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how to get back my belongings?


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Posted

Hello all,

 

so continuing on from my first post, I'd like to add the latest details of where I am at and I REALLY need practical advice on how to get my stuff back without causing more drama.

 

So this morning, I packed to leave for good. It was very early and I thought it would be a good time. After last night's fight, I was even more determined to leave.

 

BUT, my parents were downstairs. They saw me carry my luggage and a backpack. I was asked if I was leaving. I said I was. I was threatened not to come back. My mum told me that since I was leaving for good, then let this be my last presence in the house (i.e. no coming back to take the remaining stuff). I said I would come back after work today and she refused. She ordered me to take my stuff NOW. So I did. I took a few clothes. BUT, whilst I was doing that, she went to the door and blocked it. I tried to pass through, but she would not let me. She threw me back, and I fell to the ground. Thank God I had a backpack on my back. My siblings woke up, told her to let me go since I was a lost cause and there was no more they could do to save from from drifting towards evil things (I was likened to the son of a Prophet who refused to follow his father in the faith and became a non-believer!). The whole talk turned into me becoming corrupt, etc... They all know what I want: debauchery! I had enough of this talk, so since the door was blocked, I left through the window of the living room.

 

I am now at my university campus. I have nothing but my handbag (money, student ID, passport, keys). I called work to tell them I could no come today and tomorrow (at such a short notice, so now I am also scared of losing my job since I once had an absence and it was short notice as well).

 

My issues:

I need to take my belongings from their home, but they swore not to let me in. It is their house and they can control who goes in.

I am scared to death of going back to pick up my stuff and the following scenarios happening: a) they lock it so I cannot access it, but have to ring the bell, and they would not open, b) I manage to get in, but once they see me, drama would ensue.

 

How can I take my stuff back, by causing the least drama? I do not want to call the police as I had several negative experiences with them before and stopped trusting them. So no matter what happens, I will not call the police. They failed me repeatedly when I most needed them, so this solution is out of the question.

 

Please help me find a solution!!!

 

Thanks.

  • Author
Posted

Update:

 

I just spoke to my dad on the phone. He did not answer at first, but then he called me back. Perhaps hoping that I would apologise and go back?

 

I told him I was not happy and I am sure about my decision. He did not try to understand why I did it, but instead told me off about what I did: my leaving so dramatically this morning.

 

I asked him to try to understand my actions and not focus on just the act itself. He said there was nothing to understand; he's twice my age and thus knows that I will turn out badly. I told him to give me a chance and see how things develop when I am away. But he told me that he knows I am going to make a mess of myself.

 

Anyways, he reminded me that when mum prevented me from leaving this morning, she did it out of love. I agreed. I myself saw the fear in her eyes. She said 'I have failed'. My sister said that she did not fail, I failed.

 

Anyways, he told me that since I am so adamant on leaving, I should just come back and take all my stuff. However, although he said that, I am certain drama will ensue. Even this morning he let me leave. It's just my mum that would have none of it. I can't even ask him when is the best time to come back, or how to do it as painlessly as possible as he asked me not to call him again.

 

 

I am in such a messy situation. :'(

Posted

With all that you posted if you are set on leaving then all you can do is rip the bandaid off and go get the rest of your belongings and let the drama play out but don't participate in any of it.

 

Just go by at a time you know your Dad will be there.

 

If you are unsure about moving out then maybe the best thing to do is patch things up and come to terms with 'parents house=parents rules' and go from there.

 

Good Luck

  • Author
Posted
With all that you posted if you are set on leaving then all you can do is rip the bandaid off and go get the rest of your belongings and let the drama play out but don't participate in any of it.

 

Just go by at a time you know your Dad will be there.

 

If you are unsure about moving out then maybe the best thing to do is patch things up and come to terms with 'parents house=parents rules' and go from there.

 

Good Luck

 

 

I am not going back to live there. Even if I stayed, things would remain the same. This is why I left. I just need to get my stuff and then I will have peace of mind. I am scared of their reaction when they see me at their front door. They can refuse me entry and/or become abusive.

Also even if my father is there, he does not have much authority/control over the behaviour of the abusive members.

Posted

I believe that you can call the police and ask for a "domestic standby" to pick up your items.

Your parents have already demonstrated more verbal abuse since you left and therefore they wouldnt be allowed to engage you whilst you retrieved your things.

Posted

The drama or lack of it is something beyound your control.

 

I would consider asking help from a friend... that way you'd be protected, they would not abuse you in front of a stranger and you would get the help you need to minimize the times you have to enter the house.

 

Try to do it ASAP, so you don't have to miss work days anymore.

 

You are in the eye of the storm right now and have to remain strong!

I went through something similar, and the presence of a neutral person helped A LOT.

 

Hope it all gets better... wished we could help more!

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

Yikes, sounds like your parents are very religious and rigid and you're not in complete agreement? Congrats for escaping.

 

It's ridiculous of them and deeply annoying to not have the comfort of your own things, but what exactly do they have at the house you truly need at this point?

 

The police was a good idea from another poster, if that's not available I'd ask for another adult to like an aunt or uncle to intervene and do the moving for you, or siblings to get the few articles that are critical to you.

 

I wasn't clear why you called in and said you wouldn't be at work for two days. You have transportation, clothes, food and a place to live at school so take care of yourself and don't lose your job and stay in school!

 

I'm sorry this was your beginning to adulthood, but the best part of adulthood is you own your own destiny now and are only as beholden to your parents as you sign up to be.

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