AntiSocal Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I used to be a pretty romantic dude. Then i got dumped by a fat whale and became a jerk. I feel like i can never really be that nice to another girl because the girl who dumped me wasn't even in my league, i was super sweet to her, actually loved her, and she still left. So any girl after her is just a lie. But do girls actually enjoy romance? Guys who make them candle light dinners? Rose petals on the bed? Buying them little gifts? Long walks on the beach and poems and stuff? Or do you guys really hate that? Be honest. 3
BeholdtheMan Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 the girl who dumped me wasn't even in my league Does that make you desperate for dating below your league? I do believe in “leagues” but a condescending, self-entitled attitude is generally a turn-off to most women. Confidence beats condescension any day. In my experience, women do appreciate romantic guys. However, a "romantic guy" doesn't mean a spineless wimpy pushover who showers her with gifts and sappy praise. For a woman to enjoy your romantic gestures, she has to value those romantic gestures. If you're a strong, confident, charming guy and every now and then you show her your romantic "soft" side, she'll love it. She'll feel special because you're showing her a side of yourself you usually keep hidden. Your romantic gestures have value. If you behave sappy and sweet to her 24/7, obviously your romantic behaviour loses value real fast. 12
Versacehottie Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 you are killing me with the comments about your ex-gf, which im 50/50 on. Maybe we will leave those things for another thread though it would probably help to work through them a bit before embarking on next relationship:p. To answer your question, I think you will get a wide variety of answers because each relationship is so different. I will just speak from my perspective generally because it's different based on the guy as well. What I think that means is that things feel a lot more romantic if they have personal meaning to the parties involved. Genuine and organic. Rather than a rote set of "romantic things". For example, I would find it much more romantic if speaking on the phone to my bf & casually mentioned I have a sore throat and he showed up with my favorite milkshake than if every friday night he did the rose petals/bubble bath thing. Does that make sense? Especially if I either knew or suspected that this was just a part of his romantic bag of tricks that he did with every gf. I wouldn't like that much. It loses it's impact. If it's dating and we aren't bf/gf yet, some of the classic romantic stuff can feel over the top or forced or (sorry) a bit uncomfortable if I'm not that invested yet. But there is no set formula for determining that-it just depends on the relationship and the girl. In my case, I ALWAYS appreciate it. It doesn't necessarily sway my opinion though if we are just dating and not yet bf/gf, in fact it can scare me away. In my case also, I tend to like more playful romantic things because it matches more with the type of guys I've really liked and my own personality. Christmas present from my guy this year: loved the present & that was great BUT the way he gave it to me was so adorable & special to us/me & such a surprise. That was amazing. I'm actually in love with that part even more than the present. Way he gave it to me was Playful and the gift was more Classic Romantic. He THOUGHT obviously a lot about both but way he surprised me was specific to me. But you will get a WIDE range of answers on that because just like guys, we are so different. All that is to answer your question. As to how to proceed, do you! The right girl will most definitely appreciate it & you should express yourself in the way that's you! Good luck. 1
carhill Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 IME, it's been kind of a supply and demand thing. When there's a glut of supply, the desire/demand/appreciation is low. When there's a dearth of supply, the opposite. The other part of the equation is attraction. The stronger the attraction, the greater chance that romantic behavior is appreciated. They kind of intermingle so it can get a little complex. IME, FOO issues can work their way in too. Dealt with some of that in my M. My most memorable comment was, after performing what I generally perceived over the years as a romantic gesture, essentially 'that stuff is fake; you only see it in the movies'. Second most favorite comment was, after making my exW breakfast in bed (not uncommon, since I always got up before her), 'you forgot xxx'. Still she thanked me, so I guess there was a middling amount of supply and a middling amount of attraction. Mixed bag I guess.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I really can't get enough of it - but I'm a total romantic dreamer sap 2
