Elizab30 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hi LoveShack, I'm dating a former soldier who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan. I've never dated a former soldier before and while we both consider our relationship serious, I think I'm already beginning to experience some of the things reported by other Army girlfriends on the Internet (I know, stop comparing your own experience with the Internet's!). My boyfriend can be very considerate, extremely sweet....a kind, doting person. Other days, however, he feels a thousand miles away. He's less affectionate, more formal, and extremely strong willed, even about the tiniest things. I tend to be a strong-willed person too, yet I find myself biting my tongue because....he was a soldier. I just don't know whether this is normal former soldier behavior or if this is just his personality. I also don't know how to handle these shifts in moods because I've never dated anyone like this. I'm just afraid that by making excuses for him I will only grow to resent his moods, and by extension, him. I'm also noticing that recently I am feeling more insecure - sometimes I thought I was largely over, considering my age. It's like there's this little hobgoblin in the back of my head saying, "He's being distant because he regrets getting into this relationship" or "He's being distant because he's used to a the Army life and you are boring him." This may not be true at all, but nevertheless. He's told me that he's serious about me, that he's never felt this way about any woman before. It isn't that he isn't communicating - it's just that some days I have my communicative soldier boyfriend, and other days he is nowhere to be found. Are there are other women out there dating men that were once in the service? My guy's been back a few years. Any tips/advice would be incredibly helpful. I have no friends or coworkers with military or former military boyfriends. I feel, at the moment, like I have nobody to confide with. E
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Anybody who has seen active combat will be changed by that experience. When he's 1,000 miles away, it has nothing to do with you. Encourage him to talk to other vets. After my husband sees the guys he served with he has a sense of calmness.
drr6 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hard to tell what the problem is. I'm going to take an educated guess: I get the sense that he does not necessarily play puppy dog all the time. That he doesn't always cheer everything about you and the relationship. Less tolerance for pretend niceness is probably consistent with being a soldier. BUT… is that necessarily a fault? I mean, he seems to speak to you honestly about the relationship overall and his genuine feelings. So what exactly is the issue here?
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