily married, but took me 20 years to deal with this. This woman made me feel horrible things against women for a long time. Im not divorced and already got over her. Ive not cheated, but before I married I used to treat women without commitment, just the way I was treated, and Im not proud of it. Perhaps Ive tried to say too many things at once and missinformed, Ive had too many bad experiences with women prior to my wife, but what I posted was the worse. When I saw her last time, the main reason for the trip wasnt to see her, but to hang out with my friends... I knew I was going to make her travel just to let her know I chose not to be with her. I dont need to be with someone so hurtful and although I loved her enough, realized I deserve better. Edited January 6, 2014 by ChangoBlanco
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