Coworker crush - Devastating

[MrGeo8]

I have been working with this girl since August 2013. initially I just had a mild attraction to her. All the guys at work would hit on her. She's the only girl in my entire department. But after a few weeks she and I had started to become close at work. this girl had no problem giving her phone number out to co workers and would receive text from them. Including myself. In fact I was the first one to get her number. many of them would ask her to do things with them outside of work. She almost always agreed. And every time she would always come up with an excuse last minute why she could not go. After about a month and a half everybody gave up on trying to get her outside of work. Except for me. Shortly after I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She responded that she had a guy she was sort of talking to but nothing serious. But she would not date anybody else because even though it was not a serious relationship she only is with one person at a time. I told her that was attractive quality and not to deviate from that.

I asked her that if things didn't work out with them two if she would consider dating me. She said I cannot lie I had already been thinking about that.

 

By the way, she is in her mid twenties and I am 40. I thought the age difference might be a problem but she told me she no longer thanks about our age difference. It does not bother her at all.

 

She and I then became extremely close with each other at work. Would text each other while sitting next to each other and laugh about it, playful flirting, semi accidental touching that was truly not accidental and occasional hugs after work when we walk to our cars together.

 

It was obvious not only to me but to all of my coworkers that we were both into each other.

 

Just for reassurance I eventually asked her again if she is still considering dating me if things did not work out with those two. And told her that if she knew for sure that it was never going to happen, then to tell me right away so that I could concentrate on other things. Her response was different this time. She said I don't want to turn you down because I am not sure what I will want then.

 

So I thought it was time to step up my game. She told me before what types of music she likes and even mentioned a specific Band that she is really into. Her taste in music as well as sense of humor and everything else are the identical. So I downloaded and made a CD for her of the band she likes. And I also made a copy of the mixed CD that I currently had playing in my car for her. Anytime she and I get off of work, we always walk to our cars together. We always park in the same area of the parking lot. when we arrived at our cars I told her I had something for her. And gave her the two CDs. She was extremely happy and grateful for the CDs. She says nobody had ever done that for her before. She then gave me a very long awesome hug with her head pressed against my chest and a tight grip. It seemed to have lasted for about 30 seconds. I did not want it to be awkward for her so I let go first even though I did not want to let her go. She pulled me back in to continue the hug. Eventually when we let go I started to walk to my car she came back up to me and hugged me again for about the same length of time. And then a third. At this point, I am really into this girl now.

 

Everything between us at work seemed great and then she started to withdraw some.

She then started to refer to this other guy as her boyfriend. By the way, she never brings him up unless I ask. I asked her hell he suddenly became her boyfriend and how I got more serious. She said it was because she met his Mom.

 

I wanted to know what kind of guy she was into, so I asked her what he was like. She said he's really built, goes to the gym a lot, is really conceited, is kind of fun some of the time, likes to do things some of the time. I told her she's not happy being with him then she should just leave him . She said said it is not that easy. she has been friends with him for a long time. And then eventually agreed to start seeing him. He had her share something from her past that she does not want to discuss. And it is hard to just leave him.

 

We continued to be very flirty with each other and continue to get even closer to each other.

Then sometime in late October all the way through the end of November she was acting very depressed. Seemed withdrawn. And would not discuss anything with me about it. She would say things under her breath that I was able to hear like why do I keep making bad decisions since I moved to Delaware. She moved to Delaware when she first started working here. And no, she does not live with him. She has a female roommate. and the other thing she would say is why are all men alike.

 

I noticed she seems to be ill or something for a couple of weeks. I kept asking her if she was okay and she would continuously say that she was nauseous was not eating. I asked her if she was pregnant. And she assured me she was not. After about a week or so of asking her, she admitted to me that she had been to the hospital for testing. And she thinks she may have possibly some sort of colon cancer. But was not sure yet it was too early to know for sure. but so far and even to the present time she still does not know what's wrong with her. Eventually she was given anti sickness pills to help her through this.

 

In an attempt to get her to open up more to me, I told her something very personal about my past that I never shared with anyone. she said you have been through so much in your life. And then told me some things about her past that were very personal as well. But not the thing that she was keeping from me. And she said and a soft yet sincere voice, I wish we had met earlier. I responded, you know I will never hurt you. She says all guys say that. I told her look in my eyes I will never hurt you. I would never cheat on you. I will always be there for you. If I was not sincere I wouldn't have been trying so hard for so long to be with you. She said, I know.

 

Now I am on cloud nine. I think this girl might actually give me a chance. So I decided to do something personal for her yet funny to cheer her up and make her laugh, yet let her know how I feel about her. I used a picture she had texted me once and made a Jib Jab video of her and I dancing together with music Iin the background, put it onto a DVD and gave it to work the next day we worked together.the first one was us salsa dancing together, the last video was from Greece with the song you're the one that I want playing in the background and between the 2 videos I had text appear on the screen that said her name, I am not giving up on you. You and I are perfect for each other. I am just waiting for you to realize this fact. You are well worth the wait. Until then, George.

