katiep Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Hi guys. I really need some advice! I would appreciate any responses. I'll try to summarize the last 9 months and keep it as short as possible. I was with a guy for a year. I'm 21, he's 25. I loved him, still do, and even now I believe he loved me. He deployed to Afghanistan last March. We did good until around July, when he got extremely stressed out with the deployment and decided he should "pause" our relationship until he came home so he could focus on the deployment. I was really upset because it came out of nowhere and it was hard for me to understand, but I said I supported him and let him go. He kept in touch with me (he initiated everything) about every two weeks but then suddenly stopped contacting me in October. Again, I decided if he wanted to talk to me he would and I let him go. I did send a care package with his favorite foods mid October, and then I said Happy Birthday toward the beginning of December but I never initiated anything else. I did those things for MYSELF, I wanted to know in my head that I did everything I could and let him know that I still cared. I figured it would be easier for me in the long run that way because I couldn't play the "What if?" game or blame anything on myself. Anyway he got home from Afghanistan two weeks ago. His family lives in another state so he isn't in my town right now, but he will be visiting extended family HERE next week. I had not heard a peep from him until he messaged me on Facebook Thursday night, just saying hey. I replied and we sent a few messages back and forth during the afternoon. He kept the convo going and eventually texted me instead of Facebook messaging. So I fall asleep last night and wake up to a phone call around 1:30 am and I answered. Yes I know I shouldn't have... Pretty obvious where this is going. I was doing so good before I responded to his Facebook message and broke NC Anyway I could tell he had been drinking but he basically started crying to me (literally) saying he misses me, that he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he loves me and wants me back. He said he's been out with his friends but always ends the night thinking of me. Everything leads back to me. He said he wants to start over. That he saw so many things in Afghanistan that messed with him and he thought it would be better to separate himself from me, but now that he's home he regrets it. He said that he wants to start over with me and commit to me. So I text him this afternoon asking him if he felt the same way, and he says he doesn't even remember talking to me. I find that a little hard to believe and I'm extremely disappointed and setback. I came forward and asked him (even if doesn't remember saying those things) does he have feelings me?? I said if he doesn't, I'd like him to tell me so that I could move on without him. He says "Yes I guess I do to some degree I do have feelings for you. I just hate that I drunk dialed you. I was wanting to talk to you about everything in person." So... Do you think he meant any of what he said? And why would he include the "to some degree". What is my next step? I haven't replied to that text yet... The thing is, I was fine without him and don't need "closure" from him. I had accepted that I would probably never hear from him again so this is all completely throwing me off. Obviously I'm not over it and I do still have feelings for him and wish that it could work. I'm willing to put everything behind us. BUT I'm not interested in being strung along or a hookup or being friends. Period. I guess I was just curious as to how I should respond or what I should do. Any insight. Thank you
headinthecloud Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 He definitely still has feelings for you and was just playing down his drunk dialing because he was embarrassed. You must leave him be, especially now. Go back to NC and move on with your life. If he really wants you back he will find you and he won't let you go. 1
flightplan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Let him chase you and be hard to get so that you can measure his commitment to having you back in his life. Words are cheap. If he truly wants to be with you, he needs to eat some humble pie and demonstrate why things are now different. He has to prove to you he wants you back in no uncertain terms... anything else is just show. He broke it off for a reason and if that hasn't changed, then he's just hit a weak spot and is looking to hook up. Guard your heart, don't initiate any type of contact and make him work for it and take it from there. Don't make it easy for him. 1
Author katiep Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Okay.. Thanks guys. I feel like he still has feelings for me, too. It's so hard to play it cool right now. Haha.
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