All of this is my fault.

[Afailure]

Hello there members of loveshack,

I have been reading this forum for a few months now and now i thought i would do something i would never do,tell my story online,but now,now i understand the excruciating pain of losing what you cherished the most.

Bear with me as this will be one very long post,so grab some chips,some juice and join me on my journey.

It was a long distance relationship.She lives with her mother with rent in my city as she came here for college and uses to go home on weekends.

This happened 8 months ago but i cannot cope.

 

 

 

So here it goes:

It was a long distance relationship.She lives with her mother with rent in my city as she came here for college and uses to go home on weekends.

 

 

 

I'm 20 years old like my ex girlfriend,and i never had a girlfriend until now.I blame it on the fact that I'm not too confident about myself,about my looks though i work out and some people say i look good but i know they are just polite.

So,as i said,i never had a girl because of lack of confidence but also because i wanted something serious and every girl i took interest in(note i said interest,not fall in love) proved to not have the most beautiful personality or they were not interested in me.

 

 

I started to loose hope,started imagining myself as being alone forever,that i would never find a serious girl that would like me.That is until i met her.My god,the most beautiful,gentle and caring girl i've ever seen.We both attend the same college so i see her almost everyday.I thought no way she could be single,but lo and behold somehow we started talking,tell jokes and laugh when we would meet in the class room.She would also stop by to talk to me when we would meet in the hallway during breaks,so i decided to get more "personal",eventually i asked her if she had a boyfriend,she said no and i couldn't believe it so i took my chance and one day invited her out to get to know each other better and she accepted,so we agreed to meet in the weekend and i just could not believe,this beautiful angel interested in me?And indeed she was,as that i had to remain after classes ended i stood outside to talk with my fellow group mates and she appeared,and did something unexpected,grabbed my hand.I mean i was so happy,a girl this beautiful took interest in me (yes i know this is sad)

 

 

So we meet,we get something to eat,go watch a movie at the cinema after we eat,everything went perfect.I drive her home and arrange a second date in park the next day,she said yes.I was happy.I fell for this girl,and i fell real bad.So we meet the next day,and the kiss on the cheek turns into a long romantic kiss on the lips,it was me who initiated but she didn't back off ,she hugged me harder and continued kissing me.yes this is at the second date,a bit rushed i know,but i so loved this girl i couldn't contain myself and by her reaction she wanted it too.

So after we kiss,she smiles and says that i caught her by surprise,i apologize saying i didn't mean to do something that would bother her and that i would understand if she would be upset,she said it's ok,she was just caught by surprise.I tell her i love her,and she tells me she likes me too.

So we go for a nice walk in the park,we joke,we laugh,we kiss,everything went well.

We used to sit next to each other in the class ever since then and she tells me that she also never had a boyfriend.I just couldn't believe it.

 

Fast forward a week into our relationship,on a friday,we go for a walk in the park as we usually do after we finish all classes that day and she tells me she can't meet me on saturday as a former classmate of hers from highschool wants to invite her out girl's day out to talk about how she is doing,i said "ok,but maybe if your friend can't make it anymore we'll meet and go out again?"she said sure.

 

 

So saturday comes along,and usually she would call me but this time she didn't.so i called her,and asked her if i could come along with her,jokingly saying i would just be the bodyguard,she said ok.Now i know girls don't like if you're clingy and suffocate them and they want some breathing space but this was my first relationship and was deeply in love with her.

Anyway,she said she would call me when her friend would call her to meet as they didn't had a fixed hour when to meet.Eventually,her friend doesn't call her and won't answer her phone calls and so the meeting naturally didn't take place,i asked if we would still meet and said she didn't know as she wanted to clean her place.I said ok and we end the conversation.

Now we have been dating only for a week,but i thought something was off,as in she liked me but didn't love me.So fear took hold of me,i thought she was seeing someone else, so i called her and the conversation went on like this:"Hey there,look,i can sense there is something wrong with you,i feel like you're pushing me away,do you want us to continue?I need to know so i can know if i should continue to keep investing my feelings in this relationship",her answer was that "I really like you,but this is my first relationship,i feel like there's a storm in my head.I think we should take a break so i can clarify my mind".I agreed,we end the conversation and i couldn't believe it,i thought i lost her,10 minutes later she called me,my heart stopped,she asked if we could meet,i said yes,i go to her place and wait for her outside the door,she comes out,goes in for a hug and kiss,i back off and i ask her"Look,i love you with all my heart but i need to know if you feel the same for me so i can know if i should invest my feelings in this relationship anymore" so she starts crying,she says she's sorry,that she's a fool and she wants to continue,i hug her,she hugs me,we go for a walk in the park where she became very affectionate with long hugs and kisses,the day went well,i walk her back home and all goes well.

 

 

Now,3 weeks go by ,my birthday is coming up,and i decide to invite her to my place to eat a pizza and and just relax,as it was really hot outside and that she would meet my father as i live with him because my parents divorced when i was 13 and i decided to remain with my father.

