freetolove Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I've been dating my guy for about 5 weeks now. He always says, he really likes me. He likes me a lot and he says, I LOVE your hair. I LOVE your body. I LOVE your personality. But he never says "I love you". There are times when I feel like saying it but I don't want to freak him out. Any thoughts? We're adults 30s and 40s
somedude81 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I've been dating my guy for about 5 weeks now. He always says, he really likes me. He likes me a lot and he says, I LOVE your hair. I LOVE your body. I LOVE your personality. But he never says "I love you". There are times when I feel like saying it but I don't want to freak him out. Any thoughts? Only five weeks? That's a month and a half. You seem to be pretty young expecting your guy to say he loves you so soon. We're adults 30s and 40s Oh. Yeah. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 1. If I were you (a woman) in such a young relationship, I would not say it. Too much at risk and men are more prone to freak if they heard such words so early. 2. I told my late wife after 2-weeks of dating that I loved her. She was flattered, but not exactly on the same page. But being the guy, it was a little more palatable. 3. I would wait for him to say the words...i had a different belief just a few months ago, but I am more and more convinced that such words should come from the man first.....
carhill Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 OP, you might find this similar discussion to be informative. My advice remains say it when you feel it. No animals will be harmed.
married2school Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 OP, you might find this similar discussion to be informative. My advice remains say it when you feel it. No animals will be harmed. I was just wondering if the advice given on here would be different because of the age difference.
Author freetolove Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I"m not expecting him to say it, I'm just curious when would be an appropriate time, few months, one year?
carhill Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I was just wondering if the advice given on here would be different because of the age difference. I was the stated age when dating the lady who would become my wife (now exW) and I recall telling her I loved her after about six weeks of regular dating and a few stayovers (we lived about 60 miles apart) but before we had any sexual relations. She was a stranger to me before we started dating. There's no rule saying courtship cannot be equal opportunity. If it works out, it works out. If not, not. If the guy runs away from a ILY, then he does and it wasn't meant to be. That's my perspective.
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It's appropriate when you feel it. He's slowly making progress toward the big declaration & for now just seeing how the word "love" feels rolling off his tongue.
MalachiX Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I don't know. Saying, "I love you" is a pretty big deal for me but some people seem inclined to say it super early in a relationship. Five weeks seems pretty early and more the kind of thing you'd expect with someone in their late teens or early 20s (no offense). I'd say it when you're 100% sure you love the other person and you sense they feel the same way about you. I have a friends who I would admit to "loveing" in a platonic way yet that always took far longer than five weeks. Granted romantic feelings tend to evolve faster since you're usually spending more time with the other person but I'd really advise against jumping the gun.
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It's appropriate when you feel it. He's slowly making progress toward the big declaration & for now just seeing how the word "love" feels rolling off his tongue. This is possible, but his use of word love within the context of what the OP has described could be nothing more than inflated admiration. I've used the word within such context in the past with women I've dated, but did not lead to me ever saying the I love the whole person for the sake of a committed, LT relationship with wedding bells in the horizon. OP, he likes many of your attributes a lot. That's all I see from what you have shared.
EmilyJane Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I'm sort of in the same place as you OP. only 6 weeks and I'm biting back the words now and then. Mostly because I'll be damned if I am going to be the one to say them first! but also because I'm pretty sure it's more like "I like you so much I'm going to love you very soon". And also I'm aware how fast things are going, we've already done the parental introductions and Xmas together. I don't think there is time limit on when it's ok. It's either ok and you both feel it or you don't.
Art_Critic Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I think if you feel it you say it and don't wait a second too long... What a shame it would be to have a feeling like that and not share it with the one you feel that way about.
carhill Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Something I learned from being married is that one can only know for sure what is in their own head and heart and everything else shall forever remain a mystery at some level, hence expressing terms of endearment and intimate phrases like 'I love you' is always a very personal act and one which entails some risk and vulnerability. If one wants to play with the big dogs of interpersonal relations, one must assume some risk. OP, did this gentleman approach you and ask you out on a date, back in the beginning of your dating experience? If he did, walk a mile in his shoes...think about it. From what I read in your OP, he's using the word 'love' a lot, relative to you, so, while risk is always there, I'd feel pretty confident about expressing ILY if I felt that way, in your shoes.
InnocentMan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 People tend to get fixated on the actual words, and when to say it/hear it. The truth is, it doesn't really matter. It's not something you hear or say, it's something you feel. If you love someone, you know it, and if they love you, you feel it. Any mug can say it, but proving it is a different ball game. In this instance, actions really do speak louder than words. This will probably upset the insecure among us, but a need to say it/hear it early in a relationship is a character weakness, that they really should work on. Having said all that, the two women I loved, I told them both after a week, lol. 1
married2school Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I was the stated age when dating the lady who would become my wife (now exW) and I recall telling her I loved her after about six weeks of regular dating and a few stayovers (we lived about 60 miles apart) but before we had any sexual relations. She was a stranger to me before we started dating. There's no rule saying courtship cannot be equal opportunity. If it works out, it works out. If not, not. If the guy runs away from a ILY, then he does and it wasn't meant to be. That's my perspective. Just to make sure I wasn't unclear, I wasn't talking about the OP's age difference. I was talking about the difference between her being in the 30's to 40's range and then you referencing my thread and me being 23. I sincerely appreciate your advice being the same regardless. Sometimes I think everyone might be a little too quick to jump judge or make assumptions about us younger folk.
carhill Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Apologies....I incorrectly thought you were the OP.
Mascara Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 My boyfriend and I are 30s and 40s also. He said it after about 2.5 months. I do feel at a more advanced age you are more likely to be able to recognise lust versus the real thing, because you've experienced both, several times over. So you perhaps identify it as "love" earlier, therefore say it earlier. I think when it was in my 20s, it was more around the 4/5 month mark.
EmilyJane Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Hahahahahahaha! I've just discovered the simplest way - just wait until the next time he goes out with his mates, has a few and rings you because he misses you - he'll accidentally blurt it out when he says goodbye - that's what mine just did - hilarious!! Maybe don't do what I did but and start laughing? So cute
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