 

the next day we worked together she immediately told me, I just watched the DVD last night. It made me laugh. I really needed that. It was really nice. And my roommate saw it too. I asked her what her roommate thought about it. She said she had a lot of questions for her. She said she wish that she had someone that would do something like that for her. And her roommate apparently knew nothing about me before that DVD.

 

I am usually the one who sends her a text message first. And about once a week on our days off just so she knows I'm thinking about her I would send her one. Sometimes a group photo of me and my friends out at night at a bar or a selfie pic or sometimes just hey whats up whats going on. And being that our work schedules change all the time I would sometimes take a picture of our schedule and send it to her so she knows what days she is working.

 

Out of the blue she told me that the original CD that I gave her got her into a lot of trouble with her boyfriend.. He saw the CD and the handwriting on the CD was not hers that he had questions for her. she also said that he had looked through her phone and saw all text messages from me to her. She told him that if he ever looked at her phone again she would leave him. And supposedly to her knowledge he had not looked again. I asked her if I should never text her again. She said well its not a big deal.

 

Everything with her and I still stayed the same, great. We even continued sending text messages, but not nearly as often. More like hey can you send me my work schedule. And then I would send her a picture of it. Or am i working tomorrow. Things like that. And then the Friday before Christmas I told her to make sure she parks on the same side as me because I had something for her. Occasionally but not often she would park in the other parking lot. She said she did not want me to get her anything. She feels bad because she didn't get me anything. She didn't even get her roommate anything for Christmas. Money was tight. she also said that her mom brought her up to not accept gifts unless it was being reciprocated.

 

I told her it is nothing big. Mostly homemade stuff.

 

then that Friday before Christmas rolled around. she was not part near my car. She was on a different side of the parking lot. I told her I noticed she was not parked near me. I told her if she does not want the gifts then I'll understand. But I would at least like you to look to see what I got you because I put a lot of time into it. And if you just want to throw em out afterwards that's fine if you just want to give them back to me and I'll throw them out that's fine as well. And then after work she told me to get into her car. And then she drove me to my car. she said she would love to see what I got her. I took to get out of my car brought into her car and sat with her as she opened it. I had everything individually wrapped inside gift boxes and all that placed into a decorative larger box. I wanted her to have a lot to open.

the first thing she noticed was a Christmas card. She says I will take this home and read it privately there. I'm assuming she thought it was a sentimental card. Even though I wanted it to be sentimental I decided it was only right to do a basic funny card. I told her it was okay to look at the card and she laughed when she saw it.

I got her a three month pass to xbox live gold. Because I know she has Xbox and did not have the Gold Package. When she opened that I told her that was the selfish gift. I got it for her so since we can't do anything with each other outside of work maybe we can play a game online together.

I got her some toe warmers because we work outside and she is always complaining about her feet being cold.

I also made her two homemade coupons that I created online and printed out. I used construction paper for the outside the coupons to make it look like a coupon book. And then I used glue and glitter to write the word coupons on the cover. The first coupon was a one time pass for me to do a chore at work that she hates to do. the second was a coupon for me to teach her how to drive stick shift. She always wanted to learn. And had mentioned it to me on numerous occasions if I would teach her. Yet she would never go outside with me for her to actually teach her. I thought that coupon would be the perfect ice breaker if she ever decided to see me outside of work.

The next gift was two packs of gum. She is always bumming gum off of me at work. And one time recently I had one piece of gum left in the pack. When she tried popping out of the pack the gum fell onto the ground. So I wrote and printed out instructions with illustrations on showing her how to remove gum from the pack without dropping in on the ground. oh by the way, this girl is Puerto Rican. And she speaks fluent Spanish as well. So on the opposite side of these instructions I also printed it out in Spanish. She loved it.

 

The final gift was yet another mixed CD. I explained to her that the first song on the CD was special to me. I told her a month ago I was about to give up on pursuing her. And then I heard this song on the radio for the very first time. And it made me realize that II really do like you alot and I'm not willing to give up on you yet. she asked me if it was okay if she could play in the car with me being there so she can hear the song. I let her. by then told her again that if she knows she does not want to be with me, now is the time to tell me. She said I do want to be with you. I think about it all the time. I thought I told you that a couple of times already. I told her I didn't know if she had changed her mind because she seemed a little off at work. She reassured me that she does want to be with me but for whatever reason cannot leave her current boyfriend. I asked her if she is afraid to leave him and if he is threatening her? She says no it's nothing like that. It's just something in the past that they shared were he may know about her help her through that makes it difficult to leave him.

She then again says I really do want to be with you. I know that we will be very happy. I know that you will treat me exceptionally. I do want to be with you. But I just cannot right now. she then said that there is something from her past that I will probably end up finding out about her if she and I end up together. And she was concerned about how I would feel about her or if I could even accept it. I sure her that no matter what was going on in our past, that would not change how I feel about her.

 

She did insist on giving me a hug for each gift that I had gotten her as she opened them. It was very sweet. She said but I didn't get you anything. I said yes you did, your time means more to me than anything.

