irc333 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 The more and more I've done online dating, the more and more BITTER I'm seeing dating profiles. Some spew outright, vulgarities about their frustrations to online dating, to just passive-aggressive, digs and comments in their dating profile. I have to shake my head at certain profiles that have "evolved" through the years they've been on POF. They start OFF as the standard, garden variety "sweet" profile, then give it year it starts to look like a lengthy blog venting their frustrations out to their audience. I've heard men express the same thing in their profiles, too. So think about it, you have the majority of men AND women on these dating sites, all frustrated with the type of men that had emailed them, reciting their long list of "do not email me if...." lists, and so forth. Wouldn't displaying this in your profile be a deterrent EVEN for someone who COULD be your actual MATCH?
zebracolors Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Nothing wrong with being clear on what you would like in a potential partner. In fact I think its better to focus on this. But if you start listing so many of these traits and things you wouldn't want, I would think you are a little bit obsessive, like someone who is very particular about their food or something. (Like in When Harry Met Sally, I'd like the sauce on the side in a separate dish) But yes, if I was reading a profile and the guy seemed bitter, and certainly if there were vulgarities, I would tend to steer away from him. But at the same time I understand if they have frustrations, they are human. But it would be so awkward contacting someone who lists those frustrations, because they could already be waiting for you to do something to add to their lists.
Author irc333 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Right, like I've seen how some don't want smokers, or someone with an over abundant amount of tats or piercings stated in their profile. That's within' reason. But, though it's in written form, you can get a "tone" of even an air of condescension about the way they come off. I've seen one woman that had "small town, <state>" as her city and she was getting upset with men asking her in "what small town she lived in". Some profiles these people seem like they are completely talking DOWN to their audience, as if they were somehow better with us. I actually saw a woman that stated that she didn't like to cuddle in bed....that it "Crowds" her at night. Though, I would wonder why she would state what kind of nocturnal habits she'd like with her future "boyfriend to be" with a bunch of strangers is beyond me. LOL because they could already be waiting for you to do something to add to their lists. Yes, these are the kinds of people that are ALWAYS looking for something wrong, so if you are always looking for something wrong...you WILL find it!" lol Also, seeing a woman post, "Okay, I'm giving this site another shot, hopefully I won't get any douche'bags mailing me again", but I've learned when I email these women the most polite and well thought out email that's completely "anti-douchebag", I still don't get a reply. LOL Nothing wrong with being clear on what you would like in a potential partner. In fact I think its better to focus on this. But if you start listing so many of these traits and things you wouldn't want, I would think you are a little bit obsessive, like someone who is very particular about their food or something. (Like in When Harry Met Sally, I'd like the sauce on the side in a separate dish) But yes, if I was reading a profile and the guy seemed bitter, and certainly if there were vulgarities, I would tend to steer away from him. But at the same time I understand if they have frustrations, they are human. But it would be so awkward contacting someone who lists those frustrations, because they could already be waiting for you to do something to add to their lists. Edited January 4, 2014 by irc333 1
Disillusioned Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Many of those people are just dictatorial and incapable of giving affection, but they want to GET it. Many are narcissists and/or histrionics. I even met one IRL... she wasn't bad looking at all, but on our only date ever, she tried to use the Jedi mind trick on me---she stared intensely at me and told me what I WILL DO (she divulged that she was a caregiver for her younger brother, who is mentally disabled). What I did do instead was to get the hell away from her. 1
carhill Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 OP, I haven't really seen that in my local demographic but that's an extremely small sample size. One possibility is that, if the cost to post a profile is zero, kind of like posting here on LS costs zero, people post 'rant' profiles just like they post 'rants' here on LS. Another is the time honored dynamic of negative behavior garnering attention. I saw this up-close with a particular friend who went as far as to post quite a scathing and crudely satirical profile on a site where she was paying for membership space. The result? A full inbox. It didn't hurt that the camera loved her. That last part is probably instructive. If one is enamored of the messenger, the message is more easily digested.
Eau Claire Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Its different where live. The majority if profiles are upbeat and positive. There certainly are the negative nabobs with an acid edge to them and list of phobias towards the other gender, but they are not 'most'. I would think these profiles would help in your search. They give a quick insight into who NOT to answer.
