conmorse Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I made a thread earlier about my ex being curious about me, but I wanted to explain the entire breakup. My Ex and I were dating for 2 years. She just turned legal in September, 19 here in Canada, and I'm 20. We Broke up in November, so it has been a month and a half post break up. Throughout our relationship she and I never really got into any major fights, mostly just conversations about things we needed to work on together such as communication and whatnot. She's sort of the shy and innocent type of girl who's really simple and easy going, but doesn't really express her emotions that often. While I'm pretty outgoing, laid back and like to be open with my emotions. I thought things were going pretty well between me and her until one random night in November where she texted me and asked if she could come over and talk. I knew right away that something was up. She came over to break up explaining that she had slowly been feeling distant from me, she didn't really feel the same way anymore, she had issues she needed to work on like expressing her emotions and that she no longer wanted to be together anymore. I was basically blind sided by all of this. Apparently she had been feeling this way since mid October (few weeks), but kept it all to herself. She never discussed it with me or even any of her friends. Remember how I said she doesn't express her feelings very often? Well this was probably the first time I had seen her cry or break down in the 2 years that we were dating. She said the typical things that she still loved me, but she thought I loved her more than she loved me. I'll admit that there were times where i got carried away with being a hopeless romantic. Anyways, we broke up that night and she said that she still wanted to be able to meet up or talk in a few days. Fast forward 5 weeks later still nothing. Now I respected her decision of wanting space and initiated no contact right away. Just recently I heard from a mutual friend of both mine and the ex, that curiosity is really killing her. She's been curious as to what I've been doing and what I've been up to. I've remained NC since the breakup and deleted her on Facebook and other social media. I also found out that she has no problem if I wanted to talk to her, but she just doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again and that she wouldn't know what we'd even talk about. I've been dying to talk to her since the break up, but I know that it should be her to reach out first as shes the "dumper". From this mutual friend, I also found out that since the break up, she has done a complete 180 (GIGS?) and started excessively going out clubbing, drinking and exploring whats out there. Apparently she wants to "live" up to her 19th year and since she's only been with me and one other guy before. In other words she wants to experiment. 3 weeks after the break up I hear that shes already started spending time with a guy who I knew. I was of course shocked as to how she seemed devastated with breaking up and then all of sudden being able to move on so quick, but after reading through these threads I realize that she had already emotionally checked out before we broke up. Anyways, the guy who she started spending time with is known to be a sleaze and sleeps around with any girl he can get with. Completely out of character for her to start spending time with him, and also very incompatible. (GIGS?) I've become so lost and confused as to the person who she's becoming and what her intentions are. I've deleted her on facebook and other social media and have been in NC with her since the break up. It hurts hearing whats happening to her because the girl I was with for 2 years was completely gone. I've been tempted to break NC to at least get some sort of explanation from her, but i know as the dumpee that's not a good idea. As the dumper she should be the one reaching out or making an effort. From what I've heard from this mutual friend is that my ex has been curious to know what I've been doing or how i've been. However she said that shes okay with the thought of talking, but doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again. To me that sounds like she doesn't really care or has moved on. Throughout our entire relationship I was I was always the one who did "chasing", so for me to immediately stop chasing her after the breakup is going completely against the grain. Not once have I "begged" or "pleaded" other than the initial break up, so its going against everything she knows about me. Is this why shes curious? Was she expecting me to try to "beg" and "win" her back, but is now rather confused when I did the complete opposite by going No Contact? its been 5 weeks, but im still struggling juggling my emotions of loving who she used to be/what we used to have, to wanting to move on and accepting it for what it is.