soccerrprp Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My GF LOVES it and shows me every day and in many ways that she appreciates my romantic gestures. So, I keep it going.... 3
devilish innocent Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 We do appreciate romance, but there's also many other factors that determine whether a relationship will work. If you're compatible on a number of important issues. If the timing is right for a girl to settle down. If the chemistry is naturally there, etc., etc., etc. Romance helps a lot but it can't guarantee that anybody will be able to start or maintain a relationship. 2
soccerrprp Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 We do appreciate romance, but there's also many other factors that determine whether a relationship will work. If you're compatible on a number of important issues. If the timing is right for a girl to settle down. If the chemistry is naturally there, etc., etc., etc. Romance helps a lot but it can't guarantee that anybody will be able to start or maintain a relationship. This is absolutely true. I believe that the presence of romance is no guarantee of a working relationship, but the absence of it will almost certainly guarantee its demise. 1
BrandonMarshall Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I used to be a pretty romantic dude. Then i got dumped by a fat whale and became a jerk. I feel like i can never really be that nice to another girl because the girl who dumped me wasn't even in my league, i was super sweet to her, actually loved her, and she still left. So any girl after her is just a lie. But do girls actually enjoy romance? Guys who make them candle light dinners? Rose petals on the bed? Buying them little gifts? Long walks on the beach and poems and stuff? Or do you guys really hate that? Be honest. A. Never date a fat whale.... if she doesn't care about her body what makes you think shes gonna cherish somebody who cares about her? B. being romantic is not a problem... but don't over-do it to the point where you're kissing her a**. Building attraction is key... buying flowers doesn't build attraction... it's just the icing on the cake to let her know you love/care about her. flirting and being unpredictable is attraction.
lollipopspot Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I used to be a pretty romantic dude. Then i got dumped by a fat whale and became a jerk. I feel like i can never really be that nice to another girl because the girl who dumped me wasn't even in my league Really? Who would dump a charming, romantic guy like you? 6
TB Rhine Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 The answer is no. Next? Honestly though - women like romantic gestures from guys they're already into, for a variety of other reasons. In other words, a romantic gesture from a guy she's interested in will (probably) be appreciated, in most cases, but how romantic you are or are not will play absolutely no role in determining whether a woman is interested in you. It's one of those traits that looks good on paper and has absolutely no relevance whatsoever in actual reality. It's also possible to overdo the romantic stuff, no matter what the case, as it will undoubtedly come off as needy, smothering, or just plain predictable and boring if taken too far. It also won't compensate for other deficiencies in the relationship, be they sexual, financial, or compatibility-based in nature. 4
ThaWholigan Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Also factor in that people's ideas and ideals of romance will differ. 3
organizedchaos Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Being romantic is good. Being sensitive ponytail man is bad.
gaius Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I remember hearing about Courtney Cox's ex-husband striking out when he hit on an overweight woman. Doesn't always work out that they'll worship you because you're a higher status catch. Big mistake. You just gotta learn to channel that sappy energy away from women you want to date and onto something else. I have a bit of a caretaker personality and I get it out here. Then in real life don't even send my girlfriend flowers for her birthday until two days after when she expresses disapointment.
