MorbidFever Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I read a lot here before joining and continue to do so a couple times a week, because the support is wonderful and so many continue to give advice and help others through this painful process. What I've read about NC is, we need to protect ourselves and our feelings. Some get combative and accuse and tell you to stop intruding on another woman's life. This morning I was thinking of something else. How about protecting HIS feelings. It came to me after I caved yesterday and wrote him back. He responded and I could feel so much pain coming from his words. He is emotionally destroyed and broken and I did this to him. I have not seen him for 8 months and he told me he relives our time together continually every single day. That should make you feel good right? Wrong. It's damaging to him when he needs to move on in his life and even just a few checking in with how are you doing etc is going to prevent him from healing. I love him and care about him like nothing I've ever loved or cared about before. It's time to think about him and not me. It's over. No pinning for a friendship no matter how innocent. The whole time it's been how I feel. Today I am in serious agony for him and for his hurt. Think about this and make the choice to stick to NC, because you not only love yourself, but you love him too. 2
Cocochai Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Please don't do that to yourself!! Focus on a Your OWN healing process. He's the MM who decided to step out and create an emotional long term A with you. Sure he maybe struggling between doing the right thing, and stoping the A and you love each other but.... He still has a a FAMILY. You have your self worth and deserve to move on and heal and be with someone who will treat you right. 1
Author MorbidFever Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Cocochal - I get that and I'm not doing anything destructive to myself. I'm just looking at it from another angle and it helps.
RickFox Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Cocochal - I get that and I'm not doing anything destructive to myself. I'm just looking at it from another angle and it helps. and if I wanted to tug at your heart strings and get another crack at bedding you, that's pretty much what I'd say to you if you reached out. just another way of looking at it...... 2
Rollercoaster Rider Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 and if I wanted to tug at your heart strings and get another crack at bedding you, that's pretty much what I'd say to you if you reached out. just another way of looking at it...... Exactlly my thoughts...a little bit of minipulation going on here. Now his feelings are in your head...and you are feeling bad... HE'S A JERKOFF :-) 1
Learningtoletgo Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Hi! I'm new to posting on this forum (but have been lurking for many many months and reading for many many hours), but I am not new to NC. I had a year and a half affair (although we never said "i love u" and tried to keep it strictly fwb with pretty limited contact throughout) and I have been nc for about 5 months now. We ended it on amicable terms, but I do miss him daily. My situation is a bit different than many people on here because, like I said, we worked really, really hard not to get too emotionally involved and we only slept together once. I'm not trying to say that my affair wasn't as hurtful as the other affairs on here, it was horribly wrong regardless of how emotionally involved we were or were not, but I truly think that I didn't fall as deep as I could have. I cannot tell you how much I struggled not to fall completely for him. However, as hard as we worked at not being too emotionally connected, we did begin (at least I think he did...I definitely did) to feel that we were at a point where we were beginning to lose control. At that time we mutually went NC without much discussion. It was really really hard for me, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I care too much for him,my family and myself to break NC. Although I cannot comment really on whether your mm was manipulating you with his words (although I kind of agree with the other posters)I think that the way you are viewing nc is a good way to look at it. I do agree with the other posters that we all have to protect ourselves first and foremost, but I read once that " nc=love for all involved". I truly believe that if you really care for your mm as a person, then the best thing to do is to walk away.
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