 

She told me that her boyfriend knows about me. I asked her why and what she had said. She told him that if he does not change that there is a guy at work who likes her and she knows that I would treat her very well. And if he does not step up his game that she would leave him.

 

The next time I saw her was Christmas Eve. She seems slightly off but not too bad. She told me she got in trouble with her boyfriend again. I asked her what happened. She said he found my gifts to her. She said she put the box of gifts into the rear of her car and he must have gone through the car and found it. I asked if he threw them out and she said she doesn't even think that he looked in the box just saw the box and asked who it was from. She says don't worry about it. It was from a friend. And forced him to let it go. A friend and coworker of mine and she were all working together that day. He has an excellent relationship with his girlfriend and talks about her all the time. Is a very good guy and a loyal friend to me. he is quitting this month to pursue a job opportunity in Florida along with his girlfriend. he was talking to both of us about his girlfriend as he always does. And then out of the blue this girl that I like tells my buddy, if you were single I would date you. He and I both looked at each other shocked but said nothing about it. a little background on him. He does have cancer and his brain but had been treated. He does get sick a lot at work but no one knows about his illness other then she and I. I don't know if she was saying that to make him feel better about being sick that day, was jealous of his relationship with her, or trying to push me away. But I did not like it at all but did not show it either.

 

at the end of the day she and I walked to our cars. I told her Merry Christmas and tried to give her a hug. She only gave me a half of a hug and walked away to her car. I thought that was strange. But also I know she is somewhat concerned about other people at work thinking we are together. everyone at work she's hell she looks at me and how I look at her. They see how we interact with each other. They see how we always flirt with each other. And rumor started to go around but ceased. I set it straight with everyone. I said we are not together but just friends. And to stop the rumors immediately. And everyone agreed.

 

the next day we worked together was New Years Eve. Actually she thought she was working but was not. So she walked me to my car as she was leaving. And yes there has been a few times that she thought she was scheduled for that day but was not.

 

I asked her if it was too late for her to resume whatever New Years Eve plans she probably had. She said she had already cancelled the reservations. I asked her, did he actually have you make the plans and reservations instead of him? She said she is not doing anything with him for New Years Eve and kind of made a face and the tone in her voice to me seemed as if she didn't want to do anything with him for nye or he didn't want to spend nye with her.. She said she was was going to go to a comedy club with her lady friends. but now it is probably too late to get the reservations back.

 

I told her New Years Eve couples usually want to be together. And asked her if she was about to leave him. Or are they still together. I told her that I had predicted that she would wait until the holidays were over before ending things with him. I predicted a week after New Years Eve. She kind of agreed with me without saying the words. She was like, wellllll.

 

I don't know why rushed into things, but then I playfully yet and immediately ask her if she and I could start dating as soon as they were done where she needed some time first to heal.

 

She hesitantly responded,I can't. I asked her why not. She says why already kind of...and then stop herself from talking. I asked her to finish the sentence and she didn't. That I asked her if she already started dating someone else? She said no. I asked her she already started considering somebody else to date? She said no. & I never got an answer for what she already kind of started to...

 

I told her to just 1 week ago she said that she said really wanted to be with me. I asked her what had changed since then. She said she had been thinking about me a lot this past week. Probably alot more than she should have, she said. and said she thinks of me more as a friend. I told her that I did not believe her. And that I don't believe that she thinks of me just as a friend. And then I leaned in to try to kiss her. I don't know why I did that. I guess I either thought it was my last chance to try, or that if we did kiss that I would be able to feel something in that kiss to know whether she was telling me the truth or not. She turned her head to the side away from me and said I can't George. I have a boyfriend. I can't do that. I have never cheated on anyone before and don't want to start now. I said you were basically telling me that you and your car boyfriend or about to be done. And I don't understand why you won't give me a chance to be with you. I know that it will work. And you do too.why can't you just give me a chance and be with me to see if it works? Please. She says okay I will. I said are you sure? And she said yes. I then leaned close to her,, not to kiss her but to look closely into her eyes while she responded. I told her, if you don't really mean it you need to tell me now. But if you do mean it I am happy. She responded I can't keep doing this. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm sorry George. I said I do not believe that you think of me just as a friend. She says why can't we just be friends. I told her, let me be perfectly clear, I have absolutely no interest in being just your friend.. I have never given you any indication of that. I've always let you know every step of the way what my intentions were with you. Yes initially I wanted to be your friend and then they grow into something more and as soon as I realized that I wanted to be with you I've never stop letting you know that in my words and in my actions. So no, I have no interest in being just your friend.

 

I said tell me the truth what is it really? She said it's because we work together. I jokingly said okay then I'll quit tomorrow. She says don't do that. And then I admitted to her that a month ago I did get a job offer at another company but turned it down. I told her that I turned the other job down because I knew that if she and I had already been dating when I left the company that everything between us would fade away I would never have an opportunity to be with her. I told her that she is more important to me than any extra money I could make with another job.