Taramere Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) I used to be a pretty romantic dude. Then i got dumped by a fat whale and became a jerk. I feel like i can never really be that nice to another girl because the girl who dumped me wasn't even in my league, i was super sweet to her, actually loved her, and she still left. So any girl after her is just a lie. But do girls actually enjoy romance? Guys who make them candle light dinners? Rose petals on the bed? Buying them little gifts? Long walks on the beach and poems and stuff? Or do you guys really hate that? Be honest. It all sounds a bit....generic. I would say that true romance is a gesture that expresses the gesture maker's personality and individually - and also recognises that of the other person. Rose petals on the bed and candle light dinner would just fall into that "bet you do this for all the girls" category. A poem....well, it would depend on the poem really. Whether I connected with the writer and whether the poem really struck a chord for me. I would say that romance is lovely if it feels genuine and also if it feels like something you've actually inspired. If it's more like "this guy is filled with romance, hearts and flowers - and in search for a woman to spill it all out to" then not so much. The satirical stereotype of a seemingly romantic but ultimately very shallow man is like that teacher in one of the Harry Potter films. Gilderoy Lockhart. All curly hair, dreamy eyes, poetry and narcissism. Life being a series of shallow crushes that crumble to dust the moment an illusion about the object of the crush is shattered. That you now think of your ex as a fat whale who wasn't in your league suggests that your feelings for her were never very real nor respectful. It seems a bit extreme and superficial. All hearts and flowers one minute and "she's a fat whale who didn't deserve me" the next. Maybe just finding an approach that's a bit more grounded and balanced will help you to make a better impression on women. Edited January 6, 2014 by Taramere 5
Raena Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 For myself, yes I do like romantic gestures. But not the usual, run of the mill kind of gestures. i.e. flowers, bubble baths. Those are nice too, but not really what peaks my interest. I like a guy who pays enough attention to who I am to notice when there is some small thing he can do to make me smile. It's that attention to detail, all year round and not just on holidays, that becomes romantic. Things like... a note left on my windshield on a day when he knows I'm stressing out with words of encouragement or some small token to represent some private joke he and I have together. Those are romantic to me and very specific to what he and I have together, not just some random crap that Hallmark would expect you to give... you know... flowers, chocolates, bubble baths etc. Although bubble baths are ALWAYS nice (for me). 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Early on it's all about how she feels about you. If she likes you she loves the gestures. If she doesn't she hates them. Latter on I would worry if my occasional gestures were not appreciated.
regine_phalange Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Women prefer a gentleman who doesnt call his ex girlfriends "whales", no matter how hurt he has been. They also like to be with someone who is crazy about them and is not doing them a favor. If he is all of the above, romantic is nice too. 5
Els Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I used to be a pretty romantic dude. Then i got dumped by a fat whale and became a jerk. I feel like i can never really be that nice to another girl because the girl who dumped me wasn't even in my league, i was super sweet to her, actually loved her, and she still left. So any girl after her is just a lie. My, you sound incredibly romantic.... Not. Are you sure you even know the meaning of the word?
soccerrprp Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My, you sound incredibly romantic.... Not. Are you sure you even know the meaning of the word? I'm starting to wonder if the OP's gestures of romance were so romantic and/or genuine after all. 1
slightly_unusual Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 my girl tells me she loves it but sometimes I wonder if she means it
soccerrprp Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 my girl tells me she loves it but sometimes I wonder if she means it Why the doubt?
Mrlonelyone Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My, you sound incredibly romantic.... Not. Are you sure you even know the meaning of the word? An anonymous person writing about another anonymous person who hurt their feelings in an angry way = they don't know romance? The OP just needs to know that romantic gestures don't make someone like him. Washboard abs, good proportions, a good income, and having a personality that interlocks with their neuroses and insecurities does...everything else is bull $h1t (when you strip away the romantic dressing we all put on it). Romantic gestures are only welcome if the person is feeling you. In the future wait until the woman beggs you to be romantic before being romantic. (Even then some women won't like it once they've got it.)
Eggplant Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I used to be a pretty romantic dude. Then i got dumped by a fat whale and became a jerk. I feel like i can never really be that nice to another girl because the girl who dumped me wasn't even in my league, i was super sweet to her, actually loved her, and she still left. So any girl after her is just a lie.People all need to feel desired and esteemed by our partners. Your use of the word "actually" reveals how you really saw her. She wasn't blind. If I were she, I'd also have left. If the man isn't proud to be with me, all of his greatness is of no use at all. You see? But do girls actually enjoy romance? Guys who make them candle light dinners? Rose petals on the bed? Buying them little gifts? Long walks on the beach and poems and stuff? Or do you guys really hate that? Be honest. Big time. I am particularly enchanted by flowers. Flowers are perfect because they have no intrinsic value, except as a beautiful expression. A gold digger doesn't care about them; she wants jewelry. And furthermore, flowers don't last. This short lifespan allows the opportunity for the giver to bring more flowers, confirming that the relationship continues to thrive and bud, as time passes. The poems come off as way, way over the top. No poems for me. 1
slightly_unusual Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Why the doubt? I don't know , I guess I slightly buy into the notion that women hate " nice guys "
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