OrangeSnack Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I made a thread earlier about my ex being curious about me, but I wanted to explain the entire breakup. My Ex and I were dating for 2 years. She just turned legal in September, 19 here in Canada, and I'm 20. We Broke up in November, so it has been a month and a half post break up. Throughout our relationship she and I never really got into any major fights, mostly just conversations about things we needed to work on together such as communication and whatnot. She's sort of the shy and innocent type of girl who's really simple and easy going, but doesn't really express her emotions that often. While I'm pretty outgoing, laid back and like to be open with my emotions. I thought things were going pretty well between me and her until one random night in November where she texted me and asked if she could come over and talk. I knew right away that something was up. She came over to break up explaining that she had slowly been feeling distant from me, she didn't really feel the same way anymore, she had issues she needed to work on like expressing her emotions and that she no longer wanted to be together anymore. I was basically blind sided by all of this. Apparently she had been feeling this way since mid October (few weeks), but kept it all to herself. She never discussed it with me or even any of her friends. Remember how I said she doesn't express her feelings very often? Well this was probably the first time I had seen her cry or break down in the 2 years that we were dating. She said the typical things that she still loved me, but she thought I loved her more than she loved me. I'll admit that there were times where i got carried away with being a hopeless romantic. Anyways, we broke up that night and she said that she still wanted to be able to meet up or talk in a few days. Fast forward 5 weeks later still nothing. Now I respected her decision of wanting space and initiated no contact right away. Just recently I heard from a mutual friend of both mine and the ex, that curiosity is really killing her. She's been curious as to what I've been doing and what I've been up to. I've remained NC since the breakup and deleted her on Facebook and other social media. I also found out that she has no problem if I wanted to talk to her, but she just doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again and that she wouldn't know what we'd even talk about. I've been dying to talk to her since the break up, but I know that it should be her to reach out first as shes the "dumper". From this mutual friend, I also found out that since the break up, she has done a complete 180 (GIGS?) and started excessively going out clubbing, drinking and exploring whats out there. Apparently she wants to "live" up to her 19th year and since she's only been with me and one other guy before. In other words she wants to experiment. 3 weeks after the break up I hear that shes already started spending time with a guy who I knew. I was of course shocked as to how she seemed devastated with breaking up and then all of sudden being able to move on so quick, but after reading through these threads I realize that she had already emotionally checked out before we broke up. Anyways, the guy who she started spending time with is known to be a sleaze and sleeps around with any girl he can get with. Completely out of character for her to start spending time with him, and also very incompatible. (GIGS?) I've become so lost and confused as to the person who she's becoming and what her intentions are. I've deleted her on facebook and other social media and have been in NC with her since the break up. It hurts hearing whats happening to her because the girl I was with for 2 years was completely gone. I've been tempted to break NC to at least get some sort of explanation from her, but i know as the dumpee that's not a good idea. As the dumper she should be the one reaching out or making an effort. From what I've heard from this mutual friend is that my ex has been curious to know what I've been doing or how i've been. However she said that shes okay with the thought of talking, but doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again. To me that sounds like she doesn't really care or has moved on. Throughout our entire relationship I was I was always the one who did "chasing", so for me to immediately stop chasing her after the breakup is going completely against the grain. Not once have I "begged" or "pleaded" other than the initial break up, so its going against everything she knows about me. Is this why shes curious? Was she expecting me to try to "beg" and "win" her back, but is now rather confused when I did the complete opposite by going No Contact? its been 5 weeks, but im still struggling juggling my emotions of loving who she used to be/what we used to have, to wanting to move on and accepting it for what it is. She broke up with you for a reason. She's throwing breadcrumbs at you to see if you are tempted to contact her again. If you break your NC, she will win the battle. She will be very egotistical about it. She'll tell all her friends and she'll think she's hot commodity. If I were you, keep doing what you've been doing. Stay on course with NC and restart your healing process. Go out and date other people. Occupy your life with the things you have loved. Learn a new sport or teach yourself something that you always wanted to learn in your life. Good luck
Fangorn Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 It's GIGS, my ex went to university and the same thing. Realise they're no longer the person you loved and begin to move on as best you can. Break ups are difficult as hell but NC allows us to retain our dignity and work on ourselves. If they do ever realise what they've lost out on and come back you'll be in a strong position to simply laugh at them and walk away with your new hot girlfriend, rippling muscles and awesome lifestyle. But only if you stick to NC and work on becoming the best version of yourself.