 

She again said I am sorry. I said to her, you really hurt me. I am crushed. I said you just put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger.her I started to tear up. But I could tell she was trying to hold back the tears so I wouldn't notice. I don't understand why you have made the decision not to be with me. Especially since only one week ago you said you wanted to be with me. I think about it all the time. And I told her I do not believe it's because we work together or because she thinks of me just as friends. & I wish I knew the truth. She said I had been trying to push you away for the past two weeks. Couldn't you tell? I told her I just thought something was going on in her personal life and that's why she was sort of withdrawn. I asked her for one last hug. She agreed and a hugged me tightly. As I tried to let go she hung on even tighter just like our very first hug when I gave her the CDS in October.

 

I put my arms to my side and said that's enough. And ended he hug. I look into her eyes and said goodbye. she said don't do anything stupid tonight. I said all I am saying is goodbye. In my mind I was thinking about quitting. But I never did.

 

Afew minutes later I sent her a text message. I said you are making a horrible mistake.

 

About 1 hour later I composed hey very long text message and sent that to her. I basically told her that I do not believe that she thinks of me just as a friend. I said I want to be with you and I know you want to be with me. You admitted tonight that if we were together that you and I would be very happy. And that you said that I would make you very happy. I told her how I truly felt. I told her that I love her. And I know she has very strong feelings for me. And maybe she is feeling what she is doing is some sort of emotional cheating on her boyfriend. I also said the conversation that we had in her car when I gave her the Christmas gifts, she said that if we were to be together that there is something from her past that I will probably eventually find out. And that she does not know what I would think of her about it. And if I could accept it. I explained to her that it does not matter what she has done in her past. Weather was good we're bad, it made you the amazing person that you are today. & I accept you for everything. and if she ever told me what it was, I would only discuss it with her if she asked me to discuss it. I would never throw it up in her face if we were in an argument or even broken up. And I would help her through it all if she wants me to help her through it. and I would never divulge any of that information to anybody ever. I would take it to my grave.

I told her that it has been 6 years since last time I actually cared about anybody. And then she came along and rocked my world. and if she ever changed her mind about wanting to be with me, she should not feel weird about it. That she should tell me. Because since it has been 6 years since I cared about anybody I am sure my feelings for her will not fade anytime soon.

I apologized for how I acted when she turned me down on New Years Eve. I told her that I had many emotions running through my mind and did not say how I truly feel. I told her that I will be her friend at work. I thought I would stop text messaging her. And that I would stop trying to be with her at work out of respect for her. But I hope she does change her mind. Because she is the one that I want. she never responded to that text.

 

Just after the stroke of midnight at New Years Eve I did end up sending her a text message. All I said in the message was for what it's worth happy new year. She responded about 20 minutes later with, happy new year.

 

Yesterday was the next time I worked with her since the New Years Eve thing happened.

I tried to act happy funny upbeat and joke around with her as I normally did. Yet kept my distance at the same time. I could definitely tell that she had backed off from me a bit. The first time we were alone at work this day I asked her how she was feeling. I was referring to her health. She says I'm OK and a soft spoken voice. How are you feeling? I said to her I was talking about your health. And she says I'm fine. I asked her if she would please keep me updated because I do care about her. She said she would tell me when she's dead. as we were both going through a doorway, I held the door open for her as I always did before. She insisted on me going first and not holding the door for her. A couple hours into my shift, my boss asked me to come into his office. He asked me if I was still interested in the supervisor position. I told him it is something that I would need to think about but I would have to know all of the specifics first as far as days hours money what is expected and so on.

I ended up going back to my workspace and talked about the job offer to my other supervisor and asked him if I thought I should take the job. And wanted to know his opinion whether or not he likes that position or not. He gave me his advice and that conversation ended.

 

towards the end of my work day she came up to me and said she overheard my conversation about another job offer.and asked me if I minded telling her about it. I told her about it. she said I should take it. I told her I wasn't sure what I wanted to do because I had two additional job offers that same morning. I was offered a job in Las Vegas that I had been trying to get for over a year. I was also offered a job at another company that was similar to the job that I had here. But I have not decided what I want to do yet.

 

A short while passed and then she showed me the foot warmers that I had got her for Christmas and said she was getting ready to try them out. And put them on. I told her that I thought her boyfriend through all the gifts out. She said I told you he did not. I thought I still had everything. I told her that I was surprised.

at the very end of our shift she asked me if I knew if the new schedule for next week has been posted yet. I told her it has. I said would you like me to text it to you. She said no I'll get it on my own. I started to walk away because it was time to clock out. I heard her say under her breast something to the effect of ... a joke? I don't know if she says what do you think this is a joke? Or is this a joke? Or was that a joke? She seems irritated when she said it. I responded to her, yes it was a joke. And walked away.

 

So that is my whole long entire story. The next time I work with her is this Wednesday. That will be the only day I work with her next week. And the next time I will see her at work will be at least one week to 10 days from then.

 

I guess my question to all of those who had read this is what do you think is going on in her mind? Do you think she really does want me and want to be with me? Do you think she only thinks of me as a friend? Has she always been playing me for attention that she has not been getting from her boyfriend this whole time? Do you think she and I will end up being together? What should i do and how should I act around her at work? any insight or opinions from anybody would be greatly appreciated. I am completely heartbroken and devastated. Yet I do not want to give her up. I do not know what to do, please help me.