She was kinda scared because we didn't even have a month together and said even though although everything seems fine we are kinda rushing things,so after some persuasion she calls her mother,and tells her i invited her to my place to spend my birthday.She accepts,we go home,i present her to my father who after meets her,leaves because he had some work related stuff to deal.I did this because i wanted to show her i was serious,even though maybe it was rushed but i did with good intentions and to show her that basically i'm not with her to get into her pants and leave her.We eat,joke and laugh and drive her home (we didn't do anything sexual).She was happy,said her parents really wanted to meet me too,and maybe during summer vacation when we would be relaxed she would take me to her home to meet her folks,i said when ever you wanted.

 

 

 

 

Now everything goes well.We make it to 1 months mark and everything goes well.Then everything starts going downhill.Like i said above,she would usually go home on friday and returned on sunday to meet me,she basically went for just one day.

So,one friday,she has to go to her highschool to collect some money as prize because of her grades,and we couldn't meet,she said she would call me when she was done.I said ok.

So that day comes along and she calls at like 5 pm that she's in the bus on the way home with her mother,she didn't call me until which cause my idiotic mind to go on a panic.So when she called me i kinda yelled her"why the hell didn't you call me,i was so worried"she told me to calm down because other on the bus could hear me.I said i'm sorry,that i didn't mean to,she said it's ok and will call me when she gets home.

The call ends,and after the call ends i just wanted to take a hammer and smash my skull,i didn't mean to do it,it's just that she meant so much to me that i was scared,go ahead and tell me i'm a jerk i deserve it.

So she gets home,calls me,and to my surprise isn't upset at all,she is happy,we joke and we laugh and i tell i'm sorry for being a moron,and she said it's alright and she understands.

 

 

Things go well from there on except for some bumps,the only thing she wanted to with me was to go for walks in the park which sometimes annoyed as that was all we did,we would have some conversations as to why she would never come over at my place.She said her parents wouldn't let her for now,maybe after some more time like a year together she would come.I understand why she did this,she was afraid of me using her and just wanted to be sure of me.

And when we would go in the park when we would be alone on the bench on more remote areas(she wanted more remote areas to not be crowded)i would touch her in more intimate places like her breasts or put my hand on between her legs,and we barely had 1 month together,sometimes she would not feel in the mood and told me,but i would continue to do it(more rarely) because i loved her and i wanted her so bad.YES i know most of you women on here would have slapped me and left me there BUT as perverted as it may seem i DID NOT do it with the intentions of doing something bad.Yes call me a jerk,disgusting,as i deserve it,i did it because i loved her,and she was driving me crazy(she did not dress obscene at all,would never shirts that would expose even a bit of her chest).She was so well mannered but as i said, i did these things because i wanted her,i wanted her so bad and she was the ONLY ONE i ever wanted.

So naturally we start talking about sex,she was never with a man and i was never with woman so we were both virgins.

So she says she's not yet ready and i say i understand and ask her when did she think it would be the right time for this,and she said after marriage and i said ok BUT everytime we talked about it she said that maybe when we were alone like going to the sea together or during the summer vacation which was closing by we could do "something".I said ok when you are ready.

This happened at about 1 month and 2 weeks into our relationship,things were fast,too fast i know.But i was blinded by my love towards her that i could not see these things as "red flags".

A few days later,when we were out in the park she seemed distant,strange.So i asked her what was on her mind.She said she started to want me in a more intimate way,and that she never thought that these feelings would happen so soon.I told her it's and that sex brings people closer.

So i walk her back home and she was alone,so we started kissing in front of her ,then things got hotter ,i started to put my hand under her shirt to touch her breasts and i could see she started to get excited,but we were in the hallway and at any moment one of her neighbours could see us,so we go inside her apartment when i could see she's scared but i assure there's nothing to worry about.The only she agreed on was to remove her shirt and bra and nothing more,i agreed.This was the most intimate we got,we kissed,hugged for a while and that was it but we had to stop because it was getting out of control and i agreed because i wanted to show her that although i too desire her in a more intimate way,i would respect her wish until she was ready.So i put my shirt on and leave for home.

I get back home,i call her,as i usually would,and she seems scared,she says it was a strange day but that she thanks me for stopping and not taking it further.I told her it's ok,that i love her and respect her.

 

So a few days later exams start,she told me our meetings would be more rare so we could study and i agreed.So exams come,and ok weekends she goes home and back one day before the exam,on one exam day she is scheduled before me and i am after her,so she waited for me outside till i was done so we could go for our usual walk in the park.So first exam is done,we go for a walk and she seems distant.It was really hot outside and i wasn't feeling very well so i invited her over to my place to just relax,she refused again mentioning her parents wouldn't let her.I kinda got sad and told her i can't just always go for walks in the parks or movies at the mall.She got a bit angry and told me that she noticed we kinda got cold the last few days.I told her it was because she went home and didn't see each other.But eventually we calmed down,blaming it on stress and heat.This was a red flag but i ignored it because i loved her and thought it to be just a little misunderstanding like some couples have.