Author irc333 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Funny you mention that, Carhill, I recall a rather very attractive woman, late 30's, impeccable shape. About 3 of her had professionally done photographs of her in a bikini in front of a Grotto/water fall at the pool resorts at the area hotels. You could see the signature watermark of the photographing company in the corner. Gorgeous woman, had one photo intensely running a marathon. But her profile, seething with sarcasm and condescension. She even said, "If you don't know what an ICU RN is, then leave me alone!" I guess some of those who don't recognize acronyms off the bat are screwed. But I figured out the RN, and only knew what ICU meant because, well, my dad was in ICU for his heart surgery, emblazoned on the walls of the hospital plaques. I was thinking, "Gee, doesn't she give anyone a break??" Oh, she even had an FAQ of the "lame" questions men keep asking her, though different men, they are repetitive questions constantly boring her. "Yes, I like my job" "Yes, I like to run both half/full marathons" Cripes, the sarcasm was never ending for her. But, then she'll get emails from men saying "OOOOOH, I'm not like thaaaat!" Women can get away with bitter profiles, men....not so much. OP, I haven't really seen that in my local demographic but that's an extremely small sample size. One possibility is that, if the cost to post a profile is zero, kind of like posting here on LS costs zero, people post 'rant' profiles just like they post 'rants' here on LS. Another is the time honored dynamic of negative behavior garnering attention. I saw this up-close with a particular friend who went as far as to post quite a scathing and crudely satirical profile on a site where she was paying for membership space. The result? A full inbox. It didn't hurt that the camera loved her. That last part is probably instructive. If one is enamored of the messenger, the message is more easily digested.
JourneyLady Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I'm curious how many of those negative profiles are being filled out too soon after a recent break-up. Or perhaps a number of "first dates" that didn't go well, leaving the person (I've seen it in males too), rather jaded and negative. I'm probably guilty of having done that once or twice, but as time goes on after being broken up a year I'm trending to more positive thoughts and it's probably reflected in what I say. Corresponding with someone who may be a good match now, after a year plus a "re" heartbreak. Especially when you break up with someone when you feel you *have* to (realizing they don't really love you, for example) and you see them move on quickly, it feels like a race sometimes. It isn't really - the first to bed someone else isn't always in the best relationship (and it really works the opposite way most of the time). (But it's a good thing your posts here aren't on your dating profile... Reading those, I'd be scared you'd find something wrong rather quickly.) I see similar stuff from guys, not as often perhaps. I think women are generally more reactive - it's just in our nature. When we are reacting to a breakup + lonliness and/or being taken advantage of, it's likely to come out in a profile. It's rather like those body odors we've become immune to, unless we actually take the time to check, we don't smell it. :-) Good luck in your New Year. Hope you find some good dateables!
JourneyLady Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Nothing wrong with being clear on what you would like in a potential partner. In fact I think its better to focus on this. But if you start listing so many of these traits and things you wouldn't want, I would think you are a little bit obsessive, like someone who is very particular about their food or something. (Like in When Harry Met Sally, I'd like the sauce on the side in a separate dish) But yes, if I was reading a profile and the guy seemed bitter, and certainly if there were vulgarities, I would tend to steer away from him. But at the same time I understand if they have frustrations, they are human. But it would be so awkward contacting someone who lists those frustrations, because they could already be waiting for you to do something to add to their lists. The funny thing about that movie is that in the end, Harry did love Sally in spite of the pickiness. Which is true about love, in that sense: what you dislike most, you often end up missing the most if you've spent decades with someone. Vulgarities yeah - I'd rule that out - definitely!
Thegreatestthing Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I never use to understand it,but now I get it. I have so many conversations everyday that don't go anywhere because it's all mismatched (still I suppose they are learning experiences) (I answer everyone btw,everyone needs love) but from now on I'm going to be very specific,so I don't have all these not good conversations. E.G was talking to some intellectual/geek guy yesterday, I know I don't usually get on with this type even though I'm quite intellectual myself,but thought he seems interesting,sure enough we ended up arguing I just felt all drained after. The one and only guy that Ive had a strong connection/chemistry with was exactly what I would have put down on a want list, e,g polish,artist,eccentric etc I don't know how he found me. Maybe if I put up what I'm not drawn to,and what I am drawn too I will get more of the same. The more and more I've done online dating, the more and more BITTER I'm seeing dating profiles. Some spew outright, vulgarities about their frustrations to online dating, to just passive-aggressive, digs and comments in their dating profile. I have to shake my head at certain profiles that have "evolved" through the years they've been on POF. They start OFF as the standard, garden variety "sweet" profile, then give it year it starts to look like a lengthy blog venting their frustrations out to their audience. I've heard men express the same thing in their profiles, too. So think about it, you have the majority of men AND women on these dating sites, all frustrated with the type of men that had emailed them, reciting their long list of "do not email me if...." lists, and so forth. Wouldn't displaying this in your profile be a deterrent EVEN for someone who COULD be your actual MATCH?
SpiralOut Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Yes, I've seen profiles that seemed great until I get to the bottom and see some pissy comment about something some woman did. I'll skip over that profile. If he can't even contain his irritation online, how do I know he'll contain it in real life? I actually had a date with a man who vented to me about what his last date said to him!!! I don't want that happening again.
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