tem7074 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I've been posting on here somewhat regularly about a summer fling that turned into a LDR that is turning into I don't know what. The LDR failed because of several mistakes on my end, the distance, the lack of an end date where we could be together, and to some extent her impatience - she grew tired of waiting for me to make a move. It's a long story. Anyway, the last six months or so have a rollercoaster and turned unhealthy for both of us. We fought alot, I got jealous, we started seeing other people, facebook deletions, etc. Last month we (well I) tried NC. I was actually doing reasonably well with no strong urge to contact her even over the holidays, but after the holidays she tried very hard to get in touch and I relented. We have talked a bunch over the last couple days. She is very honest - she admits that she is contacting me because she feels lonely. She also admits that she thinks about us (the way we used to be) every day. I do too, and so we are back to giving each other emotional support. I know that the LDR did not work for us and that there is no going back to it. I know that this contact is not good for me and my progress in moving on. I have to start over again pretty much. Even though the LDR failed and our relationship at times is clearly not healthy, we developed a very strong emotional bond with each other. We are both finding it very hard to break. As I write this she just sent me a text that sums it up "we are not together physically, but emotionally we are". I am almost convinced now that LDR break-ups are way harder than normal relationship break-ups. Since LDRs are based less on physical interactions and there is more communication by phone/text/skype you can develop a abnormally strong bond that is very, very hard to break. That is why NC is essential. It is the only way to break the bond - and it is really hard to do. I have failed so far to do NC for more than 11 days. I don't know why I am posting this thread - just need to vent. And maybe a word of warning to those of you who are thinking about breaking NC or your ex is trying to get in touch during NC. Don't do it!
Fangorn Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Yeah, it's like pulling off a plaster (or band-aid if you're from the US) very slowly, except that the plaster is the length of your arm, is embedded with rusty iron nails and someone is rubbing salt on the wounds as you go along...and also you're very hairy. Cut all contact, hit the gym, all of us are here to support you in whatever capacity that may be.
CelticGibson Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 You may be right about the pain of loss of a LDR being harder than a local relationship. It's hard because there is the realisation that you never got the chance to explore a full relationship before it ended or live those dreams you had for a potential future together. What makes it worse is that you do build a very strong emotional and intellectual bond that seldom develops in a physical relationship in the same time-frame. It's like you really get to know them and they you without all the distractions of life getting in the way. It's a pure form of communication. I have been in a similar situation myself. It's sure hard to get over that strong bond. This is why No Contact is vital. That strong bonds eventually wither and die as long as the NC is maintained. Conversely, the fact that it was a LDR helps immensely because you are unlikely to ever see them again and can cut them off completely, thus allowing yourself time to get over them and move on...
Recommended Posts