Wasting Light Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I'm a 25 year old guy that's never been in a relationship, never even kissed a girl (let alone anything more than that). I've been on a handful of dates in my life, and to be honest, while I want so badly to be with someone and to have that kind of relationship, I just don't really feel personally attracted to very many women. It's not that I think the women I encounter are unattractive, so to speak, I just never really feel any kind of chemistry with them. Every time I've been on a date, it's been with a girl that is available to me that seems "good enough", and as such, every date I've been on has been painfully boring in my opinion. There have only been maybe two women I've met over the last eight or so years that I actually WANTED to date, and neither wanted to date me. I dunno... I feel starved for intimacy, affection, and companionship, but I just feel so uninterested (romantically) in nearly every girl I encounter. At this point, I feel incredibly lonely, but I don't want to settle for someone that I'm not really that into and is only "okay" to me, yanno? I kinda feel like I don't really have any other options, though. v_v
DorkBreakfast Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 You have to open yourself up to the possibility of dating someone. When I read your post I get the feeling that you have sort of a wall up. You have to date so you can further refine what you are really looking for in a partner. That means you will more than likely have to experience the annoyance of going through a few potentials. This is normal. I get that you feel starved for intimacy and affection. I feel that too. Seriously though, just have fun with it. You might be surprised what type of person you are truly attracted to.
Author Wasting Light Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 You have to open yourself up to the possibility of dating someone. When I read your post I get the feeling that you have sort of a wall up. You have to date so you can further refine what you are really looking for in a partner. That means you will more than likely have to experience the annoyance of going through a few potentials. This is normal. I get that you feel starved for intimacy and affection. I feel that too. Seriously though, just have fun with it. You might be surprised what type of person you are truly attracted to. I guess I sort of feel like I know what I want in a partner already, though (and no, it has nothing at all to do with looks; I'm talking purely personality-wise). But since I never find it, yes, I've tried to give girls a chance and go out with whoever is available to me, and I've just never had a good time doing that. I always got bored on the dates I've went on, and ended up walking away from them feeling very "blah".
SYLLPalmer Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I guess I sort of feel like I know what I want in a partner already, though (and no, it has nothing at all to do with looks; I'm talking purely personality-wise). But since I never find it, yes, I've tried to give girls a chance and go out with whoever is available to me, and I've just never had a good time doing that. I always got bored on the dates I've went on, and ended up walking away from them feeling very "blah". Maybe you like dudes. I am not being an ass. I am just proposing an alternate perspectives. I was picky beyond belief and so I let my door swing both ways in my later 20s. It turns out that I was straight after all but I had fun trying. Just saying. I am immersed in the gay community, they are my peeps and they have told me stranger stories. I just want you to find happy.
Author Wasting Light Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Nah, I can honestly say I'm not attracted to men in any way.
AnyaNova Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I guess I sort of feel like I know what I want in a partner already, though (and no, it has nothing at all to do with looks; I'm talking purely personality-wise). But since I never find it, yes, I've tried to give girls a chance and go out with whoever is available to me, and I've just never had a good time doing that. I always got bored on the dates I've went on, and ended up walking away from them feeling very "blah". What specifically are you lookin for personality-wise?
Author Wasting Light Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 What specifically are you lookin for personality-wise? Well, I guess I might as well just describe the last girl I actually liked, because she was pretty much my ideal partner. I like a girl, first and foremost, that seems reasonably intelligent and mature. I want a girl that is brash and unafraid to say exactly what's on her mind, a girl that has a bit of an attitude. I'm really not into the more easy going overly "sweet" bubbly "girly" type, but I want some of that. From what I've seen, most girls tend to lean one way or the other; they either have too much of an attitude (and come off as cold, "holier than though", or sometimes downright mean), or they're just too much of a "girly" kind of girl. The last girl I liked had such a good balance of both of those things, she was the perfect middle ground. I want someone I can have rich conversations with, but someone I can really laugh with. I have a pretty dry, witty, sarcastic, "smart ass" kind of sense of humor (though it's all in good fun, on my end), and I would like to be with someone that not only enjoys my sense of humor, but reflects the same kind, as well. On top of that, it really felt like I was on the same page in a lot of ways with the last girl I liked. We seemed to think a lot alike, we seemed to make the same observations, have the same outlooks, we even shared a number of little personality quirks (which I found to be quite cute). I suppose if I had to name a known celebrity whose personality I find to be attractive, just for the sake of relativity, I'd say Emma Stone is a good idea of the kind of girl I'd like to be with, personality-wise.
