markvilliman Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I was with my ex for 6 months. I know it's not a long time but we had such good chemistry. I'm 25 she's 19. When we got together she was honest with me and said she had had a strong sexual past but was wanting to change. even though we broke up we still are great friends and still remain in contact. though we both mad our mistakes i mostly blame myself for the break up. heres some events that happened 1)she almost cheated on me 2 weeks into our relationship 2)she sent dirty pics to a guy 3)she ditched me one night to go hang out with a guy 4)she talked dirty to another guy 5)she started hanging out with this girl and my girlfriend started to make less time for me andmade me feel unimportant 6)if a guy hit on her she wouldnt tell the dude she had a boyfriend, she would just make up an excuse 7)she would never talk our problems out ok heres my negatives i did 1)told her younger brother about her snorting pills twice 2)went through her phone(which is how i found out she was talking behind my back) 3)could have an attitude problem or pout (which was mostly due to her making me feel like i wasnt important to her) 4) maybe tried to hard to impress her i dont know,i tend to blame myself for our break up..i keep thinking what if i didnt have an attitude problem or what if i didnt try to hard? BUT look at the stuff she did! should i blame myself ?
Maaikekf Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 In my opinion, you shouldn't blame yourself. My 10 years of relationship fell apart last summer, and even though he left me to be together with someone else, I still felt guilty about a lot of stuff and blamed myself. I've never been that self-confident, and if he left me for someone else, in my opinion that could only mean that I hadn't been good enough.. I collapsed and talked it over with my friends a lot, and looked at it from a lot of different angles.. and yes, I did make mistakes, but none as severe as not trying.. not as severe as breaking my marriage vows.. which he obviously did. Yes, you make mistakes, you're only human. BUt, she also makes mistakes, because she's only human. Learn from it and go on, and try to learn from both your mistakes. I got to know someone special fairly recently, and as he often tells me, "it takes two to tango"; if a relationship doesn't work out, it can never be the fault of just one partner. If you tried your best, and did what you could, then there's no reason why you should blame yourself.
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I have a lot of guilt over my failed relationship too. I am saying it for both of us: No matter whether it was all your fault, all her fault, or somewhere in between (and it's always somewhere in between), what good does it do you to wonder? You are thinking about things you shouldn't have done. Good! Remember how you feel about them if you feel like doing them again to the next person. I have replayed so much that I feel guilty about in my head, doing the right thing in the playback of the memory, hoping it will change something now. Your conscience is a gift, not to drown you in regrets and wishes to change the past, but to help you move FORWARD from the things you did wrong.
True Gent Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I think you've had a lucky escape. Looking at her flaws, she isn't relationship material. 1
Author markvilliman Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 It just sucks because she really is a great girl if you take away the stuff she did. Sh also said I had an attitude that I was better than everyone else. I really did put 100% into the relationship and not getting that back sucks!
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I really did put 100% into the relationship and not getting that back sucks! Yeah, I honestly for awhile felt like I would do anything for my ex, and even after it started to become real that she didn't care, I still did. Everyone's a giver and a taker, but there are a lot of mixes as to the ratio.
polynomial Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 It just sucks because she really is a great girl if you take away the stuff she did. Sh also said I had an attitude that I was better than everyone else. I really did put 100% into the relationship and not getting that back sucks! But you can't separate her actions from her. She wasn't all THAT great if she did all those things. Face the facts.
Author markvilliman Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 i know it doenst take back what she did, but i always think i could have done stuff differently...oh well live and learn
Juha Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Guess she did not want to change her past all that much and still wanted to whore it up. She may be a great girl but she is not good girlfriend material, fwb yes. Try to just hook up with her, that is what would work best in this case if you two still get along so great.
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