Edited January 5, 2014 by MrGeo8
forgot to add something

[Frank2thepoint]

I'm going to break this down Barney style.

 

 

 

She said I don't want to turn you down because I am not sure what I will want then.

 

Warning sign #1

 

 

She said he's really built, goes to the gym a lot, is really conceited, is kind of fun some of the time, likes to do things some of the time. I told her she's not happy being with him then she should just leave him . She said said it is not that easy. she has been friends with him for a long time. And then eventually agreed to start seeing him. He had her share something from her past that she does not want to discuss. And it is hard to just leave him.

 

Warning sign #2

 

 

She would say things under her breath that I was able to hear like why do I keep making bad decisions since I moved to Delaware...and the other thing she would say is why are all men alike.

 

Warning sign #3

 

 

Should I continue? Okay, if you insist.

 

 

I responded, you know I will never hurt you. She says all guys say that.

 

Warning sign #4

 

 

And her roommate apparently knew nothing about me before that DVD.

 

Oh, that's warning sign #5 . Why? Because of this:

 

I am usually the one who sends her a text message first.

 

She never mentioned you to her roommate or friends or even to her imaginary friend, because she doesn't care about you. She's using you and stringing you along. If she even had the slightest acknowledgement of what you do for her, she would at least mention you to her pet goldfish.

 

 

He saw the CD and the handwriting on the CD was not hers that he had questions for her. she also said that he had looked through her phone and saw all text messages from me to her.

 

Oh she seems to choose really great guys. Warning sign #6

 

 

the first thing she noticed was a Christmas card. She says I will take this home and read it privately there. I'm assuming she thought it was a sentimental card. Even though I wanted it to be sentimental I decided it was only right to do a basic funny card. I told her it was okay to look at the card and she laughed when she saw it.

I got her a three month pass to xbox live gold. Because I know she has Xbox and did not have the Gold Package. When she opened that I told her that was the selfish gift. I got it for her so since we can't do anything with each other outside of work maybe we can play a game online together.

I got her some toe warmers because we work outside and she is always complaining about her feet being cold.

I also made her two homemade coupons that I created online and printed out. I used construction paper for the outside the coupons to make it look like a coupon book. And then I used glue and glitter to write the word coupons on the cover. The first coupon was a one time pass for me to do a chore at work that she hates to do. the second was a coupon for me to teach her how to drive stick shift. She always wanted to learn. And had mentioned it to me on numerous occasions if I would teach her. Yet she would never go outside with me for her to actually teach her. I thought that coupon would be the perfect ice breaker if she ever decided to see me outside of work.

The next gift was two packs of gum. She is always bumming gum off of me at work. And one time recently I had one piece of gum left in the pack. When she tried popping out of the pack the gum fell onto the ground. So I wrote and printed out instructions with illustrations on showing her how to remove gum from the pack without dropping in on the ground. oh by the way, this girl is Puerto Rican. And she speaks fluent Spanish as well. So on the opposite side of these instructions I also printed it out in Spanish. She loved it.

 

You did too much for her and she is not even your girlfriend. Why? If a few gifts would magically change a woman's affections for you, then every guy would do this, the world would be a happy place, and we would have a world population of over 100 billion from all the sweet love making that would be going on.

 

 

I told her a month ago I was about to give up on pursuing her.

 

To save yourself time, effort, heartache, and self-respect, you should of given up.

 

 

She said I do want to be with you. I think about it all the time.

 

She's lying and stringing you along. See immediately below for proof.

 

 

She reassured me that she does want to be with me but for whatever reason cannot leave her current boyfriend. I asked her if she is afraid to leave him and if he is threatening her? She says no it's nothing like that. It's just something in the past that they shared were he may know about her help her through that makes it difficult to leave him.

 

Proof that she is lying and stringing you along.

 

 

She then again says I really do want to be with you. I know that we will be very happy. I know that you will treat me exceptionally. I do want to be with you. But I just cannot right now.

 

Of course she could be with you right now, but she chooses not to. Because she is twisted and emotionally unsound. And you are being gullible.

 

 

she then said that there is something from her past that I will probably end up finding out about her if she and I end up together. And she was concerned about how I would feel about her or if I could even accept it.

 

Be careful of the Pandora's Box. You may not like what you find out.

 

 

A friend and coworker of mine and she were all working together that day. He has an excellent relationship with his girlfriend and talks about her all the time. Is a very good guy and a loyal friend to me. he is quitting this month to pursue a job opportunity in Florida along with his girlfriend. he was talking to both of us about his girlfriend as he always does. And then out of the blue this girl that I like tells my buddy, if you were single I would date you.

 

Oh the warning klaxons are blaring. How can you think over the cacophony of this message? She just expressed the message that she is emotionally unstable, and she'll have a crush on any guy that is unavailable to her at the moment.

