furby19 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Have you ever dated anyone that you did not have chemistry with? What was the outcome?
MrMeh Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 The point is to have chemistry. Without it, you repel each other. 1
Breaking123 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Yes. The outcome was that we ended up breaking up. It ended up feeling more like a brother/sister relationship instead of a romantic relationship.
Author furby19 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I posted that I was having a hard time finding a relationship due to the chemistry factor about a week ago. Someone responded that chemistry is not important in the beginning. I did not agree. I just wanted to make sure I am not crazy or make sure I was missing out on something that was causing me to have a hard time connecting with people.
Eau Claire Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Males and females are a bit different. Chemistry is vital for a male...important but not the end-all for a female. I just wouldn't be with a guy who didnt get the 'wow' tingle over me from the beginning.males are visual beasts. I'd feel too insecure about investing my heart in a relationship to have him later fall for some other woman. As a woman I need 'some' chemistry. Then the more I feel secure and respected, the deeper I fall in Love.
Onethirtyeight Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I've never been in a relationship with someone I haven't had any sort of connection with. I've been on dates with them though and you can just tell its not happening and no one is that upset when you agree not to follow up. 1
carhill Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) Have you ever dated anyone that you did not have chemistry with? What was the outcome? Oh sure, having gone on hundreds of dates/meetings as a single man. If no 'chemistry', the most common result was one person or the other saying they 'aren't feeling it' or both people fade away without prejudice, each understanding that no real potential was there. The early experiences, until I got used to such rejections, were bit debilitating but once I started rejecting more based on my own feelings, things balanced and the chemistry issue became relatively emotionally neutral. About the only trigger I have left is for 'fakers' who conjure up 'ersatz' (fake) chemistry for personal gain. I think chemistry is important in all manner of human relationships. Of course, in romantic/sexual relationships, it's relative to those factors. In other relationships, other factors. I just wouldn't be with a guy who didnt get the 'wow' tingle over me from the beginning.males are visual beasts. I'd feel too insecure about investing my heart in a relationship to have him later fall for some other woman. That's an interesting observation and aligns with some of my life experiences. Often, as I'm a bit circumspect in the beginning, women have mistaken that for 'lack of tingle' and lost interest even if they did have it, and felt chemistry. I only know this because some of them became friends later and they told me. This helped me alter my style more in the direction of 'overcoat and hard-on', becoming more obvious about sexual interest. The main reason this happened was due to early experiences with women who turned out to be married. I might be attracted but I'm reticent due to long experience with MW's, so I analyze and investigate and verify a bit before acting on that attraction, which often can ruin 'timing' on chemistry. IME, it's a somewhat delicate dynamic, in the beginning at least. Good point. Thanks for reminding me. I still find myself defaulting to 'evaluation mode' so that's something I need to work on. Edited January 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
shinealight Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Chemistry is important, i mean when you look at the person you are dating do you look at her and think i am so lucky she is so hot i cannot wait to go home after this ect. Also the thing about chemistry is having alot in common because you talk more and have a good laugh.
irc333 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Males and females are a bit different. Chemistry is vital for a male...important but not the end-all for a female. Actually, it's the other way around. Women are dead set on chemistry more so than men, men are happy a cute face just shows up. LOL 5
Author furby19 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Thanks for your replies. I would like to get input on another question that I have. How often do you meet someone that you have chemistry with? For me, it seems to be really difficult. I usually can tell if I like someone within the first 10 to 15 minutes of a date. Why is it so hard for me to find someone that I like? Am I the only one having this problem?
shinealight Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Well in relationships you have space so like you meet up for a few days then you have your'e own time so you aint like a married couple then you meet up again. Stops the arguing. And nope you aint the only one i mean when i like someone it is hard for me to get them but meh!
carhill Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 How often do you meet someone that you have chemistry with? Upon first meeting? Maybe two or three times in my 54. For me, it seems to be really difficult. I usually can tell if I like someone within the first 10 to 15 minutes of a date. Why is it so hard for me to find someone that I like? Am I the only one having this problem? Perhaps you could clarify 'like'. I 'like' most people I interact with but am sexually/emotionally/intellectually 'attracted' to very few, especially upon first meeting. I see some flesh and experience, generally, a taste of their best behavior and social skills. For myself, it's generally been a pretty neutral experience.
