adyb Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Hi, I'm new on here but have been reading on and off for a few days prior to registering. My problem is that I am just not that into my partner any more. What I mean is that I'm not physically attracted to her any more. We've been dating for nearly 3 years. We met 3 months after I split up with my ex partner of 7 years which was a pretty acrimonious separation. Maybe that was too soon for a relationship as I wasn't over my ex. She has been such a support over the last 3 years and she needs me now more than she has ever done due to health reasons. For this reason I feel I can't let her down, but am I letting her down with every day that passes by not being totally honest with her? I know there's more to life than physical attraction, however I'm never in the mood for sex, well I am just not with her, sounds awful I know. She has to manipulate me to get me hard when she wants sex which I let her do but as soon as it's over we don't hug. We rarely kiss. I'm a caring kind of guy maybe I'm just too nice. I make her a cup of tea every morning and take it to her in bed but I don't long to jump back into bed and ravage her and go to work late with a cheeky smile on my face!! Besides her breath is bad in the morning!! It's something that has happened gradually, we click and do get on and I do really care for her. We have our own homes but more often than not I'm at hers. What I'm looking for is some advice and I hope I'll find it here. I'm stuck in a difficult position and need to get some resolution before I get carted off to the mental institute. Help!!
Thegreatestthing Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It's really energetic, I don't know how you can feel some sort of fire for her again,it doesn't look promising right now,is there anything she could do that would help? Maybe a week apart would help,dressing nicer,make up etc. I know I was falling in love with this guy on Xmas eve and suddenly I feel nothing for him,no attraction,no interest,nothing and I was crazy about him,there's nothing you can really do,and it's not really your fault.
Eggplant Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 What I mean is that I'm not physically attracted to her any more.What changed?
Author adyb Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 maybe a week's break will help things I dont know, worth a try. I'm just confused and only just starting to think this through.
Author adyb Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 What changed? I'm not sure and I'm not sure when
MidwestUSA Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I'm not sure and I'm not sure when What are the health reasons for which she needs you more than ever? Is she depressed? Gained a lot of weight? Chronic pain? Is it something that's sapping your energy? 1
Eggplant Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I'm not sure and I'm not sure when This worries me. I would hate to invest 3 years with a man and have him lose his attraction to me of a sudden. 3
Mrlonelyone Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 This worries me. I would hate to invest 3 years with a man and have him lose his attraction to me of a sudden. The truth is this is a natural thing OP. I have written much about the idea of limerance, a state of chemically induced "love" which causes the "in love" feeling. It is a natural part of any relationship and nothing to be alarmed about. Somepeople call this the honeymoon phase. Some people get married and then, like you, wake up one day and wonder why they even like the one their with. To me this sounds like the honeymoon is over, it only ever last a few years at most, now you are seeing that she isn't all you thought she was. The love chemicals have worn off. They always eventually wear off. Having bee in a 7 year relationship I'm sure you know this. Did you feel as "in love" with your 7 year ex right through to near the end? The question is what will you do about it. Ask yourself if this woman is really compatible with you for the long haul. If she is not, the best thing you can do is let her go so she can find someone who will love her even when the fire has died down to a smoldering, long lasting, level. 3
polynomial Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Maybe you just wanna bail due to her illness and are looking for reasons.. 2
Eggplant Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Are you or were you ever connected with her on an emotional or intellectual level? What common interests brought you together to begin with?
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Some relationships just run their course. If you are sure you are done, end it for the sake of everyone concerned. As bad as it is now, it will be worse later. 1
Author adyb Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Maybe you just wanna bail due to her illness and are looking for reasons.. This isn't the case. She's not reliant on me I'm not her carer and she is well into the recovery stages. It's been a long slog but she made it to the other side I am very glad to say. She is kind and generous. She is good with my kids, my friends and family all like her, who wouldn't in all she's a fantastic person. I suppose every relationship has its ups and downs maybe were just on a down after all the stress and agro of all the recent hospital visits. It must have taken its toll. It's either carry on with 100% enthusiasm or bail. I think I'm gonna go all out for the next few months to see if I can reignite the passion.
WhiteTan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 This isn't the case. She's not reliant on me I'm not her carer and she is well into the recovery stages. It's been a long slog but she made it to the other side I am very glad to say. She is kind and generous. She is good with my kids, my friends and family all like her, who wouldn't in all she's a fantastic person. I suppose every relationship has its ups and downs maybe were just on a down after all the stress and agro of all the recent hospital visits. It must have taken its toll. It's either carry on with 100% enthusiasm or bail. I think I'm gonna go all out for the next few months to see if I can reignite the passion. Good choice! She sounds like a keeper.
deathandtaxes Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You need to reignite the fire! Have you considered counseling? Are you OK health-wise?
Author adyb Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 And here is my problem.....I wake each day with opposing thoughts about our relationship. Its driving me up the wall. Yesterday was all positive today its all negatives.....today I want out. She's controlling and posessive. Moody if things dont go her way. Ive got a massive hill to climb here.....maybe I need some time away from her to help evaluate the situation.
nescafe1982 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 She's controlling and posessive. Moody if things dont go her way. Ive got a massive hill to climb here.....maybe I need some time away from her to help evaluate the situation. Have you tried discussing these issues with her? Bringing her controlling, possessive behavior to her attention? I'm guessing this is a pattern (hence you being so fed up with it). What happens when you tell her how much it bothers you? I can certainly understand how it would be difficult to rekindle things with someone who is exhibiting controlling behavior. But on the other hand, if she is the type of person that can work on herself, maybe it's worth having a talk about it.
ebor Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 This worries me. I would hate to invest 3 years with a man and have him lose his attraction to me of a sudden. It's not normal to loose attraction all of a sudden, out of nowhere, people just don't want to be responsible for their action so they say it's normal.... But it's not most of the time it's because of laziness or immaturity
soccerrprp Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 And here is my problem.....I wake each day with opposing thoughts about our relationship. Its driving me up the wall. Yesterday was all positive today its all negatives.....today I want out. She's controlling and posessive. Moody if things dont go her way. Ive got a massive hill to climb here.....maybe I need some time away from her to help evaluate the situation. If you've discussed these issues with her and things haven't changed, move on and find someone that isn't these things. It sounds like you've taken the last straw, but still emotional enslaved. Break the chains....
cuonline Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I personally don't believe in a break in a relationship, something similar happened to me and she noticed I've lost interest in her, she desperately asked a week or two apart, I disagreed with that because I knew the state my mind was in, and the situation, things could only get worse than better, I could have cheated on her while she's away, and that could develop further bonding with others and I could never find nor get interested in her anymore. The best solution is within you, try to remember all those good times with her, take her to the place you first dated her, you can even do that alone, juts be there and refresh your memory, remember everything that was happening that day (your first date). You can ever take a weekend in a hotelroom in a different city, with all your phones off (no one should contact nor disturb you). I guarantee you, if this doesn't work, nothing that I know will. That's how I resolved mine and I can guarantee you, we are now best lovers eve. Good luck! And please let us know how you are doing!
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