Using what science says men prefer in women, physically, behaviorally to find a man..

[Mrlonelyone]

I have written a thread where I use that old shoe of a topic bad boys vs nice guys through the scientific literature which backs up this very intuitive if somewhat imperfect dichotomy. Now I want to turn the attention to men's instincts and how they choose women.

 

 

Do men do anything similar sorting women as either sexy S**ts or matronly motherly Madonna's?

 

 

The only thing I have seen which approaches the cad/dad bad boy/nice guy discussion is that of the so called Maddonna / Whore complex. That is where certain men either see a woman as a virginal creature almost too good and pure for sex, or a totally debased whore only good for sex.

 

 

The Madonna/Whore Complex - AskMen

 

 

(It is interesting that when men do this it's labeled a complex but when women do it's nature.)

 

 

 

 

Then there are the studies which say that men are attracted most to women who have a waist to hip ratio of 0.7 or less (even if those hips are 50" or 127).

 

 

... and legs that are about 1.4 times the length of their torso.

 

 

 

 

Beautycheck - Beautiful figure

 

 

 

 

Interestingly while I can find plenty written about the idea that men find *itches more attractive. I can't seem to find anything academic which says its the *itchiness that men find attractive or attractive women can get away with being more *itchy. (i.e. they are women who have dark triad personalities, are more manipulative, have less empahy, and are narcissistic )

 

 

 

 

Questions for the ladies:

 

 

Have any of you ever tried to change how you acted to attract a man. You know, followed that be a *itch advice?

 

 

Have you had to deal with being seen as a Maddonna or a *hore and take precautions against being used by men to fill either role?

 

 

Have you felt something akin to being treated as a bad girl (only ever called upon for one thing) or a nice girl (called upon for relationships but not flings)?

 

 

 

 

Guys:

 

 

Have you noticed these patterns in your own choice of women?

 

 

Have you noticed that attractive women at least try to get away with more or be more crazy?

 

 

(There could be some truth to that. Remember the crazy-hot scale

 

 

)

[Scales]

Interesting theories, but I think this thread might be the very definition of overthinking it. I am not attracted to a total bitch much in the same way I am not attracted to a total virgin. Thats where I fall in the behavioral spectrum. Someone at home with dancing at a night club in a hot dress and also at home going to a garden with me and having tea with lunch. People are attracted to people who fall within their own values. If a girl wants to wait until marriage, she is not likely to end up with a bad boy.

 

There also doesn't need to be any scientific reason for it. Girls like bad boys because they are aggressive and not boring, guys like "bitchy" looking girls because they are more likely to put out.

[newmoon]

Questions for the ladies:

 

 

Have any of you ever tried to change how you acted to attract a man. You know, followed that be a *itch advice?

 

 

 

 

 

yes, and most men (and women) who have not read this book completely misunderstand it because of the title alone. it's one of my fave books because it's empowering, and is not about being a B. it's just about sticking up for yourself and not allowing someone to treat you badly/like a doormat, and is about setting parameters and goals and guidelines for yourself, which many women forget to do when they meet a guy and fall for him. I will say that men who I have tried 'the rules' or 'the B' thing on were far better bf's then those I didn't try it with.

[Sunlight72]

I take the Madonna/whore thing to be an extreme psychological condition.

 

I'd say much more real-world as far as I can tell is what I think of as Girlfriend or Wife.

 

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Some women (and men) are really fun today, and crazy-drama tomorrow. The spontaneity and unpredictability can be intriguing and fun, but the good & the bad of this is often that those folks are (bah bah bah bummmm) Unpredictable.

 

I'd call this the boyfriend/girlfriend type of person, although depending on how far out they are on the scale they might be too crazy to be fun for a whole day; OR; they might be a fun mate but sometimes get a wild hair and stay out late without calling home or want to take an impulse trip to Peru (without you).

 

They are less likely to be concerned with the law, with keeping a job, with planning, or with honoring a romantic partner as much as some other people.

 

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Some women or men think of life in the long-term and like routine. They are predictable. The good & the bad of this is that they are often (bah bah bah bummmm) Predictable.

 

I'd call these folks more the husband/wife type of person. Depending on how far out on the scale they are, they may be too boring to be with for a whole day, or they may just prefer to stay home at night, and not try new things or meet new people; OR; they may generally prefer to stay home at night and focus on a career and long term relationship but enjoy safe new things like organized events, or take an impulse trip to Peru (with you).

 

They are also more likely to keep a job, plan for their future and honor a commitment to a romantic partner.

 

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So that's my take - it has a sliding scale, because people are individuals. But I find most folks have a certain % of boyfriend/girlfriend (say 30%) and the rest in husband/wife (say 70%).

