mangolandin Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I work in quite a large company. About 3 months ago, we had a new guy come and sit in our open space, who has nothing to do with our business unit. So, for all intents and purposes this guy is totally unrelated to my daily work, my actual job, he just sits really close to me. I would see him watching me often and we would sort of do this eye game. We would talk and chat every now and again. I'm a very outspoken person and run a team, so tend to be quite busy during the day, while he is a technical guy, very English and quite shy (when it comes to interacting with most people in my business unit, as we all know each other really well and are very continental European, it's a culture clash of sorts). At the office Christmas party, he kept coming to speak to me and dropping hints; this that and the other. At first, I sort of ignored it, or played along. 5 hours of open bar later, however, I wasn't quite so resilient. He wanted me to come to this club (I had an early morning flight the next day) and asking me for my number. I was all, nah for awhile. Then he was waiting for me when I left (doesn't live far from me and convinces me we should share the taxi) and kissed me, telling me I shouldn't freak out about it, bla bla. He ends up coming home with me. We don't have sex, but some other things happened. He asks me if I like him, tells me how much he likes me and how he's been waiting oh so very long to kiss me. Very affectionate, super cuddly, etc. I still refuse to give him my number, so he takes my phone, puts his number in and asks me to text him next week when I'm back from my trip so that we can go out. Now, I'm totally skeptical at this point. I'm a woman, I've heard it all. Men are constantly trying to get in my pants, and while I know it's true that he's been looking at me, who's not to say that it's solely as a sexual object. But what intrigues me is that he didn't give me the usual man trying to get in your pants song and dance about how fit and amazing and gorgeous I am, he allegedly told me how he feels. I figure that anything that happens at an office Christmas party is probably an alcohol induced whatever, so I was planning on waiting and seeing him back in the office to decide what to do. Circumstances intervene and I decide to give it a go, on the off chance that this man is not entirely full of ****. We text sort of back and forth for a few days. On the second/third day, he suggests we meet up and that he comes to my neighbourhood. I'm happy with that, and then he says: actually, I'm already to x, come up to my neighbourhood. I politely decline as I feel that he needs to be making more effort than that. The next day I'm sort of whatever at work and I don't really go out of my way to speak to him. That night, at like 1am, he drunk texts me. I don't get back to this text message, ever. The following day after that, he's waiting around for me here, there and everywhere, and I ignore him. After work that day and the following day, he texts telling me how sorry he is, bla bla. So, after a few apologies, I give him a call that next day (Saturday) and we talk about it, and it's cool. I'm out with friends and so is he, but he invites me to a big party that evening, saying we can meet there and then go elsewhere. Initially, I was going to go with friends but I decide not to as that might create a high pressure situation. I turn up at this party, and discover that it is not a party at all. It is this guy and his four best friends sat around in one of their kitchens. All these guys: oh it's so great to meet you, and they know my whole life story. So I sit there, and chat with them for awhile. They're all taking the piss out of this guy; oh before she got here, you didn't stop speaking about her and now that she's here, cat got your tongue. And he was really embarrassed, all red and ****. Then another one of them pays me some compliment, I say thanks, and then another one goes: hey watch it, she's got a boyfriend (indicating this guy I was there to see). Now, I'm still skeptical. Maybe these guys are just trying to help their friend get laid, maybe it's true that he really likes me and they know he's shy and think I should know about it. Undecided. But in any event, he really wanted me to meet them-- otherwise why lie about this big party of 5 people. So, either I got paraded as in; I'm going to tap this, or I got introduced as in; I really like this girl and want you to meet her. So, finally we leave, we go for this walk. We talk all about the texting and I tell him that I'm not happy to be treated like a sexual object, etc. That night we had sex. This went well, very well. Again, super affectionate, etc. This is now the Sunday before Christmas. The next morning in bed, he shows me this picture off a whatsapp group chat, and glancing quickly, I see my name above it several times. We talk about our schedules and discover that he is going to be going home and coming back after I will have already left on my next holiday. So, we know we won't be seeing each other before the New Year. I was in a rush and get going, we're all happy holidays and bla bla. The next morning he texts me, how was the rest of your day, bla bla. This goes on for a few days, keeping in touch, until Christmas day. (Now, at this point, the only contact that I properly initiated was my first text message, even up until Christmas day, I wait for him to go first.) I go on my holiday, I come back. No text, no happy new years, no nothing. I still don't get in touch. Yesterday I was back at the office. I stop to say hi and happy new years after lunch. He says about six times that he didn't realise that I was back; oh didn't you leave on such and such a day? how was it? christmas, etc. I keep it breezy and go on about my day. That last Sunday when we saw each other, he lent me a pair of socks, which I had washed in the interim. As he was a bit off about lending them to me and as I hadn't heard from him in over a week, I figure I should give them back as a. I don't need them anymore and b. I don't need to keep them as an excuse to see/text him. I want him to want to see me, not his socks. Towards the end of the day, I send him a message (work intercommunication tool, not a text), telling him I have something for him and that he should stop by my desk and pick it up on his way out. He comes over and I point at this plastic bag in my handbag in my drawer, and I smile when he realises what they are. So, no one knows that I've given him something or what it is, as he put it in his pocket, I'd just like to add. I think he was really nervous or embarrassed, not sure which, as his face was beet red and he asked me questions that we had already discussed previously that day. He hangs out for a bit, asks me what my plans are for the weekend. We establish that neither of us have anything big planned, he tells me he's just going to the gym, bla bla. It's Saturday afternoon and I haven't heard from him. Now, I feel that if a man wants to be with you, then he's going to go ahead and text you and try to see you. I know that I'm the rule and not the exception. I can't decide if I'm just impatient and being too hard on this guy, and not taking into account our personality difference, or if I'm just a sexual object and he texted me post-sex to be polite and to keep his options open. I'm thinking to maybe text him this afternoon and see if he wants to grab a bite this evening, as a sign of encouragement -- what do you think? Or should I just wait it out and decide that this weekend is my cut off?
Secret Advisor Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I think that you've treated him rather casually, especially given that he is a shy guy. You've also sent him a lot of mixed messages so he may be waiting for a signal from you. I would text him but not suggest dinner as this is just a euphemism for more sex. Give him an opening to suggest getting together and see if he takes it.
Author mangolandin Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 By mixed messages, are you referring to these socks? Because I do have my doubts about doing that now, after the fact. And, so you're thinking it's possible that he's intimidated?
Sand Man Dan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 He likes you. Don't be so rigid and mechanical, be a little encouraging and don't be afraid to make moves on him! 1
Secret Advisor Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Mixed messages is everything going on in your head. He sleeps over, but you don't have sex. Next time, you tell him that you don't want to be a sex object and then you have sex with him. The instead of just dropping the socks off at his desk, you do the whole "I have something for you" routine. So yes, you are blowing hot and cold which could also be confusing for him.
Author mangolandin Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 No that's true! But, I did tell him I don't want to be treated as a sexual object when talking about this late night booty call text message, not that I wasn't planning on having sex with him full stop-- I figure this was clear from the first time he came over.
Secret Advisor Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 If you really like this guy, you are going to have to be patient and wait. Although men generally like to receive signs of interest or encouragement from a girl, sometimes it can lead to you being taken for granted. At the same time, you don't want to be so disinterested that he gives up.
newmoon Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 just start updating your resume, because if things go badly it'll be very hard to work with this person 1
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