 

All is well that day until a few days later when an old neighbor of hers whose apartment is right in front of hers is found dead.So she calls me out of panick and tells me the whole story of how the cops had to knock her neighbor's door down and found her body decomposed and that was scared.

But during our talk she kept excusing herself for telling me this and is sorry if she disgusted me,i said it's ok,that i will always be there for her as she was my queen.So kept telling on how the police found her neighbor but would never stop excusing herself.So,without intention i raise my voice at her,telling her to stop excusing herself as i'm her boyfriend and i will always help her.Because of this she started crying and told me she'd call after 5 minutes.

I could not believe this,i made her cry,i made the love of my life cry and at that moment i felt like complete piece of crap,i just wanted her to stop excusing herself because i would always be there for her.So she called me a few minutes later and i asked if she wanted to go out for a walk so she would forget about what is going on at her place,she said no as it is ok and that we have to study and did not want to bother me and said that we had to study for the exams,i said it's no bother and was getting ready to get dressed to meet her but she said no so i told her ok but if she needed,i would come to her to help her if she needed me.

 

So a few more days go by,and we have one last exam.I was stressed because i wasn't doing well at this class and wasn't sure that i would pass the exam.So as usual,exam ends,she waits for me to finish taking the exam also.

At this point we were 1 day short of our 2 months anniversary since we began our relationship.

 

So i finish,we go for a walk in the park again,i was really tired and stressed,so i try to lighten the mood up a bit but talking about something else and make her laugh,and i did,for a while.Then the sex talk came up again,she said she was looking on the internet for protection methods but that she isn't ready yet,to which because of the amount of stress i respond"but when will you be,after marriage?"then she gets angry and responds"is there a problem with that,some people wait until marriage" and i continue making it worse by responding"most boys won't wait more than 2 months",then she said"then be like other boys"and starts acting cold towards me.I could sense her anger.She was thinking of breaking up with me,i panicked and started tearing up a bit and told her"you want to break up with me now don't you?".She looked at me angry and told me she wants go home and think about it,so we get up and start walking towards to bus stations.At this point i was dying,i knew i messed up,i knew i shouldn't have said that,i didn't mean anything by it,i just snapped because of stress but i did not mean to sound as if I would break up with her if she didn't have sex with me.

As we were walking towards the bus station i kept telling her i'm sorry,i didn't mean anything by it,that i did not want to hurt her,that i know i said something stupid,but i loved her,and that i thought by presenting her to my father she would see that i'm not after physical satisfaction.

So we stop by the bus station and i keep telling her how i'm sorry and she tells me she never should have gotten a boyfriend and should have minded her business and i felt like a truck hit,so i tell that i understand,that i'm sorry for doing some stupid things but that even though sometimes i know i'm annoying i never had any intentions of harming her and as i leave she grabs my hand and asks if we can go back in the park.I feel relieved.

 

In the park she tells me,that i should give her more room to breathe and she wants to go out with her friends too.I said i understand,but i never ever told her she couldn't hang out with friends!

So i walk her back home because felt tired and stressed and agreed to meet up again in the afternoon.

We meet up again,we go for a walk and everything seems fine.

 

Now,at our college,we have to participate in a practice stage where we are sent to different institutions for about 3 weeks. and make a journal as to what we learned for there.

So during this stage we met for 2 weeks and everything seemed fine,she would talk about how she looked forward to finish all the exams and spend the summer together.

So.on one friday,she goes home but we talked about meeting again on monday and everything seemed well,we talk on the phone where she says i seem sad,i tell i'm not sad i'm just tired and can't to finish up with these exams.

So monday comes along,and i log in on facebook,and i notice she comes online too but doesn't talk to me,so i open up the conversation and she seems distant,i ask if we're going to meet up like we planned and says no because she's coming back in town late.

I could sense her being cold and distant,so i did a big mistake,i called her and the conversation went like this:"

me:"i've noticed you changed,you seem distant,has your love for me faded?"

her:"no"

me:"do you want us to continue,tell so i can if i should keep investing feelings in this relationship anymore"

her:"you know what?sometimes i don't think we match.some people are happier when they talk,the last few days you didn't such a pleasent tone with me."

me:"i'm not sad,i'm just stressed out because of these exams."

her:"if you say so.Look i can't talk anymore,my father is calling me,i'm sorry we're doing this by phone"

And she hanged up,i couldn't believe,did she break up with me?I waited till night and texted "good night,i was waiting for a sign that you would call me when you would arrive safely in town."

She called me back,she was cold,distant and i asked her if is she alright.She said she thought about what i said,about relationship and reached the conclusion that she didn't feel the same for me as she did in the beginning and saw no point in us continuing ,so i did what every man did when he heard he was losing the love of his life,i tried to talk to her,asked her why,and she said it was ever since that argument in the park about sex.

I tried,and tried to convince her to think again,i cried,she cried and the whole talk lasted about 2 hours but to no avail.I also told her some things i did not mean like "you never loved me,why didn't let me meet your parents."i said these due to my feelings at the moment.

 

And so a week passes by,i cannot sleep,eat,i lose a lot of weight,i cry everyday,i check my phone hoping she would call me and say that she misses me.

