Should/do long lasting relationships "just flow" or does it take work?

[Zoyalover]

Please help, I really need to know...

[TheGuard13]

A nice balance of both.

[Silly_Girl]

I have had a relationship that required so much 'work' I was practically a shadow of myself. Awful. Didn't know when to give up. Thought I could fix it/him.

 

I'm in a relationship now (but not yet 2 years) where zero effort/thought is required. It flows and is easy, fun and loving. But it's fairly new so I assume at some point, as other factors kick in, the effort requirement will be there.

 

Why do you ask? Are you having to work too hard? Not work at all?

[InnocentMan]

Yea, anything longer than three years is a total ballache, in my experience.

[CrystalCastles]

Well, a relationship has its ups and downs. During the ups, there's plenty of "flow". During the downs, both partners have to work on the relationship to bring it back up. So I would say both.

[Zoyalover]

I have had a relationship that required so much 'work' I was practically a shadow of myself. Awful. Didn't know when to give up. Thought I could fix it/him.

 

I'm in a relationship now (but not yet 2 years) where zero effort/thought is required. It flows and is easy, fun and loving. But it's fairly new so I assume at some point, as other factors kick in, the effort requirement will be there.

 

Why do you ask? Are you having to work too hard? Not work at all?

 

 

Ok thank you so much Silly_Girl. I'm asking because I feel like I'm at a cross road. I really love my ex and he really loves me but we just don't see eye to eye and have a hard time communicating with each other. I feel like I want to put in the necessary work with him that we did before but he feels we should just flow and says he doesn't feel like putting in the work. He is in school, has a daughter and working PT, but is nothing different or new because he was doing this when we got together and moved in together.

 

Back story:

We have been broken up for 7 months and he came back after NC consistently for two weeks (the other time he would break contact with texts and calls and I would respond ) saying that he wanted us to date, take things slow and get to know each other to see if we could be together. For me he was moving way too slow since when we first started, it was like a blast off... I think the problem is me. I lack patience, am uncomfortable with the friendships he has with his exes, and don't understand why he is so private with things. He feels like nothing he does is good enough for me and that I always want more. He also feels that when I express to him how I feel that I am complaining. I am not sure if I know how to express to him how I feel correctly in a way that does not come off as a complaint. I told him yesterday that I think we should just be friends due to being afraid of what would be waiting at the end of us dating slowly. I fear being rejected again by him.

 

I'm sorry if that's too much info but I really don't know what to do.

[whichwayisup]

Every relationship has it's ups and downs but in a healthy way. Those relationships that leave you drained and tear stained, confused and on/off again are not healthy ones and probably not worth it, unless you (general you) like drama...And some people thrive off of it, the arguing/fighting, making up/make up sex to keep their passion and relationship fun and exciting.

 

A healthy relationship flows but needs efforts made by both people. It takes two to keep a loving and happy relationship/marriage last.