AmIindenial Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) So I have been with my dude for 4 years...He is 10years older than I am.. We have a relationship that works for us. I am not the clingy type n he isn't either. We enjoy our space apart to do us.. I like to be alone sometimes to think about my day get stuff done etc.. we both work a lot too... so when we do see each other its fun.. we do dinners, movies, go to football games (he loves football n I have grown to love it too because of him). We can talk about anything.. Although we dont see each other everyday we do talk at least once a day even if its for 5 mins and we text countless times throughout the day about everything... I have met his family and he has met mine too.. I am very mature for my age so I feel like he gets me as do I (lol)... here is where the problem is. Everyone except for me thinks hes not into me.. I can say for a fact that out of 40 people only 2 or 3 people are in his corner. I used to think it was because he was no push over. He says what he thinks and doesnt care who it is to. Hes not rude about it but he won't hide his feelings either. It works for me coz hes honest. He just says what everyone else is thinking (sometimes) but afraid to say. This is just his personality he is like that with his mother his grandmother his daughter basically everyone I have seen him around... I am happy with him tho. And although we have never discussed marriage in detail I am hoping our relationship is leading to that. A friend claims she called him once and during the conversation he said he would never marry me; but that was 2 years ago and we are definitely 3times happier n stronger than we were then... Dont get me wrong its not all peaches and cream, we definitely have our fights and disagreements and go without talking to each other during those periods but its normal in every relationship... hes not controlling or abusive and I actually value his opinion very much. I run most things through him. He tells me about whats going on with him too and he listens to my opinions too (his word is not law n neither is mine, but we do hear each other out)I am just confused at this time coz I feel like my emotions are blinding me and everyone else can see something I cant. My question is can someone tell me what it is I am missing? Why does everyone but me and my 2 friends feel like he is not the one for me? Edited January 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added much needed paragraphs
Sand Man Dan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 So I have been with my dude for 4 years...Hes 10years older than I am.. We have a relationship that works for us. I am not the clingy type n he isn't either. We enjoy our space apart to do us.. I like to be alone sometimes to think about my day get stuff done etc.. we both work alot too... so when we do see each other its fun.. we do dinners, movies, go to football games (he loves football n I have grown to love it too because of him). We can talk about anything.. Although we dont see each other everyday we do talk at least once a day even if its for 5 mins and we text countless times throughout the day about everything... I have met his family and he has met mine too.. I am very mature for my age so I feel like he gets me as do I (lol)... here is where the problem is. Everyone except for me thinks hes not into me.. I can say for a fact that out of 40 people only 2 or 3 people are in his corner. I used to think it was because he was no push over. He says what he thinks and doesnt care who it is to. Hes not rude about it but he won't hide it either. It works for me coz hes honest. He just says what everyone else is thinking (sometimes) but afraid to say. This is just his personality he is like that with his mother his grandmother his daughter basically everyone I have seen him around... I am happy with him tho. And although we have never discussed marriage in detail I am hoping our relationship is leading to that. A friend claims she called him once and during the conversation he said he would never marry me; but that was 2 years ago and we are definitely 3times happier n stronger than we were then... Dont get me wrong its not all peaches and cream, we definitely have our fights and disagreements and go without talking to each other during those periods but its normal in every relationship... hes not controlling or abusive and I actually value his opinion very much. I run most things through him. He tells me bout whats going on with him too and he listens to ny opinions too (his word is not law n neither is mine, but we do hear each other out)I am just confused at this time coz I feel like my emotions are blinding me and everyone else can see something I cant. My question is can someone tell me what it is I am missing? Why does everyone but me and my 2 friends feel like he is not the one for me? Ask yourself... Does he engage you physically, regularly? Does he prioritize spending time with you? Or does he have you believing that you guys don't need to "spend every minute together" Do you honestly feel like the center of his world, emotionally? Because honestly it sounds like you want to get more serious but you don't feel comfortable telling him that. 1
SamB167 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 They could be right about the whole relationship, but how well do they really know both of you? I'm guessing the 2 friends of yours that think it can work know you both quite well. It could be they are saying it because they know thats what you want to hear. I've been in a relationship with a women 10 years older than myself. I think it's different when it's that way round, but in the end it didn't work out, we shared alot of interests, but the age made it more difficult than a relationship should be. Saying that I know people who are in relationships with an age difference, they are married, have a family. It's worked for them. Why can't it work for you? It really boils down to how you feel about the whole situation. Are you happy the way things are? If you feel it can work stick with it. 1
Author AmIindenial Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Ask yourself... Does he engage you physically, regularly? Does he prioritize spending time with you? Or does he have you believing that you guys don't need to "spend every minute together" Do you honestly feel like the center of his world, emotionally? Because honestly it sounds like you want to get more serious but you don't feel comfortable telling him that. He definitely doesnt have me feeling we dont need to spend time together. He actually complains sometines about me not making time for him because I work too much... We also have mad chemistry with each other.. so emotionally I feel we are fine.. Can I ask why you feel like I am chasing him or he's gone? Maybe thats what everyone can see lol
Author AmIindenial Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 They could be right about the whole relationship, but how well do they really know both of you? I'm guessing the 2 friends of yours that think it can work know you both quite well. It could be they are saying it because they know thats what you want to hear. I've been in a relationship with a women 10 years older than myself. I think it's different when it's that way round, but in the end it didn't work out, we shared alot of interests, but the age made it more difficult than a relationship should be. Saying that I know people who are in relationships with an age difference, they are married, have a family. It's worked for them. Why can't it work for you? It really boils down to how you feel about the whole situation. Are you happy the way things are? If you feel it can work stick with it. I 100% reason like you do... I am a very private person so my 3 best friends are the ones who really know the pros and cons of our relationship. Everyone else feels like 4 years is a long enough time and he should have married me last year lol... my stand is I am not in a rush to get married I am about to turn 31and although its past 30 I still have things I need to do in my life before I finallybsettle down with someone... I am very independent so I want to secure myself completely before I make that commitment.. is that wrong? Everyone else sees it from the stand point "you are 30 you need to get married and have kids" I do want all that but I dont want to be rushed into it.. is that also wrong?
SamB167 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 4 years is quite along time, but people out there are in relationships for longer that 10 years and still not married. They are happy in the relationship. Just because people are saying you should have gotten hitched by now is rubbish. They aren't you, they aren't in the relationship. As you said your not in a rush, let time play it's course, see what happens. I think if you're worried about your relationship your going to have to talk to him about your future. There's nothing worse than being in limbo about your future with him. As for me I hate not knowing. The problem is there's no right or wrong when it comes to how you want to live your life (ok drugs and stealing are definitely wrong, but you get what I mean) we don't work to a script. Life works on feelings... does it feel right, does it feel wrong, etc. Only you can decide what route you want to take. You can listen to them and do what they think you should do, but then whose life are you really living theirs or your own? Remember, certainly over here, women are becoming mothers later on in life anyway, your nearly 31 you still have time.
Sand Man Dan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 He definitely doesnt have me feeling we dont need to spend time together. He actually complains sometines about me not making time for him because I work too much... We also have mad chemistry with each other.. so emotionally I feel we are fine Then what are your concerns? Why make the post? My point is that you are dissatisfied at some level with your relationship. You want more, in this case it's more info. That's totally normal and understandable, and it's something he should have no problems giving you. Just talk to him and make sure you aren't (both) wasting your time if you want long term commitment and he doesn't.
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