So it's the last day of practice period,and we have to present our journal,i finish the presentation and i walk out of the classroom and walk by her back,she quickly turns around and grab my shoulder and says hi,we talk about how the presentation went i said fine,now i read that they should see you happy,with no cares,and i acted that way.She told me she didn't delete the pictures of us or my phone number.

I tried asking her out that same day but she said that we'll talk on the phone.So before we split up to go home she said she's sorry that she knows that maybe she expects too much but ever since that argument she lost feelings and that i did not respect her words.

I tell her that i'm sorry,that i did not want to hurt her,and that arguments are tests for a relationship.She said nothing but looked down,so i pat her on the shoulder before goodbye,she grabs my arm,i take her hand in mine and then we just stand there for a few moments,then we say goodbye.

I called her the next day asking if we would still meet and she said she's leaving for home,i told her to take care and safe travels.

 

The relationship lasted from 20th of april to the 1st of july.So it all lasted 2 months and 2 weeks,not much i know.

 

But i loved her,i loved her so much and she was right,i wasn't the best boyfriend.I imagined myself as being the best boyfriend once i find a good girl,but i wasn't, i failed,i let my fears,my depression and jealousy get me and i lost my girl.

On days that she wouldn't call me often i would call her and tell her i was worried.

I spent the next 2 months analyzing what i did wrong and i realised what i did so i contacted her on facebook,first i asked how she was doing and how's her vacation but then i broke down as i could bear it.

I told her i realise what i did wrong and that i'm sorry,i never intended to hurt her and that now i know to be patient and calm,her answer that the past is the past and that we both did mistakes and that she wanted to remain friends then logged off because she couldn't stay anymore.

I was destroyed,crushed,it didn't go as i thought it would.So in a fit of depression i deleted her off facebook and her number from my phone.

That was in september.fast forward in october when college starts,she sees me in the classroom but turns around quick and sits at a distance,i walk past by her and don't say a word but i could feel her looking at me.

A few weeks go by and she starts saying hi to me but just hat,i start talking to her,try to ask her out again but you all know the classic "i don't know,i'm busy"

So i ask her one day if she could stay after class so i could ask her something she says yes and after class i ask her"do you want me to leave you alone,just say it and i will respect your wishes"she said that she has nothing against saying but just that,she doesn't want anything further.I say ok but leave again crushed.

2 weeks later i prepared myself a speech to say to her in which i told i realize all the wrong things that i did and that i would like another chance.I kept it short.Needless to say it didn't work as her answer was that she is not interested in anyone at the moment and that she said that we don't match.

I left yet again crushed.But i said i would not give up.So i started writing a letter,one in which i would pour my heart out and yet again admit my mistakes and would ask for one last chance.I waited for a month for things to cool down and give it to her.So i wrote it,and handed to her at college after classes so that she could read it at home in peace and quiet.She accepted the letter.

That night she read it,called me and said no,that she appreciates me writing but that she made a decision and isn't going to change her mind,i begged her,and i asked that maybe in the future we could try again but no success.I tried for 2 hours on the phone but i failed to convince.This was 2 months ago

 

My depression and jealousy has a reason:

When i was 13,my father and i found my mother was cheating.After 19 years of marriage,in which my father,tried to make my mother happy,cooked her breakfest and served her in bed,came tired from work and still drove her to solve her work issues.

When he asked why,she looked him in the eye and said:"I never loved you"and left the very next day,ever since then i hated her and i swore i would never trust anyone again.Until this beautiful angel came along.

Everything went down south,that summer my grandfather died also.It's as if i'm being brutally punished for some major mistakes but i never did anyone any harm.

I was going to tell her why i have these trust issues and jealousy but i never got to..

 

I ruined it,i ruined my only chance at a happy life,why didn't she stay?i made mistakes, true, but i never insulted her,disrespected her and i never ever once thought about abandoning her.I would have stayed with her until the end,i wanted to ask her to move in with me after college

Now she has someone else,she spent her NYE with him and i have nobody but my father.I am all alone,no friends,no nothing,i go to sleep wishing i'd never wake up.I don't care about my life anymore,she was my life.Exams are coming up and i cannot focus on learning as i fall into sadness again.

All i wanted was for someone who would not tell me goodbye no matter what,some people did worse things and yet they still got back together,but not me,oh no,for a minute of happiness i spend years in agony.

 

It's been 8 months but i'm not doing well,i don't want to,i deserve this,i should done things different,i should not have said or done some things but i learned too late.

I don't want anyone else because no one else is like her.I did this with my own hand.

 

I apologize for the huge long read but needed to vent,happy new year and i hope you all find peace,as for me?I'm done searching,i had what i wanted and my stupidity pushed her away.I deserve every last bit of agony.

[mantlefan]

Man, I blamed myself, wanted to punish myself. Sometimes I still do.

 

 

But when I know I am going overboard, I try to do something useful.

 

 

Clean, go volunteer, give blood, go to the supermarket and walk around until you see and old lady trying to get something off the top shelf and get it down for her. I know it sounds stupid.

