confusedsoul14 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Hey! Sorry but this is gonna be a long post and I really need help! So it's my first time that I really liked a guy. We go to the same college. He is very very polite, friendly and gentle (besides being very good looking as well!). BUT he is NOT a flirt and everybody in our college knows that. That's why I was really flattered and got my hopes quite high when I tried to flirt with him and he actually responded by flirting back. (we are both the shy type btw) Even one of my close friends noticed him staring at me, trying to talk to me etc. However, later I found out that all this time another girl in my college was trying to attract him and she took his number too. They even started texting frequently. When she personally told me about her feelings for him one day, I didn't know what to say and did what I do best: hiding my feelings. Now, she has firmly set her goal to become his girlfriend and she never leaves his side However, she keeps on complaining about how he doesn't really flirt with her and how he keeps on giving her ambigious text replies. By now we have ended up in the same friend circle and each one of us thinks that he only flirts with her when she kinda pushes him too. When I found out that my friend likes him too, I stopped flirting with him for a while and he seemed to notice that. Because he tried to seek my attention and tried to be more friendly with me. But I guess I got mad at him for giving his number to a girl and started avoiding him too much. So I thought of testing him by starting to flirt with him again. And guess what? He again flirted back! He looks at me deep into my eyes whenever we talk, and once we were sitting together and our knees touched. And he didn't move his leg at all! He always asks me to sit with him at lunch (sometimes in front of her too). And he always laughs at my joke even if they are lame. So, my question is, what's his deal? I gave him so many signs that I like him then why isn't he still asking me out or something? I would have asked him out by now if my friend didn't get in my way! I saw some of their text messages... he called her beautiful, told her that they might have a chance of having something serious..but then he also told her not to tell people that they are together because he isn't sure... So, what is he trying to do? As I already said that he is very polite and finds it difficult to say no to the girl. But isn't he also leading her on? And what about me? Are we gonna just flirt for the rest of our lives! Can't he see that it would look bad if I make any move towards him now that the whole college knows how much my friend likes him? I really want him so please tell me what can I do now? Btw, they have started sitting together in classes. Is it time for me to start worrying?
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Sweetheart, you need to make a move!! What are you waiting for?? You said the guy is shy right? Well maybe he's interested in both of you, but likes you more and you're just sleeping on him. This other girl is making moves. Maybe you're only coming off as mildly interested and that's why he's keeping this other girl in the picture. Do you really want to just sit back and WAIT for things to happen and end up seeing the two of them walking around holding hands?? Ask him if he wants to hang out, go see a movie or something, and then talk to him about how you feel! 1
Author confusedsoul14 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Sweetheart, you need to make a move!! What are you waiting for?? You said the guy is shy right? Well maybe he's interested in both of you, but likes you more and you're just sleeping on him. This other girl is making moves. Maybe you're only coming off as mildly interested and that's why he's keeping this other girl in the picture. Do you really want to just sit back and WAIT for things to happen and end up seeing the two of them walking around holding hands?? Ask him if he wants to hang out, go see a movie or something, and then talk to him about how you feel! Thanks a lot! Believe me I want to ask him more than anything else. But things have gotten really complicated with my friend getting closer and closer to him! Like I really don't know how to tell him that I like him when he already got quite involved with my friend. But everybody knows that she is putting most of the effort and that he is not yet ready to name their relationship. Is it because of me or is he just playing with both of us? He is not the player type though... I want to know why he is not making any move towards me when I already gave him enough signs? Believe me I didn't come off as mildly interested at all. I did my best to show as much interest in him as possible. The only time I ignored him a little bit was when I first got to know about my friend and I didn't know how to act. I mean, if he really likes me, shouldn't he forget about my friend and approach me? He keeps on telling her that he is not her boyfriend but then he also told her that what they have is quite serious? What does that mean? Then why is he flirting with me? I heard that he never got into a serious relationship before so maybe he is inexperienced? If so, how can I help him? sorry for asking too many questions but I'm really confused at the moment...
stillafool Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I don't think this guy is as shy as he's acting. He knows he's cute and he also knows you two like him. He is a young man who is enjoying the attention of young ladies which (IMHO) is exactly what he should be doing at this stage in his life. Even if you tell him you like him and want to date him he will tell you the same thing he told your friend. I wouldn't be surprised if he is also interested and flirting with other girls around campus. You need to get interested in other guys and stop stressing over this one guy. It seems you want to be in competition with this other girl. If she is truly a friend then forget him and move on to other guys. If this guy wanted you bad enough he would and will let you know. Ask yourself which is more important: Him or your friendship with her? 2
Author confusedsoul14 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Ok, so if I ask him and he rejects me, it's gonna be a big problem between me and my friend. No one knows i like him but everybody knows she does. So if i ask him now my friends will think I was trying to steal my friend's crush. This is so not the case because we have been flirting since day 1. And if he rejects me, things will get even worse for me Is there any other way I can turn this situation in my favor? I would have definitely asked him by now if my friend wasn't in the picture.
stillafool Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Ok, so if I ask him and he rejects me, it's gonna be a big problem between me and my friend. No one knows i like him but everybody knows she does. Who is going to tell her? You? No, Him? No. So if i ask him now my friends will think I was trying to steal my friend's crush. This is so not the case because we have been flirting since day 1. And if he rejects me, things will get even worse for me \ Aren't you? Why don't you be honest with your friend and tell her you like him and have liked him since day 1. If you get with him you are going to lose her friendship anyway and if she gets him you will resent her. I think you already do. Is there any other way I can turn this situation in my favor? I would have definitely asked him by now if my friend wasn't in the picture. No. The ball is in his court. He knows perfectly well you like him but he isn't biting because he wants to play the field and get attention from all the girls.
