DALIFAN Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Imagine you were with a person for 3 years, it was your first love and you were truly in love with that person. That person ended up really breaking your heart and it took you years to get over it. However you still ended up staying friends. The relationship that followed was dominated by your current gf/bf being constantly jealous about your ex, thinking she/he still wants you or you still love them etc... Though you've constantly tried to reassure your then gf/bf about not loving your ex anymore, it didn't help and it ended up ruining the relationship. That first love (first ex) has changed a lot since then and you don't recognize the person you used to be with anymore and the now version of her/him even annoys you at times.. BUT!! Is it possible to still be in love with what your ex used to be though not loving the present version of her/him at all? Be in love with the memories of the past relationship? How do you get over that?
Oomlotte Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It's absolutely possible and you probably never will get over it fully. That first person is special for so many reasons and you'll never lose the soft spot for who you were and who they were and who you were together BUT neither of you is the same person now. That's probably the closest to getting over it you can get - realizing how much you have grown and your expectations and needs have changed and knowing who is and isn't capable of fulfilling those needs and fitting this new person.
Sand Man Dan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It's absolutely possible and you probably never will get over it fully. That first person is special for so many reasons and you'll never lose the soft spot for who you were and who they were and who you were together BUT neither of you is the same person now. That's probably the closest to getting over it you can get - realizing how much you have grown and your expectations and needs have changed and knowing who is and isn't capable of fulfilling those needs and fitting this new person. On-point. I've been struggling with getting over the memory of who I thought she was, or the good times that will never come back. I will never be the same man I was when I met her...maybe I was a boy. Who knows. I learned so much valuable knowledge and learned how to let someone go. I learned that you leave when you see a red flag. And I learned that people have the capacity to be brutal to you. I'm over her because I can see what kind of person she is now. But the memory of what I thought she was...I'm not sure ill ever fully recover. I fundamentally lost a little bit of faith in people because of her, and I don't know if that suspicion will ever go away. I hope I can love the same way again.
salparadise Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 However you still ended up staying friends. The relationship that followed was dominated by your current gf/bf being constantly jealous about your ex, thinking she/he still wants you or you still love them etc... Though you've constantly tried to reassure your then gf/bf about not loving your ex anymore, it didn't help and it ended up ruining the relationship. Yes, it is possible to still be in love with that person, or with the memories and feelings from the former relationship. As Dan said, it's important to learn to let go. It's one thing to remain on friendly terms, but quite another to try and be friends. It's different for the dumpee than for the one who ended it. They often stay stuck and hold onto hope that the other person will realize their mistake. How could you ever expect the next relationship to withstand the enduring attachment to your ex, especially if you remain in contact under the guise of being just friends? How would you feel if you went to a restaurant they still had dirty dishes on the table from the previous party? Do yourself a favor and buss the dishes, wipe the table and change the tablecloth before your next relationship. You already know what happens if you don't. It's not fair to the next person to expect them to accept a triangular arrangement with you and the previous ex.
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