 

 

Remember that no matter how guilty you feel, if you choose to, you can do the world more good than you will harm it. Eventually, the little good things will turn into big good things.

 

 

You are not useless. You just need to choose to stop acting like it.

[Afailure]

Man, I blamed myself, wanted to punish myself. Sometimes I still do.

 

 

But when I know I am going overboard, I try to do something useful.

 

 

Clean, go volunteer, give blood, go to the supermarket and walk around until you see and old lady trying to get something off the top shelf and get it down for her. I know it sounds stupid.

 

 

Remember that no matter how guilty you feel, if you choose to, you can do the world more good than you will harm it. Eventually, the little good things will turn into big good things.

 

 

You are not useless. You just need to choose to stop acting like it.

Thank you,i appreciate your advice but does it matter what i do anymore?No matter what i do i cannot fix anything anymore,i tried to be good and failed with the most important person in my life.I tried so hard to be perfect as i waited such a long time to meet someone like her and i failed,i lost her.

Not a day goes by in which i wish she would come at me hug and tell me she missed me and wanted to give me another chance.I miss the days when we were going for walks in the park,i should have cherished those moments more.

[mantlefan]

I am right there with you. I wake up every morning and I feel a tearing in my chest and I know why they call it heartbreak.

 

 

I can't control that I dream about her, and I can't control when she pops into my head sometimes.

 

 

What I can control is getting out of bed and doing something. Even just a 30 minute exercise session is something useful.

 

 

It's going to be up and down, but trust me, you will start to think about her less. And if you do relapse and the heartbreak wells up again as strong as before, it will last a little shorter each time.

 

 

My close friend and her boyfriend are going through a rough patch. He will be gone (military) for up to year. She and I even got into a fight because I was being a jerk and only talked about how much I missed my ex and didn't ask about how she was doing. I even told her (not in anger), that sometimes I felt like her hurting was not as bad as mine because all she had to do was be patient for a year and then everything would work out. For her each day is one day closer to being happy.

 

 

I felt for me, each day was one day FURTHER from being happy, because it was one day more since the breakup. But what else is it? It's one day closer to being over her. It's one day further from feeling heartbroken.

 

 

You sound like you don't want to get over her. I don't want to get over my ex either. I want to stay in love with her because I hope she comes back and I can throw myself into it. But that isn't going to help anyone.

 

 

But if she ever does come back, you will need to start over. You need to go no contact completely and figure yourself out.

 

 

And if she isn't coming back, you need to go no contact and find a new direction for you.

 

 

Either way, go NC, and try to improve yourself. It doesn't even matter right now if the only reason you want to improve yourself is to impress her. That will fade and you will realize you are worth it for you.

[Afailure]

Such kinds words man,thanks.

I have been NC as every time i tried to talk to her she would look at me in disgust and anger.

Occasionally i would catch her look at me in the for brief moments when i would pass by her at college but i no longer feel the happy,warming look.

 

No,i recognize that look,she hates me now,she looks at me in disgust.She has no idea what i've been through for the past 8 years before i met her.I meant to tell her but i didn't get my chance.It's alright,i deserve it.

 

As for getting back together,it will never happen,i know her,once she sets her mind to do something she never changes her mind,a classmate of hers which i know talked to her about giving me a second chance telling her that her that she(the classmate) could see i really love her,at which point she frowned and said no, plus she has someone else now,someone who treats her the way i wanted and should have treated her but i failed.

 

Figure myself out?I have,i am destined,always will be,to fail.Every time i tried to set a goal in the end i failed,happyness is not meant for me as in the end i will do something stupid and screw things up.

 

I just wish that one day,she will remember me and say to herself:"Maybe he was immature and suffocating sometimes but he really did love me".But it will never happen as she has forgotten me.

Edited January 4, 2014 by Afailure

[headinthecloud]

Wow! Your self-esteem is dangerously low...for heaven's sake, look at the user ID you chose!!! You are what you think so be mindful of negative thinking as it expands...basically you make your fears a reality.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve it so stop telling yourself otherwise. Here's what I would suggest you do:

 

1. Stop criticizing yourself - people in this world will do this for you so don't knock yourself down too because YOU ARE ALL YOU'VE GOT!

 

2. You must rebuild your self-esteem --- you are not even date-able until you have self-confidence. Seek help from a counsellor or a psychologist and read Dr. Phil's "self matters" book. Just do everything possible to change your perception of yourself because I will let you in on a secret - the people who you value in life aren't as great as you think...especially people who flaunt their "amazing" lives on social media --- those people are often the ones who are the worst people because their egos thrive on the validation of others, typically. Feel sorry for them because they're weak minded - they have to show others how great they are in order to be happy.

 

3. Ignore your ex. Pretend she doesn't exist - even if she contacts you, ignore her (or walk away if it's public). You need to be selfish right now and only think of you.

 

4. Surround yourself with kind-hearted, loving, supportive friends and family...everybody else isn't worth your time right now.