 

It helped me figure out who I am (about 85% of the way out on the husband scale), and who I want to find in a mate (about 90% out on the wife scale).

 

It also helped me understand why people are attracted to partners that everyone else sees is a bad long-term bet. They are attracted to the spontaneity, and don't see or won't accept that it also indicates a tendency to have fun now with whomever is at hand (not always you) at whatever the future cost.

 

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If you marry a boyfriend, don't hope he will become a husband. He is a boyfriend. Enjoy it or leave him be.

 

If you a date a husband, don't be disappointed that he won't skip work to add an extra day to your weekend. He is a husband. Enjoy it or leave him be.

 

Please world!! Learn to accept people as they are, not as you wish they could be. And for pity's sake, learn to accept yourself as you are, or work to change. Don't put hope or effort into changing other people! Thank you!

 

Cheers,

Sunlight

[MrNate 2.0]

Let me get my popcorn. This outta get interesting.

 

 

Anyone else need some.

[Mrlonelyone]

I take the Madonna/whore thing to be an extreme psychological condition.

 

 

Not really it is a pretty common condition in men.

 

 

It is why rappers can sing about how much they love their wonderful mother up on a pedestal... yet talk about women as B's and H's.

 

 

It is why some men have a wife who they love and a mistress or kept woman that they never intend to leave their wife for. They have sex and fun with the mistress and the wife is there for all the official things.

 

 

 

I am more interested in starting a discussion with the women here on how these things about men effect them. I mean on one hand men want a nice girl for a wife, but men not so different from women want a woman to be a H in the bedroom. OR they see their nice good little wife as too good for sex.

[Sunlight72]

Ah, I see. So misogynistic hip hop is a good reference for how the majority of men behave, yes, of course! Thank you for the clarification.

 

(that is sarcasm)

 

If you are using hip hop as the basis for your scientific conclusions, then I'm certainly not qualified to make pertinent observations. My bad!

 

I think you either don't have a good understanding of the phrase, "pretty common", or you have a media-based idea of what is common in media and a subset of media-users, and are applying that to greater humanity.

 

I could be wrong - it happens!

 

I'll be eager to read more about the science behind such authoritative research as the "Crazy-hot scale" on Facebook. That is definitely a solid foundation for understanding human relations.

[samsungxoxo]

It is interesting that when men do this it's labeled a complex but when women do it's nature.

I think the reason to this is because when some men do it, they also talk smack about the women they slept with and degrade them as if they were garbage that should always be treated poorly but feel entitled to expect a virtuous gf/wife. When they do this, it's usually followed by sloot-shaming behaviors.

 

When some women do this type of behavior is more of an ''I'm not ready to commit for now, just want to have fun with bad guy type'' but they don't go out of their way feeling entitled to a husband type guy when they get older and want a relationship. They most likely feel lucky to have him as relationship material. Overall, the intentions are different.

 

And then there is another category: people that look for their counterparts and will refuse a complete contrast such as a woman that never engaged in casual sex and sees that act intimate will off course want husband type man as relationship material as well as a Christian, virgin man waiting till marriage will tend to go towards Madonna.

Edited January 5, 2014 by samsungxoxo

[TheGuard13]

Lady in the street but a freak in the bed.

 

Nuff said.

[carhill]

Do men do anything similar sorting women as either sexy S**ts or matronly motherly Madonna's?

 

While some aspects may be genetic, a lot has to do with socialization, or 'nurture', IMO, if a man does do such 'sorting'.

 

I saw, as a result of immersion, that it was apparently healthy for a woman to have a sexual and romantic side and aspects to her personality, along with boundaries of decorum. Hence, when looking for partners, that experience became part of my preference pattern, and I prefer a woman who can communicate her sexuality (in public) without being obvious about it. It's healthy to be a sexual being, IMO, as it is healthy to have boundaries.

 

So, so far anyway, I'm outlier to any madonna/whore -type preferences. Haven't dated any nor been in a LTR with one nor did I marry one. To me, they were complete persons who I loved or, in the case of dating, wanted to get to know better. There has been no discernible 'type' across any of those experiences, e.g. dating 'whores' but not desiring to marry them, nor marrying the 'madonna' (quite the reverse in my case but again there was the balance I preferred.)

 

That said, perhaps there is a certain advantage to an intrinsic desire to be with one and want something else too, as people often find attractive what they desire that is just a bit out of their complete grasp. It works, or can work, on both sides of the relationship, ratcheting up emotions. If the emotional makeup of the partners thrives on this, then it can be or become a compatibility, a 'glue' which binds them. Different strokes for different folks.