Author conmorse Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 As weeks passed by I figured out of what really happened. I realizing that we didn't break up solely based on the fact that she felt the "spark" had disappeared, or that she had self issues she wanted to resolve, because that's not at all what she was working on post break up. The spark eventually disappears or cools down in many relationships. What she realized after she had turned legal was all the new exciting opportunities that just opened up for her. Her turning legal never raised any issues for me as she and I were at the point of the relationship where I completely trusted her and saw no real issues coming from it. Based on her personality (shy and innocent) I didn't think she would become a "party girl", but I guess I was wrong. After reading a lot of the GIGS Syndrome threads, I can see clearly that she fits into that category perfectly. I don't think its a crime for someone's feelings to change, but it just coincidentally happened all too soon as right after she turned legal. I feel as if even the spark had disappeared, she didn't really do anything about it. She kept her thoughts all to herself for a couple of weeks and let it run its course. There weren't any real issues or deal breakers during the relationship that would have pushed her over the edge of wanting to break up. Even the mutual friend informed me that she realized that she and I had been dating for two years, she still loved me, but didn't quite know if i was "The one" (classic GIGS). I know a lot of people say this, and I feel like a sucker for saying it as well, but I genuinely treated her well in the two years that she and I were together. I turned legal as well during the time she and I were dating, but I didn't just up and leave her. I know everyone is different, but it just stings to think I was emotionally invested and she wasn't.. I was devastated when I found out about her spending time with someone just 2-3 weeks after the breakup. Like, was I really that easy to forget? despite if she had already emotionally checked out a while ago, how does one not feel at all guilty? Where's the respect? The things she been doing are so out of character that it literally just hurts sitting on the sidelines not being able to do anything about it. She is, or was, such a sweet and nice girl and It's like someone flipped a switch and shes turned into a completely different person. I'm at a loss as to what to feel. Right now all i've been doing is No Contact, but it's so hard when all I want is a brief explanation as to what her intentions are. However, as ive been readint through these threads, there's nothing she can say that will make me feel any better at this time since she herself doesn't know what she wants either. It's just such a shame that she just "threw" something she had for something she thinks she wants- the party life.
k10k Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Re-read: there's nothing she can say that will make me feel any better at this time since she herself doesn't know what she wants either. Asking her what her intentions are won't give you any of the answers/results that you're looking for.. it will just lead to more questions, and so the cycle continues. Brains need reasons, but sometimes it's just as simple as "people change".. she wants to experience something different. Be proud that you treated her well during your time together. Don't take her reasons personally, or as a reflection on you. The best years of your life are lie ahead of you and in time, you'll meet someone who is going to make you forget all about her.
Author conmorse Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Ex girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and have been broken up for a month and a half. She had only dated one other person briefly before me, so I was her first "real" boyfriend. 2-3 weeks after the breakup a mutual friend told me she was already spending time with another guy and had been going out with him drinking/clubbing. I guess the first guy didn't work out since last week another mutual friend showed me a picture (which I didn't ask to see) of her and a different other guy groping each other at a club during New Years. I've been in NC directly from the breakup but seeing that picture really packed a punch.. The guy she was with during New Years actually had a class with my ex all of last semester, so now I'm wondering if she had him in the wings or the back of her head before we actually broke up. Is she just rebounding, if so how do I deal with it mentally other than no contact?
blackpajamas Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Sounds like she's just rebounding. People don't get out of 2-3 year relationships and start serious things with another person right away. You're best bet is to keep NC and stay away from social media sites. Anything that triggers a painful memory like that, you don't need. Take time away and don't hang out with people that both of you have in your social circles. That's my advice.
iworthmore Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 sorry for that.. im in the very same boat. from my experience it will get easier if you stick to strict NC. and ask ur friends not to mention or show anything about her. i'v been getting clues that my ex left for someone else. im not 100% sure. but this kind of thoughts can destroy ur day if you think about it. i was in a stage that i have no urge to contact her and im totally accepted the BU. but all the time i was thinking about if she left me for him or not. my ex still not in official RS with him so only time can tell me. and will do with u the same. first i had to deal with the BU itself and then i had to deal with the "cheating" and the fact i'v been dumped for someone else. it sux but will pass. anyway, active NC is the best way. and maybe start dating again. no other way to deal with it. only by keeping ur mind occupied. and do whatever makes u happy.and time will do its role. good luck mate
Author conmorse Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I appreciate the help. I'm just having a really difficult time keeping myself occupied and not thinking about her. One thought that drives me crazy is to think that she's already moved on so quick and that Im that easy to forget.
David87 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I appreciate the help. I'm just having a really difficult time keeping myself occupied and not thinking about her. One thought that drives me crazy is to think that she's already moved on so quick and that Im that easy to forget. Me to brother, my ex started dating after 1.5 weeks after the BU, made me feel like I was nothing , now they are together and seem to be very happy, my friends told me that they love each other very much. I feel humiliated and useless, but thats life maybe one day she will feel exactly how I feel now. Remember you have to be strong, keep NC, and try to be happy or at least pretend to be happy.