 

5. Choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice, it is not a condition thrust upon us by chance. You, and only you, are responsible for your own happiness. Think about the kinds in 3rd world countries who are starving and many living with unbearable conditions ...somehow they still laugh and giggle when they play. The human spirit is more powerful than you can imagine, but you need to value yourself first.

 

You can do this. Be patient with yourself. This too shall pass. Everything you're feeling may seem never ending but have with because it will...it just takes time but it will go away.

[mantlefan]

It sounds like you don't even want to be happy right now. I get it. Sometimes I'd rather put on sad country music and cry than do anything else, because then I remember that I really loved her.

 

 

 

 

So don't do things to be happy. Do things because they are right.

 

 

I know it sounds dumb, but just go out there and be nice, especially when you don't feel like it. Even if it's just something to do instead of crying. Find local nursing homes and see if they are looking for people to do visits, help out with events, whatever.

 

 

I think one of my mistakes was getting too into the relationship. She became what I wanted most out of life. Career, family, friends, hobbies, all were great and got lots of time (but not enough) from me while I was with her, but she was my priority.

 

 

Now that priority is gone, and I have some opportunities to do other good things. I am not going to tell you that you'll find someone else, that you'll find someone better. It doesn't matter because that really has nothing to do with the pain you have now.

But I do know that you are worth more than you think you are, and ESPECIALLY when you don't feel like it, find something to do that helps someone else.

[mantlefan]

I read on here somewhere that if you feel bad about your breakup, you should "just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off "

 

 

It was good for a laugh, anyways. And every little bit helps.

[headinthecloud]

...have faith that it will pass because it will...it just takes time but it will go away.

[Afailure]

Thanks for the advice and support!

 

headinthecloud:hey thanks buddy,yes i have low self esteem as i consider myself not that good looking and and the fact i tried so hard and waited for so long to meet this kind of girl that i blew it.

Regarding social media,she never posts on facebook,she literally posts NOTHING on facebook,she has like 6 photos in total,she just logged on and used chat to talk with her classmates about projects/homework or to talk to me or like some of her friends photos and then logged off,she never even comments on other people's photos,her timeline practically is empty except for the tagged photos or holiday cheers she was tagged in.Just like me, she's not a "facebooker" which i so enjoyed as i find hardcore "facebookers"sometimes annoying.

 

I know my post is really long but have you read it entirely?All she wanted was to take it slow and let time take it's course,she told me numerous times,and i rushed things,she is right.My behaviour was not that of gentleman sometimes.

Regarding the ignoring thing:we don't talk,so that is not a problem as i choose to leave her alone because i realise how annoying a person you lost your love and attraction for can be when he wants to keep talking.I will not ignore her if she wants to talk to me because i don't want to seem jackass and selfish,i can't afford being selfish when i acted bad but no need to worry about her contacting as it's not going to happen

 

How can i be positive when i know i will never meet someone like her?So well mannered,not into clubbing or any extravagant things.She proved me numerous times that she loved me and was faithful to me but due to what happened when i was a child i was scared and always tried to kinda "control"her as in always being with her always asking her what she was doing when she would not call me as often as i would like.

She never even dressed provocative,she was perfect.

 

It's been 8 months since the break up and we were just 2 months and 2 weeks together.I just can't forgive myself.Knowing that i will never fulfill my plan of being with her,help her,protect her and make her happy just destroys me.

 

I'm done searching.

Edited January 4, 2014 by Afailure

[mantlefan]

 

It's been 8 months since the break up and we were just 2 months and 2 weeks together.I just can't forgive myself.Knowing that i will never fulfill my plan of being with her,help her,protect her and make her happy just destroys me.

 

I'm done searching.

 

 

If your plan really is to make her happy (and I feel that way too about my ex), then rejoice in the fact that she is doing what she wants. No matter what you think is best for her, if she doesn't think so too but does it anyways, she WILL NOT be happy.

 

 

You say you are done searching. Good! I don't think either of us are ready yet to search. It's responsible not to. Don't feel bad about not wanting to do that, feel good, because you know you are not ready yet.

[fixing]

Wow man, wtf!! Stop ****ing beating yourself up! Your acting as if you hit her or cheated on her ffs! It was your first love, you were destined to make those mistakes. i know i did!!!!

Look, you loved her a little too much it sounds, you should have played it cool, not be so domineering. Take that lesson to your next relationship.

 

And btw, you saying 'other boys wait 2 months maximum' did NOT end the relationship, that was just her perfect excuse. It was probably the smothering of her that drove her away, but again, thats a classic mistake of a young mans first love.

 

Your only 20 lol, stop talking like you threw the love of your life away ok? Its BS.

You say you are not happy with your looks? So tell me, what a 'beautiful angel' was doing dating you then? Your obviously very attractive, but your self esteem is so clouded you cant see it.

 

Btw, sorry to hear about your mum man, i hate cheaters, and i feel for your dad too.

 

You know what you gotta do now though? You gotta realise, she doesnt want you, so stop yearning for her, and stop letting her occupy your mind or you will NEVER get over her, emotions aside, YOU DO HAVE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN THOUGHTS.