 

 

She hesitantly responded,I can't. I asked her why not. She says why already kind of...and then stop herself from talking. I asked her to finish the sentence and she didn't. That I asked her if she already started dating someone else? She said no. I asked her she already started considering somebody else to date? She said no. & I never got an answer for what she already kind of started to...

 

She's already dating someone else. You are not her choice, you never were. She is a user with a lot of emotional baggage.

 

 

 

Probably alot more than she should have, she said. and said she thinks of me more as a friend.

 

She just told you straight to your face what she thinks of you. She never had any intentions to date you. You were giving her so much, and she didn't even have to kiss you. Just give you hugs.

 

 

And then I leaned in to try to kiss her. I don't know why I did that. I guess I either thought it was my last chance to try, or that if we did kiss that I would be able to feel something in that kiss to know whether she was telling me the truth or not. She turned her head to the side away from me and said I can't George. I have a boyfriend. I can't do that. I have never cheated on anyone before and don't want to start now. I said you were basically telling me that you and your car boyfriend or about to be done. And I don't understand why you won't give me a chance to be with you. I know that it will work. And you do too.why can't you just give me a chance and be with me to see if it works? Please.

 

Why? Why are you trying force something that can never be? She has already told you she only sees you as a friend. You cannot make someone like you by confronting them. Real life is not like in a trashy romance novel or some crappy romantic film.

 

 

And then I admitted to her that a month ago I did get a job offer at another company but turned it down. I told her that I turned the other job down because I knew that if she and I had already been dating when I left the company that everything between us would fade away I would never have an opportunity to be with her. I told her that she is more important to me than any extra money I could make with another job.

 

You should of taken the job. You need to get away from this screwed up girl.

 

 

towards the end of my work day she came up to me and said she overheard my conversation about another job offer.and asked me if I minded telling her about it...A short while passed and then she showed me the foot warmers that I had got her for Christmas and said she was getting ready to try them out.

 

Oh she's a tricksy little devil. She hears you may be leaving, which means she will be missing out on all those nice, free gifts, and the positive emotional affirmations without even kissing you. She conveniently takes out one of the gifts you gave her to pull at your heartstrings and manipulate you some more.

 

 

Do you think she really does want me and want to be with me?

 

Short answer, no she doesn't want to be with you and she never will. Long answer, read the short answer I just wrote.

 

 

Do you think she only thinks of me as a friend?

 

She said this TO YOUR FACE!

 

Has she always been playing me for attention that she has not been getting from her boyfriend this whole time?

 

She's been playing you like a fine tuned fiddle.

 

 

Do you think she and I will end up being together?

 

Gonna be straight with you bro. Not even if you found a genie in a bottle and was offered three wishes, would you ever get with her. Why? Because you can't make someone fall in love with you. I got that from watching Disney's Aladdin.

 

 

What should i do and how should I act around her at work?

 

Take one of the job offers, move away, never contact her, never look back.

 

 

I am completely heartbroken and devastated.

 

Good. Now that you are at the bottom, there is no other place to go but up. Pick yourself up, take the time to heal, and become stronger. Learn from the experience and keep moving forward.

 

 

Yet I do not want to give her up.

 

Don't turn this into Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up". She never will give you a chance, so stop, and move on.

 

 

I do not know what to do, please help me

 

Yes you do. You are just afraid to pick yourself up and move on. Don't be afraid. Stop wallowing in your own pity. Go focus on yourself, pursue hobbies, go hang out with friends, and find a better woman. Just don't become jaded from this one crazy, emotionally unstable girl.

[ChatroomHero]

She has a boyfriend. You're just the sucker that does all the "sweet boyfriend" things like make CDs and videos and buy her nice, thoughtful gifts while he's the guy that plays naked with her whenever he wants.

 

 

I know I wouldn't want to keep that going out of respect to myself.

[clia]

So, you’ve spent the past four months relentlessly pursuing a girl who has a boyfriend and you are stunned that she has tossed you in the friendzone?

 

I guess my question to all of those who had read this is what do you think is going on in her mind?

 

I think she doesn’t want to date you and doesn’t want a relationship with you. She sees you as a friend. Regardless of how she might have felt when she first met you and prior to things getting serious with her boyfriend, she does not feel that way now. You’ll notice that she started pulling away after your extremely inappropriate Christmas gifts.

 

She told you:

 

I told her to just 1 week ago she said that she said really wanted to be with me. I asked her what had changed since then. She said she had been thinking about me a lot this past week. Probably alot more than she should have, she said. and said she thinks of me more as a friend. I told her that I did not believe her. And that I don't believe that she thinks of me just as a friend. And then I leaned in to try to kiss her. I don't know why I did that. I guess I either thought it was my last chance to try, or that if we did kiss that I would be able to feel something in that kiss to know whether she was telling me the truth or not. She turned her head to the side away from me and said I can't George. I have a boyfriend. I can't do that. I have never cheated on anyone before and don't want to start now.… She responded I can't keep doing this. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm sorry George.