Author conmorse Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Maybe I'm just saying this to make myself feel better, but it also seems like she's going through GIGS. She had recently just turned legal a month before we broke up, and after the break up she started going out constantly and doing the partying/clubbing scene. A mutual friend even heard her say she wants to go out and experiment as she's only been with me and one other person. I don't exactly know what her intentions are
David87 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Maybe I'm just saying this to make myself feel better, but it also seems like she's going through GIGS. She had recently just turned legal a month before we broke up, and after the break up she started going out constantly and doing the partying/clubbing scene. A mutual friend even heard her say she wants to go out and experiment as she's only been with me and one other person. I don't exactly know what her intentions are The thing is that, now, it doesn't mater that she has GIGS or that she wants to experiment, she doesn't want to be with you, accept that and try to move on.
Author conmorse Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I know, and it's a really hard pill to swallow. It's just so difficult to deal with as it was a blindside breakup. Granted she said she felt emotionally distant a few weeks before the breakup up, but just thinking about her being with other people within a month of the break up is hard to accept... I'm maintaining No contact, but I'm stuck in an emotional limbo
David87 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I know, and it's a really hard pill to swallow. It's just so difficult to deal with as it was a blindside breakup. Granted she said she felt emotionally distant a few weeks before the breakup up, but just thinking about her being with other people within a month of the break up is hard to accept... I'm maintaining No contact, but I'm stuck in an emotional limbo The exact thing happened to me, te bit*h already slept with her new boyfriend ( she dumped me a month ago) Geezzzzz .
True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I feel all of your pain bud, I'm in the same position as you. 9 years together and she has a new relationship already waiting for her. It sucks, it really does almost kill you. Just cut yourself loose and stay well and truly out of her life. Focus on yourself now and in time you'll get better, it is a roller coaster of a ride though...
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 A couple weeks after my ex dumped me after a 5 year RS, talking about getting married, even picking the place, she goes after one of my friends. The breakup was 5 months ago and I really felt like I was getting over her or at least on the way, and then I find out last week that they are thinking about getting together (he has been resisting), and I had no idea she was after him at all until last week. It sucks, but you are not alone.
Kilty Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Sounds like she's just rebounding. People don't get out of 2-3 year relationships and start serious things with another person right away. Yes they do ......very often, as a couple of the posts on here testify. My ex was married within a year of our BU. I was the dumper I dont really buy into rebounds and IMO it's something we use to make ourselves feel better however i realise that it does happen sometimes - but real rebounds in the true sense of the meaning are rare. Many people, sad to say, are very insecure and are happy to be with someone, anyone ..and the older they get the stronger that desire is. There are always exceptions to the rule but the way i believe that you should look at your ex being with someone else is the ultimate closure because things would never ever be the same if you got back together. When you are apart your emotions make you think that it would be ok but the reality in the cold light of day is that it's not - not that most of us get to test it out.
pickflicker Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Sounds like she's just rebounding. People don't get out of 2-3 year relationships and start serious things with another person right away. You're best bet is to keep NC and stay away from social media sites. Anything that triggers a painful memory like that, you don't need. Take time away and don't hang out with people that both of you have in your social circles. That's my advice. Really? I see plenty of people do that.
Author conmorse Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I've gone through all the range of emotions: anger, sadness, confusion, denial. I know it's 100% over and there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I just still can't believe I'm in the position I'm in now, one day she was mine and now she's gone and already "rebounding" on another guy she had a class with. I don't know how to manage my emotions or thoughts... 1
True Gent Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I've gone through all the range of emotions: anger, sadness, confusion, denial. I know it's 100% over and there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I just still can't believe I'm in the position I'm in now, one day she was mine and now she's gone and already "rebounding" on another guy she had a class with. I don't know how to manage my emotions or thoughts... It's very hard, I'm feeling all of the same things. You've just got to be strong. Family and friends are a great help as is posting here. 1
Author conmorse Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I just woke up with a lot of anxiety and stress. I can't stop thinking about the memories and how she's no longer a part of my life. I can't believe someone can easily attach themselves with someone in such a short amount of time, it's got me thinking about the validation of our relationship the last few months
True Gent Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I just woke up with a lot of anxiety and stress. I can't stop thinking about the memories and how she's no longer a part of my life. I can't believe someone can easily attach themselves with someone in such a short amount of time, it's got me thinking about the validation of our relationship the last few months I've felt all of this and still feel some of it. It's possibly something you'll never fully understand, the way they can move onto someone else so quickly. I'm sure your relationship was valid though. Your ex got with you in The first place for a reason. Don't doubt the good things you had because you DID have them. 1
Author conmorse Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I just feel like im stuck in a rut... What have you guys done or are doing that helped you get out of the hole?
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