 

Seriously well done to for sharing your story, its a brave thing to do.

 

Right now you gotta pick your self up again, and start a fresh, 2014 is your big year imo. Start to take on the stance of 'She doesnt want me?? Well screw her, i dont need her, or him or anyone for that matter who does not appreciate me'

 

You will be fine, and if you see her again, smile and walk past her like you couldnt care less.

 

Also, sounds like you might need some therapy to help you through the trauma of what your mum did and how that effected your perception of women.

Edited January 4, 2014 by fixing

[Afailure]

If your plan really is to make her happy (and I feel that way too about my ex), then rejoice in the fact that she is doing what she wants. No matter what you think is best for her, if she doesn't think so too but does it anyways, she WILL NOT be happy.

 

 

You say you are done searching. Good! I don't think either of us are ready yet to search. It's responsible not to. Don't feel bad about not wanting to do that, feel good, because you know you are not ready yet.

I understand you,she eventually reached the conclusion that i was not good for her and i understand,but i never ever meant to hurt her,i never meant to make her cry.

And even though i did some things that were not right,if she would have stayed i would have proved to her that despite some bad moments,all would have been worth it.

Why do people that do much worse things such as cheating or hiting their partners still get love when those 2 things are the worst kind of things you could do to someone.Some don't even say sorry for doing that and still stick together?

Why do some people,despite some "heated"moments(heated as in just arguments in which you don't even say anything bad to them or insult them just want them to understand your intentions are pure even though you are rushing sometimes),some choose to leave and fall out of love even though we try so hard to show them that they mean the world to us,that even though sometimes we may be moody or sad,sometimes due experiences in the past we can make them happy in the end?

That was my intention,after we would finish college i was planning on getting a job and ask her to move in.I know thought about it too soon,and maybe some consider that as creepy but when you truly love someone does it matter?

Even after that argument in the park about sex after we made up she would tell me how she will change her last name to mine in a few years,telling me about our kids and yet i still ended broken.

 

Last time we spoke,after i sent her that letter and told her that i love her and will always be there for her,she said that she's sorry for me feeling this and hopes that the feelings will fade away and that i find someone i can be happy with as there is no point in me suffering.She was so polite and gentle.How can i hate her when she clearly loved me but i destroyed it?

Edited January 4, 2014 by Afailure

[mantlefan]

Why do people that do much worse things such as cheating or hiting their partners still get love when those 2 things are the worst kind of things you could do to someone.Some don't even say sorry for doing that and still stick together?

 

I asked myself the same things. Over and over. I never cheated on her. I never hurt her intentionally (I am a bit klutzy though, lol). The worst I did was send her mean emails when she broke up with me, and granted they were pretty bad, but I still wonder like you are wondering, "If I didn't do any of those terrible things, why I am I not with her?"

I am still learning that it doesn't really matter, why. She probably doesn't even know why. Where I am at right now, there is some freedom in that. I think though a few months ago that would have only made me feel worse. But I think someday you won't be so obsessed about the "why" anymore.

 

 

I am not the kind of person to say "it will get better" because I know that it doesn't make it feel any better NOW. I know your pain is real. I am right there with you in a lot of ways. You won't get out of it in a day. But when you have the choice of taking the high road or the low road, take the high.

[Afailure]

I don't have a choice,the low road is always where i end up no matter how hard i try.

[legion113]

I don't have a choice,the low road is always where i end up no matter how hard i try.

 

Jeez if you keep thinking you're such a loser and ugly, and not a catch to women, how can you expect women to think differently? She was your first girlfriend, of course you were going to make mistakes, but I'm sure you'll learn from this one, just like you'll learn from the next, and the next and the next. That's how you have to think about relationships, each one that fails brings you that much closer to the one that will last a lifetime. You're one step closer to THAT relationship. Keep your head up.

 

Work on your self esteem first though before approaching another relationship, or you'll be rejected when you walk up to a woman with your head down, your shoulders slumped over, and you can barely mention a"hi, I'm a loser, want to go out sometime, if you aren't doing anything better like washing your hair that night?"

[Afailure]

Jeez if you keep thinking you're such a loser and ugly, and not a catch to women, how can you expect women to think differently? She was your first girlfriend, of course you were going to make mistakes, but I'm sure you'll learn from this one, just like you'll learn from the next, and the next and the next. That's how you have to think about relationships, each one that fails brings you that much closer to the one that will last a lifetime. You're one step closer to THAT relationship. Keep your head up.

 

Work on your self esteem first though before approaching another relationship, or you'll be rejected when you walk up to a woman with your head down, your shoulders slumped over, and you can barely mention a"hi, I'm a loser, want to go out sometime, if you aren't doing anything better like washing your hair that night?"

 

The problem is that i'm no longer interested in having another relationship.What i'm trying to say is that this girl really was what you can call "marriage" material.She was down to earth,beautiful,calm,was not hot headed.She was not "easy" and that was made me love her more,she knew how to resist temptation which in today's world is admirable.

