kaylan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I wont go into details.... but lets say you start talking to a cool chick, and you text, have had good phone convos, and have done the facebook add thing. Now currently the conversation has not become flirty or anything yet, but youre both interested in hanging out together to get to know one another better. Currently things feel like we are getting to know one another as friends would normally do, and Im still not sure if theres a romantic vibe there yet. We plan to get lunch next weekend. If this is out first meeting, and theres no set vibe yet...I was wondering about how paying for our hanging out goes. She suggested we get lunch, and since I have to travel a decent little distance to her area, she picked a place to eat. I was thinking since its a first meeting, and she suggested we meet up at a particular spot, that things are strictly dutch. However, since this will be our first one on one hangout...if a romantic vibe comes of it, I was wondering if itd be weird if I picked up more of the tab? Then again Im also worried about setting a precedent or making things weird in the event that things are just friendly. Thoughts?
Eggplant Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Since it's casual, and you're both just meeting, I think Dutch is reasonable. However, your picking up the tab can't hurt you, either.
ShyGuy5 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Pick up the tab. Lunch is less expensive than dinner anyway. It also opens up the door for her to be like well I guess we are going to have to do this again so I can pay you back type of thing.
CrystalCastles Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 If you like her and see this going somewhere, pick up the tab. If you don't, stick to dutch. And there is no unwritten rule about men having to pay. What rubbish. Though I like it when a man pays (I like my date to show initiative in taking care of me, it's romantic and sweet) it's not at all a prerequisite, and I'm always prepared to pay for myself.
mammasita Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 If you like her and see this going somewhere, pick up the tab. If you don't, stick to dutch. And there is no unwritten rule about men having to pay. What rubbish. Though I like it when a man pays (I like my date to show initiative in taking care of me, it's romantic and sweet) it's not at all a prerequisite, and I'm always prepared to pay for myself. This, 150% 1
EmilyJane Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) If you're interested romantically during the lunch I reckon pay. She's called all the shots, taking charge a little by making that sort of gesture will make her look at you differently (like put of the friendzone and into the potential category) but doesn't necessarily directly communicate your interest. And seriously dude, try a lil gentle flirting before and see what her response is, we don't make new male friends to make see each other alone dates with unless we think there's potential. Edited January 5, 2014 by EmilyJane 1
Author kaylan Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) You sound cheap. Its a unwrited rule for a men to pay on first dates. Even business like you may offer to pay. At dates it will look bad on you if you dont offer to pay. Or if it becomes a discusion that you don't Want to pay for both. Its not exactly a date. Learn to read. And lmao...unwritten rule? Its 2014 and I even have a couple female friends who dislike when dudes pay.If you like her and see this going somewhere, pick up the tab. If you don't, stick to dutch. And there is no unwritten rule about men having to pay. What rubbish. Though I like it when a man pays (I like my date to show initiative in taking care of me, it's romantic and sweet) it's not at all a prerequisite, and I'm always prepared to pay for myself. Thanks for the insight. If you're interested romantically during the lunch I reckon pay. She's called all the shots, taking charge a little by making that sort of gesture will make her look at you differently (like put of the friendzone and into the potential category) but doesn't necessarily directly communicate your interest. And seriously dude, try a lil gentle flirting before and see what her response is, we don't make new male friends to make see each other alone dates with unless we think there's potential. Tbh, right now I wouldnt even know how to go about flirting. I guess we just have to hang out some one on one. The vibe has started off so friendly, that I almost feel awkward crossing into romantic territory. Dunno why. Like I said, Im not even sure myself if I see a certain kind of potential. I do know I enjoy talking to her though. Edited January 5, 2014 by kaylan
veggirl Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You should pay (or at least offer to) if you decide you are interested in possibly pursuing more than just a friendship. If you meet and aren't interested beyond friends, dutch is fine. It will set the tone for going forward.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You should pay. And don't worry about flirting, it will come naturally if there is chemistry 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You should pay. And don't worry about flirting, it will come naturally if there is chemistry This. Flirt with her maybe very gently break the touch barrier in a more than friendly way. i.e. hold her hand. See how she reacts.
Author kaylan Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I think if theres more than a friend vibe there, Ill likely get the food and let her get the drinks (which wouldnt be much drinking since its midday cocktails). Money is not super tight, but I would be driving 60+ miles to her area (gas and tolls). And I would likely try and stay with my friends that evening so I wouldnt be making such a big round trip just for lunch. Ill keep you guys updated.
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