Versacehottie Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Thank you & you're welcome! There's another thing that's good too. Right now in your reply to me you sound so positive and happy. Fake it til you make it or until it becomes a reality but a shift in tone and outlook on life rather focus on what you don't have (YET) is BOTH attractive to people--draws positive things and people into your life--and forces you to see life events as learning experiences, minor setbacks or things that will lead you toward what is right--even if it appears negative at the time. I highly recommend doing this for all areas of happiness! Believe in yourself <3 1
Eau Claire Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 How do I date like a guy? What thought process does a guy have which allow him to shut his emotions and detach his heart from a girl. They call, text, get physical, share lot of things but do not get emotionally attach with a girl...how can I do that too. I have never had a guy falling in love for me...there were a few who wanted to spent time with me and get physical but even after spending time, they never felt attachment emotions or love and on the other hand, i was emotionally torn...if I am attracted to a guy and he also gives me attention and time.....i start to get very emotionally attach and wants to be with him for life.....i am really really struggling with this in life, how can i change myself, and date just for fun and not take it on heart. It makes me extremely sad that if i spent time with a guy, all he wanted was spending time with me and getting physical but no emotions involved. if i part ways, they don't get hurt at all...why am i always the victim of hurt and rejection. in the end, guys just say sorry if we disrupted your life and move on...and start their story with another girl....isn't it superficial to spend time with one, say cute things, get intimate, and then part ways, and move on to next one and start same thing over again... I just need a recipe to detach my heart....can someone help.....i have read unlimited articles, but nothing helps at all.....and i am lonely and miserable. I feel your desperation. I'm in a very good relationship but have also been where you are. Trust me, you are far from alone. My unoriginal answer. Never lower your own standards in response to the poor behaviour of others. You could probably never be cold or turn off your emotions. That's a good thing. As said in another post...you are not a zombie. It is healthy to freely badly when things have gone badly. You are quite 'normal'. 2
Frank2thepoint Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 My unoriginal answer. Never lower your own standards in response to the poor behaviour of others. You could probably never be cold or turn off your emotions. That's a good thing. As said in another post...you are not a zombie. It is healthy to freely badly when things have gone badly. You are quite 'normal'. Indeed, this is very good advice. 1
Author Ibaadat Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I love the fact that there are so many people willing to advise and support....it means a lot when the heart is really aching. Thank you to all you amazing folks!!! Hopefully with everyone's moral support, I can one day find someone amazing...
RedRobin Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I'm going to deviate a bit from other's advice... some say date a lot and multi-date... that has never been a good recipe for me because I don't see that as an efficient way to get to know someone... spreading oneself around like that. What I DO advise is getting out and meeting and talking to people. All kinds of people. This will help you understand your own likes and dislikes and not be sucked in by others attempts to 'swoon' you with empty promises, future faking, and all of the other junk people do to get you to invest in THEM (physically or emotionally) with zero or no investment on their part. Recognize that the first few months of talking to most men is really nothing more than marketing and salesmanship. Unless you've seen how they act in some other venue (work, activity groups, etc) don't trust a single thing that comes out of their mouths that isn't backed up with concrete actions. Be polite, friendly, and enthusiastic, but internally recognize it means zero until they follow up with actions. ... as far as sex goes... for me its a minimum of 2-3 months... and that is with guys who claim to want a relationship. That's how long it takes for the white noise generator guys try to get you on dies down and you get a better sense of who they are. Don't waste your time with guys who aren't clear on their relationship goals. A few outings or dates should be enough. No physical stuff at all until you find that out. If you find you absolutely can't live without some physical stuff. I suppose there is always the option of ONS with strangers... That's not for me though. That would keep you from getting attached, but that will also likely open you up to violence and a lot of meanness. Avoid FWB like the plague and men who admit to having them. If they will make someone else one, their default condition is to try and make every woman one, IMHO. Except the ones who don't go along with casual sex that is. Be the woman they have to work for. Become what you want to attract too. Someone confident, with a full life... 1
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