 

She truly was affectionate towards me,she would often only spend one day at home and return sunday back in town after spending 3 hours on the road to meet me.She did a lot of stuff to prove she cared about me,during those 2 months and 2 weeks, she only spent her time with me.

 

The person who will marry her will be one lucky man,she truly is a dream.

 

How am i supposed to date when almost everywhere i look i see women cheating or leaving even though their relationship was good just because they suddenly lost they feelings,i can't put my trust in any other girl.

She how ever proved to be loyal and loving until my feelings for her blinded me and pushed her away to the point of no return.I learned my lessons,i wish she would have given me one last chance but i can't force her to love me.

 

Now i am NOT saying that every woman out there is a liar and a cheater,reading on here i have seen a lot of good girls being abandoned and lied too as well.

[legion113]

I really find it hard to believe that with billions of women in the world that you managed to find the perfect one for you. If she was, she would still be with you. Granted, you aren't going to go thru a billion women to find another match for you, but man, just think of how many are in your town alone, it's still quite high. Go out there and get some practice being around women, learn how to just talk to them. They aren't magical beings.

[Afailure]

I really find it hard to believe that with billions of women in the world that you managed to find the perfect one for you. If she was, she would still be with you. Granted, you aren't going to go thru a billion women to find another match for you, but man, just think of how many are in your town alone, it's still quite high. Go out there and get some practice being around women, learn how to just talk to them. They aren't magical beings.

Yeah,it is hard to believe that i found the perfect one from start but look that it happened, and in regards to still being with me if she was so perfect.Well each person has its limits,so her patience with me stopped and did what was good for her and i don't blamer her,i just wish that sometimes people realise that even though things may seem bad at first or may go bad for a while,that they realise that their partner truly cares for them,and even if they are sometimes annoying and suffocating they are like that because you mean the world to them.

[legion113]

Yeah,it is hard to believe that i found the perfect one from start but look that it happened, and in regards to still being with me if she was so perfect.Well each person has its limits,so her patience with me stopped and did what was good for her and i don't blamer her,i just wish that sometimes people realise that even though things may seem bad at first or may go bad for a while,that they realise that their partner truly cares for them,and even if they are sometimes annoying and suffocating they are like that because you mean the world to them.

 

 

Couldn't have said it better myself. But some day, you will find that woman that loves you, easily forgives you, and still wants to be with you with all you faults and short comings. But you aren't going to find her sitting at home pining over this last one. Just go out with the idea of meeting as many people as you can.

[Afailure]

I remember another stupid thing i did,when i would talk with a class mate or a buddy,(this happened 2 times only)she would ask who that is,i jokingly answered:"a buddy,what?you interested in him?" i said this a joke laughing,first time she laughed, but second time it bothered her as she told me she didn't like these kind of jokes.She also told me about this on the phone when she broke up with me,saying she didn't like these kind of jokes as she tried to prove to me that she was loyal and after the second and last time i said that joke she told me"that you still don't trust me" but managed to calm her down.On the night of the break up when she brought this up i told her that i know that it was bad joke but i didn't meant anything about it.

 

I can't believe i was such a moron.

[legion113]

I remember another stupid thing i did,when i would talk with a class mate or a buddy,(this happened 2 times only)she would ask who that is,i jokingly answered:"a buddy,what?you interested in him?" i said this a joke laughing,first time she laughed, but second time it bothered her as she told me she didn't like these kind of jokes.She also told me about this on the phone when she broke up with me,saying she didn't like these kind of jokes as she tried to prove to me that she was loyal and after the second and last time i said that joke she told me"that you still don't trust me" but managed to calm her down.On the night of the break up when she brought this up i told her that i know that it was bad joke but i didn't meant anything about it.

 

I can't believe i was such a moron.

 

 

Maybe the reason it bothered her so much was because she was NOT being loyal.

[mantlefan]

I still feel sometimes like there is no one like my ex. But when friends try to set me up with people, I don't immediately say no anymore.

 

 

You'll get closer every day.

[Afailure]

Maybe the reason it bothered her so much was because she was NOT being loyal.

She was,like i said she always tried to spend all of her time with me.

 

I guess that if i didn't ask her if she wanted to continue that night then we might still be together,she would have came back in town and everything would have been fine.

 

I guess me saying that,coupled with stress of exams made her snap.If I had more patience...

[Broken_Hearted1]

Hey man! Sorry about what happened.. I read through the whole thing and I have to say that I am experiencing the same thing. I am almost like you....I somehow managed to destroy my 3 months relationship with this girl I really loved. After 3 months she says that I shouldn't expect her to be very serious with the relation but the weird thing is she still considers me as her bf...but she has totally friendzoned me...nothing is the same. I don't know how she can forget the amazing times we spent together, how I used to wait 3 hours for her while she finished her classes..how I travelled 50 minutes just to meet her on holidays. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and there is nothing I can do about it because she doesn't feel the same way anymore...like a switch that has been turned off. College reopens on Monday and I don't know what I will do when I see her down the hallway...she would probably be hanging out with her male friends who constantly hit on her...I will probably die! Would help to know how you deal with it.....