JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 When I was with my ex for 2 years I felt like I'm the luckiest guy in the world. She is really beautiful and hot. People always look at her.. Now we broke up I'm having this mentality of I will never find someone beautiful like her. Sometimes I was thinking maybe I just got lucky to have a women like that.. When I go date someone I am very picky and I was looking for a better version of my ex. How do I overcome this problem guys? Any thoughts?
legion113 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 When I was with my ex for 2 years I felt like I'm the luckiest guy in the world. She is really beautiful and hot. People always look at her.. Now we broke up I'm having this mentality of I will never find someone beautiful like her. Sometimes I was thinking maybe I just got lucky to have a women like that.. When I go date someone I am very picky and I was looking for a better version of my ex. How do I overcome this problem guys? Any thoughts? Why don't you ask yourself why looks are so important to you? My guess is low self esteem based on what you wrote..as if you were lucky to have her, you'll never find someone as good looking. Just think, what if women didn't think you were good looking enough, how would that make you feel about them? Maybe you aren't ready for a REAL relationship. 3
mantlefan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I am not sure if this is what you are feeling, but I had a GF for 5 years. I had a major crush on her within a couple days of meeting her, and she completely changed what I thought my "type" was physically. Now that we are over, I am worried that I will be attracted to similar looking girls as a way of trying to replace her. 1
Author JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Yea that's the problem "I'll never find someone as good looking as her" that is the problem that I want to go away. maybe because my ex is really beautiful.. Why don't you ask yourself why looks are so important to you? My guess is low self esteem based on what you wrote..as if you were lucky to have her, you'll never find someone as good looking. Just think, what if women didn't think you were good looking enough, how would that make you feel about them? Maybe you aren't ready for a REAL relationship.
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 You have to realize that looks aren't everything. Maybe you won't find someone who is as physically attractive but maybe they will be a better person. 2
legion113 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yea that's the problem "I'll never find someone as good looking as her" that is the problem that I want to go away. maybe because my ex is really beautiful.. In my experience, when you get to know someone, they can APPEAR really really beautiful, but that's because of the connections you have with them. I've looked backed on past girlfriends, sometimes years later sometimes met them, and thought..wow, I thought they were much much better looking than that. Truthfully some of my past firlfriends, how they looked is kind of blurry at this point. I don't really remember HOW they looked 5
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yea that's the problem "I'll never find someone as good looking as her" that is the problem that I want to go away. maybe because my ex is really beautiful.. Usually people date in their own league. If she was beautiful then you must be a good looking guy yourself. No worries. 2
InnocentMan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Beautiful women will put you in an early grave. One or two in a lifetime is fine, but a whole life of them isn't as great as you might think. The few dalliances that I've had with lookers has put years on me. Mix it up a bit with a couple of average ones. It re-charges the batteries if nothing else. 2
Author JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Also the other problem I'm having is since I dated that ex. I'm getting very picky on woman I wanted to date.. It's like I'm just looking for a duplicate of her. Same race, same skin, same hair color.. I know It might be very wrong but I don't why I'm having this feeling. sucks!
Author JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Problem is I think I'm a bit out of her league. I don't know maybe the break up affected my self confidence.. Usually people date in their own league. If she was beautiful then you must be a good looking guy yourself. No worries.
legion113 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Problem is I think I'm a bit out of her league. I don't know maybe the break up affected my self confidence.. Being rejected by someone is always a hit to your self confidence, maybe you should take some time off before getting back into a serious relationship. Just date casually for now, don't go looking for anything serious, get your confidence back being with a woman.
notthathard Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Dude if your were able to catch her in the first place then there is nothing stopping you from catching others of the same kind. A few of the hotties I know have dated guys where I have been like WTF.. they dont seem to care as much about looks as us guys.
Haydn Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Looks have always grown on me. Beautiful people are something they become as the relationship goes on. My ex was a stunner in my eyes but not in most other peoples. Thats not to say if Anne Hathaway texted me i wouldn`t be up for a session of coffee and being interested in her vase collection for purely individual reasons!
