Zlatan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 One of my best friends is a girl and I've liked one of her friends for a while,we dated once but we were both pretty quiet and I blew it. That date was a year and a half ago and I've still liked her ever since despite that hitch. We seen each other a lot since then but never really spoke,then on Halloween she started talking to me as if there was no awkwardness between us at all but I didn't really take any notice of it. Well we finally got together on New Years Eve when we were drunk, she came home with me stayed the night and we spent the whole night kissing and chatting (among other things). It was a great night and I felt like we really clicked. She had to leave early in the morning because her Mum was worried about her as she didn't know where she was which was fair enough so I ordered her a taxi home. We were texting the next day and she told me that she had a good night but I dunno if she seems particularly interested though I think that might just be me over thinking things. Usually I'd just flat out ask her out (I don't usually have confidence issues) but this girls different, I so badly don't want to screw this up and I'm over thinking everything. She told me she hates needy people,is asking her out and texting her twice within 4 days needy? I wouldn't say so but I'm not her so I don't know what she feels is needy. I don't like waiting things out, I want to ask her on a date now but I don't want to jump the gun I'm so confused and I just need a clear opinion on what I should do. What if I was just a drunk mistake? Any advice would be appreciated,thanks
bolase Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Ask her out now Just text or call and ask if she is free for a drink this week. If she is a busy gal ask her if you can steal her away for an ice-cream/lunchtime cider etc.
EmilyJane Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Be assertive but message her. Tell her you want to see her and suggest a place/activity (not day that's a bit friend zone) and an approximate day. Avoid seeking approval/permission in the message wording and it doesn't come off as needy, it comes off as confident and interested - the ultimate. Easy trick is to avoid using too many sentences that need question marks, make direct statements, keep it casual and keep it short. Like: i'd like to see you again, Friday night if you're free was thinking we could go ______" Only however you'd phrase it. 1
Cakess Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 True, I totally think just flat out asking her out is the best thing. I always prefer doing this in person but if you can't run into her without looking strange a short message is fine. Phone calls are even better. Ask her if she's free that weekend and suggest an activity, be direct and polite. If she's not interested, then just let her say so. There are some things you just can't control, right? Good luck!
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You don't sound assertive enough for this girl, and I think she knows you're interested in her obviously so she got drunk, made out with you but then left without a hitch. I think if anything she feels safe with you, after all you're one of her "best friends" (I mean c'mon guys, either hit it out the park or go home with this "friends" thing, seriously...it's sad) Anyway, she may have kind of sort of gave you a second chance, who knows...maybe her options are limited right now and there's a lull in the romantic interest department, at this point I'd say you've got to go for broke...it's really just now or never while the window is cracked open again for you to possibly go through again. But you need to be more assertive and act with more confidence, even if you don't go it...fake it till you make, once she's into you and developed "feelings" then you can take it easy and be more of yourself since she knows who that guy is anyway (although I don't know how that could be all that "romantic") but you've got to show her a different set of cards at this point...don't be needy and text her all the time like a butt sniffer (I loathe the way guys do the friends thing...I really do, it's just so cowardly to me) and that's the problem...you've got to be able to be the "man"...that means not pussy-footing and not clamoring away at a woman's feet...ask her out, make some plans...don't say much until then and then go on the date. Don't be mr insecure-what-is-going-on, and how is she feeling what is she thinking kind of crap, that works for women not for men...that's why you guys end up in the friend zone in the first place...instead of listening to the voice of doubt and fear in your head, just do...react to what "feels" right, you're already programmed with instincts that lead you down the right path for thousands of years if you listen to them, it's in your DNA...stop thinking about things, start doing things, react...be direct and forward, don't act like she's the best thing on the planet and put her on this retarded pedestal...otherwise you're going to end up back in the same boat because you'll just talk yourself out of it. Do what you think, do what you feel is right...ask her out, do it! Call her, say hey, I'd like to take go out *here* then on the date or meeting then flirt, act like a romantic interest, if she's like "sorry, I'm not interested" then act like nothing happened and drop off the map...disappear! but if you play your cards right and she's into it, it'll be a success but you can't be a pussy cat...you've got nothing to lose at this point other than going back in the friendzone, so be bold, make some attempts without going overboard but I'd rather have you go overboard because overboard for you is probably just acting normal, even if you fail it doesn't matter at least you got the courage to pursue a woman you're actually interested in and learned from it, being very passive, shy and quiet is not going to get you anywhere instead of all idolizing this woman like she's a star. I know you might feel I'm being hard on you...but you've got to learn whether from your success or mistakes, you sound pretty young, if you don't start developing and refining these skills now you might be in this same boat years later with another girl you're in the friendzone with...and it just gets worse, because then you're way behind while everyone else has moved on, you're stuck on first base with women still and worse yet, you might keep landing yourself there all because you failed to take some chances....and really, it's just about taking chances, and "timing" is of paramount importance..you just made out with her, you've got a reason right now..don't let the ship sail, if she does the whole "don't want to lose the friendship" kind of thing just walk, have some respect for yourself. 1
Author Zlatan Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I'm not in the friend zone lol she's my friends friend but thank you all for your help I'm gonna go for this tomorrow I mean we've already been intimate how bad can it go?
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I'm not in the friend zone lol she's my friends friend but thank you all for your help I'm gonna go for this tomorrow I mean we've already been intimate how bad can it go? Ahhh I see I see, in that case...you may live Thumbs up
MalachiX Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Be assertive but message her. Tell her you want to see her and suggest a place/activity (not day that's a bit friend zone) and an approximate day. Avoid seeking approval/permission in the message wording and it doesn't come off as needy, it comes off as confident and interested - the ultimate. Easy trick is to avoid using too many sentences that need question marks, make direct statements, keep it casual and keep it short. Like: i'd like to see you again, Friday night if you're free was thinking we could go ______" Only however you'd phrase it. Such simple advice that it takes some of us so long to learn. I wish I'd gotten good advice like this years ago instead of having to learn the hard way. I think a lot of guys get the idea that displaying your insecurity is somehow endearing. In most cases, I think it just ends up being a turn off. Other guys go the opposite route and try to act super confident and but end up coming off like jerks. I think it takes a lot of practice to be simple, assertive, and confident. All of the above tips are great. 1
Author Zlatan Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Okay so I text her this afternoon about something we were talking about the other day,just to get a conversation started so I could ask her out,it's been about 10 hours and she hasn't replied and it doesn't look like she's going to as it's almost midnight here :/
Recommended Posts