Submisfit Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 For me personally, I need there to be chemistry to pursue something. Chemistry can develop over time though (at least for me,) so if we're romantically compatible, I'll give it a little bit of time to see if the chemistry develops.
ponchsox Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I couldn't get past one date with a person I didn't have chemistry with, let alone date them. 4
Author furby19 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Upon first meeting? Maybe two or three times in my 54. Perhaps you could clarify 'like'. I 'like' most people I interact with but am sexually/emotionally/intellectually 'attracted' to very few, especially upon first meeting. I see some flesh and experience, generally, a taste of their best behavior and social skills. For myself, it's generally been a pretty neutral experience. I "like" most people, too. I meant in a romantic way (chemistry). I went on a lot of dates last year. I only connected with one of the guys. I got turned off from him when I started seeing signs that he was only interested in sex. This can't be normal.
carhill Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Firstly, congrats for going out on a lot of dates. IME, the more exposure one has, the clearer any issues in question are and more easily resolved. Do you have a reference point, at least one encounter which resulted in a healthy relationship, even if not a 'forever' relationship? IMO, some people are more 'open' to dynamics of 'chemistry' than others. Their psychology is tuned to that wavelength, hence they 'connect' with more people. When I 'connect', it is, to me, more of a sign that perhaps I should 'get to know' before 'tingling'. IMO, that's as much intrinsic psychology as it is rooted in life experience. Is it possible to re-write that tape? IDK. The main difference is, as a man, one rarely goes out on dates with that perspective, generally because it is incumbent upon the man to approach the woman with the right combination of content and timing and I didn't, for many years, until I altered it. A woman will still be approached and can go out on dates and experiment and learn more, as you're currently doing. IMO, just keep trying different things and see what sticks. 1
Author furby19 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Do you have a reference point, at least one encounter which resulted in a healthy relationship, even if not a 'forever' relationship? Yes.....most of them turn in to people that I talk to or hang out with every once in a while. I was just wondering if this is normal. I have a friend who is in relationship after relationship. It makes me wonder how this is possible when it is hard for me to run in to one person that I have mutual chemistry with.
xxoo Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Yes.....most of them turn in to people that I talk to or hang out with every once in a while. I was just wondering if this is normal. I have a friend who is in relationship after relationship. It makes me wonder how this is possible when it is hard for me to run in to one person that I have mutual chemistry with. You say "mutual" chemistry, so do you find you feel chemistry when it is not returned? (the other person is not interested?) Have you gotten "crushes" on people that you know?
Badsingularity Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I have a friend who is in relationship after relationship. Some women, especially when younger, will date a guy just to have a bf even if they don't have chemistry with him. They usaully end up breaking up with him later on. Sometimes it is hard for women to find guys they feel chemistry for. 2
carhill Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 OP, I can postulate from life experience that your friend 'lets it happen' more than yourself. Also, by relationship, I mean sexual and romantic relationship. As example, I've had a number of LTR's and was married for ten years. Those experiences taught me a lot about relationship dynamics and 'the process' of building upon 'chemistry' one feels, ultimately into a committed relationship. They all ended, so it wasn't 'forever', but still they taught life lessons. One final thought comes to mind. It's generally impossible to change one's intrinsic personality but one can choose to change how that personality is processed and presented, perhaps in a manner which appeals to a wider range of potentials. You don't change who you are but rather aspects of how you appear, not physically but rather your 'aura' or presence. As an example, after ending my M, I experimented with being more 'out there' when looking at and interacting with women; not in words or gestures, but rather feelings, experiencing what I liked and not caring about all the details like their relationship status, etc. To put it into old movie terms, picturing Cary Grant saying it, 'I love all women'. Of course, that's impossible, but feeling it and letting it leak into that 'aura' or presence had some amazing results, at least situationally, so I filed it away for use where there are single women around. Hope that helps!
StanMusial Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 OP can you tell us what "chemistry" means to you specifically, in regards to your interactions with a potential mate? 1
HeartinPain Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I think chemistry isn't as important to younger women because they are just happy to be getting attention. For older women ready to settle down, chemistry is very important! I don't know how true this is for men.. correct me if I am wrong.. It seems to me for men, chemistry is not important initially and its attraction and sex that draws them. Eventually when true colors come out (after honeymoon phase or a few dates), chemistry becomes more important to sustaining the relationship. Thoughts ?
Author furby19 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 You say "mutual" chemistry, so do you find you feel chemistry when it is not returned? (the other person is not interested?) Have you gotten "crushes" on people that you know? I meet people that I like. I meet people that like me. However, usually I meet guys and we both seem to be not all that interested in one another at all. I am 30 years old so I know what chemistry is. I think some of the repliers are taking this question to another level. So, let me ask the question another way: Out of 10 people you meet or have went out on dates with, how many have you had chemistry with?
Author furby19 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 OP can you tell us what "chemistry" means to you specifically, in regards to your interactions with a potential mate? Someone that you connect with in an emotional and physical way. Someone you have similar interests with, good conversations, and can see yourself being serious with. I thought this is what chemistry was.....if not, please help me understand.
Recommended Posts