Ok Good Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I've met a lovely guy And am now trying to figure out if he could be the one for me. He already has issues that make him a not so great option, limited money and kids.. So I'm getting interest from others via OLD and a few seem like they may have some potential. The only problem is I've already slept with him and sorta told him that I wouldn't date anyone else until I saw where things were heading with us it was my after-glow talking! would it be bad to say to him now that what I meant was that I wouldn't sleep with anyone else but still plan to date others?
winny Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 If u already feel he is not such a great option for you... I think you should break up with him. That is better than keeping him as a back up and dating others to see what else is out there. Completely unfair to him. If you tell him now that u want to date others as well, if I were him, I will break up with u from my end, coz u are not someone who is able to keep your word. 3
Leigh 87 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I only date guys that knock my socks off.. enough for me to NOT want to date other people. if you're really into someone, you simply don't want to date other people. 3
winny Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Also, if he is a lovely person, you shouldn't have slept with him after knowing money n kids might be deal breakers for you... Multi-dating is done before getting so much intimate with someone.... 2
Author Ok Good Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 If u already feel he is not such a great option for you... I think you should break up with him. That is better than keeping him as a back up and dating others to see what else is out there. Completely unfair to him. If you tell him now that u want to date others as well, if I were him, I will break up with u from my end, coz u are not someone who is able to keep your word. yeah, this ^ is what I was afraid of I don't want to be that person who doesn't keep her word I want to respect him as i would expect the same in return..
Author Ok Good Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I only date guys that knock my socks off.. enough for me to NOT want to date other people. if you're really into someone, you simply don't want to date other people. I like him but I hardly know him. he could have the potential of knocking my socks off I guess if I gave this a chance..
winny Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I like him but I hardly know him. he could have the potential of knocking my socks off I guess if I gave this a chance.. Then give it a chance... Whats stopping you?
Author Ok Good Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Also, if he is a lovely person, you shouldn't have slept with him after knowing money n kids might be deal breakers for you... Multi-dating is done before getting so much intimate with someone.... ok, lesson learned but it was very very hard to put the brakes on the passion we felt for each other.. your comments are very helpful and i guess I'll continue seeing him as clearly we're compatible in alot of ways and its just too soon to tell anything but I won't see others unless we don't work out
Author Ok Good Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Then give it a chance... Whats stopping you? ha! I might be getting a case of the GIGS or because he's not like perfect i know terrible & immature of me
winny Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 ha! I might be getting a case of the GIGS or because he's not like perfect i know terrible & immature of me Is this going to make u unhappy.. say 2-3 months or 6 months later... after the initial honeymoon phase is over? And not perfect in what ways?
Author Ok Good Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Is this going to make u unhappy.. say 2-3 months or 6 months later... after the initial honeymoon phase is over? And not perfect in what ways? I never dated someone with kids so i have no idea if he'll have time for me and he's so nice (so far) that I just can't predict months from now.. it seems really stupid of me to stop seeing him so soon it feels very premature..
winny Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I never dated someone with kids so i have no idea if he'll have time for me and he's so nice (so far) that I just can't predict months from now.. it seems really stupid of me to stop seeing him so soon it feels very premature.. If he is nice and treating u well so far, then give this a chance. Also, u can discuss your concerns with him that whether he can give the relationship the time it needs? And maybe take things bit slow... ? Figure out your feelings? Don't mess it much by adding more guys in the picture... Then this is my opinion...
Author Ok Good Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 If he is nice and treating u well so far, then give this a chance. Also, u can discuss your concerns with him that whether he can give the relationship the time it needs? And maybe take things bit slow... ? Figure out your feelings? Don't mess it much by adding more guys in the picture... Then this is my opinion... thank you Winny, this is great advice! maybe i'm just scared cos he wasn't what I was expecting but I don't want to mess things up so I'm so glad i posted here instead of acting foolishly!
carhill Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 IMO, if you're having sex with the guy, you can talk with him about sex, exclusivity and related topics. Personally, I'll decline to date a lady who's sexually active with another guy. The old 'married woman' tape goes off and I bolt. Young guys probably don't care, but still I'd recommend disclosure. I mean he'd be a little surprised if he walked in on your date or smelled another guy on you. Yep, it happens. Good luck. 2
TB Rhine Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 If you're a guy, be good looking, have a nice car, make a ****load of money, and have plenty of free time on your hands. If you're a woman, be good looking, and have a pulse. 1
winny Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) If you're a guy, be good looking, have a nice car, make a ****load of money, and have plenty of free time on your hands. If you're a woman, be good looking, and have a pulse. Am sorry to point out... but many guys still look ONLY for the above in a woman. They cannot handle or are intimidated by a woman who is smart, intelligent n earns more than them. Edited January 6, 2014 by winny edit
salparadise Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Am sorry to point out... but many guys still look ONLY for the above in a woman. They cannot handle or are intimidated by a woman who is smart, intelligent n earns more than them. Yea, some women only care about wealth and status. But some doesn't mean most. To me intelligence is sexy, and intelligent, mature women are not typically bedazzled by the superficial stuff. This is simply not an accurate assumption, imho.