AnyaNova Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Well, I guess I might as well just describe the last girl I actually liked, because she was pretty much my ideal partner. I like a girl, first and foremost, that seems reasonably intelligent and mature. I want a girl that is brash and unafraid to say exactly what's on her mind, a girl that has a bit of an attitude. I'm really not into the more easy going overly "sweet" bubbly "girly" type, but I want some of that. From what I've seen, most girls tend to lean one way or the other; they either have too much of an attitude (and come off as cold, "holier than though", or sometimes downright mean), or they're just too much of a "girly" kind of girl. The last girl I liked had such a good balance of both of those things, she was the perfect middle ground. I want someone I can have rich conversations with, but someone I can really laugh with. I have a pretty dry, witty, sarcastic, "smart ass" kind of sense of humor (though it's all in good fun, on my end), and I would like to be with someone that not only enjoys my sense of humor, but reflects the same kind, as well. On top of that, it really felt like I was on the same page in a lot of ways with the last girl I liked. We seemed to think a lot alike, we seemed to make the same observations, have the same outlooks, we even shared a number of little personality quirks (which I found to be quite cute). I suppose if I had to name a known celebrity whose personality I find to be attractive, just for the sake of relativity, I'd say Emma Stone is a good idea of the kind of girl I'd like to be with, personality-wise. So you want someone reasonably intelligent and able to talk to you on your level, that shares a similar sense of humor, decently feminine but not overly so, with a very direct style of communication. In your mind, where do these kind of girls hang out? What do they do? Where do they spend there time?
Author Wasting Light Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 So you want someone reasonably intelligent and able to talk to you on your level, that shares a similar sense of humor, decently feminine but not overly so, with a very direct style of communication. In your mind, where do these kind of girls hang out? What do they do? Where do they spend there time? Heh, I have no idea. Perhaps if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be in the spot I'm in.
AnyaNova Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Heh, I have no idea. Perhaps if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be in the spot I'm in. Okay. So, lets move the answers to those questions I just asked from an attempt to discern possible reality to your imagination/ fantasyland, because I think that could give us more detail into what you are really looking for.
ss1891 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I'm a 25 year old guy that's never been in a relationship, never even kissed a girl (let alone anything more than that). I've been on a handful of dates in my life, and to be honest, while I want so badly to be with someone and to have that kind of relationship, I just don't really feel personally attracted to very many women. It's not that I think the women I encounter are unattractive, so to speak, I just never really feel any kind of chemistry with them. Every time I've been on a date, it's been with a girl that is available to me that seems "good enough", and as such, every date I've been on has been painfully boring in my opinion. There have only been maybe two women I've met over the last eight or so years that I actually WANTED to date, and neither wanted to date me. I dunno... I feel starved for intimacy, affection, and companionship, but I just feel so uninterested (romantically) in nearly every girl I encounter. At this point, I feel incredibly lonely, but I don't want to settle for someone that I'm not really that into and is only "okay" to me, yanno? I kinda feel like I don't really have any other options, though. v_v I think you should consider just letting things be as they are. I know everyone says that, but I've found that when I let go, people come to me. There is a very basic explanation for this. The more you crave intimacy and seek out relationships, the further people walk away from you. Women can sense it and while it's sad that so many people play mind games, that's just the way attraction works sometimes. There was a short period in my life after a horrid breakup when I wanted nothing more than affection. I spent forever waiting for the "right guy". During the next school year, I just decided to forget it all and focus on making myself happy. Within two months, three guys were actively pursuing me at the same time! It was the absolute strangest experience ever and it had never happened to me before. It led me to my first love (that was kind of a bust) but at least I knew I was capable of falling in love and being loved. Don't think about your relationship status and don't fret about not having found the right woman. Meanwhile, you can still strengthen friendships, meet new women through common friends, and flirt! But the key is to flirt without the purpose of settling into a relationship. It should be a fun process of getting to know a person.