Author confusedsoul14 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I don't think this guy is as shy as he's acting. He knows he's cute and he also knows you two like him. He is a young man who is enjoying the attention of young ladies which (IMHO) is exactly what he should be doing at this stage in his life. Even if you tell him you like him and want to date him he will tell you the same thing he told your friend. I wouldn't be surprised if he is also interested and flirting with other girls around campus. You need to get interested in other guys and stop stressing over this one guy. It seems you want to be in competition with this other girl. If she is truly a friend then forget him and move on to other guys. If this guy wanted you bad enough he would and will let you know. Ask yourself which is more important: Him or your friendship with her? Thanks for your reply! Well, it makes sense what you said about the guy. However, he doesn't flirt with girls a lot. He seems quite shy and he often sits alone. When he is with his friends, he is the one doing most of the listening. Also, at the beginning of the semester, this girl wanted to date him, but he didn't show any interest in her whatsoever, although the girl was pretty. And my friend and I are not the closest, but we get along quite well. And I really don't want to compete with her, that's why I'm so worried about the whole thing. Or else, I would have already done something by now. However, if you ask me what is more important, I would say it's him because I have liked him since day 1 and I think I have the right to get closer to him just like her. But she made her moves so fast that me and the guy hardly got any chance to get closer. Sometimes, I feel it's unfair to me But believe me I don't want to harm her in any way. I just want to know who this guy really likes.
Author confusedsoul14 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 If you get with him you are going to lose her friendship anyway and if she gets him you will resent her. I think you already do. I think I resent the guy for making everything so complicated and for not being clear in his actions. And I also regret not making any moves before things got so messed up. But like I said, everything happened too fast for me
stillafool Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 This is really bothering you and has been for some time. There is only one thing to do and that's confront him about your feelings. Ask him who does he want as a girlfriend? If he says you then ask him what does he plan to do about it. 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 If this is not a "close" friend and just someone you socialize with, then I think you have to make a move. At least make your feelings known to him. If not, then you will always regret it and wonder what would've happened. This guy just doesn't sound like a player to me. I think he's waiting on you, and this is the reason he hasn't moved forward with your friend. As soon as the next opportunity comes, take it. Let him know how you feel, then let him make a decision. If things don't go your way, then at least you know you tried. **And keep us posted on what happens! Good Luck!! 1
Author confusedsoul14 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 This is really bothering you and has been for some time. There is only one thing to do and that's confront him about your feelings. Ask him who does he want as a girlfriend? If he says you then ask him what does he plan to do about it. Thanks a lot! This is definitely bothering me, especially when I'm losing all the opportunities to do something about it. I'm still not sure if i will be able to tell him about my feelings. But I will definitely try. If I can't gather enough courage to tell him, then maybe I will try to forget him (which is so not possible for a while!). 1
stillafool Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 You can do it, if you don't you will always regret it. 1
Author confusedsoul14 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 If this is not a "close" friend and just someone you socialize with, then I think you have to make a move. At least make your feelings known to him. If not, then you will always regret it and wonder what would've happened. This guy just doesn't sound like a player to me. I think he's waiting on you, and this is the reason he hasn't moved forward with your friend. As soon as the next opportunity comes, take it. Let him know how you feel, then let him make a decision. If things don't go your way, then at least you know you tried. **And keep us posted on what happens! Good Luck!! Thank you so much! I will definitely try to talk to him. But guess what? This is our final exam week and then we will have a two week semester break And he is very studious (Gosh! He has so many good qualities) so I don't want to disturb him now. Maybe I will have to wait till next semester. Ok, instead of telling him about me, is it a good idea to question him about him and my friend??
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Thank you so much! I will definitely try to talk to him. But guess what? This is our final exam week and then we will have a two week semester break And he is very studious (Gosh! He has so many good qualities) so I don't want to disturb him now. Maybe I will have to wait till next semester. Ok, instead of telling him about me, is it a good idea to question him about him and my friend?? I think it's okay to ask him about it. In fact, I would use it as a means to discuss your feelings based on his answer. He will probably ask you why you're asking, and that can be your answer! 1
Author confusedsoul14 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Hmm... that's one way of initiating this conversation. I really hope this works out. Gosh! I never thought I would face so many problems with this... I really miss those days when we could freely flirt with each other.
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