Kevin_D Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 You want to hear a sad story? When I was dumped for the first time, I decided that I shouldn't go for the popular ones anymore. Instead, I would focus on personality. So after a while I found my new girlfriend. My friends thought she was rather ugly and I'm sure they wondered "Has he become THAT desperate?". The thing is, she wasn't ugly. She was incredibly hot, but she wore loose fitting clothes, had a few extra pounds and a weird haircut. I constantly told her how beautiful she was. I encouraged her to show her beautiful face instead of hiding it behind a wall of hair and to wear tight jeans. And when she lost a few pounds, everyone suddenly said to me "WOW!?! How did you manage to get a girl like that?!". It was an incredible feeling. I wasn't shallow, because I loved her well before she became popular. And since she didn't care much for attention, she only had eyes for me... ...Until a few years ago, that is. Suddenly she would get 30 likes by random guys every time she uploaded a new profile picture on Facebook. Then she broke up out of the blue, stating that "she thinks she can do better than me", and most likely left me for one of those Facebook dudes that never cared about her before her "transformation". I guess the bottom line is, you might as well go for the most beautiful and popular ones from the beginning. They'll be harder to get, but if you get them, at least you know that they didn't pick you because "they couldn't do better".
Simon Phoenix Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yeah, it's time to be less superficial. I mean, physical attraction is a big part of what draws people together, but if that's all you see, then that's a bad thing. 1
chris21422 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 hehe sorry this is guys talk. You guys are so funny...
strive Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Also the other problem I'm having is since I dated that ex. I'm getting very picky on woman I wanted to date.. It's like I'm just looking for a duplicate of her. Same race, same skin, same hair color.. I know It might be very wrong but I don't why I'm having this feeling. sucks! Because you're not completely over her and you're looking for her clone. 2
Author JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 It's already been 4 months. we don't talk anymore. Is that normal?? Because you're not completely over her and you're looking for her clone.
FortunateSon Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It's already been 4 months. we don't talk anymore. Is that normal?? That is actually good, have no contact will help you move forward faster than if you would still be talking to her. Even though you may have the urge to contact her, don't. Take no contact as a good thing and keep moving forward by yourself!
newmoon Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 i completely understand this. as a female i was extremely attracted to my ex and his 'look.' so, while i HATE my ex and his qualities, the looks made me so happy i feel like you do .. how will i ever meet someone i am so attracted to again? the problem, or so friends tell me, is that i am being very superficial by focusing on looks, and that there are other qualities that should come first in a partner. so, perhaps just start to recognize that while no one may 'match' your ex, there will be someone who comes along who will be amazing in ways your ex was not :-) 1
strive Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 It's already been 4 months. we don't talk anymore. Is that normal?? there's not set timeframe in getting over someone. the rule of the universe is that you find the one thing you want the most the moment you stop looking. who knows, some day you'll find someone far better than her.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) OP - I can relate to this. I knew in a matter of days that my ex was not like anything I had ever experienced before. I still find her extremely physically attractive (obviously was more to it than that too, but yes, she is hot). No one I have met even comes close. Not trying to find another like her, but can't help but realize she was one of a kind in my eyes. I'm sure part of it was my infatuation with her and part is that she's a hottie. Quite a bit younger than me as well. And, like you, I do realize she may have been it. She may have been the pinnacle. But then, at the same time, this girl never really even loved me (I suspect, anyway) and pretty much used me for her own wants and needs for the better part of 3 years. So, I guess it's kind of a catch 22. It's all very confusing. NC helps!!! Edited January 6, 2014 by mtnbiker3000
chris21422 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Sometimes it's hard to date a >28 hot girls as they want to experience life and they are not ready to settle down yet. OP - I can relate to this. I knew in a matter of days that my ex was not like anything I had ever experienced before. I still find her extremely physically attractive (obviously was more to it than that too, but yes, she is hot). No one I have met even comes close. Not trying to find another like her, but can't help but realize she was one of a kind in my eyes. I'm sure part of it was my infatuation with her and part is that she's a hottie. Quite a bit younger than me as well. And, like you, I do realize she may have been it. She may have been the pinnacle. But then, at the same time, this girl never really even loved me (I suspect, anyway) and pretty much used me for her own wants and needs for the better part of 3 years. So, I guess it's kind of a catch 22. It's all very confusing. NC helps!!!
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Sometimes it's hard to date a >28 hot girls as they want to experience life and they are not ready to settle down yet. LOL!!! She was 28 when we got together, now is 32. Still a real looker!!! Part of me hopes she gains a bunch of weight and generally looks bad. Haven't seen her since last April, so who knows?? Childish as hell, but it would somehow make me feel a little better
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