ippn1 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Im dating this girl for little less then 3 months now. We are both 26. We are now officially bf/gf and we get along pretty good. But here is the thing that bothers me. We have had sex only once. It was around 6 weeks and around 10 dates. I invited her at my place for the movie night. Of course I chose boring movie so I made my move after we both agree we should watch different movie. We had sex for around an hour. Sex was not great. It was not even good. During sex she told me she hasn’t had sex for 1.5 years and she hasn’t had boyfriend for 3 years. I said I also haven’t had sex for over a year (I have had health problems – ankle injuries and operations). Because of that I wasnt able to perform as well as id like to (only missionary position and her on top). I came she didn’t… I went down on her, fingering her – she was saying that was good, it feels good during sex… blablaba. After sex we watched another movie and then she left. Now every time I invite her over to my place (I do not live alone so its usually on fridays and saturdays) she has an excuse. I often invite her day before so she can make plans, but everytime something comes up (she invites her friends over and they drink so she cant drive, she has something to do, …) That happened the last 3 times and im annoyed and angry. She has never said she wont come right away, its always ‘I ll let you know’ and she always ‘get stuck’. Other than that we see each other 3 to 4 times a week .She met all my friends, I met hers, I met all her close relatives pretty soon. During dates there is non stop physical contact, kissing, making out… I can confidently say Im good bf and always take time for her. Tonight I inveted her over and she said she will let me know since she went to visit her relatives for new year, and after 2 hours she said she ‘got stuck’ and is now at home on a couch and that we will see each other tomorrow. I was angry and wrote back ‘you often ‘get stuck’ when I invite you over to my place… good night’. BTW she lives with her parents so I never spent a night or had sex at her place. My plan is to talk to her about that because its really bothering me. I was expecting sex every chance we can get, at least at this stage of relationship. Any thoughts? Tnx for opinions.
organizedchaos Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Yeah, something is not right. You guys should be like bunnies right now.
soccerrprp Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Find out if there was a traumatic sexual past in her life. Also, she may feel that your only encounter was a bust and not enthusiastic about experiencing that again. Yeah, once you are with someone new, you should be having frequent sex.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Holy moly. 3 months and sex only once? I've been with my guy 2 months and we have sex AT LEAST twice whenever we see each other, which is usually once a week. The first time, we did it 3 times in one night and once more in the morning! Something is wrong in this relationship and you need to sit down and discuss this with her. Sounds like the sexual chemistry is not there. For me, this is a deal breaker, but it also seems like she's not sexually experienced either. It seems she wants a relationship without the sex. Don't let this drag on. Get the issues out on the table and then decide whether or not it's something worth trying to repair.
johnson_j Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You have a problem - and you need to have a talk with her. Find out what is the holdup, and if she doesn't reply, tell her to take a hike. Just tell her you want a girlfriend, not a friend to spend time with. I recently had a situation like this develop - I told the girl I was looking for a girlfriend, not someone to take to expensive dinners, spend time with as friends, etc. I told her if she wasn't crazy enough about me to be able to keep her hands off me then I was walking away. (Hint - We're still together, and that discussion changed the whole dynamic for the better) 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I have a feeling she wasn't too comfortable being intimate with you for whatever reason and did it anyway...she mentioned not being in a relationship in a very long time and hadn't had sex in quite a long time either...so she told you that for a reason, that was your queue to talk more about it as she was bringing it to your attention. The first and only time sex didn't work out too well either for you two which didn't help the situation, so I think that's definitely not something that will encourage her to get over or past whatever it is that is holding her back from being alone with you and fearing the next step of intimacy again...I think now she's obviously avoiding it. You really need to just have a conversation with her about this and ask her how she's really feeling...I'm not all that convinced she is into you, she doesn't sound completely interested/motivated to being with you which makes me wonder if you're an overly nice guy or too passive for her, she might need/want someone who takes control and is more assertive...which is how a lot of women prefer it to be. I think she's satisfied with your attention and affection but It doesn't sound like she is where you are at mentally, sexually, emotionally. You need to talk about it and get some answers, if it continues at this pace and she just avoids you and the question then I'd think about moving on at that point. Also, if you do get another chance of being intimate with her...don't go down on her and do the fingering thing, especially if she doesn't seem that into it, be aware of how she is acting and looking at you...if she's not into it it's not going to do you any better to take it up a notch with that, you're just going to make it more weird than good...she's got to be turned on and in the mood...learn how to do that first, pay attention to her and go slow and at her pace, don't just be the typical guy that does his thing regardless without any awareness of what the woman is feeling, wanting or thinking...she should be wanting you just the same and into it if you're pushing the right buttons, especially at this stage of the dating process. 1
Cakess Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I think there is definitely more you could be doing here. Clearly it seems like she was throwing weak signals at you that she may not have been ready for intimacy and did it anyway. Now's the time to relax after a nice date perhaps, and open up. Tell her what you want out of this relationship, but also, give her space to voice her opinion about what she wants. Maybe she's not ready, maybe she just didn't feel a spark, or maybe you were smelly? WHATEVER, have a nice conversation to see where she's at with it. I'm sure you both can adjust. If it still seems like your wants and needs are not matching up, maybe she's not the girl for you...
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Also, if you do get another chance of being intimate with her...don't go down on her and do the fingering thing, especially if she doesn't seem that into it, be aware of how she is acting and looking at you...if she's not into it it's not going to do you any better to take it up a notch with that, you're just going to make it more weird than good...she's got to be turned on and in the mood...learn how to do that first, pay attention to her and go slow and at her pace, don't just be the typical guy that does his thing regardless without any awareness of what the woman is feeling, wanting or thinking...she should be wanting you just the same and into it if you're pushing the right buttons, especially at this stage of the dating process. ^^^Nail on the head! Don't just do what YOU think is good. Pay attention to her body signals and try to make the experience as enjoyable as possible for her. The more you help her open up her sexual side, the better it will be for both of you.
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