littlemissc2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Hey everyone I am new here today and I'm after some advice if possible. I met someone around 6 weeks ago and then he went home for christmas. Since being home for christmas we have skyped a few times however I'm having an issue. We have made plans to talk or skype and he either forgets or doesn't get home anywhere near the right time and leaves it far too late to skype (12-1 at night) We have since spoken about him coming back a day earlier so I could spend the weekend with him. These plans then changed because another relative wanted to see him but he wasn't sure what time they were arriving. He said if they arrived in the morning he'd drive back that day (yesterday) so we could still have our weekend together. He then said my family think I should spend the day here so i'll set off early tomorrow morning (today) and come and get you for the remaining of the weekend. Lastnight we were textiing and I said I hope thing's go to plan for tomorrow as there have been alot of changes and cancellations this week and I'm beginning to get frustrated. Now he's angry at me for being upset. He is not reading his imessages (it shows when read) yet is sat on facebook when he should be driving back here. I have spoken with him this morning and reexplained why I am frustrated, anyone would be frustrated with this. I don't even know if our plans are going ahead anymore today. Can someone advise me please. I don't know if I am being far too sensitive here or what but I was raised that if you say you'll do something you do it unless you absolutely can't. We have not slept together yet (I know someone will ask) I'm 27 and he's 40 Thanks in advance.
Eivuwan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Six weeks into a relationship seems like it is too early to prioritize a gf over family during the holidays. 2
SamB167 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I think you should give it time, 6 weeks is not long, I agree with Eivuwan, Christams is a very family orientated time, see how it goes after this holiday period. I understand why you feel frustrated, it would annoy me too, you look forward to see and hearing him and it doesn't happen, not a fun situation to be in. He might also be acting like he is because he's that much older than you, and he doesn't feel comfortable about the relationship around his family. He might be worried they will ask questions that he's not comfortable with answering. Give it time see how it progresses.
Treasa Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 You seem like you're being awfully possessive, especially for knowing the guy for only a month and a half. Let go. Let him come to you if he wants to see you, and otherwise go about your life, stay busy, and have fun. You'll find out how he feels about you if you just let go.
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 The time home for winter break changes the dynamic. See how things are when you are both in your normal routines. If his behavior / courtesy doesn't improve you have some decisions to make.
HokeyReligions Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Six weeks into a relationship seems like it is too early to prioritize a gf over family during the holidays. Ditto. (I still cant 'like') Dating for only six weeks - I would not be frustrated if I were in your place and in his place Family First.
ThatMan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Can someone advise me please. I don't know if I am being far too sensitive here or what but I was raised that if you say you'll do something you do it unless you absolutely can't. You might want to take a moment to decide whether or not this sort of thinking is right for you. You are allowed to be frustrated. But it's also important to know how to manage your anger and stress. You can begin by being more compassionate and understanding. Maybe the realization that the past several weeks are very family orientated will help you feel better about this. Does your boyfriend know that you've been raised the way that you have? I ask because this sort of thinking might have consequences, especially when you're not very understanding. Bad things begin to happen when a person cannot openly share their plans without reprisal when something comes up. That nonsense doesn't fly with most people. Instead you can do nice things for yourself during the weekend. Try to be patient with yourself and give it time. You'll be able to see how much effort he places into being courteous as time goes on. Edited January 4, 2014 by ThatMan phone 1
Author littlemissc2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I understand its been christmas/new year and never expected him to put me before his family - more the point of I wanted him to keep to what he said rather than say it and do something completely different? I have been pretty understanding about it, gave him the benefit of the doubt Hey it's christmas we've all had family over, traditions, drinking ect. However as I said it's more the point of saying something and not following through on many occasions more than simply one. I have spoken too him since writing this post and I think he realizes now that all I wanted was what most people would do naturally rather than what has effectively turned into a broken promise. He didn't come home today but he's coming here tomorrow I'll see how that goes. My questioning stems from a few (3) bad relationships and where as one can attempt not to drag their past into their future sometime's your head say hey hang on what's going on here. Thanks to all that have posted I very much appreciate it.
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 OP, I agree with most here. Wait until the holidays are over, when he gets back. The holidays are a busy time of the year for most and plans often change. I can see him having a great time with his family until late and so getting on skype later shouldn't be a huge issue for now. Of course, he should not have promised to meet you on skype during an earlier time or informed you of the difficulty earlier. If he promises or says he will do things and does not in the future and it becomes an issue for you, then pay more attention to the relationship. BTW, I was also taught what your father taught you. I was also taught never to promise things. If someone says he/she is going to do it, it should be expected that it will happen. There are circumstances that make this impossible as you know, but it is a great perspective on how to live one's life. I always try to do what I say I will..holidays or no. 1
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