justnotmeanymore Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 My H had an affair online with not only a university friend but several strangers (I only thought it was 2 in total) Anyway on my quest to understand I asked questions about who what where why and how H came to royally damage our relationship. I was ok with the answers I got at the time. I had been feeling emotionally detached from him for months so thought I could deal with it. However today I find myself starting to feel betrayed all over again. Knowing that it was more than I thought, and that he did have a connection with this friend. He's been remorseful and will answer anything I ask him. He's being honest (as far as I know) and making an effort to keep communication open. What I'm trying to figure out is how is it I'm suddenly feeling like I'm back to square one knowing all this new information? Why can't I continue to feel numb? Am I normal? I thought I grieved over this ages ago but today it's like I've been slapped all over again (metaphor- he's never hit me) Help me!
fixing Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Finding out there were others is going to be like finding out for the first time! Of course it is. Even years later! Cheating is the most vile despicable act one has to come to terms with. You ex husband is a scumbag. He has no soul. No morals. He is trash. But, why are you still talking to him? Wait, your not still with him are you? I hope not, he needs to be gone from your life. 1
flightplan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You shouldn't be talking to this parasite. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They NEVER change. They will always apologize out one side and their mouth and rationalize out the other. Get away, far far away. You'll never have peace of mind with trash like that in your life. 4
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I had a similar situation, where I found out I hadn't been getting the truth. I felt like I was starting moving on, and then it turned out that once I saw my friend with my ex, and found out that even as I had been confiding to him about my ex, she was after him, it really took me back a few steps. But I think each time I get heartbreaking news, I get back on my feet a little quicker than the time before, and when the pain comes back, it doesn't last as long. You may not be able to avoid finding out the bad news, but if you really focus on you and your healing whenever you can, the bad news will hurt less and less each time it comes up. And someday there won't be bad news anymore.
HeartinPain Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I had a similar situation, where I found out I hadn't been getting the truth. I felt like I was starting moving on, and then it turned out that once I saw my friend with my ex, and found out that even as I had been confiding to him about my ex, she was after him, it really took me back a few steps. But I think each time I get heartbreaking news, I get back on my feet a little quicker than the time before, and when the pain comes back, it doesn't last as long. You may not be able to avoid finding out the bad news, but if you really focus on you and your healing whenever you can, the bad news will hurt less and less each time it comes up. And someday there won't be bad news anymore. Wow what your friend did is massively hurtful. I hope you have cut both of them out of your life! I feel the same way about the heartbreaking news.. each time it still hurts but the pain get diminished each time I get it. Before, every piece of heartbreaking news I would get I would hysterically break down crying. Then it got to the point where it was tears. Now I am at the point of disappointment and sadness with pepper of jealously. I would self torture myself fishing for bad news. 4 months later I try to avoid it in any way possible.
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Wow what your friend did is massively hurtful. I hope you have cut both of them out of your life! I feel the same way about the heartbreaking news.. each time it still hurts but the pain get diminished each time I get it. Before, every piece of heartbreaking news I would get I would hysterically break down crying. Then it got to the point where it was tears. Now I am at the point of disappointment and sadness with pepper of jealously. I would self torture myself fishing for bad news. 4 months later I try to avoid it in any way possible. Yeah today I got rid of whatever I could from both of them. I am a little surprised I don't want to hurt either of them, but being forgiving doesn't mean I have to tolerate bad friends.
realfriends Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 My H had an affair online with not only a university friend but several strangers (I only thought it was 2 in total) Anyway on my quest to understand I asked questions about who what where why and how H came to royally damage our relationship. I was ok with the answers I got at the time. I had been feeling emotionally detached from him for months so thought I could deal with it. However today I find myself starting to feel betrayed all over again. Knowing that it was more than I thought, and that he did have a connection with this friend. He's been remorseful and will answer anything I ask him. He's being honest (as far as I know) and making an effort to keep communication open. What I'm trying to figure out is how is it I'm suddenly feeling like I'm back to square one knowing all this new information? Why can't I continue to feel numb? Am I normal? I thought I grieved over this ages ago but today it's like I've been slapped all over again (metaphor- he's never hit me) Help me! Ignorance is bliss. There is a saying for a reason. I feel as if you are completely over someone who destroyed your heart, its best not to know all the details. Its will just eat you up. However, if you still want to work things out with someone, it might be best to know all of the details or else you'll just draw images in your mind. I know when I broke up with my ex and found out she had an affair, she told me very briefly what had happened. I started putting images in my head as to what happened and wanted to know all the details but probably think its best that I didn't know as there wasnt anything good that could come from it and would only hurt me more.
Author justnotmeanymore Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Ignorance is bliss. There is a saying for a reason. I feel as if you are completely over someone who destroyed your heart, its best not to know all the details. Its will just eat you up. However, if you still want to work things out with someone, it might be best to know all of the details or else you'll just draw images in your mind. I know when I broke up with my ex and found out she had an affair, she told me very briefly what had happened. I started putting images in my head as to what happened and wanted to know all the details but probably think its best that I didn't know as there wasnt anything good that could come from it and would only hurt me more. I'm not sure if I want to stay or if I want to go. I guess maybe knowing I might be able to heal s bit better. Maybe learning everything it might help me see the issues clearer. I just don't know.
realfriends Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 If you don't know, than stay clear. Im no expert, and am only 2 months BU and around 45 days of no contact. The thought still chews at my brain but I'm glad that I didn't get the full details of the event. 1
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