Chocolat Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Yea, some women only care about wealth and status. But some doesn't mean most. To me intelligence is sexy, and intelligent, mature women are not typically bedazzled by the superficial stuff. This is simply not an accurate assumption, imho. :love:
TB Rhine Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 The point wasn't so much about what women look for (though I think 'status' - as apart from good looks - does carry a higher premium for women than it does for men. As Sinbad used to say in one of his old routines, a girl can be a fry cook at McDonald's and a businessman will still try to get her phone number. Not so much the case if the situations are reversed). My point was that dating *anyone* tends to be a more expensive proposition for a man (in terms of time, effort, and yes, money), let alone dating multiple people. Whereas all a woman has to do is simply let herself be carried along. Thus, all the effort it takes for a woman to date multiple guys is for her simply to start saying "yes" more often.
BikerAccnt Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 My point was that dating *anyone* tends to be a more expensive proposition for a man (in terms of time, effort, and yes, money), let alone dating multiple people. Whereas all a woman has to do is simply let herself be carried along. Thus, all the effort it takes for a woman to date multiple guys is for her simply to start saying "yes" more often. You've got a good point on this, especially if you are talking about multi-dating as in first or second dates. As other threads here have pointed out, it's still desired, even if not completely expected (see the wined and dined thread) that men pick up the tab for the first few dates. If I am dating more than one woman, that can get expensive fast depending on local. Whereas for a woman to multi-date, just say yes. Chances are it won't cost you more than your time. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Here's a non judgmental answer for the OP. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OR IMMORAL ABOUT MULTI-DATING AS LONG AS YOU ARE HONEST WITH EVERYONE INVOVLED. Here is how you do it. If you are not having sex with anyone there is no need to discuss other aspects of your private life. Just because a guy buys you dinner he's not your husband and you're not his wife. If you are having sex with anyone be honest with them about other people you are seeing. You may or may not feel that you want to disclose that you have a lover to those men. Your lover may or may not feel seeing others for dates but no sex is cheating.* Most men feel that exclusivity needs to be discussed and never assumed. Never ever assume exclusivity. Never assume you are the only one multi dating. Always use protection if you have sex. OP the truth is many people will poo poo multi-dating but in some way they do it at some point in their lives. The difference is you can be honest about not wanting to be tied down OR you can be dishonest. Dishonest people get married then sleep with others while hypocritically talking about those who are honest about their affairs and flings. *Many men on some level would see getting to have sex with a girl while some other schmuck takes her out and spends his money as a pretty good arrangement. 3
Mrlonelyone Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 You've got a good point on this, especially if you are talking about multi-dating as in first or second dates. As other threads here have pointed out, it's still desired, even if not completely expected (see the wined and dined thread) that men pick up the tab for the first few dates. If I am dating more than one woman, that can get expensive fast depending on local. Whereas for a woman to multi-date, just say yes. Chances are it won't cost you more than your time. Google around and you will find articles by women who used that tactic to get free meals and free entertainment when they were low on funds. Some of them will even say that all the money and effort they spend on looking good entitles them to such treatment. 1
Babolat Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 thank you Winny, this is great advice! maybe i'm just scared cos he wasn't what I was expecting but I don't want to mess things up so I'm so glad i posted here instead of acting foolishly! The challenge with OLD..too many choices. You either multi date, and tell him, go forward with him and not multi date, or call things off with him. Something about him is nipping at you, and like I do, you ar trying to justify it. Pick 1, not 2. If you go forward with him, turn off OLD.
Author Ok Good Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Something about him is nipping at you, and like I do, you ar trying to justify it. Pick 1, not 2. If you go forward with him, turn off OLD. I think your observation is correct.. He has baggage that I'm trying to figure out if I want to deal with it but since we seem to really hit it off intellectually/physically I don't want to bail just yet.. I guess when we see each other again that might give me better info about either telling him about seeing others or ending it or worse case I'm as confused as ever!!
Babolat Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I tell all my female friends this; next time, don't be so quick to go to bed with him. 1
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