 

I know you don’t believe her. You’ve made that abundantly clear, to the point of creepiness, frankly. You sound pathetic begging her to give you a chance, sending her text messages, telling her you turned down a job offer because it would interfere with you seeing her, making her mixed tapes. The creepiness factor triples given your age difference.

 

Do you think she really does want me and want to be with me?

 

If she wanted you and wanted to be with you, she would break up with her boyfriend and be with you. However, she has told you she only sees you as a friend.

 

Do you think she only thinks of me as a friend?

 

Yes. That is exactly what she said.

 

Has she always been playing me for attention that she has not been getting from her boyfriend this whole time?

 

Playing you? She isn’t the one making you mixed tapes, buying you Christmas gifts, and pursuing you. Maybe she responded a bit too warmly to some of your advances, but this is all on you. I think she might have realized the inappropriateness of it all when you gave her all the Christmas gifts.

 

Do you think she and I will end up being together?

 

No.

 

What should i do and how should I act around her at work?

 

You should leave her alone and treat her the same as you would any other coworker.

[Scales]

wow two posts covered this nicely. Props to Frank for reading the whole thing good god. OP ever considered writing novels?

 

You got used. Emotionally. Do not give to people who you do not get back from emotionally. period. This post is actually great because this is something that can happen to any guy who is not well versed in understanding women. She said things to you to avoid the truth. She is not and never was interested in you. Also, don't give presents, spend time on projects, and make life decisions based on someone you are not in a relationship with.

 

Give her up immediately. Move on. Do not continue to feed her emotionally or be her gay best friend. I would take this time to do some research on women and dating in general.

[BreakOnThrough]

40 years old, you are being played, you invested WAY too much emotionally, she has done nothing for you, keep supplicating for her affections, it's a road to lonesomeville, she doesn't tingle for you, never will, so end the madness...

[odin673]

Bro......you must be naive or new to dating/relationships if you let someone use you this badly. As everyone else has said, drop the idea of ever dating her. Stop doing things for her and treat her like you do your male coworkers. Do not be her shoulder to cry on. You're a human being with feelings, not her emotional tampon.

[MrGeo8]

The only thing that I am having a hard time with is this. Her current boyfriend was a longtime friend who always wanted to be with her. He was doing all the same things as I have been doing for her in an attempt to be with her. She turned him down just as she did to me. She had a boyfriend at the time just as she does now. She eventually told him she did want to be with him but couldn't. Same exact situation as me. She eventually left the other guy and decided to date her now current boyfriend.

 

So that is what is hard for me to let go and understand in my head. same exact situation as me and she eventually dated him. So I guess my mind I thought she would end up doing the same with me and give me a shot by dating me eventually in the near future since her current relationship is failing.

[pteromom]

The only thing that I am having a hard time with is this. Her current boyfriend was a longtime friend who always wanted to be with her. He was doing all the same things as I have been doing for her in an attempt to be with her. She turned him down just as she did to me. She had a boyfriend at the time just as she does now. She eventually told him she did want to be with him but couldn't. Same exact situation as me. She eventually left the other guy and decided to date her now current boyfriend.

 

So that is what is hard for me to let go and understand in my head. same exact situation as me and she eventually dated him. So I guess my mind I thought she would end up doing the same with me and give me a shot by dating me eventually in the near future since her current relationship is failing.

 

If this is true, then what's to say she wouldn't do the same thing to you with another guy?

 

Sounds to me like she is scared to just flat out tell you she isn't interested, so she can keep you as a back-up.

 

I don't see anything in your entire explanation that makes me believe that she thinks of you as more than a friend. Sure, she's said some pretty words to you, but there have been NO actions on her part that indicate romantic interest.

[pteromom]

II guess my question to all of those who had read this is what do you think is going on in her mind?

 

I believe she is keeping you on the line as her backup plan, but has no interest or desire to actually be with you.

 

Do you think she really does want me and want to be with me?

 

No.

 

Do you think she only thinks of me as a friend?

 

More like a puppet. To be a friend, she'd have to respect you, and I don't think she does. I think she just strings you along... maybe even for amusement.

 

Has she always been playing me for attention that she has not been getting from her boyfriend this whole time?

 

Probably.

 

Do you think she and I will end up being together?

 

No, and if you ever are, I predict it will be a short-lived thing while she finds someone else.

 

What should i do and how should I act around her at work?

 

Friendly but professional. Nice, but not to the point of giving her gifts or professing feelings for her.

 

I am completely heartbroken and devastated. Yet I do not want to give her up. I do not know what to do, please help me.

 

I am so sorry you are hurting. I can tell how much you care for her. Unfortunately she just doesn't feel the same way and can't/won't be firm with you.

[Frank2thepoint]

Props to Frank for reading the whole thing good god.

 

Thanks, it took me an hour to read and respond.

 

 

 

This post is actually great because this is something that can happen to any guy who is not well versed in understanding women.

 

Although this post was long, it has a lot of details and I think it should be a valuable lesson for other guys who are not experienced with women. I don't mean for MrGeo8 to be a guinea pig and his experience used as a case study, but it would help a lot of men on what not to do.