Author Wasting Light Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Okay. So, lets move the answers to those questions I just asked from an attempt to discern possible reality to your imagination/ fantasyland, because I think that could give us more detail into what you are really looking for. I gotta be honest, I'm a bit confused as to what you mean...? I think you should consider just letting things be as they are. I know everyone says that, but I've found that when I let go, people come to me. There is a very basic explanation for this. The more you crave intimacy and seek out relationships, the further people walk away from you. Women can sense it and while it's sad that so many people play mind games, that's just the way attraction works sometimes. There was a short period in my life after a horrid breakup when I wanted nothing more than affection. I spent forever waiting for the "right guy". During the next school year, I just decided to forget it all and focus on making myself happy. Within two months, three guys were actively pursuing me at the same time! It was the absolute strangest experience ever and it had never happened to me before. It led me to my first love (that was kind of a bust) but at least I knew I was capable of falling in love and being loved. Don't think about your relationship status and don't fret about not having found the right woman. Meanwhile, you can still strengthen friendships, meet new women through common friends, and flirt! But the key is to flirt without the purpose of settling into a relationship. It should be a fun process of getting to know a person. I guess. Although, to be honest, that's how I spent the last several years of my life. I spent about 4-5 years just "letting things be" and trying to just focus on my education and whatnot, and nothing ever happened. Then I finally met an amazing girl a couple years back, but she didn't want to date me. Ever since I fell for her, I've just been unable to get out of that "lonely" mindset, and back into the "letting things be" mindset.
AnyaNova Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I gotta be honest, I'm a bit confused as to what you mean...?. Okay. Let me reask the questions. If you could create in your head the perfect, or perhaps preferably, several perfect women for you... where would they spend their time? What would they spend their time doing? What interests and hobbies would they have? What things would they be truly passionate about?
Author Wasting Light Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Okay. Let me reask the questions. If you could create in your head the perfect, or perhaps preferably, several perfect women for you... where would they spend their time? What would they spend their time doing? What interests and hobbies would they have? What things would they be truly passionate about? Hm. Yeah, I dunno about any of that. I mean, I know what kind of personality I'm attracted to, but I can't even begin trying to figure out where girls like that would be, what they'd be doing, etc.
AnyaNova Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Hm. Yeah, I dunno about any of that. I mean, I know what kind of personality I'm attracted to, but I can't even begin trying to figure out where girls like that would be, what they'd be doing, etc. So don't worry about reality, here. This is your imagination land where you are King and you get to decide. What kind of things would you dream girl be interested in? How would your dream girl spend her time? What things would she be passionate about? What kind of life would she lead?
Author Wasting Light Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 So don't worry about reality, here. This is your imagination land where you are King and you get to decide. What kind of things would you dream girl be interested in? How would your dream girl spend her time? What things would she be passionate about? What kind of life would she lead? Oh, well, in that case, that's really not something I'm overly concerned with to begin with. I don't really care what a girl would be interested in, how she spends her time, what she's passionate about, or what kind of life she leads, provided she's not into anything dangerous, unhealthy, or anything like that. There's too much subjectivity to narrow things down that much, yanno? Like, I, myself, have fairly nerdy interests, but I don't care one way or another if I meet a girl that shares those interests at all. Those are just me. I kinda feel like my sense of attraction is fairly narrow as it is, just for personality; I don't really care to narrow it down even further by coming up with some image of a girl that has specific interests, hobbies, and passions.
AnyaNova Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Oh, well, in that case, that's really not something I'm overly concerned with to begin with. I don't really care what a girl would be interested in, how she spends her time, what she's passionate about, or what kind of life she leads, provided she's not into anything dangerous, unhealthy, or anything like that. There's too much subjectivity to narrow things down that much, yanno? Like, I, myself, have fairly nerdy interests, but I don't care one way or another if I meet a girl that shares those interests at all. Those are just me. I kinda feel like my sense of attraction is fairly narrow as it is, just for personality; I don't really care to narrow it down even further by coming up with some image of a girl that has specific interests, hobbies, and passions. You're personality characteristics that you are looking for are very nondescript. You want intelligence and a good balance between feminine/accommodating and self-direction/self-assertion. I actually get the sense that the bigger problem is not that you are too picky, but rather, that you don't really know much about what you really want at all, other than that one that you really hit it off with. :-)
Author Wasting Light Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 You're personality characteristics that you are looking for are very nondescript. You want intelligence and a good balance between feminine/accommodating and self-direction/self-assertion. I actually get the sense that the bigger problem is not that you are too picky, but rather, that you don't really know much about what you really want at all, other than that one that you really hit it off with. :-) Well, be that as it may, I just really wish I could meet girls that are just like her, yanno? Hm.
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