innocentbutterfly Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) when u try to keep friendship and think you are doing so much better without him, which I am, I know he's bad for me, I know there would be no future for us, I know he loved me and it's gone and just took my virginity. I know he wants sex only and became a total cam whore, but why do I still get angry seeing him online on whatsapp? like he used to click me with 3 day intervals. Usually what he would ask is if I found someone to 'sex chat' with...like he just checks if he still has control over me and now it's been 4 days and he didn't click (when he clicks anyway he always talks about how good our sex was and if i found someone and then last time he wanted to make me have sex chat again...sometime before he said we can do it, but never again in real...like think that I'm yours when I said I can't do that knowing he isn't mine anymore) and I'm like I see him online and I miss it and I'm angry. I hate this feeling, I hate my mind running with thoughts if he's flirting with a new girl living in his country when I see him online already for 3 hours. I just want to stop feeling anything about him. It's not love, but I constantly remember our times together. I learned to block them most of the time, but I'm weak again. It's been a month since BU and NC and now 2 weeks of "friendship" contact with a few day gaps. I know what you'll say block him bla bla, but I cant do that.. I did this stupid thing adding him with fake facebooks and trying to befriend him on the profile he kept secret from me while we were still in relationship like whole 8 months of it and I want to know what he's been doing on it. I even get idea of creating a profile with a friends photo and saying he was hacked or something, just to see what he does and posts there. I know I'm going crazy. Why can't I just forget all and forget he was ever anything to me, everything we lived together... I know it's another day of weakness, but I was okay for those 2 weeks now thinking I'm really doing better, blocking memories/thoughts/doing my stuff, but I still found myself going to his facebook and taking brothers account to check his old account for news and if he deleted any of my wall posts yet which he didn't....now its like I'm back in this depressed circle again It sucks also because last time we talked about the problem that made us break up. I know he would never forget it and take me back, but he has me wrapped around his finger still...then sent me a kiss goodnight when he closed whatsapp..why does he do that! and I asked him if he told his friends that we are broken up because I met them and also asked about mom, sister, brother if he told them. He said it doesnt matter who knows. Its true he always kept his life to himself, but when we began he told everyone. Now only 1 friend or a few know after he told last time when one told him I'm online on facebook "hunting" for new guys in some app...why doesnt he tell them? I got this idiot questions and thoughts and I'm convincing myself its over, but my mind keeps reminiscing and thinking what if's:( and its so ****ing weird like when I see him on for hours I have all kinds of thoughts, I only relax when I see 'last seen' and he stops going online, and I find myself checking thoroughout the day. it's crazy! Once he even clicked and said it's none of his business, but what am I doing online 24/7. Obviously I can't say I still stalk...but why is he asking, god! Just had to rant, hope you guys are doing better than me Edited January 5, 2014 by innocentbutterfly
k10k Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I even get idea of creating a profile with a friends photo and saying he was hacked or something, just to see what he does and posts there. I know I'm going crazy. and its so ****ing weird like when I see him on for hours I have all kinds of thoughts, I only relax when I see 'last seen' and he stops going online, and I find myself checking thoroughout the day. it's crazy! Once he even clicked and said it's none of his business, but what am I doing online 24/7. Obviously I can't say I still stalk...but why is he asking, god! Just want to say.. be careful of developing unhealthy obsessions. STOP.LOOKING.AT HIM.. start looking at YOURSELF. Learn to control those impulses, seriously, you'll feel less miserable, and much stronger, if you do. It's about YOU now. NOT HIM. Hope you feel better soon!
mutualove Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I don't know how old you are but i understand what you're saying about his whatsapp status.You have to delete his number and if you can the whole conversation as well.After i went nc (which was two months ago) i've only checked her status 2-3 times.The best thing you can do is just STOP.
Maaikekf Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 delete his phone number, and take a long facebook break. Drop your phone down a swimming pool... IN other words, take away your own opportunities to keep an eye on him. He clearly isn't interested, and you're only making matters worse for both of you. Hang out with friends, read a book, do stuff, but stay away from social media for a few weeks. I speak from experience, trust me it helps!
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) Thank you guys! Its gotten a lot better. I talked to him about some matter if I would visit his country again and in case I would need help if he would help me and he said he wouldnt if I would come for another guy (I met someone now and talking for awhile). I said are you jealous or what, put that behind and try real friendship. He said no, that he wouldnt help because he would see me as easy if I would come for a guy and then ask for help if somehting went wrong. Like it wasn't the same meeting him? I lol'd. I dont know what is it with him, but he clearly said he wouldnt help, so I'm seeing I can't even expect frienship from this idiot. When I said why he wouldnt unblock me on his 2nd facebook and befriend me later if he's really meaning serious with this friendship, to prove me. He said very cold he doesnt have to prove me anything and said go your way and to not talk more, ignoring what I wrote him. Then later today he said I need a shrink... I'll just delete and move on yeah. He's miserable now anyway the way I see it. And suprisingly his teasing didn't wake any emotion toward him anymore. I repulse him now I think and I'm in the angry stage, so I could say I like that stage now. Even when he said sorry and I said maybe karma gets to him and he said maybe then I'l realize what I did to you, but it will be too late I believe. Even him saying that didn't give me any positive mood thinking oh, there is hope. Go me! Edited January 9, 2014 by innocentbutterfly
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 The reason why you can't get over him is because you let yourself to... You need to delete his number right away!!! This guy has told you exactly that he wants nothing from you. Save yourself from another heartbreak my dear, move on.
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I will do that. I am trying to convince myself to not check his status. But it's darn tempting. I don't think I should either be trying friendship since he clearly isn't into it, right? I'll have to get myself to delete.
Recommended Posts