 

MrGeo8 I hope you heed the advice on this thread. Do not attempt to fool yourself that you can get this girl. Even if by some remote cosmic chance she did get with you, you will be extremely unhappy. This girl is a user, with no respect for you. She sounds sweet and innocent, but that's because you are bedazzled by her. You need to spend some time away from her to let that sink in.

[Neith]

Thanks, it took me an hour to read and respond.

 

 

 

 

 

Although this post was long, it has a lot of details and I think it should be a valuable lesson for other guys who are not experienced with women. I don't mean for MrGeo8 to be a guinea pig and his experience used as a case study, but it would help a lot of men on what not to do.

 

MrGeo8 I hope you heed the advice on this thread. Do not attempt to fool yourself that you can get this girl. Even if by some remote cosmic chance she did get with you, you will be extremely unhappy. This girl is a user, with no respect for you. She sounds sweet and innocent, but that's because you are bedazzled by her. You need to spend some time away from her to let that sink in.

 

Honestly, I will be surprised if the OP listens to a single word you've said.

 

This guy is only going to listen to the person who either tells him what he wants to hear, or agrees with him & his theories about why this girl acts the way she does.

 

Waste of time, imo.

[MrGeo8]

No. I have been and will continue to listen to the advice I has received.

I am just a heartbroken fool.

Update: things are very weird at work. I only talk to her if I have to.and the only other time I spoke with her when I didn't have to is when I asked her how she was feeling. I was referring to the health problems that she has. She says I'm fine how are you feeling? I said to her I was talking about your health. She replies, I'll let you know when I'm dead.

 

other than that she overheard a conversation about a promotion that I was offered. She wanted to talk about it. I told her I did not want to discuss it with anyone and left it at that. And I've been giving her the cold shoulder since.

 

she still parks near my car. She asked me the last time I work with her what time I was getting off of work. I guess she was going to ask if she can walk me to our cars. I purposely got off an hour earlier. I just wanted to avoid anything with her.

 

screw the friend zone thing. I have absolutely no interest in that were being her puppet. I have learned a valuable lesson. But I will not let her know that I'm hurting over her. She doesn't deserve that.

[DanielFife83]

thats common

[BeholdtheMan]

screw the friend zone thing. I have absolutely no interest in that were being her puppet. I have learned a valuable lesson. But I will not let her know that I'm hurting over her. She doesn't deserve that.

 

You've learned a hard lesson...a bit late, but better late than never. Chin up and better luck next time

[nescafe1982]

God bless Frank2ThePoint for reading that whole post. I stopped reading at the second paragraph of OP... but he really broke it down for you. So please, look carefully at his bullet points and learn from the mistakes in you interactions with this person.

[deathandtaxes]

I didn't think this would be good after seeing 'coworker' in the headline. Why, oh why, do people ever think chasing coworkers is a good idea?

[winny]

This woman will eat you up like a parasite and you wouldn't even realize it.

 

I have known girls like this in the past.

Am pretty sure she makes fun of you in front of her girl friends.

 

Look into her eyes and tell her point blank, loud and clear and icy cold - "IT'S OVER".

[Mrlonelyone]

The biggest warning sign is that she hadn't told anyone about you. When a young woman likes a guy she talks about him.

[Eternal Sunshine]

OP - this is rookie mistake. I am surprised that you are in your 40s and still haven't learned about unavailable women and pursuing them almost obsessively. She is no angel either and she totally played you for attention. I think you are in too deep to just keep working with her. You are probably best off finding another job. And yes, she is REALLY not interested at all.

[Mrlonelyone]

I didn't think this would be good after seeing 'coworker' in the headline. Why, oh why, do people ever think chasing coworkers is a good idea?

 

It works sometimes. In some peoples lines of work it becomes a lifestyle. If you work long hours on some obscure thing in relative isolation from other people (by geography or mentality)...dating coworkers is natural.

 

We don't all work in an office tower, in a major city, with 1/2 a dozen different businesses and a shared cafeteria or live in a neighborhood with plenty of bars.

[Frank2thepoint]

I didn't think this would be good after seeing 'coworker' in the headline. Why, oh why, do people ever think chasing coworkers is a good idea?

 

Workplace romance is quite common place. You get to know someone quite well and quickly in such an environment since you get to spend time with the person of interest. Some are successful, some are not.

[Amelia81]

The biggest warning sign is that she hadn't told anyone about you. When a young woman likes a guy she talks about him.

 

Agreed, I can't help myself gushing over various crushes over the years with my friends and I'm not that young

[mrs rubble]

You say you have been offered a job you always wanted in Vagas?

Go get it!!! You might as well have one thing you really want.

The distance from this cold hearted cow will do you the world of good....you may even find someone who appreciates you there!

[Treasa]

Yikes. You chased her almost to the point of stalking. That's a rookie mistake for guys in their early 20s. By the time you're 40, it looks ridiculous.

 

You want to be confident, calm, at ease... Let her come to you after you express interest.

 

Your attitude frankly scares me. If I were her I'd probably be looking for another job.

 

Don't chase so hard. The more you do, the faster they run.