Des1 Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 Me and him havent been together for a week. He is back with her trying to work things out. BUT hes been ringing my phone off the hook . I havent answered so he tracked me down at work and wanted to talk . I asked him what he wanted and he said that hes been fighting to get his family and marriage back for a year now BUT now that he has it back with her he doesnt think he wants it anymore. The fantasy he built up in his head for the last year isnt the reality of what he feels now.Now he has realized that he has a chance of happiness with me . Says he doesnt know what to do at the moment. ( not asking for me back just talking to me about his feelings) Not that I would take him back that easy anyways. But now Im confused,, on one hand I understand that maybe he did build this huge fantasy that they could be the way they used to be and now that he finally had the chance he doesnt know if he wants her anymore. But why be so indecesive.. If you know that 1 person makes you happy and that you have something so great with them (ME) versus keeping something that is completely disfunctional. Why should that be so hard to deal with ? You make the decision and then you stick by it right? You know what feels right in your heart ? NO? She knows all about me and they seem to be fighting because she says she has never seen him so happy as she does when i am mentioned or talked about. Even she knows he is miserable without me ( which pisses her off) If everyone including him know his happiness why is it such a hard decision to make? Any input? My best friend says he needs to go through this if me and him are ever going to have a chance. This is the only way that he is going to get rid of the fantasy in his head . Should I keep hope for me and him or just let go ?
alphamale Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 please realize that you are part of this bizarre love triangle and it will continue as long as you are interested in this guy... my advice is to extricate yourself permanently. He is always going to be tied to this nutcase due to the kids. Why do you want to be involved in this scenario? I have to question your judgement here also.
rble618740 Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 I see two noteworthy statements in your post: 1. You refer to the fact that you make this guy happy. That is a WARNING sign, to me. Anyone who is looking for their happiness in a mate, is a ticking time bomb. Your relationship will only be lasting and healthy if he is happy with himself. I'm just speculating, but at the time he took his vows, I bet his wife made him happy. And guess what, there will come a time when you are in conflict with him about something or you place expectations on him that he doesn't like, and you won't make him happy anymore. He'll look for someone else that does. 2. Have you ever been married? His wife should be upset about you. He should give his marriage a shot as long as he believes it may be able to be fixed. If he won't keep his promise to his family, do you want to be with him? Look for a more emotionally stable man. Let this guy deal with the mess he's created.
Author Des1 Posted January 8, 2005 Author Posted January 8, 2005 Yes I have been married .. Was married almost 8 years. I did everything I could to make it work but it didnt and I left. We also have 2 kids. When I was done with my marriage I did a whole lot of soul searching and then I moved on with my life. My point to saying his x is pissed was because he spent a year crying and pleading for her back . She didnt want anything to do with him . Then when he stops chasing her and is ready to move on with his life she wants to come back. A week and a half ago she was beating the **** out of him when he went to pick the kids up . Me and him go to the beach with a bunch of friends for new years weekend. She gets jealous and now all of a sudden the day we get back she wants him back . Tells him that since they have been split up she has been with a bunch of men and hasnt found anything else she is interested in . So maybe they should try to make it work again. My point is that it makes me mad that she is just wanting to settle into making things work . She treats him like ****. I realize that this is his call not mine. But if I thought for a second that she really loved him and this wasnt out of jealousy and control then this wouldnt be so hard . Either way I am going to leave the situation alone but it doesnt me that this doesnt hurt like hell.
Recommended Posts